Monday, December 31, 2007

Snowballs & Snowboobies

So I, of course, had to bring you some final food erotica to ring in the New Year. It just wouldn't be right if I didn't.

As I mentioned a couple weeks ago, I had a little pre-Xmas shindig, prior to Xmas (duh). And for shits and giggles, I decided it just wouldn't be Xmas if my sugar cookies didn't include anatomically-correct snowmen and snowwomen.

So I busted out the cookie cutters, busted out the pseudo-rolling-pins (aka. beer bottles), and suckered my friend MC into helping out. Now, I've seen many a penis, but it's surprisingly hard (buddumm chiii) to fashion one on a snowman. So thankfully MC skillfully rolled and fashioned and fashioned and rolled several snowmen penii that were so delectably perfect that the snowwomen I'd created were having a hard (buddumm chii) time keeping their hands off of them. Very quickly, the kitchen was a-flutter with snowpenii, snowbajingos, snowballs, snowthreesomes, snowtwosomes, and even a snowonesome. It was *madness*.

Once we finally managed to split them all up, we thrust them into the oven to bake.

Thankfully, Pavlina's recipe is a good one. So the cookies ended up turning out real nice, peepees all intact.

And despite all his whining about "never having baked a cookie before" and his skillfully crafted air of indifference towards his creations, MC *did* end up nonchalantly inquiring a few days later about whether or not I was gonna end up posting pics of some of the cookies he made.

So post them I am (click on pics for the x-rated versions).

May I present to you, MC's c0ck & balls:



Cookie Dough:
  • 3/4 c. vegan margarine

  • 1 c. vegan sugar

  • Egg replacer for 2 eggs

  • 1/4 t. pure vanilla extract

  • 2.5 c. flour

  • 1 t. salt

  • 1 t. baking powder


  • 3 T. margarine

  • Dash of salt

  • 1/2 t. vanilla

  • 1.5 c. powdered sugar

  • Nondairy milk

  • Vegan sprinkles for decorating


In a mixing bowl, cream margarine and sugar together. Blend in egg replacer and vanilla. Add sifted flour, salt, and baking powder. Combine to form a dough. Cover with plastic wrap and chill about 1-2 hours.

Preheat oven to 350° F.

Roll dough to desired thickness, approximately 1/8- to 1/4-inch thick, and use cookie cutters to form shapes.

Place cookies on a baking sheet lined with parchment paper. Bake for 8-10 minutes or until just starting to brown. Cool on racks.

Once cookies are cooled, beat the frosting ingredients in a medium bowl until frosting is fluffy. Add enough milk to reach your desired frosting consistency. Spread frosting on cooled cookies. Decorate with sprinkles or colored sugar.

(recipe as posted by Erin Pavlina at MotheringDotCommune, originally found in her cookbook, Vegan Family Favorites)

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Lazy Robot

I am a fucking lazy robot.

I have a recipe I could post, but I was too lazy to take pictures of it to post. And now I am too lazy to post it, sans pictures.

I have been busy and preoccupied as of late. I heart the holidays because a bunch of my friends will be in town that I haven't seen in a while, so I've been busting out the mistletoe and candy-cane pasties in preparation for that. And I'm having another holiday party on Saturday, so I've been preparing for that as well. (And by preparing, I mostly just mean "sitting around and thinking, Gee, I have a holiday party on Saturday--I really should start actually *doing* something in preparation for it.")

So sue me.

Even sadder is the fact that--please, my darlings: do not start to cry--today is the last you will be hearing from me until the New Year.

But have no fear: I will return with many a new recipe. Many a new food-related sexual innuendo. And maybe even--*listening to the angels' bells ring as the Christmas spirit swells within us all*--a story or two about having done your mom.

Until then, my lovelies, have a very joyous week.

Smooches to you all.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Bazu-Dumpling Love...

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Slow Cooker Vegetable Vindaloo

Oh what to say about vindaloo and slow-cookers? What to say what to say?

Well, I *can* say that I've been enjoying dabbling with my slow-cooker (wow--I can't even get out perfectly benign sentences without them sounding somewhat pervy) thanks to E who very kindly donated it to me when he moved. In one respect, I don't quite *get* the point of the slow-cooker: why take 8 hours to cook something when you could cook it in less than 2? (I know, I know--you don't have to keep an eye on that, you can leave the house, etc. etc., but STILL...) In another respect, I like using it simply for the fact that it makes me want to waddle around the kitchen with an apron and some tow-headed kids scrapping around my knees while I try to cook. It makes me feel all Julia Childlike and shit.

As for the recipe, it's quite good. I just realized that I forgot to throw in the cilantro, so I'll be doing so with the leftovers tonight, and I also think I may have used too much ginger powder (so I cut down on the quantity here), but nonetheless: worth trying out. It is *beyond* easy, and it's the perfect type of food to be whipping up when the thermometer is wobbling around the 15-degree mark...


  • 6 c. cauliflower florets

  • 2 15.5-oz cans chickpeas, rinsed and drained

  • 2 large leeks, white and light green parts sliced into 1-inch pieces (1.5 c.)

  • 1 c. tomato sauce

  • 1/4 c. water

  • 1/4 c. vinegar (or white wine vinegar)

  • 2 t. ginger powder (or 2 T. minced fresh ginger)

  • 2 T. curry powder

  • 2 cloves garlic, minced

  • 2 t. ground cumin

  • 1 t. ground cinnamon

  • 1 t. red pepper sauce, like Tabasco

  • 3 T. chopped cilantro

  • 3 c. cooked basmati rice


Combined cauliflower, chickpeas, leeks, tomato sauce, vinegar, ginger, curry powder, garlic, cumin, cinnamon, red pepper sauce, and water in a 4-qt. slow-cooker. Season with salt and pepper. Cook on hight 3 hours, stirring occasionally.

Transfer Vindaloo to large bowl, and cool 15 minutes. Stir in cilantro, and serve over basmati rice.

(Serves 8)

(Original recipe from the Jan./Feb. 2008 issue of The Vegetarian Times, p. 37)

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Veggies & Dumplin's

Yeah, I have no recipe to share with you for this, so instead I leave you with the urging to run out and buy Vegan Family Favorites at some point, since it has some damn good homestyle vegan recipes in it. Particularly tasty are the Veggies and Dumplings featured in the book. Everytime I make paprikash, I find myself wrestling with the dumpling-recipe--they either end up too fluffy or too doughy. However, Pavlina has the perfect dumpling recipe here, and I most certainly plan on snagging it and using it all multi-purposey in my other recipes now. And despite the fact that the Veggies and Dumplings recipe has ridiculously few ingredients (somehow nutritional yeast and veggie broth go a LONG way here), it is a fricking good-god tasty recipe that will warm your belly while the weather outside blusters and blows.

Ah, blows.

*Ingesting some more sugar and listening to Peaches in an attempt to distract myself*

Mmmm, Peaches... Arghlhglghl.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

VwaV Chocolate Chip Cookies

When I told my friend Mo recently that I've had INSANE cravings for sugar lately, she said "It's because you haven't gotten laid in a while. You just need to get laid, and problem solved."

Easy 'nuff.

But since *that* hasn't panned out quite yet, I instead spent last Friday baking just a wee bit shy of three dozen VwaV chocolate chip cookies, and then nearly plowed my way through all of them. By myself. I guess it's sort of the equivalent of cookie masturbation or something.

