My Weiner is Coming Straight at Your Face!

DUCK!

Phew.

That baby almost just poked your eye out!

Anywho, these are the things I ate for Memorial Day weekend.

A weiner (this one is a safer shot!):



More technically, a Tofurky Beer Brat. I'm a fan of all Tofurky's weiners. They are plump and spicy and exploding with flavor. I barbecued it on my mini grill (thank you, ex-boyfriend, for kindly leaving me this as I love it), and my only suggestion is, if you do the same, don't overcook. These things need maybe two minutes on the grill with frequent rotation and they're good to go. Cook them too long and they dry out.

As I was being a lazy cook this weekend, I also decided to try out the Morningstar riblets this year instead of making my own:


And what a disappointment. These are the reason people mistakenly think veganism is for yuppies with money. $4.50 splurge, and I could've eaten the whole box of ribs in one sitting. There are two "racks" of ribs, all about as long as your pinky finger, and as wide as your hand from wrist to fingertip. WHAT?!? I could almost squeeze a whole portion of them in my mouth at one time! And for that price, I expected them to taste startlingly like ribs. I mean, I've made homemade vegan ribs, and while they're delish, they admittedly aren't remotely close to normal rib consistency. But for $4.50, you expect them to be surprisingly realistic. But these weren't even close. The consistency reminded me of some food from my youth that I still haven't put my finger on, but definitely not ribs. And they were just ok in flavor. But definitely not worth the money. Thumbs down to Morningstar riblets! If you want good vegan ribs, just make your own. Here are two great recipes: FatFree Vegan's Ribz & VegFamily.com's.

And finally, I made the Veganomicon Quinoa Salad with Black Beans and Mango:

                                    from Veganomicon

Sadly, I was only able to use about 1/3 of the meat from my mango because most of it was bruised and brownish. And also sadly, I've been shitting undigested black quinoa for days after eating this. Nonetheless, my mom loved this quite a bit, despite the fact that I was fairly indifferent towards it. But as it's super-simple and a good introduction to quinoa, why the hell not try it out sometime?



Quinoa Salad with Black Beans and Mango

INGREDIENTS:

• 1 mango, peeled and cut into small dice


• 1 red bell pepper, seeded and diced as small as you can get it


• 1 c. chopped scallions


• 1 c. chopped fresh cilantro


• 2 T. grapeseed oil (I used olive oil)


• 2 T. of red wine vinegar


• 1/4 t. salt


• 2 c. cooked quinoa, cooled


• 1 (15-oz) can of black beans, drained and rinsed

DIRECTIONS

Combine the mango, red bell pepper, scallions, and cilantro in a mixing bowl. Add the red wine (or balsamic) vinegar, grapeseed oil, and salt and stir to combine. Add the quinoa and stir until everything is well incorporated. Fold in the black beans. You can serve it immediately, or let it sit for a bit for the flavors to meld. It tastes great chilled or even better at room temperature.

(Recipe from Veganomicon, reposted at Happy Healthy Long Life)

Ma’s Potato Salad

So I forgot to take a picture of this potato salad. But you remember the part in E.T. where E.T. and Elliot get sick and they put E.T. in that breathing chamber and he's so skinny and greyish and sickly and you were like, E.T., No ! You can't die! and you were still trying not to be freaked out by all those government dudes that barged into their house and who were like the scariest things ever, and you were trying not to cry because it just isn't right that E.T. would EVER die because he is a GOOD alien??!! Anyways, sick E.T. is kind of what this potato salad looked like. Not real attractive, to be frank.

But in flavor, it was pretty damn good. Admittedly, it didn't make for the best of lunches for the week. But as a side to take to an omni bbq, it will DEFINITELY please.

I made a half-batch, but I include the original recipe, in case you wanna use it for a picnic or something.

Oh, and I omitted the onion finally, instead of spending all lunch picking it out.

INGREDIENTS:

• 4 large Russett potatoes, cleaned, cut into large chunks, and boiled until just soft


• 1/2 c. Bacuns or Bac-o's (meat-free bacon bits)


• 1 c. pitted, sliced black olives


• 2 c. diced celery


• 1/4 c. balsamic vinaigrette


• 3/4 c. Veganaise (or other nondairy mayo)


• 1/4 c. spicy brown mustard


• 1/2 t. sea salt


• 1 t. ground black pepper


• 1 cup diced red onion

DIRECTIONS

Clean, cut, and cook the potatoes (with skins on) until just soft.

Drain and chill.

When the potatoes are thoroughly chilled, mix with all other ingredients and enjoy

Serves about 6 large-portions, 8-12 sides.

(Recipe from VegCooking)

Spring Panzanella

                                    from Smitten Kitchen


I heart bread. I could eat nothing but bread all day without the slightest bit of angst for fruits or vegetables. And since we all know I harbor resentment against boring lettuce salads, the concept of panzanella (bread salad) BLOWS MY MOTHERF-ING MIND. I mean, a salad of bread: HOW COULD YOU NOT BE TOTALLY SMITTEN WITH THAT IDEA?!?!

So yeah, when I saw Vegan Dad mention this bread salad by Smitten Kitchen on his blog, I was like: Yeah, I'm making this. Immediately.

Plus, I heart leeks. And I heart asparagus. SO HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY GO WRONG WITH THIS RECIPE??

As I was making this salad, I got to thinking though. And I realized the following:

1. I think I'm sick of vinegar. Which is like the strangest thing ever. But it may be true.


2. I am looking forward to cooler weather. I can't wait to shelve the salad recipes, bust out the soup recipes, and start making heavy, warm, love-handle food already.


3. I think I am prejudiced against yeast. HOW TERRIBLE IS THAT?? Any time I read a bread recipe that calls for yeast, I'm all *muttering under my breath* Fuck that, motherfucker. (Not that this recipe CALLED for yeast, but somehow my brain went there anyways.) AND I'M NOT EVEN 100% SURE WHY! I think it may just be that I automatically KNOW it means kneading something for like 10 minutes, and that IRRITATES me. And yet, something in me really wants to like it. Mostly because it just seems so very Suzy Homemakery, you know?


4. And now that we're off topic: classism and veganism. That's a topic that I really would like to address on this blog someday soon.


5. Nutritional yeast: I just keep falling more and more in love. Just when I think I couldn't fall any harder, SLABBAM: right down the stairs.


6. So did you hear that they're coming out with a new 90210 show?? Not even kidding you.

Anyways, back to the bread salad. Despite my sudden angst over vinegar, I DID like this salad. Mostly because homemade croutons ROCK. I was a little bit flummoxed by the leeks (which Smitten Kitchen DID give a warning about) simply because they didn't stay intact AT ALL while cooking them. They still tasted fine, but they fell all apart. Which makes me think there has to be SOME sort of better way to cook these. But yeah, this recipe isn't anything too complex, but its medley of flavors works well. And also: bread. So it's worth checking out.

