Caramel Bars of Ooey Gooey Goodness

Ok. So these bars are the shit. Like seriously: they are the shit. As in, I subbed in corn syrup for the brown rice syrup (because I had extra and needed an excuse to use it up) and I TOTALLY DON'T FEEL BAD ABOUT IT 'cause even though I may end up in hell, being thwacked by a sweaty, whip-wielding Michael Pollan, IT WAS TOTALLY WORTH IT. That's how good they are. Use brown rice syrup when you make them, just so you don't end up blaspheming like me. (But if you DO end up using corn syrup, I seriously think even God will forgive you because FOR THE LOVE OF GOD THEY'RE SO GODDAMN GOOD.) Just sayin'.

INGREDIENTS:

Crust


• 2 c. all-purpose flour


• 1/3 c. dark brown sugar


• ¼ t. ground cinnamon


• ¼ t. baking powder


• Large pinch of salt


• ¾ c. non-hydrogenated margarine, slightly softened


Topping


• 3 T. cornstarch


• 1/3 c. non-dairy milk (soy, rice, almond, etc.)


• 1½ c. dark brown sugar


• 1/3 c. brown rice syrup


• 2 T. melted non hydrogenated margarine


• 2 t. pure vanilla extract


• ¼ t. salt


• 2 c. coarsely chopped pecans

DIRECTIONS

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Line a 9 by 13-inch baking pan with aluminium foil, making sure the foil completely covers the sides of the pan, with about 2 inches folded outside over the edges. Spray the bottom and sides of the pan generously with non-stick cooking spray

In a mixing bowl, combine the flour, brown sugar, cinnamon, baking powder and salt. Use a pastry cutter or two knives held together to cut in the margarine until the mixture resembles fine crumbs. Pour crumbs into the prepared baking pan and press down evenly and very firmly, making sure to press the mixture all the way to the edges of the pan.

Bake the crust for 8 to 10 minutes until very firm and very lightly browned. Remove the pan from the oven and set it aside.

In a large bowl, whisk together the cornstarch and non-dairy milk until foamy. Stir in the dark brown sugar, brown rice syrup, melted margarine, vanilla and salt, until smooth. Fold in the pecans and pour the mixture onto the crust, using a spatula to spread the topping evenly.

Return the pan to the oven and bake for 28 to 30 minutes, or until the filling is rapidly bubbling. Place the pain on a wire rack to cool for 20 minutes; then move it to the refrigerator to finish cooling and setting. Chill for at least two hours, or, even better, overnight.

To slide completely cooled bars, grab hold of the foil and carefully lift the whole thing out of the pan and onto a heavy cutting board.

Peel away the foil and cut bars with a heavy, sharp knife.

(Recipe from Vegan Cookies Invade Your Cookie Jar, reposted at Vegan Gourmet Caravan)

Carrot Cake Cupcakes, A Picture Tour

Yesterday my friend Duvi and I




baked vegan carrot cake cupcakes for the celebration of the birth of this fine gentleman (who is looking very pleased in this pic, quite possibly because he's SURROUNDED BY SOME OF THE FINEST, MOST DELICIOUS WOMEN IN CLEVELAND--just sayin'):




We grated and spooned...




and baked and frosted...




And sweat our asses off with our efforts.

And the end result was these little beauties:




Which were taken to a very drunken karaoke night. The cupcakes impressed many, especially when folks found out they were vegan. The birthday boy had at least three, and one of his friends very sheepishly but voraciously also came back for thirds.

Eaters of the cupcakes:





In total, 11 were consumed and the twelfth actually knocked my friend Duvi over in her chair, SPLITTING THE BACK OF THE CHAIR IN TWO.

Broken chair:




Them's some fucking POWERFUL cupcakes is what I'm saying.

Try them. Just buckle yourself in first.




Carrot Cake Cupcakes

INGREDIENTS:

• 2/3 c. all-purpose flour


• 3/4 t. baking soda


• 1/4 t. baking powder


• 1/4 t. pinch of salt


• 1/4 t. ground cinnamon


• 1/4 t. ground ginger


• 2/3 c. sugar


• 1/3 c. vegetable oil


• 1/3 c. soy yogurt (plain or vanilla)


• 1 t. vanilla


• 1 c. finely grated carrots


• 1/4 c. of chopped walnuts


• 1/4 c. raisins

DIRECTIONS

Preheat oven to 350°. Line muffin tin with cupcake liners (preferably the kickass ones you found at Heinen that have piratey skulls & crossbones all over them).

In a medium mixing bowl, mix together sugar, vegetable oil, yogurt, and vanilla. Sift in the dry ingredients (flour, baking soda, baking powder, salt, and spices) and mix until smooth. Fold in carrots , walnuts, and raisins.

Spray the cupcake liners with nonstick baking spray. Fill the liners two-thirds full (don’t overfill! See photos above). Bake for 26 to 28 minutes (for full size) or 20 minutes (for mini), until a toothpick inserted through the center of one comes out clean.

Once fully cooled, top generously with cream cheese frosting.



Cream Cheese Frosting

INGREDIENTS:

• 1/4 c. margarine, softened


• 1/4 c. vegan cream cheese, softened


• 2 c. confectioners sugar


• 1 tsp. vanilla extract

DIRECTIONS

Cream together margarine and cream cheese until just combined. Use a handheld mixer to whip while adding the confectioners sugar in 1/2 cup batches. Mix until smooth and creamy, then mix in vanilla. Keep tightly covered and refrigerated until ready to use.

(Recipes from Vegan Cupcakes Take Over the World: 75 Dairy-Free Recipes for Cupcakes that Rule, reposted at Simply Sifted)

Yay to Brain Normality Brownies!!!

So I mentioned my three stank-ass bananas just the other day. And, oh doubters, I know you've been doubting up a storm thinking all sorts of doubtfulness about my doubtful assertion that I'd post pictures and a recipe. So

IN YOUR FACE-LOVING FACE!!!

The brownies above are actually naked, modified versions of the banana split brownies in Vegan with a Vengeance, but nonetheless: so so so so good. And banana-y. The only major changes I made with the recipe were to account for the fact that I only had 1 and a half cups of mushy bananas. So everything you see listed below for the topping layer: I halved it, and yet it still came out scrumptious. I also didn't slice up bananas to throw on top either. Next time I make these though, I definitely definitely will, because their glorious ooey gooeyness would surely be amped up by a sweet layer of delicious banana slices.

My opinion of the recipe? I have yet to find a vegan brownies recipe that captures the consistency of brownies dead-on. I tried ones that were really really close at Foodgazi. But baking them myself: they always seem more cake-like or (in the opposite extreme), more mush, than your average brownie. That being said: these were lacking in the slightly crumbly density of a heavy-duty brownie, but what they were lacking in density they made up for in both flavor and moistness. They are fudgy and delicious, and I would definitely make them again. With some extra sloppy bananas on top. That's what she said!



INGREDIENTS:

BROWNIES

• 4 oz. semisweet chocolate, chopped (or 2/3 c. semisweet chocolate chips)


• 1 c. very ripe banana, mashed (about 2 large)


• 1/3 c. canola oil


• 1 c. sugar


• 1 t. vanilla extract


• 3/4 c. all-purpose flour


• 1/4 c. cocoa powder


• 1/4 t. baking soda


• 1/8 t. salt

TOPPING LAYER

• 1 cup very ripe banana, mashed


• 2 tablespoons sugar


• 1/4 cup soymilk


• 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract


• 1 tablespoon arrowroot or corn starch

DIRECTIONS

Preheat oven to 350°F.

Spray a 9x13-inch baking pan with nonstick cooking spray or very lightly grease with oil. Alternately you can also line your pan with parchment paper.

TO MAKE THE BROWNIE BATTER: Melt the chocolate by placing in a pan or heat-proof mixing bowl over a small pot of boiling water. (Or you can melt it at 50% power in the microwave.) Stir with a heatproof spatula until completely melted, then remove from heat and set aside to cool.

