Scrumptious Turd Dogs

To be added to my menagerie of scatological recipes (i.e. ones that resemble dookie and/or puke) are Vegan Dad's homemade sausages.

Don't get me wrong: the recipe kicks serious dookie-shooting ass. And it's really super-simple to whip up.

But then there's this (fathers, shield your babies' eyes!!!):



Needless to say, when you wrap the sausages in foil BE SURE TO CINCH THE ENDS TIGHTLY.

Otherwise you and everyone else at your barbecue will call them Turd Dogs all night.



VEGAN DAD'S HOMEMADE SAUSAGES

INGREDIENTS:

• 1/2 c. pinto beans, rinsed and drained


• 1 c. cold vegetable broth


• 1 T. olive oil


• 2 T. soy sauce


• 2 cloves garlic, grated (with a microplane, or very finely minced)


• 1-1/4 c. vital wheat gluten


• 1/4 c. nutritional yeast


• 1-1/2 t. fennel seed, crushed (Lindy Loo sidenote: can you BUY this shit crushed? Because I've tried crushing it myself, and I don't even think the Incredible Hulk could pull it off.)


• 1 t. red pepper flakes


• 1 t. sweet paprika


• 1 t. dried oregano


• Several dashes fresh black pepper

DIRECTIONS

Before mixing your ingredients, get your steaming apparatus ready, bring water to a full boil. The rest of the recipe comes together very quickly.

Have ready 6 sheets of tin foil. In a large bowl, mash the pinto beans until no whole ones are left. Throw all the other ingredients together in the order listed and mix with a fork. Divide dough into 6 even parts. Place one part of dough into tin foil and mold into about a 5 inch log. Wrap dough in tin foil, like a tootsie roll. Don't worry too much about shaping it (EXCEPT FOR THE ENDS, PEOPLE--CINCH THOSE WIENERS TIGHT!/end lindy loo cry of desperation), it will snap into shape while it's steaming because this recipe is awesome.

Place wrapped sausages in steamer and steam for 40 minutes.

(Recipe from Vegan Dad)



(The rest of Lindy Loo's scatological menagerie can be found HERE.)

THAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNKKKKKKSSSSSSSSSSSSGIIIIIIIIIIIIVIIIIIINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!

Cooked again for Thanksgiving (I swear November is a vegan food-blogger's wet dream) and had to pause to shout at you the following:

OH MY GOD GO MAKE BRYANNA CLARK'S VEGAN SEITAN "TURKEY" ASAP I DON'T CARE THAT IT'S NO LONGER THANKSGIVING AND YOU HAVE NO REAL EXCUSE!! ON A DISTANT PLANET SOMEWHERE IT'S LIKELY TO BE THANKSGIVING SO JUST RUN WITH THAT!! DO IT! NOW!


(Click on pic for larger version with stuff labeled)

Seriously, I was intimidated at first by the length of the cooking directions (which actually are short but look overwhelming because she supplies you with several variations), but it was surprisingly easy to put together. Granted, it cooks for about four hours, but GOOD LORD PEEPS! How often do you get to lavish in the delightful thanksgiving smell of roasting for four hours now that you no longer cook turkey? You'll love it, trust me. And if you have a breadmaker, this is as simple as dumping the ingredients in and pressing a button.

Tofurkey-haters take heed in particular: this is by FAR tastier than the tofurkey many of us turn to as a quick turkey-substitute around the holidays.

True story: My brother SPECIFICALLY ASKED that I give him leftovers of the faux-turkey for him to take home. (This, the boy who bitches every year about how crappy tofurkey tastes.) He also raved about making the leftovers into a sandwich.

My sister and mom (despite me telling them I made it myself—they sometimes don't listen well) days after Thanksgiving did a doubletake when they realized that I HAD indeed made it myself and both said they didn't realize it because it tasted so good.

So yeah.

AND it makes TWO loaves. So I'm STILL working through leftovers.

What else: If you make it, $100 billion dollars will spontaneously fall into your lap, it's THAT good. (Okay, THAT part's a lie, but the rest: TRUE AS MOTHERF-ING HELL.)

I'm also including the gravy recipe I used for both Thanksgiving and my vegan potluck as it tastes WONDERFUL with this faux turkey recipe.

And now: a pic of my fam at Thanksgiving in which it looks like my Mom and brother are praying but really they are both genetically deficient and chromosomally alike enough that they both accidentally closed their eyes for the pic.




My table-setting:



And now the recipes:

(I've chosen to include ONLY the directions that I used in making my faux-turkey, so if you'd like to see the variations, go check out the original which is linked at the end. Also: I recommend cooking it the night before and then just throwing it back in the oven with a tiny bit of water and, say, your stuffing or some other delightful numbly that you have to cook for 45 mins or so to reheat.)


BRYANNA'S SEITAN "TURKEY"

INGREDIENTS:

DRY MIX:


• 2 c. pure gluten powder (instant gluten flour; vital wheat gluten)


• 1/2 c. full-fat soy flour or chickpea flour


• 1/2 c. nutritional yeast flakes


• 2 t. onion powder


• 1 t. garlic granules


• 1/4 t. white pepper


WET MIX:


• 12 oz. firm regular (NOT silken) tofu


• 1 & 1/2 c. water


• 3 T. soy sauce


• 1 T. olive oil


BASTING BROTH:


• 2 c. hot water


• 1/3 c. "chicken-style" vegetarian broth powder (I used 2 "chicken" bouillon cubes)


• 2 T. olive oil


• OPTIONAL: 4 cloves garlic, crushed


• 1/2-1 tsp. poultry herbs (sage, thyme, rosemary), crushed well

DIRECTIONS

Wet Mix: In a blender, blend all the ingredients until very smooth.

