Wednesday, October 17, 2007

My Lasagna Can't Get It Up--*Sigh*

Dear Lindy Loo:

I don't know how many times I've heard lasagnas muttering to their ladies "It's not you, it's me" but in this case: It's 100% you. Just because I couldn't get it up last week, just because I was flaccid when I should've been plump and thick and ready to go, is not my fault. You need to GET THE HELL TO THE STORE, BITCH, AND BUY A 9x12 INCH PAN ALREADY! How am I supposed to be all firm and raring to go when you use too big a pan on me? Huh? You tell me. I know we managed to work around this problem last week--I still laid it on you all tasty and juicy, but I just couldn't work it the way I usually do, what with my layers ending up all slip-sliding sloppily everywhere and my juices being slightly dried out. It's because everytime I bend you over all sexy-like, I get to thinking about how you try to jam every recipe into a 10x13 pan, no matter what size pan it calls for, and IT MAKES ME GO ALL CRAZY-LIKE, like having a vision of my mom pop into my head while in the middle of sexing you up. And it just ain't good, bitch. It just ain't good.

And now you're writing a letter to yourself written by me, and SusanV is surely horrified that you've completely disgraced her lasagna recipe by making it speak like a bitch-ass pervert ho, and she's never gonna let you make a recipe of hers again. Way to ruin it for us both!

I don't know if I can take this anymore. I just don't know.




  • 1/2 lb fresh mushrooms, sliced

  • 1 t. chopped garlic

  • 2 T. water

  • 2 26-oz jars of spaghetti sauce (or your favorite pasta sauce)

  • 9 (15 if you use a larger pan) lasagna noodles (regular lasagna noodles, uncooked)

  • Soy Parmesan (optional)

  • Sliced black olives (optional)


  • 10 oz frozen chopped spinach, thawed

  • 1 lb. tofu (firm, reduced-fat recommended--not silken!)

  • 1 t. salt (optional)

  • 2 T. nutritional yeast (adds a cheesy taste)

  • 1 1/2 t. oregano

  • 1/2 t. garlic powder

  • 1 t. basil

  • 1/2 t. rosemary, crushed

  • 1/8 t. cayenne pepper

Sauté the mushrooms and garlic over medium heat in the 2 tbsp. water until tender; cover between stirring to keep them from drying out. Remove from heat and add the spaghetti sauce.

Place the tofu and thawed spinach in the food processor and process briefly. Add the remaining filling ingredients to the processor and blend until smooth. (You may do this without a food processor by using a potato masher on the tofu.)

Preheat the oven to 375 degrees.

Spread half of the sauce in the bottom of a 9x12-inch pan. Place a layer of noodles over the sauce, using three to five dry noodles and leaving a little space in between them. Spread half of the tofu mixture on the noodles (I drop it by spoonfuls and then spread it). Cover with another layer of 3 to 5 noodles and then spread the remaining tofu mixture over them. Top with a final layer of noodles, and pour the remaining sauce over this. Cover the dish tightly with foil, and bake for 30 minutes. Then, remove the foil and bake for another 30 minutes. Remove from the oven and sprinkle with soy Parmesan and sliced black olives if you want. The lasagna will cut better if you allow it to cool for 15 minutes before serving.

(Original recipe from FatFree Vegan Kitchen)

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