INGREDIENTS:

Croutons:


• 1/4 c. olive oil


• 2 cloves garlic, finely chopped


• 6 c. day-old bread, crust removed, cubed


• Salt and freshly ground black pepper



Vinaigrette:


• Half a red onion, finely diced


• 2 to 2-1/2 T. champagne or white wine vinegar (or I used 1.5 T. white vinegar + 1 T. white wine)


• Juice of half a lemon


• 1/4 c. olive oil


• 1/2 t. Dijon mustard



Salad:


• 4 large leeks


• Salt, to taste


• 1 pound asparagus


• 1 small can of white beans, rinsed and drained (or 1 1/2 c. cooked white beans)


• 1/2 T. nutritional yeast (optional)

DIRECTIONS

Preheat oven to 400 degrees F.

Mix the bread cubes with the garlic, olive oil, salt and pepper in a large bowl. Toss to coat well. Transfer bread to a baking sheet and sprinkle with salt and pepper. Bake stirring once or twice, until the croutons are crisp and lightly colored on the outside but still soft within, about 10 to 15 minutes. Set aside and let cool.

Mix the red onion with the vinegar and lemon juice in a small bowl and set aside for a few minutes before whisking in the remaining vinaigrette ingredients: olive oil and dijon. Set aside.

Cut off dark green tops of leeks and trim root ends. Halve each leek lengthwise to within 2 inches of root end. Rinse well under cold running water to wash away sand. Cover leeks with cold water in a 12-inch heavy skillet. Add salt and simmer leeks, uncovered, until tender, 15 to 20 minutes.

Without draining the cooking water (you will reuse it for the asparagus), transfer leeks to a bowl of ice and cold water to stop cooking, then pat the leeks dry with paper towels. Break off tough ends of asparagus and cook it in the boiling water until crisp-tender, no more than 3 minutes if they’re pencil-thin, more if your asparagus is thicker. Transfer it to another bowl of ice water, drain and pat it dry.

Cut the leeks and the asparagus each into 1-inch segments–the leeks will be especially slippery and prone to separating; hold firm and use a sharp knife! Place pieces in a large bowl and mix in beans and cooled croutons. Pour vinaigrette over and toss well. Season with salt and pepper. (I also sprinkled about 1/2 T. or so of nutritional yeast over it all--the original recipe calls for parmesan on the croutons, so I wanted to give it a hint of cheesiness without overdoing it.)

(Recipe from Smitten Kitchen)

Cold Sesame Noodles

                                    from BitterSweet


Yes, the Prodigal Daughter of Veganism has returned. (That's me. And also a joke. I'm not THAT egotistical.) Anyways, I left my Michfest program at home, and I'd like to be as specific as possible when I share all my foodiness and experiences with you this week, so I figured I'd wait to post about it until tomorrow. Today, I instead bring you a recipe. If you can believe it. That's true dedication: returning from four days in the woods WITH a recipe to share. BUDDA BLAM!!! TAKE THAT!

Anyways, I made this pre-Michfest for lunch a couple weeks ago. It looked tasty. As does mostly anything on Hannah's blog. And I, of course, was not disappointed. I actually will say that I liked this quite a bit more than the spicy peanut noodle recipe I tried from the Vegetarian Times ever so long ago. It's got kick, but it also has a nice roasty depth to it from the sesame seeds. And I like the use of tahini in it as well because it gives it a markedly distinct flavor. Plus, goddamn people, it's super fricking simple to make. So yeah: go make it. Preferably topless. You know, in the spirit of Michfest and all.

INGREDIENTS:

• 7 - 8 oz. soba noodles or spaghetti


• 1/3 c. Tahini


• 3 T. soy sauce


• 1 T. rice vinegar (or regular vinegar if you don't have rice handy)


• 1/4 c. water


• 1 garlic clove


• 1/2" fresh ginger root


• 1 t. brown sugar


• 1/2 - 1 t. red pepper flakes


• 1 carrot


• 1 zucchini


• 2 T. toasted sesame seeds


• 2 T. chopped chives

DIRECTIONS

Cook the noodles as you normally would, drain, and rinse with cold water. Set aside.

In a large bowl, whisk together the tahini, soy sauce, vinegar, and water. Finely mince the garlic and ginger before stirring them in as well, along with the sugar and pepper. Dump the noodles into the bowl and toss them so that they’re all thoroughly coated with sauce.

Peel your carrot and julienne it, along with the zucchini, before tossing them into the bowl and mixing again.

Cover with plastic wrap and throw the whole thing into your refrigerator until you’re ready to serve.

It will last 2 or 3 days, but the sauce will become thicker/dryer as it grows older, so you may want to stir in extra water if that’s the case.

When you’re ready to eat, just sprinkle sesame seeds and fresh chives over the top. Done!

(Makes 4 Servings)

(Recipe from Hannah at BitterSweet)

More Squishy-Love-Shared-Cooking!

N-A whipped up this pasta from scratch last week after we spent the humid summer afternoon lazing about. Maybe we should eat something, he said. Yes, maybe, I said. And so we did.

For some reason, I take the WORST pictures in his kitchen. Which is a shame because it's a damn cute kitchen. I must work on this. So please excuse the Bigfoot-esque quality to the pics:

The sauce was a mix of olive oil, ketchup, and seasonings. The vegetable portion consisted of red and green peppers, steak-cut shrooms, and portabellas. But what really made this noteworthy was the fact that he added strawberries to the mix. I was like, Wow, did you just throw STRAWBERRIES into that? And he was all, Yeah, pasta sauce always needs a little sweetness to it, and they kinda look like mushrooms but have a sweet kick to them. Brilliant? I think so. Because despite my skepticism, he was 100% correct. It was a nice burst of flavor to bite into a sweet strawberry every once in a while. And they actually complimented the sweet bitterness of the peppers quite a bit as well.

In return, I cooked an old repeat that I hadn't made in quite some time (Hit-the-Pan-Salsa Pasta), mostly because my jalapeno pepper plant has been BURSTING with jalapenos, so I wanted to finally use a couple of them (you can see them spooning below). I still dig this pasta sauce--it's perfect for the summer since it uses a wealth of fresh summery veggies. It also requires very minimal heat-producing time on the stove (five minutes at most), so you won't sweat up your kitchen. And it's not heavy or hot--it's a light, punch-filled pasta sauce.