But damn--if this is what cookie-'bation tastes like, then 'bate me the hell up! Because these are some damn good, freakishly tasty, deliciously molassesey cookies.

And if you're not into the whole self-love thing (For shame! To quote Woody Allen: "Don't knock masturbation; it's sex with someone I love..."), then they *could* very well GET you laid. When I made these a couple weeks ago, I watched a boy plow through 10 of them within two hours. TEN of them.

Again: nuff said.

So my advice is this: If you haven't gotten laid lately, strip down to your skivvies (or to the skin-suit you were born in) and whip these babies up. They may not be as good as sex, but then again, they're not gonna roll over and fall asleep two minutes after you've done the deed.* And for that reason alone: priceless.

  • 1 c. vegan margarine, at room temp

  • 1 1/4 c. sugar

  • 1 T. molasses

  • 2 t. vanilla extract

  • 2 1/2 c. all-purpose flour

  • 1 t. baking soda

  • 1 t. salt

  • 1 1/2 c. semi-sweet chocolate chips


Preheat the oven to 350 F.

Cream the margarine and sugar with a hand mixer (or by hand) until fluffy. Add the molasses and vanilla and incorporate.

Add the dry ingredients to this mixture and mix until a dough forms. Fold the chocolate chips into the dough.

Roll dough into 1 inch balls or drop by tablespoons onto ungreased cookie sheets.

Bake for 8 to 10 minutes until mildly browned. Allow the cookies to cool on the baking sheets for 5 minutes. Then transfer to cooling racks, cool and enjoy!

(As reposted at Recipezaar)

* I must admit, I've never actually had a boy do this, so either it's a big fat stereotype or I'm just really really good in the sack. Perhaps a bit of both. Perhaps. A. Bit. Of. Both.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

In lieu of a recipe this morning, I leave you with this (and the hope that I will post something more recipe-ish later on)...

I am the queen of all vegan klutzes when in the kitchen. It is rare for a week to go by without me disastrously destroying SOME sort of kitchen item in the most Charlie-Chaplin-esque pratfall type of way possible. In the past two weeks, I've demolished a plate and also the casserole dish that I'd just newly acquired (to my deepest dismay).

Well, yesterday, while cooking up some mac n' cheese, I managed not to actually break anything, but I instead had the most vegan-erotic, Flashdance-esque moment ever had by a fellow human-being in their kitchen...

As I went to pour soy milk into the pot out of my large jug of soy milk, I lost my grip on it, and it fell, hitting the stove on the way down and ricocheting a fine stream of milk through the air and all over my shirt and pants. As it did so, I of course thrust my head back, my hair swinging dramatically through the air, and arched my back (ever so erotically) in an attempt to avoid the sudden soy-milk storm. Which was of course unsuccessful, resulting in me standing there with my boobs pushed out, looking like the winner of a weird one-woman vegan wet-t-shirt contest.

I then did what I somehow always manage to do, which is to make the situation worse, this time by overcompensating for the spill and trying to grab the container on the way to the floor, which instead sent it into another tailspin, in which it flipped the remainder of its contents through the air, all over my stove, and all over the floor.

I stood there, horrified and stunned, soymilk dripping from the shirt now clinging to my ample bosom (I *so* should be writing food-erotica, no?), soy milk dripping from my hair, soy milk dripping from my fuzzy Grinch slippers, staring at my kitchen which now looked like a dozen babies had projectile-vomited everywhere, and I thought of you, dear readers. I thought of you.

Because I know that, despite all my klutzy vegan foibles, you love me. Or at least put up with me.

And for that, I am very thankful this holiday season.

Hee hee.

Thursday, December 06, 2007

Snowballs (Aka. Mexican Wedding Cookies, Aka. Russian Tea Cakes)

What's the difference between a snowman and a snowgirl?


Think about THAT while you're letting these scrumptious and delicate snowballs melt in your mouth!

Mmmmm. Snowman testicles. Arghlghlhgl.

Stuffing your mouth full of these has never had such very odd implications before.

  • 1 c. vegan non-hydrogenated margarine

  • 1/4 c. granulated sugar

  • 2 t. vanilla

  • 2 c. all-purpose flour, sifted

  • 2 c. raw pecans, almonds, walnuts, or hazelnuts (I used a mix of the first three), finely chopped

  • 2 c. powdered sugar, sifted


Preheat oven to 300F. Line a cookie sheet (or two) with parchment paper (or use non-stick ones).

Cream the vegan margarine, granulated sugar, and vanilla until light and fluffy, about 1-2 minutes. Add the flour, mixing until thoroughly combined. Add your nuts (hee hee), mixing until well-blended, about 30 seconds.

Measure out generously-rounded teaspoonfuls of dough, and roll into balls. Place about an inch apart on your sheet(s). Bake until they just begin to turn golden, about 30 minutes. To tes for doneness, remove one cookie from the sheet and cut in half. There should be no doughy strip in the center.

Roll cookies in the powdered sugar while they're still hot. Cool on baking sheets before serving.

Makes about 3-dozen snowman testicles.

(from VegNews, Nov/Dec. 2007, p. 76)

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

*The Sound of Trumpets and Fanfare*--Finally, I Bring You 'Tales from a Post-Tday Veg Gathering'!!


Finally we have made it to tales and recipes from my Post-Tday Veg Gathering, and wouldn't you know it: I'm too tired out to talk about it in depth.

But I'll try nonetheless.

Awesome thing #1 about the Post-Tday Veg Gathering: I got to finally meet The Vegan Ronin in all her delightful and cute glory. And she was actually exactly like I expected her to be: delightful, cute, and delightfully and cutely tattooed. She also bakes a wonderful quiche and has mad skillz when it comes to creating Ohio-shaped vegan margarine pads. So woot woot to all that.

Break in awesomeness to fill you in on what we ate:

  • Peppermint's kick-ass homemade foccacia (this is the second time she's made this for one of my party's, and I still haven't managed to get a picture of it because I end up hogging it all down before I remember);

  • My vegan paprikash--I was a bit disappointed with this, unfortunately. This time, I decided to add these faux-chicken chunks that I saw at the Web of Life recently, and they were strange little chunks, kind of like wee faux-chicken tampons, immediately sucking up EVERY SINGLE OUNCE OF MOISTURE within a 1-mile radius. Thank god my toilet-lid was closed, that's all I can say. Also, the dumplings turned out weirdly soft. *BUT* the good news is that E shared with me another recipe from Vegan Family Favorites, I believe, that crafts the most wonderfully perfect dumplings ever, so that should solve this problem. All in all, it wasn't remotely close to as good as last year. *ALTHOUGH* I realized that I really need to start making this a day ahead of time and just reheating it on the day of a gathering, because it tastes SO much better once it's sat overnight;

  • The Vegan Ronin's quiche;

  • Chocolate Bread Pudding with Rum Sauce;

  • Dave's Awesome Apple Crisp--what was so awesome about this, you ask? Well, the fact that he understands what makes apple crisp so damn good, which is not so much the apples as it is the crisp. In this case, he doubled the crisp-part of the recipe, so it was all about the sweet sweet brown-sugary decadence; and

  • Russian Tea Cakes, aka. Mexican Wedding Cookies, aka. snowballs from VegNews.

