Thursday, May 28, 2009

My Weiner is Coming Straight at Your Face!



That baby almost just poked your eye out!

Anywho, these are the things I ate for Memorial Day weekend.

A weiner (this one is a safer shot!):

More technically, a Tofurky Beer Brat. I'm a fan of all Tofurky's weiners. They are plump and spicy and exploding with flavor. I barbecued it on my mini grill (thank you, ex-boyfriend, for kindly leaving me this as I love it), and my only suggestion is, if you do the same, don't overcook. These things need maybe two minutes on the grill with frequent rotation and they're good to go. Cook them too long and they dry out.

As I was being a lazy cook this weekend, I also decided to try out the Morningstar riblets this year instead of making my own:

And what a disappointment. These are the reason people mistakenly think veganism is for yuppies with money. $4.50 splurge, and I could've eaten the whole box of ribs in one sitting. There are two "racks" of ribs, all about as long as your pinky finger, and as wide as your hand from wrist to fingertip. WHAT?!? I could almost squeeze a whole portion of them in my mouth at one time! And for that price, I expected them to taste startlingly like ribs. I mean, I've made homemade vegan ribs, and while they're delish, they admittedly aren't remotely close to normal rib consistency. But for $4.50, you expect them to be surprisingly realistic. But these weren't even close. The consistency reminded me of some food from my youth that I still haven't put my finger on, but definitely not ribs. And they were just ok in flavor. But definitely not worth the money. Thumbs down to Morningstar riblets! If you want good vegan ribs, just make your own. Here are two great recipes: FatFree Vegan's Ribz &'s.

And finally, I made the Veganomicon Quinoa Salad with Black Beans and Mango:

                                    from Veganomicon

Sadly, I was only able to use about 1/3 of the meat from my mango because most of it was bruised and brownish. And also sadly, I've been shitting undigested black quinoa for days after eating this. Nonetheless, my mom loved this quite a bit, despite the fact that I was fairly indifferent towards it. But as it's super-simple and a good introduction to quinoa, why the hell not try it out sometime?

Quinoa Salad with Black Beans and Mango

  • 1 mango, peeled and cut into small dice

  • 1 red bell pepper, seeded and diced as small as you can get it

  • 1 c. chopped scallions

  • 1 c. chopped fresh cilantro

  • 2 T. grapeseed oil (I used olive oil)

  • 2 T. of red wine vinegar

  • 1/4 t. salt

  • 2 c. cooked quinoa, cooled

  • 1 (15-oz) can of black beans, drained and rinsed


Combine the mango, red bell pepper, scallions, and cilantro in a mixing bowl. Add the red wine (or balsamic) vinegar, grapeseed oil, and salt and stir to combine. Add the quinoa and stir until everything is well incorporated. Fold in the black beans. You can serve it immediately, or let it sit for a bit for the flavors to meld. It tastes great chilled or even better at room temperature.

(Recipe from Veganomicon, reposted at Happy Healthy Long Life)

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

The Newest Edition of "The Most Bizarre Google Searches by Which People Stumble Across This Blog"


"Let's Make Fun of Stupid People for Being Stupid and Also Gross!"

With brilliant commentary by the brilliant Lindy Loo who is also awesome and apparently brilliant.

  • girls shits in cake mixture

  • asses shitting free movie tube [In today's faltering economy, these really ARE the kinds of asses you want to know.]

  • why are vegetarians such assholes [because we have to deal with fucktards like you asking fucktarded questions like this one, fucktard]

  • Teen ass tube

  • rose ass tube

  • Moms ass tube

  • hot mama

  • how to lick your lips seductively [You have surely come to the wrong place for answers to that. *Drooling profusely from my fat drool-mouth*]

  • eat my ass tube [No thank you. I just had a big lunch.]

  • Heart Attack Balls

  • When the shit hit the pan

  • 3 cups and shit

  • Where does the name lindy loo come

  • Lentils make my shit green [Congrats, dude!]

  • Vegetable facking [clearly not getting laid because (s)he can't spell]

  • Nippules pic [probably has never seen a nipple in real life. Or excuse me: "nippule"]

  • Pleasantly plump pussy [aww yeah to alliteration]

  • Freddie prinze [Freddie Prinze: Rocking the vegan ass tube circuit.]

  • Vegan jumbo mac n cheese [hell, *I* now want to see the jumboiest mac n cheese too, dammit! I hope it's like 6'5" and manly!]

  • Eating shit directly from ass [Fuck utensils! Just dig in!]

(For past editions, click HERE)

Mine is Still Bigger Than Yours, But With Things On It

I love bread. Love it.