On the side, I whipped up a very simple and yet AWESOMELY flavorful asparagus salad. I've made other versions before, but this actually is my favorite, and actually the simplest of all of them. And the balsamic is a much better choice of vinegar by way of flavor. Apple cider vinegar is kind of flat in comparison to the sexy depth that balsamic lends to strawberries. So yeah. There you have it.

SWEET STRAWBERRY-BALSAMIC ASPARAGUS SALAD

INGREDIENTS:

• 1 small container strawberries, rinsed and sliced


• 1 bunch asparagus, tough ends removed & cut into 2" pieces


• 2 T. balsamic vinegar


• 1 T. olive oil

DIRECTIONS

Toss your strawberries into a bowl. Drizzle the balsamic vinegar over the top of them, and let them sit for at least an hour.

In the meantime, heat up your olive oil in a skillet on medium heat. Toss in your asparagus and cook for about 3-5 minutes. Toss in a little handful of water, and throw a lid over the skillet. Cook for a few more minutes, until asparagus is tender but not soggy. Remove from heat and let cool.

Add asparagus to the strawberry/vinegar mix. Toss. Serve.

Corn and Edamame-Sesame Salad

                                    from Veganomicon



For some reason, eating shelled edamame reminds me of eating many tiny Kermits.




Seriously.

Which would be vegan, I believe, seeing as Kermit (close your ears, kiddies) is just a puppet. And unless you took a nice big chunk out of the hand underneath, all you'd really be feasting on is felt.

So yeah: many tiny Kermits.

All in all, I liked this salad. It's nice, crisp, spring-like, and simple. I served it over some greens, and it's made for a tasty (though unfortunately not super-filling) lunch.

I must take pause though to discuss a topic near and dear to my heart, and that is the topic of lettuce salads. I hate them. Lettuce salads are, to me, akin to fingernails on a blackboard. As soon as you toss lettuce into any salad I'm eating, I am promptly bored with it.

Things that I find strange about lettuce salads:

1. Why would ANYONE ever order a lettuce-salad at a restaurant FOR THEIR MEAL? This blows my mind. No matter HOW much shit you soup that thing up with--fancy rims, spoilers, bass, etc.--it STILL JUST TASTES LIKE A BORING LETTUCE SALAD. So why would you go out to eat AND ORDER ONE? Seriously. Especially when they're typically RETARDEDLY overpriced. $9 for a lettuce salad? F-ing bite me, dude. When I see people actually ORDER these at restaurants, I always suspect that perhaps their bodies have actually been taken over by pod-people. Go wander into someone's garden and just start gnawing, for god's sake. Save yourself 9 excruciating bucks.


2. Why would you ever MAKE one of these as a meal at home? I mean, unless all your limbs have been chopped off while you are simultaneously (and inexplicably) filled with an excruciating and insatiable hunger, and the only thing that you can possibly do (after FINALLY getting that damn refrigerator door open with your stumps) is rip open a bag of loose-greens with your teeth and then start a-gnawing, why would you EVER make this choice? There's SO much more interesting stuff to make. Other than flaccid boring unoriginal lettuce. OH MY GOD SERIOUSLY. I have never once thought, in my whole life, man, I really think I'd just like me a nice bowl of lettuce with some shit thrown on top of it.


3. I feel like I had a third thing to ramble about, but I've gotten all flustered and overly-excited in shouting about the first two that I forget what it is. So: on to the recipe.

INGREDIENTS:

Dressing:

• 2 T. toasted sesame oil


• 1 T. rice vinegar (or any vinegar works fine)


• 2 t. tamari or soy sauce

Salad:

• 2 c. frozen, shelled edamame


• 1 c. fresh corn (1 or 2 ear, depending on the size) or partially frozen corn


• 2 T. toasted sesame seeds


• Generous pinch of salt

DIRECTIONS

Bring a a big pot of water to a boil. Meanwhile, whisk all the dressing ingredients in a medium-size mixing bowl.

Boil the edamame for 3 minutes. Add the corn and boil for another 2 minutes. Drain into a colander and run under cold water until cool enough to touch. Add the edamame and corn to the dressing and toss to combine. Add the sesame seeds and toss again. Salt to taste. Cover and chill at least 15 minutes. Yum!

(As posted on Splendid Sustenance)

Quinoa Salad with Black Beans and Sweet Potatoes

                                     from the PPK Forum


Sometimes I think that the limes I buy at the WSM have secretly been pumped with sulfuric acid. Now, I know I know: limes are highly acidic. A lot of people's mouths reactly strongly to them. Blah blah blah. But nonetheless, I still believe that the ones I bought this weekend were highly sulfuric. Reason being, I used them on this (extremely delish, springy, and simple) salad dish, and EVERY time I ate it all week, it felt like the insides of my mouth were rotting out. Kind of like the inside of my mouth were one of the nazis from Raiders of the Lost Ark:




You say: That's the norm for limes.

I say: Sulfuric acid.

You say: Not sulfuric acid.

I say: The melting of inner mouth-Nazis.

You say: Fine. Sulfuric acid.

I say: Booyah. I win.

Nonetheless, I really did dig this dish. It was delightful, tangy, sunshiney, sweet, and chock full of protein (hurray for quinoa). And it's a simple dish to whip up. I made a double-batch and it's lasted me all week.

The inside of my cheeks are not pleased.

But the rest of me sure is.

INGREDIENTS:

• 1 c. quinoa


• 1-2 T. olive oil


• 1 large sweet potato, peeled and diced


• 2 scallions, thinly sliced


• 1/2 t. dried red chile flakes


• 2 c. water


• Salt, to taste


• 1 sm. can black beans, drained and thoroughly rinsed


• Juice of 2 limes


• 1/4 c. chopped fresh cilantro

DIRECTIONS

Rinse quinoa. Heat oil over medium-high heat in a medium skillet (be sure you have a tight-fitting lid for the skillet). Add sweet potato, scallion, and chile and saute until fragrant, about 2 minutes. Add quinoa; toast for 2 minutes. Add water and salt.

Bring to a boil, reduce heat to medium low, and cover. Simmer until quinoa and sweet potato are tender, about 10 to 12 minutes. If liquid remains unabsorbed in the pan, raise heat to high and cook for 2 minutes until it boils off. (Mine was more moist than I would've liked, so I would probably use a tad bit less water next time. But it still was damn good regardless.)

Stir in black beans and lime juice and cilantro.

Serve warm or chilled.

(original recipe posted on the PPK Forums)

Caribbean Black Bean & Quinoa Salad

Short and sweet today. ("That's what she said!" Oh man, I can't wait for that show to start up again. Anyways...)