Awesome thing #2: My favorite food-item to grace the post-Tday Veg Gathering was the indomitable Steph's Very Kick-Ass Chili, whose recipe (and secret ingredient) she was kind enough to share so that I could post it today. For those of you who've been reading this blog for awhile, you may remember Steph as the creator of Steph's Sockarooni Pasta, one of my favorite easy vegan standards (which I will, in fact, probably be whipping up again this weekend). Well, Steph is a bad-ass in the kitchen when it comes to beans, clearly, as she's also created this *amazingly* good chili. What makes this chili worth writing home about? Well, not only is it rich and feisty-tasting, thick with beans and roasty flavorings, and wonderfully spicy to boot, but Steph's secret ingredient (fennel seeds) balances the heat of the chili with a wonderfully cool clean taste reminiscent of licorice. Well, that's just plain strange, you may be thinking. But holy crap--do not knock it until you try it. And do not make this recipe *without* the fennel seeds, since it truly is the key ingredient in making this baby stand way the hell out from other chilis.

All that being said, I now share with you the recipe for Steph's Very Kick-Ass Chili, as written by the very kick-ass Steph...


  • 3 large white onions (diced)

  • 1 28-oz can of crushed tomatoes

  • 3 cans of black beans

  • 1 box of Boca crumbles

  • 4 poblano peppers

  • 2 small cans of chopped chili peppers

  • olive oil

  • kosher salt

  • fennel seeds

  • chili powder

  • chipotle powder


Sautee the onions in olive oil until tender. Throw them in a pot (medium heat) with the tomatoes, beans, soy crumbles, and 1 of the cans of chili peppers.

Rub the poblano peppers with olive oil, sprinkle them with salt and put them in the oven at 400 degrees until the skins blister (15 minutes or so). Pull them from the oven, discard seeds, stems and skins (you might want to use gloves. My poor sensitive little hands were burning for several minutes after this step. I'm OK. Don't worry about me....go on without me...THUD). Place the peppers in a food processor along with the remaining can of chilis. Puree the peppers, and pour them into the pot of ingredients. Add a generous amount of fennel seeds (like a tablespoon or more), mix well and simmer for a few minutes. Add a dash of chipotle powder and chili powder. Stir and give it a minute before you taste it. You won't need much seasoning and you can always add a little more if needed.

This chili is also good over veggie hot dogs, and can be sensually licked off of nipples (just seeing if you're still paying attention).

    Tuesday, December 04, 2007

    Walnut-and-Apple Stuffing

    Admittedly not the most flattering of pics--
    it mostly just looks like I'm forcing a photo
    of unattractive moist bread upon you...

    I am in such slacker-mode lately that I keep having to force myself to post.

    I think I need to hire some dude with a large whip (*hrm--that sounds dirtier than I'd meant it to, for once*) to stand behind me at work and crack it at me over and over so that I throw some recipes up here more often. (Not throw up as in "vomit" but as in "post.") Good god, my words are just stumbling into their own fiendish misunderstandings today!

    I don't think my workplace would be up for the guy with the large whip and assless chaps (I added the last part on just because guys in assless chaps are funny), but still. IT SHALL BE DONE, so if you are interested in the job, let me know. I pay in cookies.

    On to the stuffing: I was lazy and didn't feel like roasting chestnuts. In fact, I was so lazy that I didn't even look around hard enough in the produce section of my grocery store to figure OUT whether they have chestnuts TO roast. I just kind of half-squinted and then was like, Alas--no chestnuts. So instead I used walnuts.

    I must admit retrospectively that I suspect the chestnuts would be much better. I think they're probably a bit more moist than walnuts, which would've probably allowed the recipe to cling together like a real stuffing should a little bit more. Mine was a bit more crumbly than I would've liked. *BUT* I think you could probably still use the walnuts if you just maybe add a wee bit more "chicken" soup to the mix. Also, I would've liked more apple as well. But maybe that's just me.

    Nonetheless: recipe:

    • 10 slices whole-wheat bread, cubed

    • 10 slices white bread, cubed

    • 1 14-oz. tube soy "sausage" crumbled

    • 1 T. olive oil

    • 1 large white onion, chopped (about 1/5 c.)

    • 5 ribs celery, sliced (about 1.5 c.)

    • 4 cloves garlic, minced

    • 2 tart apples, peeled and diced

    • 1 c. walnuts (or if you wanna stick to the original recipe, 1 c. peeled and ready-to-eat roasted chestnuts, halved)

    • 1/4 c. chopped fresh sage

    • 1.5 c. no chicken broth


    Preheat oven to 325F. Spread bread cubes in roasting pan and bake 10-15 minutes or until toasted.

    Coat nonstick skillet with cooking spray and heat over medium-high heat. Add soy sausage, and cook 5 minutes or until browned. Toss sausage with bread cubes in a bowl.

    Heat oil in same skillet over medium-high heat. Add onion, celery, and garlic, and saute 1 minute. Reduce heat to low, cover, and cook 7 minutes more. Stir in apples, walnuts or chestnuts, and sage. Cover, and cook 5 minutes, or until apples are crisp-tender. Add to bread mixture. (Stuffing can be prepped up to this point, sealed in a food storage bag, and refrigerated up to 2 days.)

    Increase oven heat to 350F. Coat 13x9-inch baking dish with cooking spray. Toss stuffing mixture with broth, and season with salt and pepper. Spoon into prepared baking dish. Cover with foil and bake 20 minutes. Removed foil and bake 15 minutes more, or until top is browned and crisp.

    Serves 12.

    (Modified from the Vegetarian Times, Nov./Dec. Issue, p. 86)

    Thursday, November 29, 2007

    Why My Mom Rocks Harder Than Your Mom (Unless Your Mom Is, Say, Joan Jett, or Some Other Rocker-By-Title, But Even Then Maybe Still)

    Oh, look at that. One blog-entry ago, you thought I was a liar. You thought to yourself, That bitch, Lindy Loo. She tells us on Monday to stay tuned for vegan T-day recipes later in the week AND THEN SHE NEVER ACTUALLY POSTS THEM. That's exactly why I hate her and want to rub orange oily feces all over her and her cats.

    Well, touché, friends. Touché.

    Because my mom TYPED UP AND EMAILED ME EVERY SINGLE ONE OF HER VEGANIZED THANKSGIVING RECIPES TODAY, so rather than spread them out over four days, I am just gonna blow your mind with them ALL IN THE SAME POST.

    In yo' face, 4-times over!!!!!

    (And seriously--isn't she a goddess??)


    • 16 oz green beans cooked or steamed then drained

    • instead of one can cream of mushroom soup:

    • 8 0z container of tofutti, and

    • 1/2-3/4 c. soy milk

    • 1 T. of hummus (or more to your taste )

    • (if mix is too runny you can add a tsp of flour to thicken slightly)

    • Salt/pepper to taste

    • Large can of Durkees french fried onions


    Scoop cream cheez into a bowl and add 1/2 to 3/4 cup soy milk to it gradually, stirring each time to avoid it lumping.

    Combine all ingredients but 1/2 can of the onions in a 2-quart baking dish.

    Bake uncovered at 350 degrees..25-30 minutes..

    Add rest of the onions as topping & continue baking 5 more minutes.

    Bon appetit!


    • 16 large mushrooms

    • 1 T. olive oil

    • 3 T. dry sherry or white wine

    • 1/4 c. finely chopped parsley if desired

    • 1 T. vegan parmesan

    • 1 T. unseasoned bread crumbs

    • 1 clove finely minced garlic

    • 1/4 t. dried thyme

    • 1/4 t. oregano

    • salt & pepper (or my mom used equivalent of Mrs Dash & seasoned to taste)


    375 degrees..15-20 minutes.. 13 x 9 spray

    Finely chop stems. Set caps aside.