So what better than bread... with things on top?

Not much. Not much at all.

So when I saw Urban Vegan's list of tartine ideas, I immediately thought, "I want to go to there." <--my pop culture reference for the day

And I did.

I went to there.

Go check out her list of ideas in their entirety, as they will make you drool uncontrollably.

As for me, here's the ones I want to try, and also the ones I tried out a week or so ago and my opinion of them. I used the French bread recipe I posted about last week (you know: when I lied and said I'd post THESE last week), and it worked perfectly.

  • Arugula pesto. In a food processor, mix about 2 cups of arugula, some walnuts or pine nuts, and about 5 garlic cloves. Add enough extra-virgin olive oil until it reaches a spreadable consistency. This pesto is also wonderful tossed with pasta, smeared on grilled tofu or thinned with balsamic vinegar to use a salad dressing.

    My opinion: I like this as a pesto alternative. It's got a delightful spicy kick, but tastes crisp and clean. Good stuff.

  • (Arugula pesto in foreground,
    topped with kalamatas)

  • Oil-soaked sun-dried tomatoes, vegan cream cheese and fresh basil, with salt and fresh ground pepper.

    My opinion: I also added kalamatas, and I think the grease factor was WAY too high. I think adding ANYTHING oil-soaked to cream cheez is a bit overdoing it. But I really liked the combo, despite that. So next time: rehydrated sun-dried tomatoes (instead of oil-soaked) and a sparser collection of kalamata olives.

  • Bananas, agave nectar and cinnamon. Spread the bread with Earth Balance and toast first. This makes a great breakfast.

    My opinion: Delightfully yum. And I was skeptical, 'cause I mashed up my banana, and then stood there and realized how disgusting and boogery the consistency was after mashing it and contemplated whether or not I could sike myself out enough to consume it despite how gross it looked. And I did. And I'm glad. I think the riper the banana the better though--it'll be less boogery. I also tried the banana-agave nectar-cinnamon combo with cream cheez as well and liked it a lot.

  • Spinach, onion, garlic and dried cherries [Pictured, above right], sauteed in olive oil and seasoned with a pinch of nutmeg

  • Thinly sliced fennel, back olives and orange slices, served heated with a drizzle of fruity extra-virgin olive oil

  • A healthy drizzle of olive oil topped with tomatoes, oregano, and olives

  • Avocado slices, arugula and Veganaise

  • Marinated seitan, dried apricots and apricot jam

(Recipe ideas from Urban Vegan)

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Mine is WAY Bigger Than Yours!

                  from Recipezaar

Super easy. (Just like your mom.) Yay for crusty French bread!

I will also continue to threaten your masculinity this week with some tartine recommendations from Urban Vegan, so stay tuned!

Failproof Crusty French Bread (For Your Bread Machine)

  • 3-1/2 c. bread flour

  • 1 t. salt

  • 1 (1/4 ounce) package active dry yeast

  • 1-1/4 c. warm water


Place ingredients in bread machine according to manufacturers directions (essentially: wet, dry, yeast).

Start machine on dough setting.

When dough cycle is complete, remove dough with floured hands and cut in half on floured surface.

Take each half of dough and roll to make a loaf about 12 inches long in the shape of French bread.

Place on greased baking sheet and cover with a towel.

Let rise until doubled, about 1 hour. (Mine didn't engorge enough--snark--so I then preheated the oven and set the pan on top. This helped.)

Preheat oven to 450-F.

Bake for 15 to 20 minutes or until golden brown, turning pan around once halfway during baking.

Remove baked loaves to wire racks to cool.

(Recipe from Recipezaar)

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

What?!?!?!?!? I Mean... WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

OMFG. I think I just wet myself with laughter.

I cannot believe that's what brussel sprouts look like when they're growing.


Animal, Vegetable, Miracle

So I'm reading Barbara Kingsolver's Animal, Vegetable, Miracle, and I've gotta say: It's fascinating so far. (Though I DO realize that I'm only about 100 pages in, and seeing as my friend P texted me a menacing "I'm interested in seeing what you think of it once you're all DONE with it," I'm guessing some animal-killing's gonna go down at some point.)

But right now, I'm just a-gog (I likes that word) over vegetables. The book is essentially about our disconnect with food and plants and where they come from (which is a disconnect that fuels factory-farming as well, as all of you are MORE than aware), and it's made me realize how little I really DO know about what vegetables look like when they're growing, or where they come from, or ANY of that stuff.

For example, she discusses asparagus in length in the first few chapters of the book. And asparagus has always been one of my favorite veggies. But I'd never really given thought to what it looks like while it's growing. And after reading her description of it, I was dying to google some pics of it.