Dry Mix: Place ingredients in the bowl of your electric mixer with dough hook attachment, or place them in the bread machine in the order given. Add the Wet Mix and knead for about 10 minutes. (If your bread machine has a dough cycle-two kneads with a long rest in between-use that cycle. Otherwise, just run it through the kneading part and then unplug it and let it rest in the cover container, then plug it in again for another knead, then remove it.) Let rest for about 1 hour, covered. You can make your Cooking Broth at this time and have it ready. Then knead it for 10 more minutes.

(NOTE: You can knead by hand, too, but it's tougher than bread dough. You may want to let the seitan dough sit for a while to soak up the liquid more thoroughly before you starting hand-kneading.)

COOKING METHOD #2.) Preheat the oven to 325 degrees F. Flatten the dough out into a long piece and cut in half equally to make two rectangles. Form into 2 loaves. Place each loaf in an oiled 8 and1/2" x 4 and 1/2" loaf pan and press down a bit with your hand. Mix the Cooking Broth ingredients in a small bowl and pour 1/2 over each loaf. Cover each loaf pan with foil and place in the oven. Immediately reduce the oven heat to 200 degrees F. Bake for 3 hours. Turn the loaves over, carefully loosening around the edges and from the bottom with a small, thin spatula first. The loaves will have puffed up quite a bit by now, but they will flatten out as they cook further. Turn heat back to 325 degrees F. Cover loaves and bake for 30 minutes. Turn them over again, cover and bake 15 minutes. Turn them over again and bake 15 more minutes, covered. Turn them over one last time and bake 5-10 minutes.

(Recipe from Bryanna's Vegan Feast)

GOLDEN GRAVY

Ingredients:

• 1/2 c. nutritional yeast


• 1/2 c. whole wheat flour


• 1/3 c. canola oil


• 1/2 c. chopped onion


• 2 t. minced garlic


• 2 t. chopped fresh thyme, or 1 t. dried


• 2 t. chopped fresh sage, or 1 t. rubbed dried (or I used 3/4 t. powdered sage)


• 4 c. water


• 1/4 c. tamari


• salt to taste


• ground black pepper to taste

DIRECTIONS

Stir yeast and flour in heavy skillet over medium heat for five min or until fragrant.

Heat oil in large heavy saucepan over medium heat. Add onion, saute for 10 mins, or until it begins to brown. Add garlic, thyme, sage, and saute for 30 secs, or until fragrant. Whisk in flour mixture thoroughly, then whisk in water, tamari, salt, and pepper. Bring to a simmer, whisking frequently, and continue until reaches desired thickness. Strain into a bowl to serve.

(Recipe snagged from Vegan Favorites where it was reposted from Real Food Daily)

Some Southern Fried P

Seriously ridiculous:

I've had that song "Sixteen Going on Seventeen" song from The Sound of Music stuck in my head for DAYS. *stifled scream*




But anyways...

So my friend P rocks, and for a while (namely during the warmer weather), she'd frequently have me over for dinner. (You can check out a couple of the things she's cooked in the past both HERE and HERE.) She's also the creator of the WICKED-MAD vagina dentata cake I posted a while back:



Anywho, to my great pleasure, she invited me over for dinner again this past Monday. She had made a batch of seitan over the weekend and wanted to use it for some sort of dish. What she settled on was a "Southern Fried Vegetarian 'Chicken'" recipe that she'd stumbled across on the interwebs.

And holy crap am I glad she DID stumble across this recipe, as it is FINGER LICKING GOOD, for sure.

Her seitan was plump and moist, real nice and juicy and a great consistency that I have somehow not yet managed to match with my own.

And the batter & breading: holy mother, so good. It LOOKS remarkably chickenish, and the flavor has fantastically yum undertones of mustard:

I liked this so much that I've been thinking about it off and on since Monday and pondering when I should tackle making a batch myself.

Soon, for sure.

And not only is P a fantastic cook, she also has mad vintage style--I'm always admiring her kitchenware/decorations/crafts every time I'm at her place, so I figured I must must must share with you what she got me for my b-day (it's kitchen-related!):



Using her mad-vintage-style radar, she managed to hone in on these lovely cloth napkins that match the avocado-green of my kitchen:



this freakishly gorgeous (and retro) trivet:



and this pineapple decoration/towel/decoration (which matches both the avocado green of my kitchen and the handtowel hanging next to it at home):



So yes: I just have to gloat and say how wonderful it is to have such lovely friends as Ms. P.

Now if only I could get her to marry me, that way I can have her barefoot and pregnant in my kitchen on a daily basis, apron tight around her bulging waste as she whisks up some pancakes in one of her bright pyrex bowls and gives me a peck as I grumble off to work to bring home the (veg) bacon... well... that would just be a dream come true.

Southern Fried Vegetarian "Chicken"

                                       from Recipezaar

INGREDIENTS:

• 1 t. salt or seasoning salt


• 1 t. onion powder


• 1 t. garlic powder


• 1 t. black pepper


• 1 dash cayenne (optional)


• 1-1/2 c. flour


• 1/4 c. nutritional yeast


• 1/4 c. prepared mustard (from my nosey viewpoint, I can tell you that she used some Dijon and some yellow, I believe)


• 2 T. baking powder


• 1/2 c. water


• 1 lb seitan, cut into 1-2-inch square pieces


• oil (for frying)

DIRECTIONS

In a medium to large bowl, mix together the salt, onion powder, garlic powder, flour, black pepper, cayenne and nutritional yeast.

In a separate small bowl, whisk together the mustard and water. Add 1/3 cup of the flour mixture to the mustard mixture and combine well.
Add baking powder to the flour mixture and combine well.

Coat pieces of seitan or mock chicken with the mustard batter, then coat each piece with the dry flour mixture.

Fry chunks of "chicken" in the oil on medium-high heat in a large skillet for 3-5 minutes, turning once until golden brown.

Drain on a paper towel, serve with ketchup or barbeque sauce and enjoy! (I say leave it unadorned. That's how good it is--the Ketchup Freak Extraordinaire loved it sans condiments.)