In a large mixing bowl, combine 1 cup of mashed banana, the oil, and the sugar. Use a handheld mixer to beat everything together for about a minute. If you don't have a mixer, use a strong fork and mix for about 3 minutes. Mix in the vanilla and melted chocolate.

In a separate bowl, sift together the flour, cocoa powder, baking soda, and salt. Add this to the banana mixture in batches, mixing with the hand mixer as you go along. Mix for about 1 minute more.

PREPARE THE BANANA TOPPING: In a small bowl, combine all topping ingredients and mix with the hand mixer (remember to rinse the beaters off first) for about a minute.

TO ASSEMBLE AND BAKE THE BROWNIES: Spread the brownie batter evenly into baking pan. Pour the banana topping over that and spread evenly.

Bake for 30 minutes. Remove from oven and let cool.

After about 15 minutes, move it to the fridge until fully cooled.

Cut into twelve squares, place a few slices of banana on top of each portion, and serve.


(Recipe from Vegan with a Vengeance, posted at Food.com)

Lilly Handmade Chocolates: How Sweet It is

So I won a couple gift certificates for Halloween (I won Most Gruesome Costume for my Carrie costume), and one was for Lilly Handmade Chocolates in my neighborhood. So you can only imagine my IMMENSE glee when I found that they actually sell some vegan chocolates.

The shoppe itself is super cute, bedecked with rows of beer and wine and other alcoholic sundries. And in the back are the chocolates, the sweet divine chocolates. You pick them out ($11 for 6 pieces is what I redeemed my gift certificate on), and Lilly herself boxes them up for you, with a cheerful smile and pink hair ablaze.



I got two of each of the following chocolates (pictured from left to right):



After Midnight--"Bitter chocolate stout mixed with intense dark chocolate for a crazy rich fan favorite!"

The Redhead--"She stands out in a crowd and loves the attention! Intense dark chocolate truffle that is filled with a blueberry vintage port ganache."

In the Pink--This one's not listed out on the website, but it was our favorite of the three and I think it was cranberries in a berry drink of some sort.

We nibbled on them out on my roof on an unseasonably warm night and lavished in their rich flavors. They were rich enough that I was only able to eat two of them in one sitting.

The Chomp Monster was much the same:



Since I had $4 still left after the 6 chocolates, I also got this chocolate bar to round the gift certificate up. The Chomp Monster is "a fan favorite! Dark chocolate with Black Mission Figs, Roasted English Walnuts & just a touch of Sea Salt" and it actually was my favorite of them all as well. The mix of the figs and the salty bite of sea salt mingling with the crunchy sweetness of the walnuts was AMAZING. And even though the bar was $5, it took me a few days to eat it all, it's that rich.

So: my point. If you're in Tremont, swing by Lilly Handmade Chocolates and hug her the hell up for being vegan-friendly. And then DEFINITELY pick up the Chomp Monster. I promise you won't be disappointed.

BeverleeWhatWhat!!!!

(for the lovely Beverlee who told me I'm a lot less scary in real life--and then I bit her ear off to prove her wrong)

Ladies & gents: If your orgasm could have an orgasm, this is what it would look like:



My new love (and the reason I will probably gain about 30 lbs. in the next week):

A warm vegan waffle topped with Mocha Fudge-Swirl soy ice cream, drizzled in Hershey's chocolate syrup.

So good it should be illegal. (And if it WERE illegal, I would be a total waffle-ice cream bootlegger, HAVE NO DOUBT. I'd be the dude on the right. With a bad-ass bootleg scar on my face from taking on the pigs when they came to raid my waffles.)



(Have a safe move to Cali, Ms. B! It was a pleasure meeting you!)

Like Jumping Out of the Closet at 3am WITH Choco-Blueberry Muffins

Even though some of you may think it sucks that I've stopped posting regularly (I'm having a bout of lazy, what can I say?), you should actually be excited. 'Cause now when I post, it'll be a surprise, kind of like when your kid brother jumps out of the closet at you at like 3 in the morning when you're groggily going to take a leak and you about have a fucking heart attack. Except better.

So there.

Anyways, since I last posted, I've made quite a few more recipes from Vegan Brunch and concluded that Vegan Brunch is hands down my favorite Isa cookbook. I love Veganomicon and Vegan with a Vengeance too, of course. All three are the cookbooks I use most regularly. But Vegan Brunch: Jesus. It's blowing my fucking MIND with the quality of the recipes. AND the ease. I think that's what I've been digging too. All the ones I've made so far have been SO EASY but taste mind-blowing despite that: particularly the broccoli quiche (stay tuned) and the omelets.

The only thing I've made that I really really didn't like thus far (and I think it might be partially that my oregano was so oregano-y and potent and crunchy) was the Scrambled Tortillas, which I was really surprised about 'cause I thought for SURE I'd love them. But *looking around to make sure no one else is listening* I actually ended up throwing these away. (I know I know--I don't like to waste food at all, but something was so gross about them that I couldn't eat them; truly though, I suspect my oregano):

On the yummy front though, I tried out the coffee chip muffins, but with changes that made them not coffee at all. (I cheated. I wanted to make blueberry chocolate chip muffins for ye lil' intern of mine, so I decided to tweak them to that instead, and they came out really well actually). I've posted a link to a copy of the original recipe that someone posted, but the one below is my tweaked version (with changes from the original asterisked).

I *do* plan to try out the original at some point as well, if I ever have instant coffee on me (which means never--who drinks instant coffee?!?! Blorf).

Choco-Blueberry Chip Muffins



INGREDIENTS:

• 1 c. almond milk (or your favorite nondairy milk)


• 1 T. cocoa powder*


• 1 t. apple cider vinegar


• 2 c. all-purpose flour


• 1/2 c. sugar


• 1 T. baking powder


• 1/2 t. salt


• 1/2 c. canola oil


• 1 t. pure vanilla extract


• 1/2 c. chocolate chips


• 3/4 to 1 c. frozen blueberries*

DIRECTIONS

Preheat the oven to 375-F. Lightly grease a muffin tin.

In a large measuring cup, measure out 1/2 cup of milk. Stir in the cocoa and mix to dissolve. Stir in the rest of the milk and the vinegar and set aside.

In a large mixing bowl, stir together the flour, sugar, baking powder, and salt. Make a well in the center and add the milk mixture, oil, and vanilla. Mix together until the batter is just moistened, being careful not to overmix. Fold in the chocolate chips and blueberries.

Use an ice cream scoop to drop the batter into the muffin tin, filling it about three-quarters full. Bake for 22-26 minutes, until a knife or toothpick inserted through the center of a muffin comes out clean. Let cool a but until you can remove the muffins and transfer them to cooling racks to cool the rest of the way.

(Original coffee chip muffin recipe posted at When in Doubt... Leave it at 350, from Vegan Brunch)

Mmmmmmm, Cakey!

So: CAKE.

I really think it may be my favorite thing to make. It's just so EASY and yet, with some easily souped-up frosting, so GODDAMN GOOD. And it's a giving-type food: I rarely bake one except when I'm baking it FOR someone. And I like that. It's kind of a love-food.

But honestly, baking 3 cakes in one day SHOULD BE AVOIDED AT ALL COSTS WHENEVER POSSIBLE. I seriously felt angry with cake when I'd gotten through the first two and realized I still had one more to bake. And then I felt pitiful and weepy. And then angry again.

It was an emotional kitchen day.

Anyways, I've been holding off on posting any of the cake recipes I used mainly because I hadn't actually TRIED a slice of each of the cakes I baked.

But yesterday, I finally nibbled on some vanilla, so I can now legitimately offer up some successful recipes to you.

Recipes for the chocolate cakes can actually be found HERE. I used that basic chocolate cake recipe (which is a good one) but filled up a (well-greased) 9x13 pan instead of two cake pans. The oreo one actually ended up a little bit overbaked and dry, unfortunately, so just keep your eye on that oven-timer and poke away with some forks. I think I may have actually gotten away with baking it 5 or 10 minutes less than the original recipe calls for.