My friend P rocks. I would totally have her babies, if she was a lesbian and I was a lesbian. But alas. WE HAVE BEEN FOILED BY NATURE! Anyways, every once in a while she invites me over on a weekday and cooks dinner for me. (I have yet to return the favor but plan on it. Soon. You hear me, P?!?!) I am so very happy that she recently moved to the area--as she said a month or two ago, "Since I moved here, I think we've hung out more in two weeks than all the time we've hung out previously put together." (She said it a bit more eloquently and grammatically suavely though. And also while batting her eyelashes at me and licking her lips seductively or epileptically or maybe a bit of both).

Anyways, having her in the neighborhood pleases me because she appreciates a sense of community the way I appreciate a sense of community. For example, for a long while, I've been wanting to do a montly rotation of Vegan Dinner Nights with a couple other friends in the neighborhood--I like that sense of community and sharing, especially since I love to cook. But of course, that never seems to pan out. Luckily P is weird like me and enjoys that kind of shit (which means we have to start doing this, just the two of us, P, and maybe inviting a few other worthies once in a while too--how 'bout it?). So it's really nice to have someone say to me, Hey, how 'bout coming over this week and I'll cook you some quinoa?

She also shares my fiendish hatred of raw onions. I mean, she gets me. She really gets me.

I guess what I'm saying is, I'M GLAD YOUR IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD, P! *tearing up a little and then throwing up a little just to diffuse the mushiness of this moment*

Now to the point of all this: she whipped up this quinoa dish for me last week, and it was quite delicious. Delicious enough that I overate it and had a stomachache when I got home.

It is simple. It is tasty. It is good for you. And it will make you gassy! Hurray for gas!

(Oh, and the original recipe uses rice, but P got all creative and used quinoa instead. So I'm putting the quinoa version below.)

INGREDIENTS:

• 1/2 c. extra virgin olive oil


• 1/4 cup apple cider vinegar


• 1 T. Dijon mustard


• 1 t. ground cumin


• 1 t. minced garlic


• Salt and pepper to taste


• 2.5 c. cooked quinoa (about 1 cup raw, I'm guessing)


• 1 15-oz. can black beans, drained and rinsed


• 3/4 c. chopped red bell pepper


• 3/4 c. chopped yellow bell pepper


• 1/2 c. chopped scallions

DIRECTIONS

Whisk oil, vinegar, mustard, cumin and garlic in a medium bowl until well blended.

Throw all other ingredients in a large bowl and toss with enough dressing to moisten.

Season with salt and pepper

(May be made 6 hours ahead, though it tastes yummiest when warm! Cover and refrigerate)

Makes 6 servings.

"You Don't Win Friends With (Lentil) Salad"*

Man, I am like *the* laziest this week. I done cooked stuff last week, but the scrooge in me is like *yawn* you are too busy or too tired or too horny or too plain lazy to post it. BUT I SHALL! FOR YOU, MY LOVES! BECAUSE I LOVE YOU AND WANT TO RUB MY NAUGHTY PARTS ALL OVER YOU IN APPRECIATION!

So cookoutery... I did a wee bit of it on Monday. I whipped up some burgers from, you guessed it, the Vegetarian Times. My lazy self is right now rejoicing because the recipe isn't up yet in their database since it was from the most recent issue (the summer issue), and since I don't have the recipe on me (*SHUCKS*) I can't type it out here (*DOUBLESHUCKS*). In all actuality, I wouldn't *want* to post it here until I give it a second try, because quite honestly, it was a *terrible* recipe. For those of you who have a subscription, it was for the Chicago Diner burger, and since I really dug the Chicago Diner when I visited my sister in Chicago and ate there with her, I figured it would be a damn good recipe. I was super-disappointed as it ended up being ridiculously mushy, despite being precooked in the oven and despite my attempts at adding more flour to a couple patties before grilling. The burger-pic featured in the mag looks so plump and roasted and gloriously tasty that I wanted to start punching babies when my patties ended up being really oatmeally and just plain old mushy. I don't know if it's because I put the mix in the fridge to cool off overnight and it added too much moisture to the mix, but it was just a fricking mess. I suspect that the problem was me moreso than the recipe, but it's more fun to complain and curse the day that God brought this recipe into the world, so I'm doing that instead, for shits and giggles. So: no recipe for now. If anyone else has had better luck with this recipe, please reassure me. I really wanted to like it. *Sigh*

Look at it trying to play up how pretty and
innocent it is in the pic above. *COUwhoreGH*

On the side, I whipped up a batch of lentil salad, also from the Vegetarian Times. This, thankfully, was *WAY* better than the burgers, and my mom's been sending me emails all week telling me how much she's enjoyed chowing on the leftovers. It's very simple and clean-tasting and kind of reminds me of spring in its clean simplicity. It's easy to make as well. As always, I cut the oil amounts in half (which I've adjusted below) and *still* found it too oily for my tastes, so you may wanna gradually add it until it satisfies your grease-factor.

And props to my mum who whipped up her own recipe of a vegan cream-cheesey chocolate-raspberry-oreo pie using vegan cream cheese, an oreo crust, and frosting. Unfortunately I am a dunce and was so swept away by gorging on the actual pie that I forgot to take pictures. So here is a picture of Joe Albino instead. He looks very excited to be here.





"YOU DON'T WIN FRIENDS WITH (LENTIL) SALAD"



INGREDIENTS:

• 1 c. dried lentils


• 1 medium-size carrot, finely diced (about 3/4 c.)


• 6 green onions, thinly sliced (about 2/3 c.)


• 1 celery stalk, finely diced (about 1/2 c.)


• 1/2 red bell pepper, finely diced (about 1/2 c.)


• 1/2 c. cilantro leaves, finely chopped


• 1/2 c. Italian parsley leaves, finely chopped


• 1 clove garlic, minced (about 1 t.)


• 1 t. lemon zest


• 1/3 c. fresh lemon juice


• 2 T. olive oil


• romaine lettuce leaves, for garnish

DIRECTIONS

Bring 3 cups water to a boil in large saucepan over high heat. Add lentils, and reduce heat to medium low. Cover, and simmer 15 minutes, or until lentils are just tender. Drain well. Spread lentils on large baking sheet to cool. (Alternately, you can cook them in your rice cooker like I do.)

Toss lentils, carrot, green onions, celery, bell pepper, cilantro, parsley, garlic and lemon zest in large bowl. Drizzle with lemon juice and olive oil, and toss to coat. Season with salt and pepper. Spoon salad into bowls lined with lettuce leaves.