    Combine oil with wine. Reserve 2 T. of oil/wine mixture. Pour 2 T. of oil/wine mixture into 8" skillet & warm over low-medium heat. Saute stems six minutes until mix is dry. Add finely chopped parsley, cheese, crumbs & seasonings. Remove from heat. Stir in wine.

    Spoon mix into caps using teaspoon.

    Spray a 13x9 baking pan, and place a single layer of mushrooms inside.

    Bake 15-20 minutes.

    Halfway thru baking, brush caps w/remaining oil/wine mixture.

    Serve hot.



    • 4 apples cored/pared cut into cubes

    • 3/4 t. lemon juice

    • 1/2 c. granulated or 1/4 c. brown sugar

    • dash cinnamon

    • 1/4 c. water

    • dry ingredients:

    • 1/4 c. + 2 T. flour

    • 1/4 t. cinnamon

    • 3 T. butter (Earth Balance)


    Preheat oven to 350F.

    Mix apple cubes with lemon juice.

    Add half of the sugar, dash of cinnamon and water.

    Place in lightly greased 1 quart baking dish.

    Mix dry ingredients cutting in butter with whisk or fork.

    Sprinkle over top of apples.

    Bake 30 minutes.


    • 1 c. butter (Earth Balance)

    • 2 c. granulated sugar

    • substitute for 4 large eggs (for each egg, my mom used 1/4 cup well mashed tofu + 1/4-1/2 tsp baking powder--so I guess that would be 1 c. well-mashed tofu and 1-2 t. baking powder)

    • 2-1/2 c. cooked mashed sweet potatoes

    • dry ingredients:

    • 3 c. all-purpose flour

    • 2 t. baking powder

    • 1 t. baking soda

    • 1 t. ground cinnamon

    • 1/4 t. ground nutmeg

    • 1/4 t. salt

    • 1 T. vanilla extract

    • 1 cup chopped pecans or walnuts


    Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

    Cream vegan margarine and sugars in a large bowl. Add tofu and baking powder gradually, mixing well to minimize lumps. Add cooked well mashed lump-free sweet potatoes.

    In a medium bowl, mix dry ingredients.

    Combine dry ingredients with sweet potato mixture, stirring into a stiff batter.

    You may add pecans at this point.

    Pour into a well-greased baking pan (13 x 9 or loaf pan).

    Bake for one hour if 13 x9.

    If using loaf pan check after one hour using toothpick to make sure center done.

    Sprinkle top w/chopped nuts if desired during the last 5-10 mins baking.

    Cooking times may vary slightly.

    Let cool. Sprinkle with powdered sugar or top with a vegan cream cheez frosting if desired. (I used leftover vegan cream cheez frosting with some of the leftovers, and it was DELISH!)

    Pumpkin Biscuits

    I said that sometime this week I was going to post some more of the Thanksgiving recipes I mentioned on Monday, but I lied. I LIED! BAHAHAHAHAHAH! Instead, I give you this pumpkin biscuit recipe, and the soft caressing promise that I will post at least the stuffing recipe sometime next week.

    I whipped these biscuits up with some autumn harvest stew the other week when I had guests over, and (despite the fact that they're not rollable, cuttable biscuits like the original recipe claims--I think this may be because I chose their "vegetable oil" option instead of just subbing in Earth Balance for the butter) they were really fricking good. Enough so that, despite making enough for all my dinner guests to have two biscuits each, folks liked them so much that I somehow got sweet-talked into throwing another batch in the oven for everyone. The end result was that 16 biscuits were consumed within an hour by only 4 people. That is disturbing, and yet a testament to the fact that these biscuits are indeed yummy.

    Also featured is one of the delightful little Ohio-shaped butter-pads that The Vegan Ronin whipped up for the Post T-Day Foodfest I had this past Saturday. Aren't they the cutest? <--- Clearly, this is foreshadowing some of next week's recipes/blog entries, if you hadn't figured it out... Lots of Post-T-day-Foodfest recipes to come... DUN DUN DUNNNNNN!


    • 2 c. unbleached all-purpose flour

    • 1 T. baking powder

    • 1/4 to 3/4 t. salt

    • 1/2 t. ground allspice

    • 3/4 c. canned pumpkin

    • 1/2 c. soy milk

    • 3 T. vegetable oil (or vegan margarine)

    • 1 T. pure maple syrup


    Preheat oven to 450F. Lightly oil a baking sheet (or alternately, lay out a sheet of parchment paper on your baking sheet) and set it aside.

    Sift together the flour, baking powder, salt, and allspice in a large bowl.

    In a separate bowl, combine the pumpkin, soy milk, vegan margarine (or oil), and maple syrup and stir until smooth.

    Combine the flour mixture with the pumpkin mixture. Stir just until the mixture holds together; avoid over mixing, or biscuits will be tough.

    Here is where I think the biscuit-forming will differ, depending on whether you used margarine or oil:

    If you used margarine, and the dough seems to be stiff enough, roll it out on a lightly-floured work surface and roll out to 1/2-inch thickness. Using a 2-inch biscuit cutter or a drinking glass, cut out dough into rounds and place on prepared baking sheet. Reroll dough scraps and continue to cut out until all dough has been used.

    If you used oil (which I did), your dough isn't going to be rollable, so you'll want to just make drop-biscuits instead. To do this, using a spoon, scoop up a generous amount of dough and plop it onto your baking sheet. Press down slightly so that it flattens out a little. Continue until your baking sheet is full.

    Bake in the center of the preheated oven for 12 to 16 minutes, until tops are golden brown. Serve hot.

    Makes about 20 biscuits.

    (Original recipe from Green Living)

    Tuesday, November 27, 2007

    T-Day Numblies

    Oh man, was this Thanksgiving bountiful. And honestly, it's all because of my mom who, despite her assertions that she's never liked to cook, managed to veganize not one, not two, not THREE, but FOUR MOTHERF-ING RECIPES for us. And that just plain rocks.

    T-day was just three of us--me, my mum, and my brother (one sister had to work, and the other was in Chicago) but we cooked like we were feeding small armies. And that is the way T-day should be, exploding with foodie goodness, way too much for just three people to handle.

    What we had:
    • Zucchini & mushroom lasagna

    • The apple-chestnut stuffing from the most recent Vegetarian Times, with walnuts subbed in for the chestnuts

    • A mixed greens salad, courtesy of my bro

    • Vegan stuffed mushrooms--courtesy, again, of my mum

    • Green bean casserole--my mom is truly an artiste, veganizing this completely on her own using vegan cream cheez and... strangely enough... hummus, and this was seriously seriously some bad-ass shit, leaps and bounds better than the T-day standard

    • Veganized apple crisp--courtesy of my mum; and

    • Sweet potato pound cake, also BRILLIANTLY veganized by my mom, after several calls about what to substitute in for eggs

    Hopefully I'll be bringing some of these recipes to you this week... Definitely the stuffing, and hopefully (if my mom can remember exactly how she veganized the cake) the cake as well. So hold onto your seats or hats or whatever the expression is.

    Today, I bring you the lasagna recipe, from my **VERY LARGE AND VERY WHITE PASTA BOOK**. I tried linking to the cookbook on amazon, but it's one of those vague cookbooks just named "Pasta," and I'm having a hard time figuring out which one it is exactly, since none of the pictures match. But good lord do I love this cookbook--it is THE cookbook for pasta-sluts.