The vanilla cake I snagged from the Vegan Chef. This one I actually ended up baking 5 or 10 minutes MORE than the recipe called for, mostly because it didn't even look or feel at all stable when the 30 minutes went by. But it was rich buttery vanilla-ish for sure, and I'd definitely use the recipe again. The only change I really made to it was to sub in more vanilla for the almond extract, mostly because I didn't have any at home.


VANILLA WHITE CAKE

                          from The Vegan Chef

INGREDIENTS:

• 1-1/3 c. unbleached cane sugar


• 1/2 c. non-hydrogenated vegan margarine


• 3 c. unbleached flour


• 1 T. baking powder


• 3/4 t. salt


• 2 c. soy milk, rice milk, or other non-dairy milk of choice


• 1 T. vanilla


• 1 t. almond extract (or 1 extra t. vanilla)

DIRECTIONS

Lightly oil a 9x13-inch pan and set aside.

Place the sugar and margarine in a large mixing bowl, and cream together until light and fluffy using an electric mixer.

In another bowl, sift together the flour, baking powder and salt.

Add dry ingredients into the creamed mixture, alternating with the soy milk, and continuing to beat the mixture well between each addition.

Add the vanilla and almond extract and beat the mixture an additional 2 minutes at medium speed.

Pour the batter into the prepared pan.

Bake at 350 degrees for 30 minutes or until an inserted toothpick comes out clean.

Yield: One 9x13-inch cake

(Recipe from The Vegan Chef)





So there's the cakes.

As for the FROSTINGS, the buttercream is from Vegan Cupcakes Take Over the World and can be found HERE. The only difference between the buttercream and the oreo-buttercream is--obviously--oreos. So you can choose whether to add them in or keep them out.

The frosting on my double-chocolate cake was the Rich Chocolate Ganache recipe, also from Vegan Cupcakes. And I've gotta say, although I'm a big endorser of super sickeningly spun-sugary sweet whipped mounds of gloriously tooth-achy fluffy frosting, my favorite of the bunch actually ended up being the ganache. There's just something about the maple-iness of it (and I didn't even use the good maple syrup, or good chocolate for that matter). And the consistency. And how it was just so ooey gooey rich. *Drooling again* So I definitely recommend. One batch of it can easily frost a 9x13 cake and should probably be plenty for a layered 9" circular cake as well.




RICH CHOCOLATE GANACHE TOPPING

                                      from Vegan Cupcakes Take Over the World

INGREDIENTS:

• 1/4 c. soy milk


• 4 oz. semisweet chocolate, chopped


• 2 T. pure maple syrup

DIRECTIONS

Bring the soy milk to a gentle boil in a small sauce pan. Immediately remove from heat and add the chocolate and maple syrup. Use a rubber heatproof spatula to mix the chocolate until it is fully melted and smooth. Set aside at room temperature till ready to use.

(Recipe originally from Vegan Cupcakes Take Over the World, posted at Funky Jiva)



So there you go. Your wish is my command, Eat a Vegan!

Chocolate Caramel Anti-Blue-Balls Crack(ers)

                          from Smitten Kitchen

Jeebus! What with the threat of folks getting cracker blue balls, I figured I'd better post the recipe as quick as possible.

I promise: Your balls will love them, and will surely stay their natural color now.

They are reminiscent of Skor bars. Kind of sort of. And they're easy simple peasy to make. And kind of fun.

But yes, they ARE addicting. So ONLY MAKE THEM WHEN YOU HAVE LOTS OF PEOPLE AROUND TO HELP YOU EAT THEM, OKAY? If you don't heed my warning and gain 50 lbs from gorging on them with your non-blue balls, you only have yourself to blame.



INGREDIENTS:

• 40 Saltine crackers or crackers of your choice (or 4 to 6 sheets matzo)


• 1 c. vegan margarine, cut into a few large pieces


• 1 cup packed light brown sugar


• A big pinch of sea salt


• 1/2 t. pure vanilla extract


• 1-1/2 c. semi- or bittersweet chocolate chips (or chopped bittersweet or semisweet chocolate)


• 1 c. toasted chopped almonds, pecans, walnuts or a nut of your choice (optional)


• Extra sea salt for sprinkling (optional)

DIRECTIONS

Preheat the oven to 350-F. Line an 11-by-17-inch baking sheet completely with foil, and then line the base of the foil with parchment paper, cut to fit.

Line the bottom of the baking sheet with crackers. It'll be easy as pie: like 8 rows of 5 or something like that.

In a medium heavy-duty saucepan, melt the butter and brown sugar together, and stir it over medium heat until it begins to boil. Once it has begun boiling, let it bubble for three more minutes, stirring it well. It will thicken a bit as it cooks. Remove from the heat and add the salt and vanilla, and then quickly pour it over the matzo or crackers. You'll want to spread it quickly, as it will begin to set as soon as it is poured.

Bake the caramel-covered crackers for 15 minutes, watching carefully as it will bubble and the corners might darken too quickly and/or burn. You can reduce the heat if you see this happening.

Remove from oven and immediately cover with chocolate chips. Let stand five minutes, and then spread them evenly across the caramel. An offset spatula works great here. If you're using them, sprinkle the chocolate with toasted chopped nuts and/or sea salt. (The sea salt is great on matzo. On Saltines, it's really not necessary.)

Once completely cool -- I sometimes speed this process up in the fridge, impatient as should be expected in the face of caramel crack(ers) -- break it into pieces and store it in a container. It should keep for a week but I've never seen it last that long.

(Recipe originally from Smitten Kitchen)

Peanut Butter Coffee Cake

                                       from Crazy Vegan Mom


My absolute favorite part of this recipe is that there's a banana inexplicably in it. And I don't mean, "Oh, THAT'S kind of a strange idea, using a banana in this recipe." I mean, "There's a banana in this recipe, BUT IT NEVER SAYS WHAT TO DO WITH IT!"

Which of course made me start day-dreaming while I was putting this together. And I thought to myself, Well, maybe Crazy Vegan Mom really IS kind of crazy, and she's decided to be a healthful deviant and start listing out unnecessary fruit in recipes in an attempt to get people eating better--that way they'll BUY the ingredient and, after suddenly realizing that the recipe never explains what to actually DO with it, they'll instead chow down on it so as not to make it go to waste. Which would be really kind of brilliant.

And THEN I was like, Even better: Maybe Crazy Vegan Mom is like this awesome radical sex-promoting feminist, and she was like, I will start putting random bananas in recipes because, well, if you've got a banana in your hand and 30 minutes of baking time to kill, um... you get my drift. And that would be even MORE super-brilliant.

By the time I'd finished crafting all these tales in my head, I gave in to the reality of the situation, which was that the banana probably just got left out of the directions.

Anticlimactic.

But not surprising, seeing as everything in my head seems to be WAY more crazy-ass weird than in the real world.

Needless to say, I've added banana-directions below.

Banana-ramble now complete, let us discuss this recipe:

Holy moly mother of god, this really is a damn good coffee cake recipe. And I was highly highly skeptical. Not for any real reason other than that the batter seriously freaked me out by having a total Blob moment and almost completely swallowing up my electric mixer in a way that seriously had me concerned that this would happen:



That in turn got me humming the theme song of the 1958 Steve McQueen version of The Blob while I used my electric mixer, which seriously is like THE best horror movie theme-song ever.

You MUST listen to it if you've never heard--it will get stuck in your head the rest of the day: CLICK TO DO IT!

I am A.D.D. recipe-style today. My apologies.

Anyways, seriously: despite the banana weirdness, and despite the Blob, this was seriously fantastic coffee cake. Dense, moist, and awesomely peanut-buttery. I really highly recommend this recipe.

Two bananas up to Crazy Vegan Mom!