Tip: If your chunks are turning brown or black rather than a crispy golden brown, your oil is probably too hot! Reduce the heat a small amount and try again.

(Recipe from Recipezaar)

Gastronomics and Intestinal Godzillas!!

                                       from A Vegan for Dinner


Yeah, so gluten makes me a fart-factory. OMG yes.

And I don't actually think I'm ALLERGIC to it. 'Cause I'm fine with foods with flour and stuff in them.

It's just recipes I make with vital wheat gluten.

I swear to you, within five minutes of the food hitting my stomach, it starts making THE loudest noises ever. And physically, it feels like a small version of Godzilla is stomping around down there.

Case in point were these "meat"balls.

Holy mother of intestinal distress!

They were like flatulence bombs, like if I fed them to others, I'd immediately be arrested for committing an act of terrorism.

But crap, were they yummy.

Now, things:

I didn't 100% stick to the recipe, 'cause vegan Worcestershire sauce and chicken/beef vegan bouillons are my archnemeses (archnemesises?). They are a pain in the butt to track down, so basically, I pretend they don't exist. I have MADE vegan worc sauce before (from a recipe from like Garden of Vegan or something), but it seems so elaborate for something that, when it comes down to it, sorta just tastes like soy sauce anyways.

So yeah: that.

Also, I wasn't sure if "bouillon" meant "dried bouillon" or "wet broth." And as I'm writing this, I realize it's probably the former, otherwise it would just say "broth." But WHATEVER. Sue me.

Other things: I subbed in 2-eggs worth of egg-replacer (prepared according to the box's directions) for the flax-seed mix.

And I think that was it. (I think I tossed in some oregano too, but BFD really.)

End result: I think I need to tweak my version of this recipe a wee bit (the "beef" broth probably WOULD help in that regard) just to get a more meatbally tasting meatball. But what I really liked about these was that: a) They actually have the consistency of meatballs! Meaning: they stay together and don't crumble if anything heavier than, say, a feather brushes up against them. *COUstupidveganomiconbeanballsGH*. And b) they even stood up against the imminent sogginess that Tracy warns about--I *DID* heat up leftovers IN sauce and let them sit, and they STILL were uncrumbly.

So: way to rock the "meat"ball, Tracy!

I mean, look at how goddamn firm and photogenic they are! For pete's sake!

They're like the Christie Brinkley of the "meat"ball world:



So yeah: I recommend them.

They would make for a nice, firm "meat"ball sub for sure. And they're real good over spaghetti. Plus, they make an assload.

I've put my changes in parenthesis, but I suspect you'd be better off following the original if possible (at least seasoning/bouillon-wise--the egg sub should be fine).

But try them out! Just don't sue me for intestinal terrorism if you do!



TVP MEATBALLS

INGREDIENTS:

• 1 c. hot water


• 1 t. vegan Worcestershire Sauce (I subbed extra soy sauce)


• 1-1/2 T. ketchup


• 2 T. Soy Sauce


• 2 T. beefy vegan bouillon (or I used a half-cube of veg bouillon tossed in with the hot water above)


• 1 t. onion powder


• 1 t. garlic powder


• 1/2 t/ black pepper


• 3/4 t. paprika


• 1/2 t. thyme


• 3/4 c. TVP crumbles


• 1 T. ground flax + 3 T. water (or egg-replacer prepared to make two "eggs")


• 2 T. cornmeal


• 1/2 c. rolled oats


• 3/4 c. breadcrumbs


• 2 T. flour


• 3 T. vital wheat gluten flour

DIRECTIONS

In a small bowl, toss in all the ingredients up until the TVP crumbles. Stir.

Once combined, add in your TVP crumbles. Let sit until cool.

In the meantime, in a small bowl, mix together the flax and 3 T. water (or prep your egg replacer). Beat with a fork, then lit sit until it begins to gel. Set aside.

In a separate large bowl, toss in all the remaining ingredients. Once your TVP mix cools, stir it in as well and add the "egg" mixture of choice.

Knead dough into a solid ball.

Shape into 32 "meatballs" and fry in oil until brown. Alternately, you can bake on an oiled pan at 375 degrees for 15-20 minutes. (I did the latter of the two.)

Use as you would any other meatball, like spaghetti or sweet and sour sauce. Do not allow the meatballs to sit in the sauce for an extended period of time; add close to the end of the cooking period, just long enough to heat thoroughly.

(Original recipe from A Vegan for Dinner)

Sweet Potato Shepherd's Pie

                                       from Bok Choy Bohemia


So apparently the key to making things taste bloody is:

a) Hickory smoke flavoring; and

b) Red wine.

At least I think that combo makes things taste bloody. (And by bloody, I mean steak-like. And by steak-like, I mean meaty. And by meaty, I mean bloody.) It's been a long long LONG time since I've had blood. Or steak. Or meat. Or blood. But let me tell you, some red wine mixed in with hickory-smoke flavoring DEFINITELY lent this shepherd's pie a surprising meatiness.

Granted, when I took a bite and said out loud: Wow, this is surprisingly meaty in flavor! N-A did not in fact chime in. Which means the 12+ years since meat last sat on my tongue has clearly demolished any memory I have of the flavor of meat. However, N-A did say it was damn tasty. So there you go.

If you want bloody, stab your finger and lick. If you want the delusional long-term veg*an memory of blood, then join me in this shepherd's pie, won't you?

(Sidenote: Seriously--I highly recommend trying out this flavor combo out in a seitan recipe or two. I think it'll be brilliant. When you do, get back to me and let me know. Vicarious trial & error: that's what I'm all about.)

Oh, and ps. For once, I'm actually gonna flip my love of the salty-sweet combo on its head and say that--though I loved this recipe--I actually probably would've used regular potatoes in it, as the sweetness doesn't lend much and I think salty-salty would've ROCKED OUT.

PPSS. And if you didn't guess it, my main incentive for making this was to throw N-A into a state of Bac-O confusion since it already HAS Bac-os in it, so I was like, Take that, motherfucker. NOW what you gonna do now that I've taken your Bac-O revolution away?!?! BLAM!