(Original recipe from the Vegetarian Times)

----------
*One of my favorite Simpsons episodes, and why Matt Groening should have my babies, despite the fact that the Simpsons is now being used to sell BK burgers which made me tear up a bit every time I see a commercial. *SIGH*

Mock Tuna Salad

(Featured atop a 'tater-chip)

A couple weeks ago I saw this Mock Tuna Salad recipe recommended on someone's blog (whose blog it was now eludes me though), so I thought, Hey, Self, that'd be something yummy to make for lunches for the week, Self. So Self made a batch of "Tuna" Salad and was knocked off her feet by it. But then Self realized that she'd never actually tasted *real* tuna salad before (*gasps of shock and horror*) so she wasn't actually sure it *tasted* like real tuna salad, though it certainly did *smell* like it and reminded her of her mom and her family dog Lucy (whom she was convinced was half-cat since she had a fiendish love of tuna).

Anyways, Self tried to figure out how to get an accurate read on how tuna-esque the mock-tuna salad actually was, and it dawned on her she could save a wee bit for her fellow when he was in town for the weekend. This was a difficult task, as Self kept whittling down the quantity of "tuna" salad left, because it was *that* good. But thankfully there was enough left for him to try out Sunday morning, and lo and behold, despite him being skeptical of it tasting like *real* tuna salad, his eyes got big, and he said, "Well, I'll be damned--this actually *does* really taste like tuna salad" (or some equivalent of that where he didn't sound like an old guy in a fedora).

So yes: Self was correct. This is a damn good recipe. Enough so that Self has *seriously* been going through some serious mock-tuna-salad craving-waves this week, pretty much every meal starting off with the thought: "Damn, I wish I had me some of that Mock Tuna Salad."

Needless to say, Self heartily heartily HEARTILY recommends this recipe.

If you try out nothing else I've posted here in a while, Self recommends you at least try out this one.

INGREDIENTS:

• 1(15 oz.) can chick-peas, drained (or 1.5 c. cooked)


• 1/4 cup vegan mayonnaise (the original would call for in-excess of 1/4 c., but 1/4 c. is WAY more than enough--I think I even used only 1/4 c. on a double-batch of this, and it was *still* magnifique, so if you're looking for lower-fat and calories, just add a wee bit at a time)


• 1/3 cup minced celery


• 2.5 T. minced dill pickle (about 1 pickle-slice, give or take)


• 1/2 T. nutritional yeast


• 1 green onion, chopped


• 1 t. soy sauce


• 1/2 t. kelp powder (optional--i didn't use, b/c who the hell keeps kelp powder handy?)


• pepper, to taste

DIRECTIONS
In a medium bowl, mash the chick-peas coarsely with a fork. Mix in the remaining ingredients. Use on sandwiches or on a bed of salad greens.

(Original recipe from Compassionate Action for Animals)

Strawberry Asparagus Salad

I cooked for my friend Mo this weekend, a fierce feast of asparagus and pasta.

This asparagus dish is based off of a recipe from this vegetarian fusiony cookbook I have at home (whose name is eluding me right now), and it's one that I've always drooled over (since it sounds so unusual) but never got around to making. However, since I have a fiendish hatred of buying ingredients that I'll never use again, which just seems so wasteful (in this case, strawberry vinegar), I made a few alterations to the original recipe.

The end result was surprisingly scrumptious. I suppose I shouldn't be shocked that strawberries and asparagus taste so good together, but I am. I AM!

INGREDIENTS:

• 1 lb. fresh asparagus


• 1 pint fresh strawberries


• 1 T. vegetable oil


• 6 T. apple cider vinegar


• 2 T. water


• Sugar

DIRECTIONS

Fill a smaller-size sauce pan with cold water, a pinch or two of sugar, and 5 T. apple cider vinegar. Bring to a boil. Add asparagus and cook until just tender.

Drain asparagus and place in a bowl. Drizzle 1 T. veggie oil, 1 T. apple cider vinegar, and 2 T. water over the asparagus and mix it up a bit. Let it sit in this marinade while you fiddle with your strawberries.

Take 7 of your not-quite-so-attractive strawberries and set them aside. Slice up your remaining strawberries into quarters. Place them in a bowl, and sprinkle a t. or so of sugar on them to draw out the juices.

Cut off the tops of your 7 strawberries and toss into a food processer. Blend until smooth.

After your asparagus has marinated for about 30 minutes or so, add your strawberries and mix around. Serve topped with some of your strawberry dressing.

Makes about 2 salads.

Metaphysical Quandary Green Bean Salad

I realized today that perhaps the existence of this green bean salad should send fear exploding through the hearts of humankind, since it is its own metaphysical quandary, containing both garlic and mint, and by doing so, stinking up **and** freshening one's breath *simultaneously* WHICH CAN LEAD TO NO GOOD AND WILL NO DOUBT CAUSE A RIP IN THE SPACE-TIME CONTINUUM WHICH MEANS WE WILL ALL DIE SO IN TRANSLATION: THE EXISTENCE OF THIS GREEN BEAN SALAD MEANS *DEATH*!

*ducking as the FBI come running into my office and conviscate it*

Enjoy.

(I made a half-batch of this, but I include the whole recipe. Just because. So neh.)

INGREDIENTS:

• 2 T. chopped walnuts


• 1 c. packed fresh mint leaves


• 1/2 c. packed fresh parsley leaves


• 1/3 c. olive oil


• 1 T. chopped fresh ginger


• 1 T. fresh lemon juice


• 1 clove garlic, minced (about 1 tsp.)


• 1/4 t. sugar


• 1/2 t. salt


• 1 1/4 lb. new potatoes, scrubbed and halved


• 1 lb. green beans, or 1/2 lb. green beans and 1/2 lb. wax beans, trimmed

DIRECTIONS

Toast walnuts in small skillet 4 to 5 minutes over medium heat, or until nuts are fragrant, shaking pan frequently. Cool.

Purée walnuts, mint, parsley, oil, ginger, lemon juice, garlic, sugar and salt in food processor or blender until smooth, stopping to scrape down sides of bowl once or twice. Transfer to bowl. Press plastic wrap onto surface of pesto to keep from turning brown, and let stand at room temperature for 1/2 hour, or up to 3 hours.

Bring large pot of salted water to a boil. Add potatoes and cook 8 minutes. Add beans, and simmer 4 to 5 minutes more, or until vegetables are tender. Drain.

Transfer vegetables to large bowl, and toss with pesto. Serve warm or at room temperature.