INGREDIENTS:

Topping:


• 1/2 c. packed light-brown sugar


• 1/2 c. unbleached all-purpose flour


• 1/4 c peanut butter


• 3 T. margarine


Cake:


• 2 1/4 c. unbleached all-purpose flour


• 1 c. packed brown sugar


• 2 t. baking powder


• 1/2 t. baking soda


• 1/4 t. salt


• 1 c. soy milk


• 1/2 c. peanut butter


• 1 ripe banana, mashed


• 1/4 c. (1/2 stick) margarine

DIRECTIONS

Preheat the oven to 375-F. Grease a 9 x 13-inch baking pan.

For the topping, mix the brown sugar and flour. With a pastry knife, a fork, or your fingers, cut in the peanut butter and margarine until crumbly; set aside.

For the cake, combine the flour, brown sugar, baking powder, baking soda, and salt. Add the soy milk, banana, peanut butter and margarine. Beat until smooth, about 3 minutes with an electric mixer. Pour into the baking pan and sprinkle with the topping.

Bake for 30 minutes or until a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean.

Makes 12 -16 servings

(Recipe from Crazy Vegan Mom)

Chocolate Cake with Oreo Buttercream Frosting

                                       from Vegweb and Vegan Cupcakes Take Over the World


*Shouting at the top of my lungs*

CAKE!

CAKE!

IT'S NO FAKE!

FECES

FECES

CHOCOLATE CAKE!

*/end shouting*

I made this for me and my brother since our b-days are 2 days apart (there's actually 3 of us born within the same week--yes, my parents apparently only shacked up once a year in the spring, and then they were done for the rest of the year). We ate it while half-groggy and slightly tanked.

It is the easy chocolate cake from Vegweb. And boy was it easy. *COUchocolateSLUT'SmorelikeitGH*

I was able to bake it in two cake pans. It was nice and moist. And it was delightfully chocolatey.

I topped it with the fluffy buttercream frosting from Vegan Cupcakes Take Over the World which is like the best frosting recipe ever. Half the frosting I added crushed oreos to, so as you can see, the cake is half and half.






EASY VEGAN CHOCOLATE CAKE

INGREDIENTS:

• 3 c. flour


• 2 c. sugar


• 6 T. cocoa


• 2 t. baking soda


• 1 t. salt


• 2 c. water


• 3/4 c. vegetable oil


• 2 T. vinegar


• 2 t. vanilla

DIRECTIONS

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Mix dry ingredients first. Once the mixture is even, mix in wet ingredients. Continue mixing until you obtain an even batter (no lumps). Pour into a cake pan and bake for approximately 40 minutes.

(Recipe from Vegweb)





FLUFFY BUTTERCREAM FROSTING

INGREDIENTS:

• 1/2 c. nonhydrogenated shortening


• 1/2 c. nonhydrogenated margarine


• 3 1/2 c. powdered sugar, sifted if clumpy


• 1 1/2 t. vanilla extract


• 1/4 c. plain soy milk or soy creamer

DIRECTIONS

Beat the shortening and margarine together until well combined and fluffy.

Add the sugar and beat for about 3 more minutes.

Add the vanilla and soy milk, and beat for another 5 to 7 minutes until fluffy.

Variation:Cookies 'n' Cream Frosting (pictured): Stir into frosting 1/2 cup (about 5 cookies; mash first, then measure) of finely mashed vegan chocolate cream-filled sandwich cookies, like Newman-O's.

(Recipe from Vegan Cupcakes Take Over the World, reposted at Chow)

Crumb Cake

                                       from VeganYumYum


N/A didn't put Bac-os on this. So: TWO THUMBS UP!!

Ha.

But even though N/A and I were on the same page about the Bac-os for once, I *DO* think this recipe needed something more.

Does that mean this recipe is a bad one?

Heck no.

The problem is that I can't really be too objective when:

1. I like chocolate.


2. This did not have chocolate.


3. I like cakes with tons of frosting.


4. This cake had no frosting.


5. Though I love vanilla in things, I do not like things whose core flavor is "vanilla."


6. I associate anything that's "Vanilla" in title to be "absent of flavor." Vanilla ice cream? Ice cream that has not yet been flavored.


7. This is essentially a "vanilla cake."


8. Somehow, despite the fact that the crumb topping is an all-out fucktastic sugar-fest, it wasn't sugary enough for me.


9. Or crumb-cake-y-topping-ish enough for me.


10. Or something.


11. It mostly just tasted a little bit floury.


12. Then again I did not use molasses. I followed the original (asterisked) directions.


13. E = MC[2]


14. My crumbs were not as moist.


15. They were also not as pretty and sexy and caramel-esque-looking as Lo Lo's.


16. Which reminds me: Sidenote--yesterday I ate this apple THAT TOTALLY SMELLED LIKE A CARAMEL APPLE but wasn't caramel at all. I kept sniffing it. And thinking: damn you smell like a caramel apple. And then I'd eat it and imagine it as a caramel apple, and it almost DID taste like one. But it wasn't!!!!


17. This cake is easy.


18. Not easy like a Phi Delta Kappa sorority girl, but like: simple.


19. That was nice.


20. It's also pretty.


21. And vanilla-y.


22. Your mom is simple.


23. And vanilla-y.


24. Touche.

So yes: this probably is a really good cake recipe. But it just may not be my kind of cake.

INGREDIENTS:

Crumb Topping

• 8 T. (1/2 c.) Earth Balance Margarine, melted


• 2/3 c. granulated sugar*


• 1 t. molasses


• 3/4 t. cinnamon


• 1 pinch salt


• 1-3/4 c. flour (cake flour or all-purpose)


*The original recipe calls for 1/3 cup granulated sugar and 1/3 cup brown sugar. I was out of brown sugar, so I used only granulated sugar with added molasses. Afterall, that's how brown sugar is made commercially-they simply add molasses back into the sugar after processing.

Cake

• 1-1/4 c. flour


• 1/2 c. granulated sugar


• 1/2 t. baking powder


• 1/4 t. salt


• 1/3 c. canola oil (or 6 T. Earth Balance Margarine, softened)


• 1/3 c. soymilk + 1 t. apple cider vinegar (or lemon juice)


• 1 T. cornstarch mixed with 1/4 c. water


• 1-2 t. vanilla extract


• Powdered sugar, for dusting

DIRECTIONS
Preheat the oven to 350 F.

Whisk the still-warm melted earth balance with the sugar, molasses, cinnamon and salt. Mix in the flour with a spoon, or your hands, until a thick dough forms, similar to the texture of cookie dough. Let sit to cool for about 10 minutes. It should be ready when after you've put together the batter for the cake.

Line an 8x8 pan with aluminum foil (two sheets in a cross formation, leaving excess draped over the edges to help you remove the cake later). Spray with vegetable oil. Whisk together the flour, sugar, baking powder, and salt. Add oil, soymilk mixture, cornstarch mixture and vanilla extract. Whisk until smooth, but do not overmix.

Add the batter to the lined pan. Begin to break apart the crumb mixture into smaller, pea sized pieces. Cover the batter evenly with all the crumb mixture. It will seem like a lot! Use it all, as the cake will expand and the crumb mixture is tasty.

Bake for 40-50 minutes at 350F, or until the crumbs are slightly browned and a toothpick in the center of the cake comes out clean. Use the toothpick to push over a crumb or two in the middle an make sure the top doesn't look gooey (I went the whole 50 minutes).

Grab the aluminum foil and gently lift the cake out to cool for 20-30 minutes on a cooling rack. Give it a nice dusting of powdered sugar, slice and serve.

Serves 9.

(Recipe from VeganYum Yum)

Vegan Ice Cream Cake Bar!

So my plan for my sister's b-day (which fell on T-day this year) was to make individual little ice cream cakes for everyone. I used the Vegan Cupcakes Take Over the World chocolate cupcake recipe and doubled it to make two cakes. I then cut out individual little circle-cakes with a glass (the two cakes yielded about 7 of them). My plan was then to coat each cake with a mixture of caramel and oreo cookies and then use one of my martini glasses to shape the ice cream into a cone-shape on each cake. I then planned on drizzling fudge over each of them and serving them with soy whipped cream.