And check this out. I mean, maybe I'm the only one who's in la-la land on what it looks like growing, but then again, I'm guessing not. And I don't know what the HELL I thought it looked like, but not this.

(Crazy-ass asparagus!)

And even more amusing--white asparagus:

I mean, could it be any more "Penis meets Tremors."

I'll spare you the penis pic, but hee Tremors:

Anyways, I'm really glad I accidentally timed the reading of this book with the planting of my rooftop garden, as it's been bringing me a lot of joy actually watching my vegetables pushing forth from the earth while reading a ton of fantastic, loving details about them.

Needless to say, you can expect the occasional post and/or picture about various vegetables as I stumble across them in the book and realize how ridiculously little I know about them.


(Animal, Vegetable, Miracle website)

I Think This May Be a Sign of the End Days

So *COUilikedsaladlastweekGH* What? Huh?

I didn't say nothing!

Except I actually craved salad last week and I liked it and I ate it for like four days in a row.

What? Why the squint?



Hi, I'm Lindy Loo, and I think I like salad.

I'm not SURE, don't get me wrong. I mean I've hated it for so long. And then last week it was like BLAMMO someone turned on a salad-whoring switch and I was all rubbing up against it and thinking dirty thoughts and feeling all naughty in my nether parts.

But it COULD be that I've not been eating enough veggies. I was all Super Carb-Attack last week. And after a few days of that, I just wanted to fill every orifice with vegetables.

Then again, *looking around to make sure not too many people are listening* I THINK I MAY LIKE SALAD. *WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH*

Extremely less mortifying: I also really like the way soy nuts get stuck so perfectly in the center of sliced olives. I mean, check out the upper left in the pic below. There's just something so satisfying about it!

Anyways, this is the salad I've been cowing down on:

Romaine lettuce, chickpeas, diced
red peppers, sliced olives, soy nuts,
and a raspberry walnut vinaigrette.


Tuesday, May 05, 2009

Not Really Food or Even Vegan-Related, But YOU WILL READ AND YOU WILL LIKE IT

So granted, the mag I'm about to ramble on about isn't vegan or even vegetarian-related. But I still think some of you may be interested in it, 'cause it's in many ways a magazine about recycling and not being wasteful.

What I'm saying is:

If you've not seen ReadyMade Magazine, check it out.

ReadyMade is "a bimonthly print magazine for people who like to make stuff, who see the flicker of invention in everyday objects—the perfectly round yolk in the mundane egg." Essentially, it's a magazine that shows you how to MacGyver found objects into new and more useful objects. Need a chandelier for your dining room? How bout transforming that old mixing bowl into a hipster lighting fixture? That kind of thing.

A year or two ago, I stumbled across the ReadyMade book at the library: ReadyMade: How to Make [Almost] Everything: A Do-It-Yourself Primer, and it was a fascinating read, organized by type of material (glass, plastic, etc.), with large projects and tiny ones.

Fun fun stuff.

My major criticism was that a lot of it was WAY out of my league (though I STILL am determined to make the decorative shelving unit from garbage-picked dresser drawers), and a lot of it, despite using "recycled" materials, necessitated spending a lot of money on other materials to put that one recycled material to use. Nonetheless: I liked the idea of the book.

So when my friend P's 30th b-day crept up, I decided to get a subscription for both her (since she's a crafty and green-conscious woman) and myself (because I like magazines and garbage-picking).

The first issue showed up in both of our mailboxes on the weekend, and damn if I didn't devour that magazine from cover to cover in one afternoon.

INFINITELY more accessible and interesting than the book. (No offense, book!)

And the magazine is packed full of do-it-yourself projects, from food (again: albeit not pro-vegan, the example in this issue was 4 ways to use an egg), to revamping thrift-store clothing, to household projects (quick bookshelves, key lamps), to random MacGyver-esque tips (one of my favs being: To slow down the wilt and wither of greens and veggies in your fridge, throw a couple sponges in your crisper drawer--they'll absorb excess moisture, keeping it from adhering to your veggies).

OMG! So fascinating.

And this issue in particular was interesting because it was about sustainability, so there was an article about urban gardening and one about pies.

My only annoyance (and this is actually an annoyance I have with VegNews as well, along with plenty of other mags) has to do with assumptions about the class/wealth of their readers and the fact that they, in many ways, perpetuate the misconception that being green (or being vegan) is a choice that is only accessible to folks with money. I mean, really: How am I not supposed to get annoyed reading about some creative plant-focused chick/artist/whatever who can afford to have her own greenhouse, has a boyfriend who surprises her with a vintage motorcycle, and is lusting after a $300 pair of cowboy boots?? I mean: come on. Awesome for you, girl who looks like she's 20 and yet somehow is able to afford all this. But realistically: You just make most readers scoff at the wealth-factor of being green. Talk about alienating your readers. I mean, it's still fascinating to ogle of course, but there's just something grating about it, especially in an issue about sustainability.

