Scrumptious Turd Dogs

To be added to my menagerie of scatological recipes (i.e. ones that resemble dookie and/or puke) are Vegan Dad's homemade sausages.

Don't get me wrong: the recipe kicks serious dookie-shooting ass. And it's really super-simple to whip up.

But then there's this (fathers, shield your babies' eyes!!!):



Needless to say, when you wrap the sausages in foil BE SURE TO CINCH THE ENDS TIGHTLY.

Otherwise you and everyone else at your barbecue will call them Turd Dogs all night.



VEGAN DAD'S HOMEMADE SAUSAGES

INGREDIENTS:

• 1/2 c. pinto beans, rinsed and drained


• 1 c. cold vegetable broth


• 1 T. olive oil


• 2 T. soy sauce


• 2 cloves garlic, grated (with a microplane, or very finely minced)


• 1-1/4 c. vital wheat gluten


• 1/4 c. nutritional yeast


• 1-1/2 t. fennel seed, crushed (Lindy Loo sidenote: can you BUY this shit crushed? Because I've tried crushing it myself, and I don't even think the Incredible Hulk could pull it off.)


• 1 t. red pepper flakes


• 1 t. sweet paprika


• 1 t. dried oregano


• Several dashes fresh black pepper

DIRECTIONS

Before mixing your ingredients, get your steaming apparatus ready, bring water to a full boil. The rest of the recipe comes together very quickly.

Have ready 6 sheets of tin foil. In a large bowl, mash the pinto beans until no whole ones are left. Throw all the other ingredients together in the order listed and mix with a fork. Divide dough into 6 even parts. Place one part of dough into tin foil and mold into about a 5 inch log. Wrap dough in tin foil, like a tootsie roll. Don't worry too much about shaping it (EXCEPT FOR THE ENDS, PEOPLE--CINCH THOSE WIENERS TIGHT!/end lindy loo cry of desperation), it will snap into shape while it's steaming because this recipe is awesome.

Place wrapped sausages in steamer and steam for 40 minutes.

(Recipe from Vegan Dad)



(The rest of Lindy Loo's scatological menagerie can be found HERE.)

Mine is Still Bigger Than Yours, But With Things On It

I love bread. Love it.

So what better than bread... with things on top?

Not much. Not much at all.

So when I saw Urban Vegan's list of tartine ideas, I immediately thought, "I want to go to there." <--my pop culture reference for the day

And I did.

I went to there.

Go check out her list of ideas in their entirety, as they will make you drool uncontrollably.

As for me, here's the ones I want to try, and also the ones I tried out a week or so ago and my opinion of them. I used the French bread recipe I posted about last week (you know: when I lied and said I'd post THESE last week), and it worked perfectly.

TRIED:

• Arugula pesto. In a food processor, mix about 2 cups of arugula, some walnuts or pine nuts, and about 5 garlic cloves. Add enough extra-virgin olive oil until it reaches a spreadable consistency. This pesto is also wonderful tossed with pasta, smeared on grilled tofu or thinned with balsamic vinegar to use a salad dressing.
  
  My opinion: I like this as a pesto alternative. It's got a delightful spicy kick, but tastes crisp and clean. Good stuff.


(Arugula pesto in foreground,
topped with kalamatas)


• Oil-soaked sun-dried tomatoes, vegan cream cheese and fresh basil, with salt and fresh ground pepper.
  
  My opinion: I also added kalamatas, and I think the grease factor was WAY too high. I think adding ANYTHING oil-soaked to cream cheez is a bit overdoing it. But I really liked the combo, despite that. So next time: rehydrated sun-dried tomatoes (instead of oil-soaked) and a sparser collection of kalamata olives.





• Bananas, agave nectar and cinnamon. Spread the bread with Earth Balance and toast first. This makes a great breakfast.
  
  My opinion: Delightfully yum. And I was skeptical, 'cause I mashed up my banana, and then stood there and realized how disgusting and boogery the consistency was after mashing it and contemplated whether or not I could sike myself out enough to consume it despite how gross it looked. And I did. And I'm glad. I think the riper the banana the better though--it'll be less boogery. I also tried the banana-agave nectar-cinnamon combo with cream cheez as well and liked it a lot.

