Tuesday, June 08, 2010

Scrumptious Turd Dogs

To be added to my menagerie of scatological recipes (i.e. ones that resemble dookie and/or puke) are Vegan Dad's homemade sausages.

Don't get me wrong: the recipe kicks serious dookie-shooting ass. And it's really super-simple to whip up.

But then there's this (fathers, shield your babies' eyes!!!):

Needless to say, when you wrap the sausages in foil BE SURE TO CINCH THE ENDS TIGHTLY.

Otherwise you and everyone else at your barbecue will call them Turd Dogs all night.


  • 1/2 c. pinto beans, rinsed and drained

  • 1 c. cold vegetable broth

  • 1 T. olive oil

  • 2 T. soy sauce

  • 2 cloves garlic, grated (with a microplane, or very finely minced)

  • 1-1/4 c. vital wheat gluten

  • 1/4 c. nutritional yeast

  • 1-1/2 t. fennel seed, crushed (Lindy Loo sidenote: can you BUY this shit crushed? Because I've tried crushing it myself, and I don't even think the Incredible Hulk could pull it off.)

  • 1 t. red pepper flakes

  • 1 t. sweet paprika

  • 1 t. dried oregano

  • Several dashes fresh black pepper


Before mixing your ingredients, get your steaming apparatus ready, bring water to a full boil. The rest of the recipe comes together very quickly.

Have ready 6 sheets of tin foil. In a large bowl, mash the pinto beans until no whole ones are left. Throw all the other ingredients together in the order listed and mix with a fork. Divide dough into 6 even parts. Place one part of dough into tin foil and mold into about a 5 inch log. Wrap dough in tin foil, like a tootsie roll. Don't worry too much about shaping it (EXCEPT FOR THE ENDS, PEOPLE--CINCH THOSE WIENERS TIGHT!/end lindy loo cry of desperation), it will snap into shape while it's steaming because this recipe is awesome.

Place wrapped sausages in steamer and steam for 40 minutes.

(Recipe from Vegan Dad)

(The rest of Lindy Loo's scatological menagerie can be found HERE.)


Danielle said...

Hilarious...yet they sure do sound yummy...but don't quite look it...hahaha

Anonymous said...

Ah - food that looks the same at its inception as it does at its culmination. Beautiful.

Anonymous said...

Who cares what it looks like...taste is all that matters, lol. I am glad they tasted better than they looked!


Eve Love said...

coffee grinder. buy one.
double as a spice/fennel seed crusher...

Unknown said...

What happens if I skip the wheat gluten? Is there a substitute? I have all the ingredients except that (and fennel), and I'm too lazy to drive across town, unless I have to.

Jennifer said...

Thank you for making me laugh out loud tonight! This recipe looks great!

Lindy Loo said...

Eve Love: Good call. Will have to keep an eye out at garage sales this summer.

Ana Banana: alas, that is the most important ingredient of the batch. You leave it out, and you're just gonna have bean mush.

CPNC said...

Awesome, Lindy. I've been thinking about trying Vegan Dad's version for some time. I want to see how they compare with the other sausages I've made. Have you tried the ones in Vegan Brunch? Or the "hot dog" recipe on Just the Food?

Lindy Loo said...

Marla: I haven't. You recommend both?

CPNC said...

I do! I think the Vegan Brunch ones are the best I've had, and they also look the most appealing. The sausage really plumps up inside the aluminum foil, and the recipes are extremely forgiving and easy to mess with. They are definitely sausages, though. Joni's hot dogs from Just the Food are also good. She got the flavoring right on as far as I can tell. I haven't had the meat ones for a long time! They come out looking much like Vegan Dad's, though. I used them to make the ugliest vegan corndogs in the history of the world!

Lindy Loo said...

Corny turd dogs! I like that idea.

Will have to try the vegan brunch ones for sure then if they're that easy. I don't think I even remember noticing that recipe.

Probably cuz I was too busy wearing out the pages of the omelette recipe. Ha ha ha.

CPNC said...

Definitely hit those sausages. They rock. I like to make the cherry sage ones. After steaming, I cut them up and pan fry them slightly. Amazing.

Also, I've done the same thing with the omelette recipe. That shit is fantastic! I just made the scrambled tortillas a few days ago, and we really liked that too.

allularpunk said...

i make this recipe a lot, and love it. it's also fun to tweak the spices around. anyway, re: the fennel seeds, i used to try to crush them (psh, impossible), but the last time i made them didn't even bother and they tasted exactly the same.

ashley-in-chains said...

I use a coffee-grinder (for spices only) to crush (grind) the fennel. Works great and you don't have to be the Incredible Hulk.
Now that my SO has (maybe) celiac, I wish there was a gluten-free way to make these dogs!

Anonymous said...

I found the steaming gave them a consistency I didn't really like. I tried baking them instead and liked them much better. Did anyone else find this or did I just steam them wrong or something?

Rex said...

Nice info here. Keep us these great posts!

Minime said...

Uh great for halloween...I love vegan shit

Wanted to post about something ...similiar for a while but now that i have seen these jewels I really think I have to post soon