But, as with most well-intentioned plans, things went awry: The caramel sauce was thin and drizzly instead of thicker as I'd assumed from the recipe which said the sauce was "thick but pourable at room temperature." It was not. However, I *did* use cornstarch instead of arrowroot. So that could've been the problem, although they SHOULD be relatively interchangeable (3:2 ratio of cornstarch to arrowroot). Nonetheless: I was forced to change plans and instead decided to reverse things up and make an oreo-fudge layer for the cake-tops and use the caramel to drizzle all over everything. Fine and good. But then I tried to shape the ice cream and realized that there was NO way in hell THAT was gonna work.

Then: KABBLAM! Ephiphany! Ice cream cake bar!!!!



I knew my sister would love it, so when it came time for dessert, I brought out one of the boring little plain individual cakes with some candles in it. Disappointing surely. But after she blew out the candles, I announced that--taddah!--there was an ice cream cake bar. Woot woot! Cafeteria style, I laid out oreo-fudge, caramel sauce, oreos, vanilla and chocolate ice cream, and soy whip, and everyone lined up and made their own ice cream cakes.

It rocked.

This is my sister thinking to herself: Boy does this ice cream cake bar rock! And also, Boy do I hate you and your motherf-ing camera.



Had I thought of this plan initially, I probably would've just made the chocolate cupcake recipe AS chocolate cupcakes instead of cake and served THOSE for the ice cream cake bar instead, because as it was, I have a contained of misshapen cake-fragments left over from cutting out mini-cake circles. But hey: you live and learn, you know?

So although there isn't a specific recipe for the cake in its entirety, I am posting the two sauce recipes, since they were both really delish. The caramel sauce is thin and drizzly and uber-sweet. The fudge is thick and dense, a little bit difficult to work with and thin out (perhaps a bit more soy milk would've helped) but seriously fricking fantastic.

Enjoy!



CARAMEL SAUCE

INGREDIENTS:

• 1/2 c. Earth Balance or other vegan margarine


• 2 c. brown sugar


• 3/4 c. soy creamer or soy milk (or other non-dairy milk)


• 2 T. arrowroot (or 3 T. cornstarch)

DIRECTIONS

Combine 1/4 cup soy creamer with the arrowroot. Set aside.

Melt the Earth Balance in a saucepan. Stir in brown sugar. Add remaining 1/2 cup soy creamer. Bring liquid to a boil and boil for 4 minutes, stirring frequently.

Take the pan off the heat and immediately add arrowroot slurry. The liquid should thicken quickly.

Pour over ice cream! Or store in fridge for up to one week.

(Recipe from the ppk)




OREO FUDGE SAUCE

INGREDIENTS:

• 1/2 c. cocoa or carob powder


• 2 T. cornstarch


• 1 1/4 c. soy milk, rice milk, or other non-dairy milk of choice


• 1/2 c. maple syrup


• 1 t. vanilla


• 12 to 15 oreo cookies, ground

DIRECTIONS

In a small bowl, sift together the cocoa and cornstarch.

Transfer the cocoa mixture to a small saucepan and whisk 1/2 cups soy milk into the cocoa mixture. Add the remaining soy milk and maple syrup to saucepan and whisk well to combine.

Cook the mixture over medium heat, while whisking constantly, for 2-3 minutes or until it forms a thick sauce. (It will happen all the sudden--like BLAM! Suddenly thick!)

Remove the saucepan from the heat and whisk in the vanilla. Stir in the oreo cookie crumbles.

Serve warm as a topping for cakes, desserts, non-dairy ice cream or sorbet, or as a dipping sauce for fruit. Store in an airtight container, in the refrigerator, and reheat as needed.

(Recipe adapted from The Vegan Chef)

Pumpkin Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Pecan Cookies

                        from Cupcake Punk

Hmmmm. Apparently I shouldn't wait so long to post about a recipe, because when I do, I sometimes kind of forget my thoughts on the recipe. Which doesn't make for the most useful of recipe-postings.

Case in point: These Pumpkin Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Pecan Cookies. I think I made them about three weeks ago. And boy were they... ummm... cookie-ish! Like, they were SO cookie-ish that I was like, Wow: Cookies. And the pumpkin was so very... pumpkiny. And you'd think the pecans would be pecany, but they were chocolate-chippy if you can believe that! Oh wait. No. My bad, the chocolate chips were what was so chocolate-chippy. And also, I mean, talk about round and slightly lumpy-ish like, in that way that cookies are? Totally the case. Again, perfect examples of the existence of cookies.

Yeah.

And what further complicates the issue when I wait too long to blog about a dessert recipe is the fact that I will pretty much eat ANYTHING if it's sweet. So although I *DO* remember plowing through a good dozen of these by myself over the course of no more than a couple of days, given my love of sugary desserts, that means absolutely nothing. They could've tasted like sugar-covered dookie, and I would've been like, "Dookie me up some more dookie, o sugar-covered dookie!"

Like, this weekend I bought this GLORIOUS vegan oreo cookie cupcake at Nature's Bin as a treat. This thing was like sugar from heaven. Seriously: it was like 2/3 frosting, 1/3 cake. Which is pretty much exactly the way I love cake. And by that I mean Screw cake--I really just love frosting.

Anyways, I decided to chow down on this cupcake on Friday night, and seriously: I was a little bit concerned that I was going to die. Of sugar. Like my death certificate would read Cause of death: Sugar:

ME (eating cupcake): moan

N-A: What's the matter?

ME: I think this is the sugariest thing I've ever eaten. In my whole life.

N-A: Um. Then stop eating it.

ME: But it's SOOOOOO good. (taking another bite)

N-A: stares at me as though I am ridiculous

ME: Blorf. Oh my god.

N-A: Seriously. Stop eating it.

ME: I don't want to waste it though. 'Cause it's sooooo good. (shoveling in another bite and leaving one last bite remaining) Dammit. (moaning again) I can't do it. I think if I try to eat it I will die. Like actually die. Or throw up. Ungh.

N-A: rolling eyes

So yeah. Things I can vouch for with these cookies: They had sugar in them. They were cookie-ish. And I ate at least a dozen in two days. Which means they were either good or terrible. So if you like cookie-ish cookies, you'll love these. Cookies!

INGREDIENTS:

• 1 c. Earth Balance, room temperature


• 1 c. packed brown sugar


• 1 c. granulated sugar


• 1 c. pumpkin puree


• 1 T. apple butter or apple sauce


• 1 t. vanilla extract


• 2 c. all-purpose flour


• 1-1/3 c. quick or old-fashioned oats


• 1 t. baking soda


• 1 t. ground cinnamon


• 1 t. ground cardamom (I omitted this 'cause I didn't have any)


• 1/2 t. salt


• 1 c. chocolate chips


• 1/2 c. chopped pecans

DIRECTIONS
Preheat the oven to 350F.

Beat the Earth Balance and sugars together until light and fluffy, about 3 minutes.

Add the apple butter/sauce, vanilla, and pumpkin puree and beat for another 3 minutes.

In a separate bowl combine the flour, oats, baking soda, salt, cardamom and cinnamon and whisk together. Slowly add it to the butter mixture until just combined, being sure to scrape down the sides and bottom once or twice to ensure even mixing.

Fold in the chocolate chips and pecans. Drop spoonfuls of dough on cookie sheets lined with parchment paper.

Bake for 13-15 minutes. Allow to cool on the tray for a minute or two to set, then move to a wire rack to finish cooling.