(Original recipe from the Vegetarian Times)

* * * * * * *

And for the dazzling non-penis-toting lady-lovahs that I shamefully overlooked yesterday, my A-list of bad-ass female hotties:

Late Summer Succotash

So to hell with E and maudlin moments of wistfulness and nostalgia... Back to food! ; )

Like the dirty blankie calling to comfort me, like that bottle of beer at the back of the fridge with my name on it, like that crack pipe hidden in a loose brick in my wall, who else could I turn to in my hour of need but the Vegetarian Times?

And what better recipe to use than one that just makes me quiver and tingle and shoot laser beams from my eyes all because the only reason it is not marked as vegan is... *seriously: hold on to your pooters and manjunk and any loose marbles in your pockets*... it has 1 T. of butter in the ingredient list. That's it.

Oh hell yes, VT--smack my ass and call me Sally, that's how infuriated I get with you sometimes. ONE TABLESPOON OF BUTTER, which of course can easily be substituted for non-hydrogenated vegan margarine with absolutely *no* decline in taste. *gasps of shock, horror, dismay, orgasm* In fact, I just left it out entirely (I tend to half the amount of oils/butters that VT calls for as a lot of their dishes are a bit oily for my taste). And as I'm sure you've probably already guessed, the dish was nonetheless absolutely delicious, despite the veganizing of the recipe.

And although the VT really deserves to get roughed up a bit, this may be one of my favorite recent VT recipes. It is so fast and easy that it will blow your mind ("That's what she said!"). And it has this *MIND-BLOWINGLY* delicate flavor to it that just makes you want to melt all over the seat you're sitting in. It is *absurdly* simplistic in its choice of herbs and dressing (just fresh basil and parsley with a bit of drizzled apple cider vinegar), but its simplicity brings out the powerful punch of all the veggies within. *AND* this recipe finally clarified what the hell "sauteeing" is to me. Make fun all you want, but I always just sort of thought "sauteeing" was just a fancy-people word for "cooking shit in a pan." BUT NO! Sauteeing means that you cook food in a skillet over medium-high to high heat WHILE KEEPING THE FOOD IN CONSTANT MOTION so that your veggies crisp up without sogging and also caramelize into those perfectly crisp, delicate little veggies that make your heartstrings purr.

That is the scientific definition of "sautee."

So yeah, check this recipe out. It'll seriously take you like 15 minutes to whip up, it's that simple. And it's *SO* good.

Oh, and the VT apparently thinks that this recipe makes enough for 6, but I'm thinking you'll be lucky if you get 3 servings out of it (if you're eating it for lunch and not as a side), so be forewarned.

INGREDIENTS:

• One 10-oz. pkg frozen baby lima beans, thawed


• 1 T. olive oil (or 1 T. vegan margarine + 1 t. olive oil)


• 1 small red onion, diced (1 c.)


• 1 clove garlic, minced


• 1 c. corn


• 1 c. cherry or grape tomatoes, halved


• 2 T. chopped fresh parsley


• 2 T. chopped fresh basil


• 1 T. apple cider vinegar (or white balsamic vinegar)

DIRECTIONS

Heat oil in large skillet over medium-high heat. Add onion, and sautee 5-7 minutes or until it begins to brown. Add garlic and cook one minute more.

Stir in lima beans and sautee 5 minutes. Add corn and tomatoes and sautee one minute more, or until heated through, but tomatoes have not released their juices. Remove from heat and stir in parsley, basil, and vinegar. Serve warm or chilled.

(adapted from p. 70 of the Sept. 2007 Vegetarian Times)

South of the Border Couscous Salad

I am such an f-ing VT slut.

I'm all, I HATE YOU, VT! You're a sonofabitch and I don't want to get wit' you no more! and then 5 minutes later I'm like Oh, VT, oh do it to me dirty like that again! Oh yes, VT! Yes yes!

Yeah, what can I say: yet another tasty recipe from the magazine I love to hate to love.

'Cept I used tri-colored couscous instead of wheat. Take THAT, VT! OH SNAP!

INGREDIENTS:

• 1/2 t. ground cumin


• 1/2 t. salt


• 1 c. uncooked whole-wheat couscous (or tri-colored)


• 1 15-oz. can black beans, drained and rinsed


• 1 c. fresh or frozen corn kernels


• 1/2 c. chopped red onion


• 1/4 c. cilantro, chopped


• 1 small jalapeño pepper, seeded and diced, optional


• 3 T. fresh lime juice


• 1 T. roasted garlic–flavored olive oil (I used 1 T. olive oil + two minced cloves of garlic--slabaaam! VT tends to over-oil stuff, in my humble opinion)

DIRECTIONS

Combine 1 1/2 cups water, cumin, couscous, and salt in your Rice Cooker and cook it until Rice Cooker says it's done (Rice Cooker is all-knowing, like heavenly Jeebus).* Transfer to medium bowl, fluff with fork, and let cool to room temperature.

Fold beans, corn, onion, cilantro and jalapeño, if desired, into couscous. Stir in lime juice and oil. Season to taste with salt and pepper, and add more lime juice, if desired.

*Alternately, you can combine the water, cumin, and salt in a saucepan and bring to a boil--then just add couscous, stir, and return to a boil. Remove from heat, cover, and let stand 5 to 10 minutes, or until liquid is absorbed. (If you're one of those stank-ass rice-cookerless motherf-ers, that is.)

(Original recipe from the Vegetarian Times)

Southwestern Black Bean Potato Salad

I cooked out this weekend for the 4th of July. And because I am patriotic, I did so while wearing a large man-diaper made out of an American flag and a necklace sculpted from the bones of Iraqi terrorists. It was quite a sight to behold. Patriotism at its best, one might say.

Between stereotyping anyone with dark skin as a potential terrorist, pasting my new I HEART GEORGE W. sticker on my car, and ripping off the head of a chicken with my bare teeth, I *ALSO* found time to whip up some of Susan V's delicious numblies, and damn if they weren't good!

If potato salad were a lover, and I was going to make sweet sweet love to it, I'd want it dressed in exactly this potato-y lingerie. Fiery red tomato bustier. Black bean pasties. Garters held up by golden gems of corn. And a sweet damp moistness, trickling its way down the side of its bowl.

Hot sexy patriotic potatoes at their motherf-ing best, my friends.

Oh, and not only does it LOOK sexy, it tastes sexy too, with just the right amount of chipotle to get you a little bit sweaty.

Because as you know and as I know, 4th of July is *ALL* about sweet hot patriotic potato sex.