Then again, in comparison to the book, there are a LOT more projects that are accessible to folks who don't have a lot of dough. For example: bookshelves made out of corner brackets in this most recent issue. (And most of their projects give you an idea of how much you'll have to spend to make it, which I like as well.) So perhaps there is more of a balance there then I'm giving them credit for.

Nonetheless: for all you do-it-yourselfers out there (and it seems like a lot of veg-heads are, perhaps because they're a little bit more conscious about environmental issues), go check it out.

I promise you: You'll enjoy.

Monday, May 04, 2009

And finally, our Nippular Contest Winners!

Thanks to everyone who entered my nippular contest! All your submissions were wonderful.

For those of you who haven't yet perved out on them in all their nekkid glory, do check out the sidebar for the full list of entries. I mean, talk about food porn. Literally. *drooling*

And now, at long last: The winners.


First place (three cookbooks) goes to..........

Mission: Vegan for her nibble-licious cake-o-rific ta-tas!

As you can see below, these two little cakes reveal some DEFINITE mad skills in the arena of boob-crafting. I mean, SQUISH! And hubbahubbahubba! And *bow-tie spinning while smoke pours out of ears*

It's truly hard to believe that these babies are actually made out of cake!


Second place (one cookbook) goes to................

Bok Choy Bohemian's juicy pair of beet-salad boobies for creativity and avant-gardeness!

She even made a little bikini for them
when they're feeling modest--hee:

You ladies both have WONDERFUL racks, so thanks for sharing!

*Round of applause*

And thanks to my friend P who selected our second place winner!

If you could both email me (my email address can be found HERE--I don't wanna post it cuz of the damn spammers) the following, I'll get a move-on to sending the cookbooks out to ya!

1. Address & email address.
2. Mission: Vegan: Your top 7 choices, in order.
3. Bok Choy: Your top 4 choices, in order.

I have a total of 5 contest winners (3 from Cleveland Veganz) that I'm trying to sort out prizes for as well, so it's gonna take a bit of figuring out who gets what. My goal is to send you both at least one in your top 3.

Here's the list!

Vegan Meals for One or Two
The Vegan Cookbook
Vegan Planet
The Single Vegan
Simply Vegan
Vegan Handbook
Moosewood Cookbook
Still Life with Menu
Vegetable Heaven
Passionate Vegetarian
Moosewood Restaurant Low-Fat Favorites
Vegetarian Planet
Moosewood Restaurant New Classics
Sundays at Moosewood Restaurant
Moosewood Restaurant Cooks at Home
Moosewood Restaurant Daily Specials
Horn of the Moon Cookbook


World's Easiest Vegan Cream-Cheezy Veggie Pizza

My mom used to often make the non-vegan version of this pizza for picnics and gatherings when we were little, so it definitely has a nostalgia-value to it. Which is why I was so pleased to realize that it's so easily vegan-izable.

This was the definite crowd-pleaser of the party. It's very rich and filling, so a small slice or two is plenty as a munchie.

  • Two tubes Pillsbury Crescent Rolls

  • One 8 oz. tub of vegan cream cheez

  • 1/2 c. vegan mayo

  • One pack of some sort of ranch/veggie-dip seasoning (I used Veggie Weggie Dip Mix)

  • 1/4 c. to 1/2 c. of the following veggies (feel free to add or subtract--musts, in my opinion though, are cauliflower and black olives):
    Black olives, sliced
    Cauliflower, diced small
    Shrooms, sliced
    Broccoli, diced small
    Green peppers, diced or sliced


Preheat oven to 375-F.

Line a large baking sheet with parchment paper.

Unroll your crescent rolls down the pan, trying not to separate at the perforations. Once you've filled the pan length-wise, tear off the extra dough and fill it up width-wise. With two tubes, you should have slightly in excess of a large pan. Once the pan is filled, press down the dough where the perforations are to seal everything together.

Bake for 10 to 15 minutes (or until crust is a golden color on both top and bottom). Remove from oven and let cool.

In the meantime, combine your cream cheez, mayo, and seasoning. Whisk together until combined.

Once crust is cool, spread your cream cheez mix across the top of it until it's all used.

Top with your raw veggies.

Slice and serve.

(Makes about 16 or so small--but rich--slices)