(recipe from Cupcake Punk)

The Tale of the Scone-Loving Dame

                                      from VwaV


So last week, I crushed out. I'm on the lam, and I bump into this cat from back in the day. He and I are chinning, and I says, "Don't be a bunny, baby. I'm a (vegan) butter and egg man, you get me? And I'll bop someone if it means staying out of bracelets, hear? So gimme the cabbage or get lost." So he gives me the cush 'cause I've got the heat pointed right at him. And I--of course--fade as fast as possible and skip over to the nearest creep joint. I get inside where there's this real looker, and I take her up to her room, a bit of dough in hand. But the boozehound's smoked and right off throws a joe on her bed. I mutter a Veganmofo or two under my breath, and--to bide my time til the dame's no longer out on the roof--I whip up these scones. They're plump, curvy, and sweet, just like your typical broad, so I wake the mad dame and say, Chew this. And next thing I know, she's got those getaway sticks spread WIDE open for me.

That's a scone-loving dame for you.

And what a scone-loving dame she was...




VwaV's Chocolate-Chip Scones

INGREDIENTS:

• 3 c. all-purpose flour


• 2 T. baking powder


• 6 T. sugar (plus an extra tsp for sprinkling on top)


• 1/4 t. salt


• 1/3 c. vegetable oil


• 1/2 c. soy cream (rice or soy milk is an ok replacement, but the cream really works better)


• 3/4 c. rice or soy milk plus 2 t. apple cider vinegar


• 1 t. vanilla extract


• 1 c. vegan chocolate chips

DIRECTIONS

Preheat oven to 400 degrees F.

In a large mixing bowl, sift together the flour, baking powder, sugar, and salt. Add the oil, soy cream, and milk with vinegar. Mix until just combined; the dough should be clumpy and not sticky. Even if there is still a light dusting of flour, that's okay.

Drop by 1/4 cupfuls onto the greased cookie sheet and pat the tops just a little bit to round them out; sprinkle with a bit of sugar. Bake 12-15 minutes until slightly browned on the bottom and firm on the top.

Chocolate Chip Scones: Add 1 tsp of vanilla extract to the liquid ingredients, add another 2 Tbsp sugar, fold in 1 cup of chocolate chips.

(Recipe from Vegan with a Vengeance, posted at Tribe.net)

Rum Cashew Fudge

I'm normally not one to chuckle about dead animals/insects/etc., but the irony of the following story made it difficult not to find it at least a LITTLE bit humorous.

I decided this past weekend to whip up some whiskey peanut fudge for our Cleveland Veganz September outting (go check out pics!). So I'm standing in my kitchen, melting chocolate chips in my microwave after having just whisked together the powdered sugar and whiskey for the fudge, and I catch a glimpse of the powdered-sugar/whiskey mixture out of the corner of my eye, noting that there a couple of black flecks in the mix. So I'm like, Hm. What the heck? Did I not clean the bowl out all the way? Now, I'm not the best of dishcleaners, granted, but to set all your minds at ease, what had been in the bowl previously WAS actually chocolate as well, which is why I wasn't overly-concerned. Anyways, I leaned in nonetheless, to pick the little black flecks out with my finger only to get a closer look and realize that they're not chocolate bits, they're BROWN ANTS!

Apparently my bag of powdered sugar was not closed all the way, and back when I was having the ant problem, a bunch of them ants got a wee bit too excited and climbed into the powdered sugar, never to emerge again. Which really is a bummer for those ants (though I guess there are worse ways to go than drowning in sugar), but struck me as RIDICULOUSLY ironic seeing as, of all the events I could've been making fudge for, it was a vegan event where accidental ants would've not just been gross but would've gone against everything the event itself was about.

So yeah: I almost made ant fudge and served it to a bunch of vegans. GO ME!

The GOOD thing that came out of this is that I ran out of whiskey, so after getting a new batch of powdered sugar, I decided to use rum and cashews instead of whiskey and peanuts. And I've gotta say, I think I might've actually liked the combo quite a bit more.

The whiskey fudge is most DEFINITELY good good shit, but it is kind of gruff and the kind of fudge that would EASILY get pissed off at you in a bar setting and break a bottle over your skull. The RUM fudge on the other hand had a bit more suaveness behind it. It's the kind of fudge that would lean over to you at the bar (in an entirely non-sleazy way), place its fingertips lightly on your wrist, and whisper flirtatious words into your ear, nearly touching you with its lips so that it can be heard over the bar-noise, and making you tingle at the feel of its warm breath against your neck.

I didn't take a picture of the new fudge, since it pretty much looked like the other fudge. So just use your imagination and picture that the peanuts are actually cashews and the whiskey is rum. Do it.

INGREDIENTS:

• 6 T. rum


• 1 1/4 c. powdered sugar


• 1 1/4 c. semisweet chocolate chips (melt them and cool them down after measuring the amount)


• 1 c. cashews (chop them after measuring the amount)

DIRECTIONS

prepare an 8×8 baking pan with some parchment paper for minimal cleanup.

whisk your rum together with the sugar. throw in cashews. add chocolate, stir well.

pour in your prepared baking pan, grab an extra piece of parchment paper and press down with a spatula [or your not-too-warm hands] on top of the extra parchment to level the fudge.

place in fridge for at least a couple of hours.

remove from pan, remove parchment paper and cut your fudge the way it’s never been cut before. the size of the pieces is up to you!

(Original whiskey-fudge recipe from Have Cake, Will Travel)

Peanut Butter-Oatmeal Cookies

                                    from the Vegetarian Times

They look so seductive and plump and rich and chocolate-chippy. But really, they were just kind of eh. So disappointing. Kinda like convincing that hot as HELL bar-chick to come home with you after spending an hour trying to figure out JUST the right pick-up line, and then all she does is file her nails the whole time you're doing it. You know what I'm talking about?? Disappointing.

Here's the thing: they didn't barely taste sweet. Granted, I have a sweet tooth. But still. They were just very underwhelming in flavor and sweetness. This was tempered some when you'd bite into a chocolate chip, but even with that: perhaps they needed more chocolate chips.

Long and short: There are much better vegan oatmeal cookies (example), vegan peanut butter cookies (this one you have to do your homework on), and vegan peanut butter oatmeal cookies (check out VwaV) elsewhere.

INGREDIENTS:

• 1.5 c. unbleached flour (I just used regular all-purpose)


• 1/2 c. rolled or old-fashioned oats


• 1/2 t. baking soda


• 1/2 t. salt


• 1 c. light brown sugar


• 1/4 c. nonhydrogenated vegetable shortening


• 1/4 c. canola oil


• 1/4 c. creamy peanut butter


• 1 T. egg replacer powder


• 5 T. water


• 1 t. vanilla extract


• 1 c. vegan chocolate chips

DIRECTIONS

Prehead oven to 375F.

Combine flour, oats, baking soda, and salt in a medium bowl.

Beat brown sugar, shortening, and oil with an electric mixer until smooth and fluffy. Add peanut butter, and beat until well combined.

Stir together 5 T. of water and egg replacer powder in a measuring cup. Beat egg replacer mixture and vanilla into brown sugar mixture until smooth.

Beat flour mixture into wet mixture, then add chocolate chips, and mix until combined. Scoop 1-T. dollops of dough 3-inches apart on an ungreased baking sheet. Flatten dough balls into 1/2 inch thickness with fingers (assuming you can--my dough was so mushy that it sort of did this on its own).

Bake 12 minutes, or until cookies are golden brown and dry on top.

Cool on baking sheet 5 minutes, then transfer to a wire rack to cool.

Makes about 26 cookies.

(Recipe from the (I think) Aug./Sept 2008 issue of the Veg Times)

Lower-Fat Banana Bread

                         from Veganomicon

Let's just say that I think I ate FOUR slices of this on Tuesday. Not one. Not two. Not three. But four. (Technically, I lost count after two, but I think that might've just been because I was so horrified with myself that I suppressed any and all information relevant to the disgusting quantity of banana bread I'd just consumed.)

Needless to say, I really really liked this recipe. I ended up only using 2 smaller bananas, but it was WONDERFULLY moist and flavorful. And I added in semi-sweet chocolate chips (which of course de-lower-fattened it, but I'm sorry--chocolate and bananas rock the hell OUT).