INGREDIENTS

• 4 large yams, peeled and cubed


• 1 c. frozen peas


• 1 medium onion, minced


• 5 large mushrooms, minced


• 1 t. liquid smoke


• 1/4 c. red wine (I think I used a pinot something--"that's what she said!")


• 2 c. TVP


• 2 c. vegetable stock


• 2 T. Bac-Uns


• 3 cloves garlic, minced


• 1 t. garlic salt


• Salt and Pepper

DIRECTIONS

Preheat oven to 400F. Peel yams, cube, and boil until soft. Add Salt and Pepper, and mash.

Combine the stock, wine, and liquid smoke, and stir in TVP to reconstitute.

In a large skillet, add olive oil, garlic, onion, and spices. Cook until onions are just becoming translucent,and add mushrooms. Cook for another 1-2 minutes.

Add the TVP with liquids, and the peas. Simmer until everything has reduced and resembles ground beef.

Grease a large casserole dish. Coat the bottom with the TVP/Vegetable mixture, and layer the mashed sweet potatoes over that.

Bake for 15 minutes.

Serves 4-6.

(Recipe from Bok Choy Bohemia)

Balls Balling It Up in a Balls-Like Manner

                                      from the Veg Times

Dammit! I slipped up on the last week of VeganMofo of course by getting stupid sick. But I'm gonna try to make up for that fact today by posting multiple times. We'll see how that goes.

First topic of the day: Balls.

Big ones. Little ones. Hard ones. Squishy ones. Round ones. Smushy ones. Firm ones. Mushy ones.

This one has a little star. This one drives a little car.

Oh shit. Sorry. I think I was channeling Dr. Seuss there for a moment.

Anyways, I just realized that they have yet to post this "meat"balls recipe from the Veg Times on-line, so I will have to repost this again at some point WITH the recipe.

Nonetheless, I whipped up these "meat"balls last week I believe, on one of our last days of nice weather, coaxing N-A into coming over before he headed to work to have a nice dinner out on my porch and chow down on these babies. As always seems to be the case lately with homemade "meat"balls (the beanballs from Veganomicon being another perfect example), these "meat"balls didn't firm up ever, instead choosing to remain squishy and airy and slightly mushy.

But I've gotta say, the flavor for once made up for that. They're zingy and delectable, and provide a generous punch of spicy flavor to a pasta meal, enough so that I was craving them the next day.

So my apologies for the lack of recipe. Consider this a taunt until I'm able to post it sometime in the near future. (Or if you're a subscriber to the VegTimes, go look it up yourself in one of the recent issues, AND STOP GIVING ME SUCH A HARD TIME! *sniffle*)

Pasta Carbonara

                                    from Urban Vegan


I've mentioned that I've been enjoying having people cook for me lately. But even moreso, I've been enjoying having people to cook for.

Last week I whipped up the Sweet Chili Lime Tofu for Mo, P, and N-A. It was a muggy night. The air was thick with rain. Nina Simone was sauntering out of my speakers. And it was all about good food and company and winning $5. Unfortunately, I wasn't overly-enthusiastic with the results this time around--I don't know if doubling the recipe f-ed things up or what, but it just didn't have that magical week-long-orgasm-type ring to it that it had the first-time round. It was good, but it wasn't positively DRIPPING with juicy pockets of explosive flavor. Then again, perhaps it's just difficult not to become SUPER critical of one's cooking when cooking for others. Hard to say. I *DID*, however, make up for that fact by whipping up the VegNews Peanut Butter Chocolate Cheesecake which really just flat-out rocks.

Then Sunday night, concert plans fell through, so I ended up inviting N-A over for dinner. I'd been wanting to try this recipe for a while, and since N-A's an omni veg-in-training (or at least will be once I'm through with him... *Planting my spike-heel firmly on his chest and cracking my whip in the air*), I figured it'd be fun to whip up something creamy and meaty that wasn't at all creamy or meaty. I had bookmarked this recipe a few weeks ago, and then in my more recent blog-perusing, I noticed someone else gushing bountifully about how good it was. So I was like, Fuck yes. This is the one.

The recipe's pretty much as easy as your mom is around any man under the age of 30 (SMACK). But it definitely is not for the weak-hearted by way of fat-content. I mean, dear lord almighty, SIX tablespoons of vegan margarine???????? That's a fricking lot. But man muthafuckin alive is it GOOD. N-A actually looked up at me with an expression of surprise after the first bite, that's how tasty it is. And it's decadent, and smoky, and sultry, and just DAMN well worth the calories and fat. At least once in a while.

And yes: Urban Vegan noted it as a good recipe for guests, and I second that, as this will have any doubting omni- on your side pretty much immediately. And if that's NOT the case, I can just lend you my spike-heels and dominatrix whip. That will change their mind. Believe you me. Maybe I'll even throw in my nipple clamps for good measure. We'll see.

INGREDIENTS:

• 1 lb. spaghetti, fettucine or linguine


• 1 T. extra virgin olive oil


• 1/4 c. dry white wine


• 5 to 6 oz. vegan bacon, chopped fine


• 1 T. kudzu root, cornstarch, or arrowroot


• 1 1/3 c. soy milk


• 6 T. vegan margarine


• 3 heaping T. nutritional yeast


• 1 tsp salt (optional--if your "bacon" is uber-salty, you may want to leave this out)


• Additional nutritional yeast or vegan parmesan for sprinkling


• Freshly ground pepper

DIRECTIONS

Cook pasta according to package directions.

Dissolve kudzu/cornstarch/arrowroot and salt in soymilk and set aside.

In large saucepan, heat oil over medium. Saute tempeh for about 5 minutes, or until heated through (You should be able to smell the smoky aroma). Turn up the heat to medium-high and pour in the wine to deglaze the pan. Cook for about 5 minutes, and transfer tempeh to another dish.