    And this lasagna was no disappointment. It's a bit time-consuming to prepare (I actually cut down a bit on that though by using store-bought pasta-sauce instead of their homemade "winter pasta-sauce" that they recommend), and it doesn't make NEARLY as much lasagna as those recipes I usually use, but good god good jebus good allah good mother, this lasagna is KILLER. And it totally is all about the white sauce, and how the white sauce sexily commingles with the meaty shrooms. It is decadent, without making you feel like you're killing yourself on butter. The zucchini also sexes it up remarkably well with the white sauce. And, shit, I just kept praying that my family would stop eating it so I could have more left-overs. For those of you looking to feed a good number of people, I'd recommend doubling the recipe and using a 9x13-ish sized pan. You will not regret it. Not at all.

    Jesus, I'm getting tingly just thinking about it.


    • 1/2-oz. dried porcini mushrooms (or I just used a "Steak Mushrooms" mix from my local grocer)

    • 3/4 c. warm water

    • 2 T. olive oil

    • 1 lb. zucchini, thinly sliced

    • 1 onion, finely chopped

    • 6 c. brown (or baby bella) mushrooms, thinly sliced

    • 2 garlic cloves, crushed

    • 30-oz of spaghetti sauce

    • 1 t. dried marjoram

    • 6-9 "Ready Baked" lasagna noodle sheets

    • Vegan parmesan

    • Salt & ground black pepper

    • For the white sauce:

    • 3 T. vegan margarine

    • 1/3 c. all-purpose flour

    • 3-3/4 c. soy milk

    • A couple dashes nutmeg


    Put the dried mushrooms in a bowl and pour the 3/4 c. cup warm water over them, allowing them to soak for 15-20 minutes. Squeeze the liquid from the rehydrated shrooms and set liquid aside. Chop the rehydrated shrooms finely and set aside.

    Preheat the oven to 375. Heat 1 T. olive oil over medium heat. If your pan is large enough, add all your zucchini (otherwise add them in half-batches) and season with salt and pepper to taste. Cook the zucchini over medium heat, turning the slices frequently, for 5-8 minutes until they are lightly colored on both sides. Remove the zucchini from the pan and allow to drain on paper towels.

    Heat the remaining olive oil in your pan, and then cook the onion, stirring, for 1-2 minutes. Again, if your pan is big enough, add all your fresh mushrooms and garlic to it, and sprinkle with salt and pepper to taste (otherwise do so again in half-batches). Toss the shrooms over high heat for 5 minutes, or until the mushrooms are JUST becoming juicy and tender. Transfer to a bowl.

    Make the white sauce: Melt the vegan margarine in a large saucepan. Add the flour and cook, stirring over medium heat, for 1-2 minutes. Add the milk a little bit at a time, whisking well with each addition. Bring to a boil and then cook, stirring, until the sauce is hot and thick (it may not thicken up as much as you had thought while OVER the heat, but no worries--once you remove it, it should thicken up a wee bit more). Add nutmeg, salt, and pepper to taste. Remove from heat.

    Add about 1/2 of your rehydrated shroom-liquid to your spaghetti sauce. It's ok if it's a slight bit thin.

    Add the zucchini to your bowl of fried mushrooms, then stir in the rehydrated shrooms and the marjoram.

    Spread 1/3 of the tomato sauce in a baking dish (I would recommend a fairly small one--maybe a 9x9 or something). Add half the veggie mixture, spreading it evenly. Top with about 1/3 of the white sauce and about half the lasagna sheets. Repeat these layers, and then top with the remaining tomato sauce and white sauce, and sprinkle with vegan parm to taste.

    Bake the lasagna for 35-45 minutes, or until the pasta sheets are tender when poked with a fork.

    Let stand for about 10 minutes at least before serving.

    Serves about 6.

    Monday, November 26, 2007

    Mexican Pumpkin and Sweet Tater Casserole

    It almost seems wrong posting non-Thanksgiving-related recipes the first day after a holiday weekend, but as I forgot my T-day recipes at home, YOU WILL DEAL, AND YOU WILL LIKE IT! NAY--YOU WILL **LOVE** IT AND YOU WILL BEG FOR MORE!!!

    Also: sidenote: Mondays back at work after a lengthy holiday weekend are the fricking PITS. *sobbing and wetting myself a bit*


    Here's a recipe I made a couple weeks ago. I saw a link to another link that mentioned these Marth Stewart enchiladas, but I just ended up borrowing the pumpkin sauce recipe and that's it. All in all, I wasn't TOO bowled over by the enchiladas. They were ALMOST mind-blowingly tasty, but I think they needed a) a really salt layer (like refried beans or something) to counter the sweetness of both the pumpkin and the sweet taters, or b) a really crunchy layer, since everything was so softy.

    But I share the recipe anyways. Perhaps at some point I'll get a chance to make it again and tweak it some. Or perhaps you can do the honors.

    Apparently Mondays back at work after a lengthy holiday weekend are the kryptonite to my sense of humor as well, so please insert funny, slightly pervy food-related comments here so I don't have to.

    • 2 medium/large sized sweet potatoes

    • 1 t. agave nectar

    • Scant soy milk*

    • 2 1/4 c. black beans

    • 8 to 12 corn tortillas

    • Vegan "cheddar" cheez

    • 6 scallions, thinly sliced

    • For the sauce:

    • One 15-oz can pumpkin puree

    • 4 cloves garlic, minced

    • 1 jalapeno chili, quartered

    • 1 t. chili powder

    • 2 c. water

    • Salt & pepper to taste


    For the sauce:

    Throw all your sauce ingredients in a blender and puree until smooth.

    For the enchilada-casserole construction:

    Preheat your oven to about 425.

    Peel your sweet potatoes, and steam or boil them until they are tender. Mash them in a bowl with your agave and just enough soy milk to make them a wee bit fluffy.

    Pour about 1 c. of sauce in the bottom of a baking dish (an 8-inch square one will work best for thickest layers). Layer on enough tortillas to cover the bottom (you may end up tearing some in half to do so). Smooth out about 1/2 of your sweet-potato mixture on top. Sprinkle half of your black beans evenly over it. Add about half of your remaining pumpkin sauce on top. Layer on more tortillas. And then repeat another layer of taters and more beans. Add on a final layer of tortillas, and pour the remaining pumpkin sauce on top. Add shredded vegan cheddar to taste, and sprinkle your scallions on top.

    Cover with foil, and bake until heated through (anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour--I think mine took a bit shy of an hour). Remove, and if the cheez is not fully melted, toss into the broiler for a minute or two.

    Let sit at least 10 minutes before cutting and serving.

    Serves about 6.

    * I am not exactly sure what "scant" means, but I like the sound of it. Here I'm using it to mean, "just a wee bit to fluffy-taste." In other words, you'll want to use just enough to fluff up your sweet taters.

    Monday, November 19, 2007

    Last Call for...


    Saturday, Nov. 24th, 7:30pm

    Veg Post-Tday Potluck
    (& Truth or Dare Jenga)

    If you're interested, let me know y 4:30 tomorrow and I'll email you directions.
    All the cool people will be there, and by "COOL," I of course mean mainly a) me, and b) The Vegan Ronin.

    Don't YOU want to be cool TOO??

    Thursday, November 15, 2007

    Not a Recipe, Unless You're Looking to Bake a Lindy Loo

    I am feeling recipe-lazy today, so instead I'm following the lovely and brainy (mmm, brains) DEOTS's lead and surveying. TAKE THAT!