I have to say, despite past Veganomicon failures, as a cookbook, it is an undeniable score in the way of dessert recipes. The ones I've made thus far have been definite favs.

And banana bread? Well, I always associate it with old ladies and saggy granny-panties and powdery-smelling wigs and slightly moth-bally aprons. (Which, yes, is probably slightly judgmental on my part. But SUCK IT.) But THIS banana bread, well, it was all shiny motorcycles and bouncing through the air on a trampoline and skinny-dipping and tattoos. (Yes, I am ALSO puzzled by what my brain just came up with as the antithesis of old-ladyishness. But again: SUCK IT.) So yeah: try it. You'll like it.

Oh, and a random shout out to What the Hell Does a Pinkhaired Girl Eat? I dig how she labels her pics, SO I'M PLAGIARIZING IT! All in love, babies. All in love. (Now go check out her blog.)

INGREDIENTS:

• 2 large or 3 small very ripe bananas (I used only 2 small and it still came out fine)


• 1/4 c. applesauce


• 1/4 c. canola oil


• 1/2 c. sugar


• 2 T. molasses


• 2 c. all-purpose flour


• 3/4 t. baking soda


• 1 t. ground cinnamon


• 1/4 t. ground nutmeg


• 1/2 t. salt


• Semi-sweet chocolate chips (I probably used 1/2 c. maybe? I didn't measure it)

DIRECTIONS

Preheat oven to 350F. Lightly grease a 9x5 loaf pan (or muffin tins)

In a large mixing bowl, mash the bananas really well. Add sugar, applesauce, oil, and molasses, and whisk briskly to incorporate.

Sift in the flour, baking soda, spices, salt. Use a wooden spoon to mix until the wet/dry ingredients are just combined. Fold in chocolate chips/nuts if using.

Transfer batter to prepared pan and bake for 45-50 min. The top should be lightly browned and a knife inserted should be clean.

Remove from oven and invert onto a cooling rack. Flip right side up and cool.

Note: If making muffins, cook for 18 minutes!

(Recipe from Veganomicon, posted HERE)

Fudgy Wudgy Blueberry Brownies

Ok. Yeah. So they were ugly as shit. And they were crumbly as a motherf-er.

But MOTHER OF GOD were they heavenly.

What am I talking about?

Your mom?

You wish.

I'm talking about the fudgy wudgy blueberry brownies from Veganomicon, most certainly one of my favorite recipes from the cookbook thus far. I know I've given the cookbook a bit of a hard time on occasion (though I think it's been justifiable), but seriously: well worth the money spent if for no other recipe but this one.

I'm not sure why mine turned out so crumbly and un-brownie-like, especially when the pics of them IN the actual book were all dense and heavy-duty-brownie-esque-looking (yes, that is a word), but they were. (The only thing I can think of, now that I *AM* thinking about it some more, is that perhaps the fact that I used FROZEN blueberries instead of fresh somehow got all Mr. Wizardy on these brownies' asses and somehow altered the chemical composition of them. CO2 and NA and O2 and K. Or something.) Then again, they seriously were so good that I didn't care. And no one else who tried them complained a bit either.



Decadent. Uber-chocolatey. Delightfully complimented by mouth-watering blueberries. These things are the cat's meow.

INGREDIENTS:

• 2/3 c. semi-sweet chocolate chips + 1/2 c. semi-sweet chocolate chips


• 10 oz. blueberry preserves (spreadable fruit, smooth, no whole blueberries)


• 1/4 c. soymilk


• 3/4 c. sugar


• 1/2 c. canola oil


• 2 t. vanilla extract


• 1/2 t. almond extract


• 1 1/2 c. all-purpose flour


• 1/4 c. unsweetened cocoa powder


• 1/4 t. baking powder


• 1/2 t. baking soda


• 1/4 t. salt


• 1 cup fresh blueberries

DIRECTIONS

Preheat oven to 325F.

Grease a 9x13 inch baking pan.

Melt 2/3 cup chocolate chips over a double boiler or in microwave, your choice.

In a large mixing bowl combine bluberry spreadable fruit, soy milk, sugar, canola oil and extracts. Mix on high until no large clumps are visible, about 2-3 minutes. Sift in flour, cocoa powder, baking powder, baking soda, and salt. Stir until well mixed, batter will be thick. Mix in melted chocolate. Fold in remaining 1/2 cup of whole chocolate chips and fresh blueberries.

Spread batter in baking pan and bake for 45 minutes. Toothpick test is null and void here because the whole chocolate chips will stick anyway!

Remove from oven and let cool.

Enjoy!

(Recipe originally from Veganomicon, posted at Recipezaar)

Raspberry & Brownie Pudding Volcanoes

I love weird-ass recipes. And black beans in brownies sounds FUCKED UP. So I have, of course, been wanting to make black bean brownies since forever.

And I know I've seen a black-bean brownie recipe posted on some vegan blog or another, but unfortunately I never ended up bookmarking it. So instead I decided to veganize a version from allrecipes.com. (If you are the person who, within the last couple months, posted a black-bean brownie recipe on your blog, and you read this, if you'd post the link in my comments, that'd rock! Please and thank you.)

I was a little bit disappointed when my brownies didn't cook all the way through--the edges started to pull away from the sides of the dishes as mentioned after 30 minutes, so I removed them. They didn't appeared to be cooked all the way, but as most of you vegan bakers know, there are tons of cookie/brownie recipes out there that don't firm up until they've sat outside of the oven for 10 or 15 minutes. So I thought perhaps this would be the case.

Unfortunately it was not.

They were mush on the inside, not even CLOSE to being cooked through. Part of the issue may have been that I chose to add some baking soda. (Looking back at the original recipe, I have just realized that one suggestion for the recipe was to add baking POWDER which I mistakenly remembered as baking SODA, so now it all sort of makes sense.) Anyways, I decided to take my lemons and make lemon bars (because lemonade is just SO over and done with).

I stirred my mushy brownies, realizing they had a kind of brownie/bread pudding consistency to them. Cool, I thought. Let's play with this a little.

So I took the warm mushy brownies and scooped them into a muffin tin, to create little molds. I then inverted them onto plates and topped them with a couple teaspoons of raspberry preserves. And weirdly, I was kind of happy with the results. They were reminiscent of the chocolate-raspberry volcanoes at Johnny Mango--deep and richly chocolate-puddingesque undercut by the slippery sweetness of tart raspberry preserves. And (since up until now I've not even MENTIONED what the fuck beans and chocolate tastes like and whether it is puke-a-licious) surprisingly YOU WOULDN'T EVER GUESS THEY HAVE BLACK BEANS IN THEM UNLESS SOMEONE TOLD YOU. Which is something that always attracts me to recipes. It's fun to bake something, have people gush over how good it is, and then be able to shout IT HAS TOFU IN IT MWAHAHAHAHA or IT HAS BLACK BEANS IN IT MWAHAHAHAHAHA or IT HAS TINY MIDGETS DRESSED UP AS ELLIOTT SMITH IN IT MWAHAHAHAHAA!

Unfortunately, the very same night I ate these, I ended up with the WORST stomachache ever. All night I was a bit uncomfortable, and then I woke up at 4 in the morning with cramps. I thought for certain that the black bean brownies were slowly eating out my insides, filling my gut with cavernous and noxious gaseous fumes. I then got even MORE concerned because when I was initially making the brownies, the black beans looked kind of peculiar to me upon opening the can. The fluid they were housed in was gelatinous and clumpy and kind of gross-looking, but I had decided to take my chances and try using them anyways. At 4 in the morning, my stomach revolting against the rest of my body, I thought to myself, perhaps using the degenerate-looking black beans wasn't the best idea.

So I ended up pitching my leftovers, which was mildly disappointing. But I didn't want to chance that the black beans WERE in fact Evil Black Beans sent to destroy my stomach.

So yeah: probably not the most rousing of recommendations: EAT THESE WEIRD BROWNIES WITH BLACK BEANS IN THEM AND REJOICE IN YOUR STOMACH'S REVOLT! Then again, perhaps it wasn't so much the fault of the recipe as it was mere coincidence and/or Killer Black Beans.