INGREDIENTS:

• 1 egg's worth of egg replacer (prepared according to the box's directions)


• 2 pounds small red potatoes


• 1 c. fresh, frozen, or canned corn kernels


• 1/2 c. finely chopped red pepper


• 1/2 c. chopped green onions


• Two 15-oz. cans black beans, rinsed and drained (3 cups cooked beans)


• 1 jalapeño pepper, seeded and finely chopped


• 1 large tomato, chopped


• 1 -2 T. chipotle chiles in adobo sauce, chopped


• 1/4 c. fresh lime juice


• 1 clove garlic, pressed or minced


• 3/4 t. salt


• 1/2 t. ground cumin


• 1/4 t. chili powder


• 1/4 t. freshly ground black pepper

DIRECTIONS

Whip up your egg replacer according to the directions on the box--whip with a whisk until frothy and set aside.

Place potatoes in a saucepan, and cover with water. Bring to a boil. Reduce heat; simmer 20 minutes or until tender. Drain; cool. Cut potatoes into 3/4-inch cubes. Place potatoes in a large bowl. Add corn, red pepper, onions, black beans (rinsed and drained very thoroughly), jalapeño pepper, and tomatoes and mix well.

Remove 1 chipotle chile from can. Chop chile to measure 1 to 2 tablespoons. (Reserve remaining chiles and adobo sauce for another use--I like to mince them and freeze them in ice cube trays.) Combine chopped chipotle chile, egg replacer, lime juice, garlic, salt, cumin, chili powder, and black pepper, stirring with a whisk. Drizzle the lime juice mixture over potato mixture, and toss gently. Cover and chill for at least 1 hour, stirring every now and then. Taste and add more lime juice as needed before serving atop mixed greens, if desired.

(Obviously the only thing I changed on the recipe was the flax-seed/water mixture, since I didn't have flax seed. I subbed in 1 egg's worth of egg-replacer instead.)

(about 5-6 servings)

(Recipe from the FatFree Vegan Kitchen)

Spinach-Quinoa Salad with Cherries and Almonds

My pic is a little bit lackluster,
so I include the recipe-pic from the
Vegetarian Times as well:



This is a good salad recipe, particularly so for picnics. I brought some in to work for a friend of mine, and she whipped up a batch of it for herself just a few days later, she liked it that much. I would've liked to try this with fresh cherries, but I had no desire to spend money on a cherry-pitter that I'd only ever use once. And ye old method of biting and spitting out the seeds seemed somehow... unsanitary... for a salad that I was sharing with others. But I bet this would be a damn foxy salad with some fresh cherries.

Mmmm. Cherries.

INGREDIENTS:

Salad

• 1/4 c. sliced almonds, toasted


• 1.5 c. quinoa, rinsed and drained


• 2 c. spinach leaves, cut into thin slivers


• 2 c. fresh cherries, pitted and halved, or 1 c. dried cherries, chopped (I used the latter)


• 1 cucumber, peeled, seeded and cut into 1/3-inch dice (about 1 1/2 cups)


• 1 15-oz. can chickpeas, rinsed and drained


• 1 small red onion, finely chopped (about 1/2 cup)

Dressing

• 1/4 c. plain soy yogurt


• 3 T. olive oil


• 2 T. fresh lemon juice


• 2 cloves garlic, minced

Directions

Prepare quinoa according to your liking (I cook mine in my rice-cooker, with a 2:1 ration of water to quinoa). Allow to cool.

Toss together all salad ingredients. In a separate bowl, whisk together yogurt, olive oil, lemon juice and garlic. Pour over salad, and toss to coat. Season to taste with salt and pepper.

Chill 30 minutes to allow flavors to develop, then serve.

(Original recipe from the Vegetarian Times)

Quinoa, Corn, and Zucchini Medley

This week has been long. Incredibly long. Gut-wrenchingly, testicle-piercingly, nipple-pinchingly long.

What this has to do with this salad, I'm not sure. But I'm tired, and it felt somehow necessary to mention it.

I'll make it relevant though by stating that if you whip up this salad, your guts will *NOT* wrench, your testicles will *NOT* pierce, and your nipples will *NOT* pinch. How's that for a recommendation?

See, in THIS picture, it's NOT pinching your nipples:



And in this one, it's not piercing your testes:



INGREDIENTS:

Salad

• 1 c. quinoa


• 1 c. canned corn, drained*


• 1 med. zucchini. diced


• 4 green onions, thinly sliced


• 1/4 c. chopped cilantro


• 2 T. chopped fresh mint


• 1/4 c. pine nuts

Dressing

• 3 T. olive oil


• 2 T. orange juice


• 1 T. lemon juice


• 1/4 t. grated lemon zest


• Salt and pepper to taste

DIRECTIONS

Cook your quinoa in whatever way you choose, with a 2:1 water-to-quinoa ratio (I used my rice cooker).

Make your dressing by whisking all your dressing-ingredients together.

Once your quinoa is cool, mix in all your salad ingredients and drizzle the dressing over the top.

(Make 4-6 servings)

PS. You ever notice how some of these cooking magazines take ridiculously long to explain a rather simple set of directions? This recipe was one such example. I just included my Occam's Razor, Cliff's Notes set above to spare you.

PPS. This is actually quite a good recipe--I usually get sick of my lunches by the end of the week, but I looked forward to this one. I particularly enjoyed how the mint kinda counter-balanced the green onions. It made my palate feel all well-rounded and shit.

(My modifications are asterisked. Original recipe from the Vegetarian Times, May/June 2007, p.40)

Cooking Out and Erin McKeown

This past Saturday, my friend Peppermint came over to go with us to see the very awesome and delectable Erin McKeown play at a nearby venue, but not before all three of us decided that we were gonna cook-out, despite the foreboding weather reports of massive thunderstorms (which never really graced my area, thankfully). Peppermint brought me boobs and Trader Joe's Roasted Red Pepper dip and pita chips to share. E made some black-bean concoction from Vegan Family Favorites (whose name I am not quite sure of), and I made veggie-burgers and fruit salad.

The veggie burgers were some extremely protein-rich, hearty ones from Vegan Ventures, and man were they good. I followed her directions to a t, except to substitute in fresh parsley and fresh oregano. As Kate said, they hold together really well on the grill, which is always a perk for veggie burgers. The only thing that threw me a bit was the amount of veggie-burgers it was supposed to yield: I followed the directions accurately, and yet I only had enough for 3 large patties and one slightly less buxom one. But then again: maybe I just suck.

I definitely recommend these though. They're not too complicated or involved to whip up, they are packed with protein, and they are really damn flavorful. So check them out.