Melt butter in the same saucepan over medium-low heat and sprinkle in nutritional yeast. Whisk together to make a roux, then slowly whisk in the milk. Turn heat to low, and cook until thick, whisking occasionally--about 15 minutes. Add the tempeh, turn heat down very low, and simmer covered for about 10-15 minutes, stirring occasionally. (If too thick, you can always add a tiny bit of wine to thin it down.) Add pepper to taste.

Toss over drained pasta and sprinkle generously with more nutritional yeast or vegan parmesan.


4 large or 6 small servings

(from the Urban Vegan)

Seitan and Shallots Marsala, and More

People have been cooking for me a lot lately, and it makes me feel all warm and squishy inside. I enjoy it in so many ways--I appreciate the care it takes to cook for someone, I like to watch people I heart move around their kitchens domestically, and, well, it's fucking good food that I didn't have to make myself. So yeah: I'm digging it.

A couple weeks ago, P whipped me up a seitan and shallots marsala dish from The Vegetarian Meat and Potatoes Cookbook that was seriously MMM *making the smacky lip noise accompanied by the french-like hand-poof by mouth*. Seriously. And even awesomer is the fact that the recipe is actually on-line, so I am happy to share it with you all, as it is RIDICULOUSLY decadent and tasty. (And for the record: P gives this cookbook two generous thumb's up and says it has a lot of vegan recipes in it.)


SEITAN-SHALLOTS MARSALA

                                    from The Vegetarian Meat
                                    and Potatoes Cookbook

INGREDIENTS:

• 3 T. olive oil


• 4 shallots, quartered


• 1 c. vegetable stock


• 1/2 c. dry Marsala wine (I think P just used a red wine instead)


• 1 T. tamari or other soy sauce


• 1 t. minced fresh thyme leaves or 1/2 t. dried


• 1/2 t. tomato paste


• 1-1/2 T. cornstarch dissolved in 2 T. water


• 1 pound store-bought or homemade seitan, cut into 1/4-inch-thick slices


• Salt, to taste


• Freshly ground black pepper, to taste

DIRECTIONS

Heat 1 tablespoon of the oil in a small skillet over medium heat. Add the shallots and cook, stirring, until soft and slightly caramelized, about 10 minutes. Transfer to a plate and set aside.

Add the stock, Marsala, tamari, thyme and tomato paste to the skillet and heat almost to a boil. Whisk in the cornstarch mixture and boil, whisking for 1 minute, or until the sauce is thickened. Set aside.

Heat the remaining 2 tablespoons oil in a large skillet over medium-high heat. Add the seitan and season with salt and pepper. Cook, turning once, until browned on both sides, 3 to 5 minutes total. Add the shallots, and sauce and simmer for 6 to 7 minutes. Serve immediately.

Makes 4 servings.


(Recipe from The Vegetarian Meat and Potatoes Cookbook posted at The Food Paper.com)



Then Thursday night, N-A coerced me into coming over and letting him cook for me before he headed off to spin records. I don't know if it's just me, but I always get slightly nervous having a non-vegan want to cook for me, not in an assholey-type way, but because oftentimes they don't realize the extent of non-vegan infiltration into common foods that you'd THINK would be vegan. Like bread, for example. I mean, the average person doesn't know to keep an eye out for mono- and diglycerides, you know what I'm saying? So I get nervous that I'll get there and they'll have spent all this time whipping up something that I can't technically eat. So I was biting my nails a bit. But I apparently I should'n'tve worried because although I took some piss-poor pics of the dinner, it was nonetheless delish, and very much vegan. Also: the dishes were from scratch and his own recipes, which made them even MORE bad-ass. The menu: navy bean soup, thick with hearty chunks of veggies; a finger-food side of roasty asparagus and mushrooms; and plump, juicy, garam-masala-ed portabella mushroom sandwiches, all of which we chowed down while listening to records. Exquisite:




Other randomness: I ate some feta cheese on Saturday. By accident of course. I was more than a bit salty about it. Mo and I went to our local sandwich shop to nab sandwiches to eat back at her place. Right as we got there, the sky opened up with a RIDICULOUS amount of rain, and I realized I had left all my windows at home, in particular a skylight window that sits right above my coffee table which was laden with books. So Mo let me blow over there in her car, after getting completely soaked through all the way to my fricking underwear. When I arrived home, the gutter was pouring rain directly into my window and on my stereo-speaker. And the skylight had unleashed its wrath all over everything sitting on my table. Amidst a flurry of cuss-words, I got everything closed up and managed to mop up the water. When Ms. Mo and I returned to her house, we busted out the sandwiches and dug in, at which point, I recognized that the tart accompaniment to my hummus was, in fact, feta cheese that, for reasons unclear to me, had been added to my sandwich. I motherfucked and sonofabitched for a few minutes, and then I decided to just pick it out to the best of my ability. As I've surely complained before on this blog, I hate these situations, because there is no good resolve: Return the sandwich which will be tossed in the garbage anyways to get a non-cheesy one (wasteful!), or keep the sandwich and feel vegan-angst for the next 24-hours at having eaten cheese (non-vegan!). I picked the in-between, which was picking out the cheese as much as possible, feeling guilty nonetheless, but not wasting the sandwich. So yeah. Fucking motherfuck.

Oh, and if someone could tell the ants to STAY OFF MY COUNTER already, I'd be much obliged. They are making me ANGRY.

Thank you and good day.

BBQing with the P-A-R

I remembered pics today.

IN YOUR FACE!

And I am posting not one but TWO recipes. *Making you lick my asscheek as penance*

So yeah. I did lots of grilling out this weekend. My ex-bf's grill got left with me when he moved, and I've been making really good use of it, if I may say so myself. Which I will. Right now: "I've been making really good use of it."

I cooked out on Sunday with my family. And Friday night, we had a bit of an impromptu last-minute small-scale bbq as well, after initial plans of seeing a brilliant musician-acquaintance play-out fell through (he is fantastic, go check it out).