I would definitely like to make these again sometime, leaving out the baking soda (or adding in baking POWDER) to see what they would be like in actual brownie form. I would also like to make them again in the fucked-up way they ended up coming out, to try them on a healthier stomach, as they WERE quite interesting in flavor. AND GLUTEN-FREE!!! I forgot to even mention that. One of the main reasons I wanted to try these out is that they are gluten-free, and one of the guys in my class this semester can't have gluten, so I always feel bad when I bring in treats because he can't eat them. So I figured I'd try these out.

The one major change I would make is to make sure the black beans are BLENDED THE FUCK DOWN. Because it's slightly disconcerting to be chewing on a decadently chocolate dessert to find a black-bean skin stuck in your tooth. THAT will definitely creep out the folks you're feeding these to. So I've accounted for that in my recipe adjustments below. You also will want to serve these warm--if you don't, they coagulate. So if you have leftovers, make sure to reheat in the microwave before serving.

And now I give you the assignment of trying these out on your own, that way I know whether there IS some sort of toxic combination in the ingredients that will send EVERYONE's stomach revolting against them or whether it was just a freakish coincidence that I got a stomachache from these. I also can't decide whether they were actually tasty on their own or whether it was partially the novelty that made me think they were good (as in: "Wow, for having black beans in them, these weren't so bad"). So if you DO end up trying these, let me know what you think. If they make you throw up everywhere, I am not legally responsible.

Thank you, and good day.

INGREDIENTS

• 1 (15.5 ounce) can black beans, rinsed and drained


• Egg replacer equivalent for 3 eggs


• 3 T. vegetable oil


• 1/4 c. cocoa powder


• 1 t. baking soda


• 1 pinch salt


• 1 t. vanilla extract


• 3/4 c. white sugar


• 1 t. instant coffee


• 1/2 c. semi-sweet chocolate chips


• Raspberry preserves

DIRECTIONS

Preheat oven to 350F. Lightly grease an 8x8 square baking dish.

Throw your black beans in your blender/food processer, and blend as much as possible (they'll probably start sticking to the sides). Use a spoon to get all the beans off the sides of your processer. Add the egg-substitute, oil, and vanilla extract, and blend the SHIT out of them again until there is not an intact bean in sight. (This is important, because, good lord will it gross people out biting into an intact bean while chewing on their dessert.) Add cocoa powder, salt, sugar, baking soda, and instant coffee and blend until smooth. Pour the mixture into the prepared baking dish. Sprinkle the chocolate chips over the top of the mixture.

Bake in the preheated oven until the top is dry and the edges start to pull away from the sides of the pan, about 30 minutes.

Remove from the oven and allow to sit for about 10 minutes.

Take a large spoon and stir until they are a brownie-like, pudding-esque consistency.

At this point you can just scoop out the "pudding" as is or you can transfer the brownie pudding into muffin tins to give them a little bit cuter shape. Either which way, top with a generous amount of raspberry preserves and chow down.

If you refrigerate the leftovers, make sure to reheat in the microwave before serving.

Chocolate Orange Cake

I made SusanV's Chocolate Orange Cake on Saturday, to take over to my friend P's (since she was cooking me dinner on Sunday), and to take the remainder into school with me on Monday. I did not have a bundt-cake-pan, however, so I ended up baking the recipe in two loaf-pans, but it still turned out delightful.

The recipe is deliciously orangey and zingy. It's also wonderfully chocolatey, enough so that people were (and will be) amazed that it's fat-free.

When I took this into school yesterday, people cowed it all down very quickly and LOVED the recipe and the fact that it tasted so rich despite being fat-free.

I was happy that I brought it in, until my one instructor decided to subject me to not one, not two, but THREE of my vegan pet-peeves as he scooped a piece of the cake onto a napkin for himself.

PET PEEVES:

• "So is this vegan then?" It's a minor pet peeve, granted, but it drives me just a TINY bit nuts when people know you're vegan but ask if an item you have made is vegan nonetheless. I always wanna be like, "Well, actually THIS recipe called for the blood of 100 sacrificed babies, so I guess it's not vegan after all!" I forgive it with most people, because usually it's asked out of interest and not intended disparagingly. But when it's followed up by the next two pet peeves, it's hard not to want to KICK SOME ASS over it.



• "It looks just like normal cake!" This is what my instructor said to me. Um, yes. I guess I didn't realize there IS such a thing as "abnormal" cakes and "normal" cakes. I thought cake was pretty much just cake. And who, praytell, my dear instructor, decided that non-vegan cake is the norm?



• "Well, I guess I'll just have to go have it with a nice cup of coffee... WITH CREAM. [chuckling to self]" Yeah. That's fucking the fucking funniest thing I've heard EVER, dude. No one's EVER played that kind of funniness on me before! OMG YOU ARE SO FUN FUN FUNNY THAT MY SIDES ARE ACHING!
  
  *eye roll*
  
  Seriously: I don't understand why people constantly feel the need to undercut other people's veganness, especially when IT'S NOT BEING MADE AN ISSUE OF. I mean, I was nice; I brought in cake to share with everyone; I didn't stand up and say, Before you eat this cake, here's why you all should go vegan!; I just offered the cake up, verified it was vegan if anyone asked, and that was that. So I don't get it. I mean, even though I believe in, say, the right to choose, if I asked a classmate if they were at a pro-life protest over the weekend, and they said that they were, I would NEVER respond to their comment by being like, "Well, I think I'm gonna head on off and rip me a fetus out of my womb before I head home! Ha ha ha!" Only an asshole would ever say something like that. So I don't understand what compels non-vegans to always make smart-ass comments about vegan shit constantly.

What redeemed the moment, thankfully, and allowed me to bite my tongue was when I noticed that there was a large cat-hair stuck to the end of the piece of cake my instructor was lifting towards his mouth. Sweet sweet pacifistic revenge!

God bless my cats!

INGREDIENTS:

• 1 1/2 c. unbleached flour


• 1 1/2 c. whole wheat flour


• 1 1/2 c. sugar


• 2 t. baking soda


• 1 t. salt


• 1/2 c. cocoa


• 1 t. cinnamon


• 3/4 c soy yogurt


• 1 t. vanilla


• 2 T. balsamic vinegar


• 1 1/2 c. water


• 1/2 c. fresh orange juice


• 2 T. grated orange peel


Chocolate Icing:


• 1/2 c. powdered sugar


• 1 T. cocoa


• 2 t. orange juice


• 1/4 t. vanilla extract (or 1/8 tsp. if double strength)


• --plus extra orange juice as needed


Orange Icing:


• 1/2 c. powdered sugar


• 1 t. orange juice


• 1/4 t. vanilla extract (or 1/8 tsp. if double strength)


• --plus extra orange juice as needed

DIRECTIONS

Spray a Bundt cake pan (or two bread-loaf pans) with non-stick spray and dust it lightly with unsweetened cocoa. (Poop--I just realized that this part was cut off in my printed directions, so I actually greased mine with margarine. Ah well.) Preheat oven to 350F.

Combine the flours, sugar, baking soda, salt, cocoa, and cinnamon in a large mixing bowl. Add the yogurt, vanilla, balsamic vinegar, water, and orange juice. Beat by hand or with a mixer on low speed just until well-combined, about 1-2 minutes. Stir in the grated orange peel, and pour into the prepared pan.

Bake for about 30-40 minutes for the bundt cake (30-35 for two loaves), until a toothpick inserted in the middle comes out clean. Cool in the pan for 10 minutes and then invert it onto a serving platter and cool completely.

When the cake is cool, make the icings. For each icing, mix the ingredients in separate small bowls. One half teaspoon at a time, stir in enough extra orange juice to make a drizzling consistency. Drizzle the chocolate icing over the cake, wait a few minutes for it to set, and then drizzle the orange icing.

(Recipe from The FatFree Vegan)