    1. Favorite non-dairy milk?
    Soy milk. I like to milk me some soy-boobies. *Squirt squirt squirt*

    2. What are the top 3 dishes/recipes you are planning to cook?
    Hmmm. I am planning on making vegan paprikash for my post-T-day smorgasborG, a lasagna for T-day, and chocolate bread pudding, because good god do I love that shit.

    3. Topping of choice for popcorn?
    I don't like popcorn. I got a piece stuck in the back of my throat way back in the day when I was seeing Short Circuit in the theater with my mom, and ever since then, we've been arch-enemies. Sidenote: Remember when Steve Guttenberg seemed dreamy and not just horrifying? Those were the days.

    4. Most disastrous recipe/meal failure?
    Maybe the Chicago Diner burger fiasco or the uber-greasy brownies of death from Vegan Planet.

    5. Favorite pickled item?
    A nice crisp dill.

    6. How do you organize your recipes?
    Organization? What's that?

    7. Compost, trash, or garbage disposal?
    I was composting for a while until our compost heap was disbanded. Now trash, or the occasional veg scraps left out for the neighborhood groundhog.

    8. If you were stranded on an island and could only bring 3 foods…what would they be (don't worry about how you'll cook them)?
    Vegan "tuna" salad
    Peanut Butter Cannonballs

    9. Fondest food memory from your childhood?
    Paprikash cooked for us by request on our birthdays

    10. Favorite vegan ice cream?
    Tofutti Chocolate Cookie Crunch

    11. Most loved kitchen appliance?
    My half-melted toaster. Which is not really used for cooking anything, but I heart toast.

    12. Spice/herb you would die without?
    Basil--I don't think I could deal with not being able to rub its leaves and then inhale inhale inhale the glorious scent off my fingertips.

    13. Cookbook you have owned for the longest time?
    The giant white vegetarian one whose name I do not remember.

    14. Favorite flavor of jam/jelly?

    15. Favorite vegan recipe to serve to an omni friend?
    Oooh, anything cookie-related (or desserty) really. I just like the whole, "This is *vegan*??" response.

    16. Seitan, tofu, or tempeh?
    Oof. A tie between seitan and tofu. They both rock me in the sack in very good, but different, ways.

    17. Favorite meal to cook (or time of day to cook)?
    Dinner. At night (der). Nekkid.

    18. What is sitting on top of your refrigerator?
    My microwave. A large plastic punch bowl. A wheezy plant that just does NOT want to live like a normal plant. A shitty fire extinguisher. A large chip-bowl. Loose peanuts. Dust. Vegetable oil. A canister-y type thing. A Groucho Marx nose/eyeglass/moustache set.

    19. Name 3 items in your freezer without looking.
    Really old green beans. Freezer-burnt ice. Vegan "lamb" from the Asian market.

    20. What's on your grocery list?
    Right now: parchment paper, frozen green beans, french onions, macaroni, fake meat crumbles, soy milk, sweet taters, onions, garlic, mushrooms, vegan mushroom soup, cat food, vegan sour cream, "chicken" chunks, vegan parmesan.

    21. Favorite grocery store?
    Nature's Bin.

    22. Name a recipe you'd love to veganize, but haven't yet.
    Shit! Ummmmmmm. Pretty much anything non-vegan in the Veg Times, just to prove that they COULD offer an easily-veganized version of it. But other than that, probably the lasagna I plan on making for T-day.

    23. Food blog you read the most (besides Isa's because I know you check it everyday). Or maybe the top 3?
    Have Cake Will Travel--because it makes my eyes happy
    Don't Eat Off the Sidewalk--because I want her to eat my brains, *growr*
    Vegan Yum Yum--also because it makes my eyes happy

    24. Favorite vegan candy/chocolate?
    The Nussnougat that Nicole sent me. Holy crap is that shit good. I dream about it sometimes. And it's always scantily clad and flying. And then I realize I'm nekkid and that I'm late for a test.

    25. Most extravagant food item purchased lately?
    The blood of a hundred vegan virgins.

    Wednesday, November 14, 2007

    General Tao's Eggplant (Sorta)

    I've had WAY too many weekend seminars in the past month (For what, you ask? I am a Topless Crocodile Wrestler, In Training), and when I'm doing a seminar, I inevitably end up in the deli section of the Mustard Seed for lunch. Which is where I stumbled across their Thai Eggplant (I think that's what it's called) which is seriously like the BEST STUFF EVER INVENTED. Sweet JEEBUS. And after gorging on it a couple weekends in a row, I decided to try making some myself.

    Unfortunately, it didn't come out anything like their version (*sigh*), but it *was* still tasty. The problem is that their eggplant is *clearly* deep-fried, but I think I was trying to convince myself that it *wasn't* in fact a big greasy unhealthy mass of eggplant and that I could duplicate it in the oven. No dice.

    I also went a bit overboard with the sauce, and even my sauce-whore self was like, "Lady-pants, you need to CALM DOWN on the sauce front because this shit is absolutely SWIMMING in it." I think I was just overwhelmed by how much diced eggplant one eggplant yielded, so I thought I needed a double-batch of the General Tao's sauce to handle it. But trust me, you can get away with just one.

    And now that I've yammered on about all this, I've just realized that I don't really have a concrete recipe to share with you.


    So I guess this is moreso just me showing you a pretty picture of eggplant (doesn't it look kinda like a wet-lipped model?), and telling you that if you wanna play with something along the lines of this dish, here's what you can do:

    * Whip up a serving of General Tao's sauce:

    • 1-3 T. oil

    • 3 chopped green onions

    • 1 T. minced ginger

    • 1 T. minced garlic

    • 2/3 c. vegetable stock

    • 2 T. soy sauce

    • 4 T. sugar

    • red pepper to taste

    • 1 T. white vinegar


    Heat vegetable (or sesame) oil in pan on medium heat. Add green onions, ginger and garlic, cook for about 2 minutes. Be careful not to burn garlic. Add vegetable stock, soy sauce, sugar, red pepper and vinegar. Mix 2 Tablespoons water with 1 Tablespoon cornstarch and pour into mixture stirring well.

    * Dice up an eggplant and cook it in your most favoritest of ways (I broiled it, but I wasn't too bowled over by the results--frying would probably be best).

    * Add eggplant to General Tao's sauce and also 1/2 to 1 c. of cashews.

    * Serve over rice.

    Tuesday, November 13, 2007

    Post-Thanksgiving Veg Smorgasborg

    It's that time of year again, when we bust out our vegan moves (or our tofurky) and kick some Thanksgiving ass. And since several of my friends will be in town for the holidays, I'm tentatively planning a post-thanksgiving smorgasborg (best word ever) at my place on the evening of Saturday, November 24.

    I extend the invitation to any of you local veg folks as well. The deal is that you just need to bring a vegan dish of some sort for entry. Mmmmm, entry. ARGHLGHLGHL. *STOP, DIRTY LINDY LOO!!!*

    Anyways, if you are interested, please RSVP in my comments before, say, the 19th and leave your email address, that way I can send around an official invite and a sign-up list to get a sense of what people are bringing.

    Oh, and this time boobs are not a requirement.

    And I have no clue who or what that is a picture of, but it is kind of turning me off to ever wanting to eat Tofurky again. *shuddering in horror*

    Monday, November 12, 2007

    "Best Soup Ever" Alert!!!!!


