Thursday, August 09, 2007

Barbie Strikes Back (Not Once, but Twice)

So last week I decided I was gonna try inventing a couscousy, grapefruity recipe. And early on, when I realized how delightfully (and obnoxiously) pink and cute and perky it was gonna end up being because of the grapefruit, I decided I would name it something having to do with Barbie. And then I decided I would spend time making fun of Barbie when I eventually ended up blogging about it. Like I'd talk about how my couscous dish and Barbie were similar in that neither of them a) have nipples, b) have labiatic lady-parts, c) have brains, d) have bendable extremities, and e) have body-proportions even REMOTELY akin to the average woman.

So needless to say, the dish ended up being ABSOLUTELY nasty. What was intended to be a recipe that included couscous, soy yogurt, almonds, carrots, grapefruit, and mint turned into a rather chilling disaster (think "Drunken Ken Driving the Wrong Way Down the Barbie Freeway and Hitting Skipper's Pink Corvette Head-on"). The couscous cooked up like mush for no apparent reason, and I finally came to the realization that I do *not* like O'Soy vanilla soy yogurt (but only after having mixed it in with the rest of the dish)--even just the smell makes me want to curl up under a kitchen sink and die. And when I started blogging about the nastiness of this recipe yesterday and then saved what I'd started, THE ENTRY PROMPTLY VANISHED NEVER TO BE SEEN AGAIN!

Apparently Barbie's fiendish mind-control abilities are an even MORE pervasive problem than I'd previously thought. I had assumed that her evil powers were only directed towards the brainwashing of young girls, when in reality, she is apparently a master food-saboteur and computer hacker as well.

Barbie, I underestimated you.

But do not think this is over. Oh no. I will destroy you.

But not before seducing Ken first.

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