WANNA TRY:

• Spinach, onion, garlic and dried cherries [Pictured, above right], sauteed in olive oil and seasoned with a pinch of nutmeg



• Thinly sliced fennel, back olives and orange slices, served heated with a drizzle of fruity extra-virgin olive oil



• A healthy drizzle of olive oil topped with tomatoes, oregano, and olives



• Avocado slices, arugula and Veganaise



• Marinated seitan, dried apricots and apricot jam

(Recipe ideas from Urban Vegan)

Haute Faux Egg Sandwich

I blame Everybody Likes Sandwiches for my recent infatuation with the cheddar/apple combo. The recipe that turned me on to this love was her recipe for an apple onion cheddar pizza which was beyond yummy.

And then last week I saw this recipe for a fancy egg sandwich. Essentially it was eggs and cheddar cheese with apples and honey drizzled over top and couched in between two slices of hearty wheat bread.

It sounded so good that I decided to try veganizing it.

And as luck would have it, I really dug the results and spent much of the weekend cowing down on these sandwiches.

Changes:

I made them open-faced. I tend to think the flavor of a sandwich's interiors can sometimes get lost in between too much bread.

I subbed in the faux-egg recipe from Vegweb for the egg portion.

And I obviously made substitutions for the cheese and honey.

Enjoy!



INGREDIENTS:

• 1 pound extra firm tofu, pressed & sliced into 4 slices


• 1/4 c. apple cider vinegar


• 1/4 c. olive oil


• salt & pepper to taste


• 4 thin slices vegan cheddar


• 4 slices of sturdy whole grain bread, toasted and buttered (ooh--didn't think to butter them, but that sounds yum!)


• 1 T. agave nectar (or to taste)


• 1-2 tart apple(s), sliced thin

DIRECTIONS

Preheat oven to 450 degrees.

On a rimmed baking sheet, pour the apple cider vinegar, olive oil, and salt and mix together. Put the tofu on this mixture and coat both sides.

Bake for 10-15 minutes on one side, then flip and bake for another 10-15 minutes.

In the meantime, toast your bread (and "butter" it if you so choose).

When tofu is done, turn on your broiler, spread the tofu out on a piece of foil and top each piece with a slice of vegan cheddar. Toss into broiler until cheddar is melted and/or bubbly.

Place tofu & cheddar on top of your toast. Top with thinly sliced apples and then drizzle generously with agave nectar.

Num num num.

Makes 4 open-faced sandwiches.

(Original recipe from Everybody Likes Sandwiches)

Smoky Vegan BBQ Chicken Sandwich Topped w/ North Carolina Coleslaw

                        from Everybody Loves Sandwiches

I noticed this recipe at Everybody Likes Sandwiches the other week, and it sounded so good to me that I was determined to veganize it. And veganize it I did.

My mom came over on Thursday, and I decided to make this for the two of us. And I must say: it was motifsetaling GOOD.

I think I accidentally added too much white-pepper, because at some point while cooking, I started thinking I was supposed to double everything. Which really didn't make any sense. But it was only after dumping in way too much white pepper that it dawned on me that I wasn't supposed to be doubling it. Thankfully I was able to remove a good portion of the excess white pepper floating on top. Nonetheless: this is spicy as FUCK. You have been warned. It is FANTASTIC and tasty in its spiciness, but it's definitely not for the weak of heart.

I also modified the original recipe to be stovetop (and summer-) friendly, because it was motherhumping HOT when I cooked this. So instead of baking, you'll be cooking it on the stove for a while. And I actually made double the amount of "sauce" listed below, but I had way too much leftover sauce and coleslaw, so I've halved it accordingly.

Again: this recipe is quite delish, has a nice southern kick to it, and will make for a good summer meal. But Everybody Loves Sandwiches rocks, so I expected as much.

I also served a light pasta salad on the side, which ended up surprising me with its tastiness. I didn't use specific measurements, but I've listed out the general ingredients below.




Smoky Vegan BBQ Chicken Sandwich Topped w/ North Carolina Coleslaw



INGREDIENTS:

• 1/2 bag of shredded coleslaw mix
  
  
• 1 c. cider vinegar


• 1/2 T. kosher salt


• 1/2 T. ground white pepper


• 1/2 T. red pepper flakes


• 1 T. white sugar


• 2 T. brown sugar (or I just used an extra 2 T. regular sugar + a generous dollop of molasses)


• 1/2 t. freshly ground black pepper


• 1/4 c. ketchup



• One 1 lb. bag of fake-chicken (I think I used morningstars' meal starters)


• salt & pepper


• Cumin


• Chili powder (or chipotle powder)


• Dried thyme


• 1/2 T olive oil



• 6-8 slices of bread or 3-4 buns

Throw your coleslaw into a large bowl. Mix the dressing ingredients in a medium sized bowl and pour about 1/3 of it over the slaw. It may not look like it's enough to coat, but it'll start to increase once it sits in the fridge with the slaw. If it DOESN'T, add a bit more. Refrigerate the slaw and set the remainder of the dressing aside.