KATE'S NEW AND IMPROVED BLACK BEAN BURGERS


(BEFORE)

(AFTER)

INGREDIENTS:

• 1/4 c. grated onion (I used red)*


• 1/4 c. grated red pepper


• 3 garlic cloves, minced


• 1/4 t. each of dried red pepper, cumin and chili powder


• 1 t. each of oregano and basil (or 1 T. each, fresh)*


• 1 T. parsley


• 1/2 c. coarsely chopped almonds


• 1/2 c. coarsely chopped sunflower seeds


• 1 t. sesame oil


• 1 15.5 oz. can black beans


• 2 tablespoons of water


• 3/4 c. of wheat germ

DIRECTIONS

After grating the red pepper and onion set them aside in a medium bowl. Combine the garlic, spices, almonds, sunflower seeds, and oil in a food processor and pulse until texture resembles bread crumbs. Transfer mixture to the bowl. Put the black beans and water in the food processor and process until smooth. Add this mixture to the bowl along with the wheat germ. Mix (preferably with your hands) completely. Separate into five balls and shape into patties. Make sure the patties are not too thin or they will fall apart. Grill for 8 minutes on each side, or until slightly browned. Enjoy with your favorite burger fixings.

Serves: 4-5

(Original recipe HERE)

* * * * * * *

On the side, I whipped up a very basic and simple berry-salad since raspberries and strawberries were dirt-cheap at the market and kept batting their big fat eyelashes at me all seductively every time I walked by. Fruit salads are always just, well, sorta fruit salads. But I'll share my recipe anyways--the mint made a nice addition, so if nothing else, at least you can take that idea with you.

BERRY NIPPULAR BERRY SALAD



INGREDIENTS:

• 1 sm. container strawberries, rinsed and sliced


• 1 sm. container raspberries, rinsed


• Juice from 1/2 an orange


• About 1 T. or so of mint, slivered

DIRECTIONS

Toss all your berries in a bowl. Drizzle the orange juice over them. Sprinkle with mint. Serve.

Two-Bean Salad with Tarragon Dressing

Ah, what to say about this salad other than that it was good? Not tons, other than to express my appreciation for the various salad-recipes that have been in the past couple issues of the Vegetarian Times--as much as they piss me off sometimes, they do come up with some DAMN good salad recipes (I'll be posting yet another one later this week as well).

This one is particularly nice because it strikes me as particularly healthy, mostly because it's very dynamic in its list of ingredients: everything from chickpeas to green beans to artichoke hearts to olives.

The only two warnings I offer you:

It is very acidic (between the vinegar and the tomatoes), so be forewarned and perhaps avoid chowing down on it with a very empty and very hungry stomach--I made that mistake one afternoon, and it left me with a few hours of really intense stomach pain, from what I can only assume was the very potent vinegar content.

And although it makes for good leftovers, if you want it to look pretty, aim to serve it within a few hours of making it, otherwise the green beans start to look like pasty-ass white-boys out at the beach after a long winter.

Other than that, have ye at it.

(The changes I made from the original are asterisked.)

INGREDIENTS:

The Two-Bean Salad

• 1 lb. green beans, trimmed and cut into 1-inch pieces*


• One 15-oz can chickpeas, drained and rinsed


• 1 c. cherry tomatoes, halved (I used grape toms, don't know if there's a difference)


• One 12 or 15 oz. can artichoke hearts, drained and roughly chopped* (I spanked them a little and said dirty things to them while chopping them)


• 1/2 c. pitted kalamata olives, halved


• 1/4 c. thinly-sliced red onion


• 1/4 c. finely chopped Italian parsley

The Tarragon Dressing

• 1/4 c. balsamic vinegar


• 2 t. Dijon mustard


• 1 t. agave nectar* (or maple syrup)


• 1 clove garlic


• 1/4 t. salt


• 1/4 t. black pepper


• 1/4 c. olive oil


• 1 T. fresh tarragon

DIRECTIONS

Steam green beans until just tender but still crispy. Let cool.
In the meantime, place all your Tarragon Dressing ingredients (except for the last two) in a blender and whip the shit out of them (*growr*). While processor is still running, slowly add your final two ingredients. Blend until completely smooth.
Toss green beans in with all other salad ingredients in a large bowl. Pour dressing over the top and mix.
Serve at room temperature.

(adapted from The Vegetarian Times, April 2007, p. 76)

Grilled Ratatouille Salad

This weekend I whipped up the Grilled Ratatouille Salad which was featured on the cover of the current issue of the Vegetarian Times. On the cover, the salad looks bright and perky, a bit summery and flouncy, like a teenage cheerleader headed off to summer-camp, soon to be deflowered:


But holy shit was this meal misrepresented by this picture. After grilling this salad up on E's hubcap, tasting it, and taking pics, I realized how goddamn sexy this salad actually is. It looks like something out of a Edvard Munch painting, dark, a bit spooky, sultry, and erotic. And it tastes much of the same, so simple and yet so rich with flavor from the balsamic reduction and the grilled veggies.

If lust had a flavor, this would be it.

Needless to say, this would make the perfect summer-seduction meal: it won't leave you sweating and stinky from having the oven on (you can save that for the bedroom), and yet it'll offer a rich variety of seductive flavors for the palate of that stone-cold fox that you've been trying to get in the sack for weeks now.

It looks like sin. Hot hot dirty sexy sin. And it tastes pretty close too.

Now I'm all tingly and shit.

The things I do for food.





(All ingredient-changes I made from the original are asterisked.)

INGREDIENTS:

• 3/4 c. balsamic vinegar


• 1 medium eggplant, cubed into 1/2 to 1" cubes


• 2 large red peppers, diced*


• 3 medium-sized zucchini, diced into 1/2 to 1" cubes


• 1 medium onion, sliced into thin rings


• 1/4 c. parsley, chopped


• 1/4 c. basil, chopped


• 1/2 c. pine nuts*

DIRECTIONS

Put vinegar in a small saucepan and bring to a simmer over high heat. Reduce heat to medium, and cook 12 minutes or until vinegar becomes syrup-like and reduces to 1/4 cup. Set aside.

Place eggplant, peppers, zucchini, and onions into a large bowl and season to taste with salt and pepper. Let stand 30 minutes at room temperature (or refrigerate overnight). Pour off any liquid.

Spritz a stove-top grill hubcappy thingie with some non-stick spray and heat it up on your stove (if you want to grill this outside, you'll want to follow the original direction and not cube your veggies, otherwise they'll just fall through--the cubed veggies work on the hubcap grill though, so these directions are specified to that). Grill the vegetables until nicely roasted (but not soggy). You will probably have to do this in batches (I think it took me about 3 or 4 batches). In a big-ass bowl (it makes a lot), toss with parsley, basil, pine nuts and balsamic vinegar. Serve warm or chilled (I ate mine over quinoa, and it was delectable).

(Recipe adapted from the Vegetarian Times, May/June 2007, p. 76.)