    That's the "Best Soup Ever" Siren, siren sounding, which means you should immediately take cover in your kitchen with all of the following ingredients and COOK COOK COOK if you ever want to make it out alive.

    (Seriously: This soup is beyond delicious. It is rich and decadent, awesomely autumnal, and just damn scrumptious. I was particularly fond of the addition of apples into it. It makes eating the soup that much more entertaining, because I found myself trying to guess whether each white chunk was an apple or a potato, and regardless of whether I won or lost in my guessing, my tastebuds were always always pleased.)


    • 6 c. water

    • 1.5 c. red lentils, rinsed

    • 1/2 t. salt

    • 1 medium potato, peeled and cut into 1/2-inch dice

    • 2 T. vegan margarine

    • 2-3 garlic cloves, minced

    • 1 small red bell pepper, finely diced

    • 1 celery rib, thinly sliced

    • 1 apple, peeled, cored, and cut into 1/2-inch dice

    • 1.5 T. curry powder

    • 1.2 t. ground cumin

    • Dash of cayenne

    • 1 T. soy sauce

    • 4 oz. (or 4 c.) fresh spinach, torn into tiny pieces


    Bring water to a boil in a large saucepan. Stir in the lentils and salt. When the water returns to a boil, reduce the heat to a simmer and cook 20 minutes, stirring often. Scrape off and discard any foam that accumulates.

    Stir in the potato and cook 20 more minutes, stirring frequently.

    In a separate pan, melt 1 T. of vegan margarine over medium heat. Add the garlic and cook 2 minutes. Stir in the red pepper, celery, and apple, and saute until tender (about 10 minutes). Sprinkle on the curry powder, cumin, and cayenne and cook 2 more minutes, stirring often so the spices don't burn.

    Scrape the veggie mixture into the soup. Add the soy sauce, spinach, and remaining T. of vegan margarine. Cook about 10 more minutes, or until the soup is the consistency of heavy cream--not watery or pasty. Stir often. Let the soup sit a few hours before serving. Rehead and check the consistency. Add a bit more water if it's too thick.

    (Original recipe from god knows where because my friend D mailed it to me and I wasn't able to decipher his chicken scratch. But thanks, D. =)

    Tuesday, November 06, 2007

    Disco Stew

    Somehow I did not get the GORGEOUS, Marilyn's-lipstick-esque, vivacious color of soup that the always brilliant Have Cake, Will Travel did, but I suspect she may have either used a) magenta beer (brilliant and deviant, you!), or b) the diced tomatoes of a thousand virgins. And alas, I had neither in my cupboard at home. I *did*, however, have a lager from the Brooklyn Brewery, so that's what got belly-flopped into this recipe.

    And, as Have Cake, Will Travel stated when posting it, it definitely is a recipe that gets richer and more flavorful the longer it sits (so give it like 32 weeks, and perhaps it'll have turned into pure gold! Or pure sex! Or Julian Casablancas! Mmmmm. Julian Casablancas... Um... I'll be right back. Must use, um, the facilities...)

    Ok. Back.

    Anyways, this was a very yummy stew. The only thing I was confused about is the fact that mine had very little broth in it (in comparison to the picture Have Cake, Will Travel posted). But perhaps I just accidentally bought the Super-Absorbent Tempeh without realizing it. Regardless: as the brisk November weather creeps in, you'll definitely want to be checking this out.

    *AND* what made this stew even more fun is that I got to take it to work for lunch all week and amuse myself by thinking about the fact that I was downing beer for lunch. Alas--not nearly enough, mind you. But beer nonetheless!

    Oh, and ps. Best name for a recipe EVER, HCWT!


    • 2 T. peanut oil [other oil works fine]

    • 1/3 c. chopped white onion

    • 2 cloves garlic, pressed

    • 1 big Russet potato, brushed clean, peeled, chopped in small pieces

    • 1 8-oz package of tempeh, chopped in small bits

    • 1 14 oz can diced tomatoes [undrained]

    • 2 T. chili powder

    • 2 t. ground cumin

    • 1/2 t. dried oregano

    • 1 squirt agave nectar [about 1 t.]

    • 1 14-oz can kidney beans [drained and rinsed]

    • 1/3 c. frozen green peas

    • 1 c. vegetable broth

    • 1 12oz beer bottle [your choice which kind]


    In a large saucepan, heat oil on medium high for a minute. Add the onion and garlic, and let cook for a minute. Add the potato and tempeh, and let cook on medium heat for about 7 minutes. Add tomatoes, spices, nectar, beans, peas, broth, and beer. Bring to a boil, cover, and let simmer for 20 minutes or until potato bits are tender.

    (Original recipe from Have Cake, Will Travel)

    Monday, November 05, 2007

    Lemon-tastic Pasta

    Every once in a while, a quickie can be *OH* so good. And this is one such example.

    Picture yourself in the backseat of your car, only 15 minutes to spare, windows all steamed up, skirt hiked up around your waist, less than 5 ingredients on the seat next to you with their pants down, and 10 minutes of heaven until that cop shows up and starts tapping his flashlight on the window and trying to get a good look inside, and you've got this recipe.

    Even *my* sauce-whore self (who drowns any and every noodle in as much sauce as humanly possible--think 1/2 a jar of spaghetti sauce for one serving of pasta) thought it was delightfully flavorful and ridiculously simple. Toss in a bit of vegan parmesan with yours if you want a bit more oomph (I didn't have any around).

    • 1/2 box thin spaghetti noodles (or any long noodle really) cooked according to the box's directions

    • 1 T. olive oil

    • 2 T. freshly squeezed lemon juice

    • 3 cloves garlic, thinly sliced

    • Freshly ground black pepper


    Once your spaghetti is cooked through, empty it into a collander and return your pot to the burner (on low). Add your olive oil and once it's hot again, add your garlic. Cook the garlic for a few minutes until it's just about to start browning. Add your noodles back into the pot and toss. Add your lemon juice and cook for about a minute, and then serve with freshly ground black pepper and/or vegan parmesan.

    Wednesday, October 31, 2007

    SusanV's Mexican Lasagna (or Enchilada Casserole)

    Let me just preface this by saying that this recipe was cooked on Old-Guy-Neighbor Time. So I'm not sure precisely how long it was in the oven. I *CAN* verify that it was in for 30 minutes, and then another 15. But then it stayed in there another indiscernible amount of time, since Old Guy Neighbor managed to catch me out on the roof and engage me in conversation. So, when you go to bake this, think 45 minutes, plus a one-sided conversation about a) the loud noise that came from the street in the middle of the night that it's amazing I did not hear, b) what time the news is on, c) the string of cars owned throughout OGN's life, d) the onset of cold weather, and e) the fact that OGN cannot believe I don't ever smell the marijuana smoke wafting up from his downstairs neighbor (aka. Hot Guy Neighbor)'s apartment.

    Other than that, this was a really good recipe. Again, I baked it in the inappropriately-sized pan, but somehow thought that if I perhaps bunched up some foil at the end of the pan, I could somehow transform the pan into a smaller pan (when in reality, the weight of the enchilada sauce just sorta tsunamiied the foil into the corner). But despite that fact, man, was this tasty, easy to make, and (I'd venture to say) very kid-friendly.

