Thursday, February 14, 2008

Veganomicon's Chickpea Cutlets

So oh my god, I've been SO tired of hearing about the Veganomicon Chickpea Cutlets. (Ok, not really--but seriously: who HASN'T cooked them and blogged about them yet?!? I mean, other than me??) Which means that it was, of course, the first recipe I wanted to try when my copy of Veganomicon finally showed up in the mail. And because of all the praise they've received, I went in thinking "These things better make my fricking CLIT fall off from their tastiness if they're gonna live up to their reputation."

So last Saturday night I scrounged together all the ingredients and whipped up the baked version.

They were a bit flat when I removed them from the oven, so I was skeptical. They smelled scrumptious though, but still: High standards.

I had also decided to make some mashed potatoes on the side--a fairly standard recipe with some chickpeas thrown in--and I topped these with the cheezy sauce from Veganomicon as well.

Finally: Pics. Napkin. I sat down with a beer and a plate full of steaming Veganomicon grub.

One bite of the chickpea cutlets, and clunk... No no no... Plink (I don't think my clit is large enough to warrant a Clunk), there went my clit, down the inside of my pantleg and bouncing across the floor to wind up under my couch, stuck in a wad of cat hair, just SLIGHTLY out of reach of my arm. DAMN YOU, CHICKPEA CUTLETS! YOU ARE AS TASTY AS EVERYONE SAYS YOU ARE!

Truly and sincerely: these things are SO very good. Especially for having such a simple and (seemingly) bland variety of ingredients. Next time I make them, I think I'm going to try forming them into little dippable-sized chicken-nugget-type chunks, because they kind of reminded me of nuggets.

And for those of you who haven't tried them yet: Don't mask the flavor in gravies and sauces. Just squeeze out a nice side of agave nectar and use it for dipping sauce. IT WILL FLOOR YOU. The agave nectar offers the perfect set of complimentary flavors for the cutlets. You will not be disappointed.

*Screwing clit back on*


  • 1 c. chickpeas
  • 2 T. olive oil

  • 1/2 c. vital wheat gluten

  • 1/2 c. plain breadcrumbs

  • 1/4 c. vegetable broth or water

  • 2 T. soy sauce

  • 2 garlic cloves , pressed or grated

  • 1/2 t. lemon zest

  • 1/2 t. dried thyme

  • 1/2 t. Hungarian paprika

  • 1/4 t. dried rubbed sage

  • to taste olive oil , for pan frying or baking


Mash the chickpeas and oil together until no whole chickpeas remain. Add remaining ingredients and knead for 3 minutes until strings of gluten have formed. Preheat large nonstick skillet over medium heat. Divide dough into four equal pieces. Flatten each piece and stretch to roughly 4" x 6"

PAN-FRYING: Add a thin layer of olive oil to to the pan. Place cutlets in the pan and cook on each side for 6 to 7 minute They are ready when lightly brown and firm to the touch.

BAKING: Preheat oven to 375°F, and lightly oil baking sheet. Brush both sides of each patty with olive oil, place on baking sheet, and bake for 20 minutes. Flip patties and bake another 8 to 10 minutes until firm and golden brown.

(Recipe from Veganomicon, posted at RECIPEZAAR)


Anonymous said...

gross, all that clit talk put me off food for the day

should be doing hw said...

really? you won't eat for one day because someone else made a reference to food orgasms? if you want a healthy appetite i suggest you stay away from foodblogs. bam!

so i know this is an ooold post but i just saw this comment on the side and yadda where are the updates??????? your blog is rad!

gertie said...

Ha! This made me do a genuine LOL (not the bullshit ones that don't involve actual laughter).
I've been hearing good things about these darn cutlets too (especially cuz my bro wrote a glowing blog entry about them, of course ) so I had to look up the recipe before hitting the grocery store.

Thanks for sharing, and the laugh. :-)

David said...

I'm with Gertie on that. You are too funny!

My favorite way of making these is by brushing some BBQ sauce on them after they've been pan fried. Still simple yet kicked up just enough to ensure they're a perfect combo of texture and taste.

Treehugger_31 said...

I couldn't stop laughing! Very entertaining. :)
These are delish...I always fry mine. I will have to try it with agave. Never thought of that. Thanks! :)

Anonymous said...

Yay for this blog! It is awesome.

Anonymous said...

Anyone that can talk about clits and food in the same blog and make both sound awesome is ok in my book!

Anonymous said...

I make these all the time and was Googling for a link to send someone who apparently doesnt live on the planet earth and has never heard of them. Thank god your blog pulled up. Because you just made my freaking night. My clit's too. And I'm pulling out the agave now for the current batch I'm making because (for shame) i usually make mushroom gravy.

Courtney M. said...

What's vital wheat gluten? and where can I buy it? I've never heard of it, but I'm gonna go out and assume it's not gluten free and it's vital...? haha.
Yeah, so...what is it exactly?

Lindy Loo said...

Indeed and indeed, Courtney. You can read what it is here:

And you can find it at pretty much any natural foods store or if you have a nice big Giant Eagle that has a generous organic section, you can usual find it on the shelves there. It looks like flour but it gives things a really dense, chewy consistency when used.