I called P.

P called A.

A punched a baby.

I called R.

R punched A.

And it was a PARTY (minus the TY). GET IT. P-A-R TY. BUDDUMMMM CHIIIII. Fucking shit--why are you not PAYING me for this???

Anyways, we grubbed it up with ribz. I got to watch P attempt to cut an onion without actually touching the onion with her hands which was truly the funniest thing ever. We boozed. And we dragged ass to the end of my street to catch fireworks.

When I suddenly realized mid-dinner that I had forgotten to take pics of food, P said, "You should take pictures of us EATING the food. I mean, you never really post pictures of people actually ENJOYING the food you make." And so it came to be that I took pics of P, A, and R stuffing face. And so it came to be that I realized part of the reason that I don't usually take pics of people eating food is that they somehow look kind of angry doing so. Nonetheless, I post. Pics have been altered to maintain anonymity.





As for the food: THE FOOD! The BBQ seitan ribz rocked out. They were everything everyone had said they would be. I actually had better luck with them on Sunday when I cooked them on foil though, I must admit. They came out crunchy but delectably tender in the middle. My bro (stouthearted meat-eater) said, Man, it's amazing that you can make this shit taste so good. He also coveted (COVETED) the homemade bbq sauce. He stole all the leftovers, threatening to eat it with a spoon later.

Friday P also whipped up the chickpea quinoa pilaf from Veganomicon, and I was surprised and pleased by how yummy it was. I actually liked it enough that I whipped up another batch last night for lunches for the week. I recommend.

So here you go. Finally some recipes.

You may now tell me how awesome I am.

Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd go!

BBQ SEITAN RIBZ


                                    from FatFree Vegan


INGREDIENTS:

• 1 c. vital wheat gluten


• 2 t. smoked Spanish paprika


• 2 T. nutritional yeast


• 2 t. onion powder


• 1 t. garlic powder


• 3/4 c. water


• 2 T. tahini or other nut butter


• 1 t. Liquid Smoke


• 1 T. soy sauce


• 1 c. (give or take) of your favorite barbecue sauce (I used the Backyard BBQ Sauce from Veganomicon)

DIRECTIONS

Preheat the oven to 350 and lightly spray an 8x8 baking dish with canola oil. Mix the first 5 ingredients together in a large bowl. Mix the water with the nut butter, Liquid Smoke, and soy sauce and add it to the dry ingredients. Stir to mix well and then knead lightly in the bowl for a couple of minutes.

Put the dough into the baking dish and flatten it so that it evenly fills the pan. Take a sharp knife and cut it into 8 strips; then turn the pan and cut those strips in half to form 16 pieces

Put it in the oven and bake for 25 minutes. While it's cooking prepare your grill.

Remove it from the oven and carefully re-cut each strip, going over each cut to make sure that the ribz will pull apart easily later. Generously brush the top with barbecue sauce. Take it to the grill and invert the whole baking dish onto the grill (or use a large spatula to lift the seitan out, placing it sauce-side down on the grill). Brush the top of the seitan with more sauce:

Watch it closely to make sure that it doesn't burn. When it's sufficiently brown on one side, turn over and cook the other side, adding more sauce, if necessary. When done, remove to a platter and cut or pull apart the individual ribs to serve.

(from FatFree Vegan)






CHICKPEA-QUINOA PILAF

                                    from Veganomicon

INGREDIENTS:

• 2 T. olive oil


• 1 small yellow onion, chopped


• 2 cloves garlic, minced


• 1/2 t. cumin


• 1 T. coriander seeds


• Several pinches of freshly ground pepper


• 1/2 t. salt


• 1 T. tomato paste


• 1 c. quinoa


• 15-oz can chickpeas, drained and rinsed


• 2 c. vegetable broth or reconstituted bouillon

In a small stock-pot over medium heat, saute the onions in olive oil for about 7 minutes. Add the garlic and saute for 2 more minutes.

Add the tomato paste, coriander, cumin, black pepper, and salt. Saute for another minute.

Add the quinoa and saute for 2 minutes

Add the chickpeas and broth, cover and bring to a boil. Once the mixture is boiling, lower the heat to very low, cover, and cook for about 18 minutes, or until the quinoa mixture has completely absorbed the liquid. Stir occasionally. Fluff with fork and serve.

(from Veganomicon, as posted at Decoupage and Demitasse)

Braised Seitan Medallions in a Wine-Demi-glace

I have the world's most enormous backlog of recipes to post about. It's like I'm suffering from recipe-posting-constipation or something. MUST TO LOOSEN UP THE BOWELS!

BUT TODAY, Laloofah will be happy to know (since she is bossy and insisted the other day that I need to Hezbollah-ize a Bourdain recipe already or she would punch me in the boob), I will be posting a Hebollah-ized recipe.

Duh duh-duh duhhhhh <--the sound of trumpets and fanfare

If you're not hip to the whole Bourdain-Hezbollah-Tofu saga, click HERE to get caught up to speed, and HERE for other recipes.

Anyways, I'd been wanting to try veganizing this veal shanks recipe for a while, mostly because most of us veg*ns agree that veal is the most egregious and misguided form of meat-consumption.

Plus, Bourdain had stated in an interview that "life without veal stock, pork fat, sausage, organ meat, demi-glace or even stinky cheese is a life not worth living," so I of course felt the urge to try veganizing one of these items as a friendly fuck you to the man. So I settled on the challenge of fiddling with the notorious veal demi-glace.

I wish I would've seen the following blurb from a Bourdain article prior to today, since it would've made my demiglacing much easier:

Simply take your reduced meat stock, add some red wine, toss in some shallots and fresh thyme and a bayleaf and peppercorns, and slowly, slowly simmer it and reduce it again until it coats a spoon. Strain. Freeze this stuff in an ice-cube tray, pop out a cube or two as needed, and you can rule the world. (Both Bourdain quotes are from THIS article)

But instead I tooled around the internet and researched what went into a demi-glace, ending up modifying a recipe I found on-line (one which was probably much more elaborate than necessary, but c'est la vie).