    Oh, and as always, the lasagna looks a bit flaccid in the above picture, but it firms up if you refrigerate it overnight. *Insert naughty comments here*

    • 1 large red bell pepper, chopped (or you can use 1/2 green, 1/2 red)

    • 1/2 jalapeño pepper, finely chopped (optional)

    • 2 cloves garlic, minced

    • 1 large onion, chopped

    • corn tortillas--at least 12

    • 3 c. (28 oz.) fatfree refried beans

    • 2 medium tomatoes, diced

    • 1 t. chili powder, divided

    • 1/2 t. cumin, divided

    • 3 c. black beans, rinsed and drained

    • 1 c. salsa

    • 1 can enchilada sauce (or 1 1/2 cups homemade)

    • sliced black olives


    Preheat oven to 375 F.

    In a non-stick pan with a little water (1 tbsp.), sauté the peppers, garlic, and onion for about 3 minutes, or until softened. Set aside.

    Spray a 9 X 13-inch baking pan with non-stick spray. Line the bottom with a layer of tortillas (you may cut some of them to fit). Make sure you cover the entire bottom of the pan.

    Stir the refried beans and spread half of them evenly over the tortillas. Cover the refried beans with half of the pepper-onion mixture and half of the tomatoes; sprinkle with half of the seasonings and half of the black beans.

    Add another layer of tortillas and repeat the layers of the other ingredients. Spread the cup of salsa over the final layer of black beans. Cover with a final layer of tortillas, pour the enchilada sauce over the top, and sprinkle with black olives. Cover and bake for about 30 minutes or until hot throughout (I cooked mine 45+ minutes). It will be easier to cut if you allow it to cool for about 10 minutes before serving.

    Note: Fresh corn is a great addition to this. I use about 2 cups of uncooked (or frozen) corn and add it as one more layer. You may need a deeper pan, though.

    (Recipe from The FatFree Vegan)

    Tuesday, October 30, 2007

    Ah, Distraughtness!

    So I wanted to give the very delightful and hugely generous Nicole a shout-out today, because last week when I was feeling rather cranky, I returned home from work to find a care package from her in my mailbox that cheered me right the hell up. Not only did it hold in it the Kate Nash cd she had told me she wanted to mail me (and omg if I'm not totally smitten with her music now--hee hee--check out her Foundations video HERE), but it held all sorts of other goodies in it as well.

    Wherein lies the distraughtness, you are probably now wondering? Well the very delightful and hugely generous Nicole sent me her blog address which I was gonna post here and urge you all to check out, BUT I CAN'T SEEM TO ACCESS HER BLOG! (*tears of horror and frustration*) So, Nicole, when you read this, please leave a link to your blog in my comments so I can send folks in your direction. I don't know if I'm just a big freaky moron (which is most likely the case) but no matter how many variations I tried on the address you sent, none of them done worked. =(

    Oh, and thank you thank you thank you, love. You are the sweetest thing ever.

    [Addendum: Go check out Nicole's blog HERE! Do it!]

    (The very delightful and very
    generous Nicole's care package)

    And as you all know, I have never really posted pics of myself here. I enjoy the secrecy (and the fact that I could look like a yeti crossed with Big Bird crossed with Gary Busey, and NONE OF YOU WOULD KNOW). But since you weirdos are often curious about what I actually look like (and since I had so much fun creating my Halloween costume from scratch), I share these gruesome pics with you today (and today only)--tomorrow they will be deleted.

    My halloween costume (which was a zombie, if you couldn't tell) won me second place at my friend Mo's very fun-filled, very crazy, very kick-ass Halloween party, and for some reason it also (very disturbingly) got me WAY too many comments from people about how sexy I look. When you're completely covered in crusty corn-syrup blood with your entrails hanging out, that's not typically what you expect to hear, so I wasn't sure whether to be flattered or just horribly horribly disturbed.

    Wednesday, October 24, 2007

    Oh, My Most Favorite of Holidays: How I Adore Thee

    Since I'm sure Halloween celebrations are on the horizon for many of you this weekend, I bring you some Halloween-viewing recommendations and a reminder of my two favorite Halloween recipes (ok, one's not so much a recipe as it is directions on how to make the coolest ice cubes ever, but deal).


    Bloody Finger Cookies

    Spooky Hand Ice Cubes
    (And gentle reminder: If you decide to make
    these, make sure you don't accidentally buy those
    vinyl gloves that have the powdered insides.)


    Movies to Chill You to Your Very Core

    And for the added bonus of being the world's best, most kick-ass feminist horror flick EVER

    And on the gloriously campy horror-flick front (these are good ones to have playing in the background at your party)

    Oh, and please, my peeps. Stop back in and post pics of your Halloween costumes next week! Halloween's my favorite holiday, so I'd LOVE to see some of the crazy shit you all come up with. =)

    Tuesday, October 23, 2007

    Eggplant Paprikash


    Upon tackling a blog entry about SusanV's *DIVINE* fricking eggplant paprikash, I've realized that paprikash doesn't exactly invite a wealth of humor in talking about it.

    So I preface my foré into paprikash humor with the following recommendation: This is a really really good recipe. (Thanks, Live It Up Vegan! for bringing it to my attention on your lovely bloggie blog.) I heart a good paprikash (it's the Hungarian blood in me), and this one does the trick and does it well. The eggplant is like sexy svelte buttery velvet after you've simmered it just right. And the sauce is rich and decadent, and nicely tops a tasty wide noodle. I *did* toy with the recipe a little, simply because vegan sour cream happened to be on sale at my grocery store this weekend, so anything asterisked has been altered from the original recipe.

    And now the paprikash jokes:

    Yo mama is so fat that she eats eggplant paprikash!

    A man walks into a paprikash. *Ouch*

    Why did the paprikash turn red? It saw the salad dressing.

    Please, try to control your laughter, lest you get fired for being disruptive at work.

    • 1 large onion, halved and cut into thin wedges

    • 3 cloves garlic, minced

    • 3 T. paprika

    • 1/2 t. red pepper (optional)--I left this out since I didn't have it*

    • 1 t. salt (optional)

    • 1 1/2 - 2 lbs. eggplant (about 2 medium) cut into 1-inch cubes

    • 2 bell peppers, any color, sliced (I used red and green)

    • 1 c. vegetable broth

    • 1 14-ounce can diced tomatoes (I used Muir Glen Fire Roasted)

    • 1/8 t. Liquid Smoke flavoring

    • 1/2 to 3/4 c. vegan sour cream (or you can use the tofu sour cream recipe below)*--I ended up using 3/4 c. of sour cream simply because I think my eggplants may have been large rather than medium

    Tofu Sour Cream:

    • 1/2 package (about 6 ounces) lite silken tofu

    • 1 T. lemon juice

    • 1/2 T. cashew butter or tahini

    • 1/4 t. salt (optional)


    If using the tofu sour cream recipe, blend all of its ingredients until completely smooth, and set aside in the refrigerator until needed.

    In a large, non-stick saucepan, sauté the onion in a small amount of water until it begins to brown, about 5-8 minutes. Add the garlic, paprika, and red pepper (optional), and stir for one minute. Add the salt, eggplant, peppers, vegetable broth, and tomatoes. Cover and simmer until the eggplant is tender, about 15-20 minutes.

    When the eggplant is done, check the seasonings and add more salt if necessary. Stir in the Liquid Smoke (optional) and the sour cream, and cook for another minute, until warmed through. Serve over pasta, rice, or dumplings.

    Serves 4-8 (this made a BUTTLOAD for me--left me with dinners for over a week--so I think it'll depend on how big your eggplants are).

    (Original recipe from FatFree Vegan)