Wednesday, October 01, 2008

Yeah That Vegan Crap

Firstly, I'm trying this VeganMoFo thing out this year, but I hate staring at the banner on each entry, so first things first: It's over yonder in the sidebar, bitches. Deal.

Secondly, what's most exciting to me about VeganMoFo is that I'm guaranteed to have more blogs to read throughout the day when I'm feeling so bored that I have the urge to stab myself in the eye with the office scissors. Which happens more frequently than most of us would like to think.

Thirdly, I will post every day I'm able (though I can't guarantee 20 posts this month, simply because some of us don't have computer access more than 4 days a week, so unless you want to buy me a computer--which I will gladly accept and lay nekkid with in my bed and pet like a little toy poodle--you'll have to deal with 4 days a week). ((Somewhere my parenthesis went horribly awry, and now I don't) know where ) to begin( or end them *sob)bing*).)) If I can bring myself to do it though, I will try to post 5 times in 4 days, just to keep the powers that be happy.

Fourthly, your mom.

Fifthly, I just happened across THIS BLOG and I think I wanna rip off all her clothes. Not in a pervy way, but because HER CLOTHES ARE THE CUTEST. Though I guess if an accidental clotheless makeout session took place, it wouldn't be the end of the world.

Sixthly, it seems fitting to begin VeganMoFo with a tawdry, randy new list of The Most Bizarre Google Searches by Which People Stumble Across This Blog (click HERE for previous installments). Especially since the list has accumulated dramatically (and disturbingly) in a very short time.

This month, I offer you google searches in the form of a Q&A session between three stoned people, one of whom has Tourette's. We'll see if you can pick out which one that is.

DUDE #1: Why are vegans so thin?

DUDE #2: SPREADABLE MEAT. Chocolate covered banana shit. Chocolate turns your shit green. Tuna casserole tastes like shit. Picking peanuts out of shit. Expired tofu vomit.


DUDE #1: Sexy parts of the body to lick?

DUDE #2: Hot dress ass.

TOURETTES DUDE: Mother fuck!

DUDE #1: Carol J. Adams will speak about her forthcoming book How to Eat Like a Vegetarian Even If You Never Want to Be One?

DUDE #2: Pussy licious!

TOURETTES DUDE: Vegetable fucking! Vegetable fucking ass!

DUDE #1: Cool vegans?

DUDE #2: Women eating shit porns. Women eating shit then having sex.

TOURETTES DUDE: Veganism is shit!

DUDE #1: Yeah i sometimes think things like that.

DUDE #2: I'm banging a vegan.

DUDE #1: Made little sister eat my shit.


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