Heat your olive oil in a large pan on the stovetop, medium-heat. Add your fake chicken and spices (I haven't included precise measurements of spices, but I can say that I used a generous shake or two of each seasoning). Cook fake chicken until it's browned--about 5 minutes. Pour in remaining dressing and cover the pan with a lid. Lower heat to low. Your sauce will reduce and thicken as it cooks. The longer you cook it, the more flavorful and juicy the fake chicken will be. I cooked mine for about 30 minutes or so. I also shredded the chicken to the best of my ability as it cooked, using a couple of forks and then a spatula.

To serve, scoop a generous amount of fake chicken onto your bun/bread. Scoop up a generous helping of coleslaw with a fork (letting it drain a little so it doesn't sog up your sandwich) and throw over the top of your fake chicken. Close. Eat.

Serves 3 to 4.

(Recipe modified and veganized from Everybody Loves Sandwiches)




Avocado Pasta Salad



Ingredients: Corkscrew pasta, 1 diced avocado, a handful of halved cherry tomatoes, fresh basil, and dressing (juice of 3 limes, 1/2 T. or so of sugar, olive oil, and a couple shakes of soy sauce)

Toothy Bajingos and Snobby Joes

So I saw a movie about vagina dentata yesterday, and seriously: it was like the best horror flick I've seen in quite some time. It was so vag-clenchingly disturbing and horrible and yet wonderfully horrifically funny, that I can't stop talking about it today. Which is why I ramble on here as well. (What's even MORE disturbing is that at one point during the movie, which was fairly heavy with sex-scenes, I actually thought to myself, Man, I really needs to get me some action 'cause it's been a few months. And then immediately after thinking THAT, I thought to myself, Seriously, woman... If a movie about bajingos chomping on penii is making you want to get some action, that is really kind of disturbing and a good indicator that you really really DO need to get laid. Ha ha ha.)

Anyways, you can watch the trailer here--the trailer itself is its own little whimsical gem. It had people laughing out loud in the theater.



The movie itself had people shouting, moaning, laughing, and shifting uncomfortably in their seats as well.

It was a weirdly communal experience.

What any of this has to do with snobby joes I'm not really sure.

I could probably make some sort of connection, but it would entail talking about gory man-parts, so I'll just let it go.

Snobby Joes: I was skeptical. Lots of chili powder. And they didn't taste quite so sloppy-joe-ish when I nibbled straight from the pot. But slathered on a bun: delish. They are sloppy. They are snobby. They are 100% yum. And they are complaint-free.


(As you can see, even Zooey liked them)

INGREDIENTS:

• 1 c. uncooked lentils


• 4 c. water


• 1 T. olive oil


• 1 medium yellow onion, diced small


• 1 green pepper, diced small


• 2 cloves garlic, minced


• 3 T. chili powder


• 2 t. oregano


• salt, to taste


• 8-oz can tomato sauce


• 1/4 c. tomato paste


• 3 T. maple syrup


• 1 T. yellow mustard (wet mustard)


• 4 to 6 kaiser rolls or sesame buns (I used vegan potato rolls)

DIRECTIONS

Put the lentils in a small sauce pot and pour in 4 cups water. Cover and bring to a boil. Once boiling, lower heat and simmer for about 20 minutes, until lentils are soft. Drain and set aside.

About 10 minutes before the lentils are done boiling, preheat a medium soup pot over medium heat. Saute the onion and pepper in the oil for about 7 minutes, until softened. Add the garlic and saute a minute more.

Add the cooked lentils, the chili powder, oregano and salt and mix. Add the tomato sauce and tomato paste. Cook for about 10 minutes. Add the maple syrup and mustard and heat through.

Turn the heat off and let sit for about 10 minutes, so that the flavors can meld, or go ahead and eat immediately if you can't wait. I like to serve these open faced, with a scoop of snobby joe on each slice of the bun.

(Recipe from Veganomicon, posted at the ppk)

E's Club Sammiches

On Friday night, E decided to make us a very sweet deli-style dinner which included some of the most genormous sandwiches I've ever eaten.

SAMMICH INGREDIENTS
(MAKES TWO HORRIFYINGLY LARGE SAMMICHES):

• 4 slices of homemade vegan peasant bread, toasted


• One package of Tofurkey brand hickory-smoked "turkey" deli slices


• One package of vegan bacon, fried


• 4 slices of vegan mozzarella cheese


• Lettuce


• Tomato


• Veganaise

Pile up all these ingredients onto two glorious sets of homemade bread slices and, voila, you have two killer club sammiches. Serve with crispy all-natural kettle chips and a deli-style pickle.

This dinner was one of the most filling dinners I've had in a long, long while. And one of the gassiest. But we won't go there.

Tofu and Pesto-Mayo Sammich

Ok. So back a few months ago (four or five now, at this point) when I was still eating vegetarian (and not yet vegan), my absolute favorite sandwich used to be this sammich at my local sammich shop La Bodega that had fresh basil, tomatoes, a hunking slice of boccini, and pesto mayo, all on a couple large slabs of ciabatta. I was a bit sad when this occasional luncheon treat came to an end. There is little I like more on a sammich than fresh basil and ripe tomato.

BUT THEN!

This Saturday it dawned on me that maybe I could figure out some sort of alternative to satisfy this occasional craving. I had made and frozen some extra pesto (since I overbought basil on Friday) and I had a brand new jar of Veganaise in my fridge, so the gears in my brain started whirring. I nabbed some fresh rosemary bread that I had bought for Friday's dinner and sliced it up. I then topped it with some fresh basil leaves, some sliced roma tomatoes, and I mixed together some pesto and Veganaise and smeared it all oopy goopy on the other slice of bread. I then sliced up a leftover chunk of tofu into a couple thin slices and fried it up. Still piping hot, I slipped the tofu onto the sammich and chowed down while it was still steaming away.

Of course tofu doesn't have the same flavor as boccini, but it DOES have a remarkably similar consistency.

So Sunday, I tried again for both E and me. This time, I fried the tofu up in a tiny bit of olive oil and some rosemary. Much more flavorful though still not exactly like boccini, of course. But gorged on remarkably nummy pesto-mayo, I couldn't complain. Next time, I may try frying it up in a bit of lemon juice with rosemary and see how that goes. I also recommend pressing it because I'm certain it will fry up much better that way (I was just too hungry and lazy to do so on the weekend).

Any which way, this is a good sammich, and now I have a much lower-fat way to satisfy that La Bodega fix.

Sidenote: I have heretofore eliminated the VERDICTS section, mostly because it makes me sound like I'm tooting my own horn (which in turn sounds like a suspicious euphimism for, um, doing things to yourself that will make you get hairy palms). I will offer up suggestions, but no more ratings.

Topless Tofu-Salad Sammich

Click HERE for more topless pictures

Everything always looks better in a slight state of disrobement (except for old men in thongs), so I give you the Topless Tofu-Salad Sammich. As I've said before, I usually don't post about lunch-stuff, mostly because I'm usually lazy and just jam a hotdog or pbj in a sack with a piece of fruit and drag it in. But the other night I felt a bit more inspired, so I whipped up this sammich.

I have no exact measurements--it's kind of a "to-your-taste" kinda thing. But here's the ingredients anyways.

INGREDIENTS:

About 1/4 block of extra-firm tofu
About a handful's worth of diced up celery
A couple of tablespoons of Vegenaise (or some other vegan mayo)
Some dried basil
Some salt (but don't accidentally spill a bunch in there while refilling your salt shaker like I did or you'll end up dehydrated all afternoon)
A handful of walnuts
A couple slices of hearty grain bread

TO MAKEY:

Smoosh up the tofu in a bowl with a fork. Then add the Vegenaise and mix around. Then toss in the celery and basil, and swirl again. And then finally, take those walnuts and crumble them up between your palms and sprinkle the small bits and pieces in, and mix one last time. (The walnuts add a nice crunch.) Throw it all on a slice or two of hearty grain bread (I used a 7-grainer from the WSM)--you can leave it open-faced like I did if you wanna enjoy the flavors more, but just make sure the whole thing doesn't end up in your lap. Though it *IS* a topless sammich. So perhaps an afternoon rendezvous in your lap wouldn't be TOO terrible.

VERDICT: A

COMMENTS: A vegan friend who taste-tested said, "i remember having tofu salad at tommy's [a local veggie restaurant] once. i think i like yours better, though"--yip yip!