Basically, a demi-glace is 1/2 veal (or other meat)-stock, 1/2 espagnole. (Variations in a demi-glace recipe abound--many of them call for red wine to be included as well.)

Espagnole, on the other hand, is prepared by making "a very dark brown roux, to which are added several gallons of veal stock or water, along with 20–30 lb (9–14 kg) of browned bones, pieces of beef, many pounds of vegetables, and various seasonings. This blend is allowed to slowly reduce while being frequently skimmed. The classical recipe calls for additional veal stock to be added as the liquid gradually reduces but today water is generally used instead. Tomato sauce is added towards the end of the process, and the sauce is further reduced."

I decided that I would make a smaller-portioned, veganized version of this espagnole recipe and then mix that with an equal part "stock" to create my demi-glace. (My stock, I decided, would be equal parts strong brewed coffee--for a rich deep flavor--and vegetable broth.)

Now that I've read the above blurb from Bourdain, I wish I would've done so sooner as it sounds SO much easier. But maybe that'll just give me a good reason to try this again with a new demi-glace.

The long and short of it is this: I decided to make seitan "shanks" instead of veal shanks, bathed in a rich wine-demi-glace reduction.



PROBLEMS:

1. I decided to whip up a modified version of the simple seitan recipe from Veganomicon, subbing in coffee in place of the soy sauce, for a deeper, more husky flavor. I debated between using the seitan cutlet recipe (which involves baking the seitan) and the simple seitan recipe (which requires simmering the seitan in a pot on the stove) for a little while before settling on the simple seitan recipe. Why? Because it says right in the book that the simple seitan is more tender and less chewy. And, unfortunately, that's the attraction of veal: tenderness. So I figured it made sense. Unfortunately, as I quickly realized, boiled seitan is lumpy and ugly. I had wanted to make a pretty "shank" of some sort, but unfortunately it ended up looking more brainy than pretty. *sighing*



2. After all was said and done, the sauce in this recipe came out WAY thicker than it should have. It was REALLY good. But it was thick like sweet and sour sauce, which obviously isn't the way a demi-glace is supposed to be.
   
   What the consistency of demi-glace SHOULD be
   
   I think what may have caused this problem has to do with surface-area, weirdly enough. Since the original veal recipe calls for veal patties, and mine were moreso little chunks, I think this caused the sauce to thicken up more because it had more surface area to cling desperately to and more flour-coating from the seitan to incidentally thicken up the sauce. So the end result wasn't thin and wine-like, it was thick and sweet-and-soury-looking.



3. I was a little bit nervous about the demi-glace initially as it tasted REALLY kind of creepy. I kept thinking that maybe it DID taste weirdly bloody and meatlike and that's why I was grossed out by it. But it's been so long that I'm not even sure anymore when something actually tastes like meat or not. Once it was incorporated in with the rest of the wine-sauce, however, all was well.



4. This is a really long-winded recipe, but would be much simpler if you just BOUGHT two pounds of seitan or whipped it up a few days before so it didn't seem so overwhelming.

OTHER STUFF:

I used a lot of coffee in this recipe, and I think it lended a throaty, jazz-singery, deep flavor to everything, making it taste a bit more meaty than it otherwise would have. This recipe is also a VERY rich, very butter/oil-laden, so be forewarned (*activating the SusanV Alarm*). I have not had such a rich dish in a really long time, and, though I really liked it, it was definitely more decadent than I'm used to.

Despite the clumpiness of the sauce, and despite my initial reservations about the way the demi-glace tasted before being incorporated with the rest of the sauce, I was super-surprised and delighted that the end product tasted so rich and sexy and delicious. Bourdain would no doubt scoff at my inability to create a like-textured demi-glace, but that just gives me reason to try this out again. And regardless of whether he would scoff, I was pleased with the end result.

Oh yeah, and I get to purr the word GRRRRRRRRRRRRREMOLATA again, as this recipe also called for a gremolata. The first night I had this, I forgot the gremolata (you can see the naked medallions in the pic below--the sauce looks prettier than in the other pics, but it's gremolata-less, so I decided to take pics of the leftovers as well), so as you can see, the dish and sauce looks sexier but more barren. Last night, I used the gremolata on my leftovers, and it definitely prettied it up and offered up a strange but lovely contrast to the rich decadence of the rest of the dish. That's GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREMOLATA for you!




So, would I make this again in precisely the same way as I did below? Probably not, simply because it was so time-consuming.

Will I make this again in SOME form or another? Hell yes. Because it was damn tasty.

Changes I will make next time:

• Use tomato sauce or reserved juice from the can of whole-tomatoes instead of the tomato paste.


• Try it with the seitan cutlets instead of the simple seitan.


• Perhaps incorporate some wine into the demi-glace itself.


• Thin out the sauce a bit more.

Anyways, here are links to all the original recipes:

Espagnole recipe

Braised Veal Shanks recipe




Ingredients:

Seitan:


• 2 c. vital wheat gluten


• 1/4 c. + 2 T. nutritional yeast


• 1 c. cold vegetable broth


• 1/2 c. cold brewed coffee (brewed strong)


• 2 T. olive oil


• 4 cloves garlic, minced finely


• 16 c. cold water plus 6 bouillon cubes


• 1/4 c. soy sauce

[Alternately, you could just buy 2 lbs. of pre-made seitan]


Demi-glace:


• 1/4 c. onions, diced


• 2 T. carrots, cut into chunks


• 2 T. celery, diced


• 2 T. vegan margarine


• 2 T. flour


• 1 c. veggie stock


• 1 c. strong coffee


• 2 T. tomato paste


• bay leaf


• pinch of thyme


• pinch of parsley



Stew:


• 1 c. of your vegan demi-glace


• 2 lbs. of seitan


• 1/2 t. salt


• pinch of black pepper


• 1/2 c. all-purpose flour


• 3/4 T. olive oil (this may vary--you'll be using whatever amount it takes to cook up your seitan once it's floured)


• 1.5 T. vegan margarine


• 1 c. onions, cut into 1/4-inch dice


• 1/2 c. carrots, cut into 1/4-inch dice


• 1/2 c. celery, cut into 1/4-inch dice


• 1-2 garlic cloves, finely chopped


• 3/4 c. dry red wine (I used Yellowtail Merlot)


• 1 (14-oz) can whole tomatoes in juice, drained and coarsely chopped


• 1 bay leaf



Gremolata:


• 1 t. chopped fresh flat-leaf parsley


• 1/2 t. finely grated fresh orange zest


• 1/4-1/2 t. finely chopped fresh rosemary


• 1/4-1/2 t. finely chopped fresh thyme

DIRECTIONS

For the seitan:

In a large mixing bowl, mix together your nutritional yeast and vital wheat gluten.

In a separate bowl, mix together all other ingredients except the water and soy sauce.

Pour the wet into the dry and mix until all the wet and dry ingredients have combined. Knead for 3 minutes or so, until the dough is elastic. Divide into 6 separate chunks.

Fill a large pot with water, bouillon cubes, and soy sauce. Add the wheat gluten chunks. Cover and bring to a boil, but watch carefully--try to lower it as low as it will go as soon as it boils, so that it's at a low simmer.

Partially cover pot, and simmer for an hour, moving the seitan around occasionally. Turn off the head, remove the lid, and let sit for 15 minutes.

Remove from broth and place in strainer until cool.


For the demi-glace:

In a sauce pan, cook the onions, carrots, and celery in the vegan margarine until browned. Add the flour to make a roux. Stir in only 1/2 c. of veggie stock, 1/2 c. coffee, and tomato paste. Continue to stir until it boils. Reduce heat and simmer for about 20 minutes, stirring frequently. This is your espagnole.

After 20 minutes, your espagnole should've thickened up some. Add in the rest of your veggie stock as well as your coffee. Simmer for about 10 more minutes, stirring frequently, and then set aside.


For the stew:

Put oven rack in middle position and preheat to 350°F.

Take your 1/2 c. of flour and put it in a large container with a lid. Toss your seitan in with it, in two batches, shaking until they are coated with flour. Shake off any excess. Set seitan aside.

Heat your oil in a pot over moderately high heat until just smoking, then brown your seitan on all sides. You will probably need to do this in two batches, adding a bit more oil between the two. (If some of your pieces of seitan still have white patches of flour that haven't been browned, don't worry. All will be well once you toss it in the oven.) Transfer your seitan to a plate and set aside.

Add vegan margarine to your pot and heat until foam subsides, then sauté onions, carrots, celery, and garlic, stirring occasionally, until onions are softened, about 9 minutes.

Add wine, scraping up any brown bits, then add only 1 c. of your warm demi-glace, tomatoes, and bay leaf.

Transfer your wine sauce to a 9 x 13 rimmed pan. Place your seitan in the pan as well, stirring gently until all your seitan is coated. Cover pan tightly with foil.

Cook for about 40-50 minutes, (or until sauce is clearly heated through and seitan is tender) stirring once or twice.


For the gremolata:

Stir together parsley, zest, rosemary, and thyme. Set aside.


All together now:

You can serve this over a plethora of things. The original recipe calls for it to be served over a wild mushroom risotto. I served mine over a bed of arborio rice, topped with tender, broiled asparagus. Sprinkle with the gremolata before serving.

Delish.

(Serves between 4-8)

Tofu Wingz

I finally *FINALLY* sat my ass down and made the infamous Hot Wingz de Katie this weekend. I was starting to feel like the unpopular kid at vegan school where all the other popular kids are all peer-pressuring me--"If *YOU* do it, you'll be cool too, just like us," "You won't get addicted from just one bite," "Hot Wingz and blowjobs aren't REAL sex"--and so I caved. What can I say? When it comes to vegan food, I'm not real good at standing up in the face of pressure.



Since there was a huge winter storm a-blustering, I settled on using tofu instead of tempeh, you know, so I wouldn't DIE trying to make it to a store just for a stupid block of tempeh. I pressed the tofu for an hour or two, cut it in half width-wise, and then cut each half into triangles. Once they were cut up, I tossed it in the freezer. The next day, I took it out to thaw, and once it was pretty much unfrozen, I pressed it one more time to get out any excess water. From there, I just treated the tofu like tempeh, breading it down the assembly line.

The end result: delish. The breading is an award-winning combo: the thyme gives it a bit of that ol' school chicken-y type flavor. And the sauce is just delectable. (Next time I may add even MORE hot sauce, because mine was surprisingly unspicy, despite what I had thought was a rather large quantity of hot sauce.) Because I was in a weird pseudo-frying mood (cooking junkier food that normally one would fry but choosing NOT to fry it), I also ate these with a side of homemade vegan hushpuppies (recipe forthcoming). It was nice night of little nibbly-foods, and I found myself craving more wingz as I sat and watched a horror movie later on that evening.

BUT I REFRAINED! I REFRAINED! (And then I just cowed down on them the next day instead.)

INGREDIENTS:

• 1 8-oz package of tempeh (or 1 14-oz cube of extra-firm tofu, pressed, cut into triangles, frozen, thawed, and pressed again)


• 1/3 c. rice/soy milk


• 1/3 c. flour


• 1/2 t. salt


• 2 t. thyme


• 1 t. paprika


• fresh ground pepper, to taste


• 1/2 t. garlic powder


• 2/3 c. panko (or just regular breadcrumbs)


Sauce:


• 4 T. margarine, melted


• 2 1/2 T. hot sauce


• 4 T. ketchup


• 2 T. agave nectar

DIRECTIONS

If you are using tempeh, in a small saucepan, boil about three cups of water. Cut the tempeh into four equal blocks, then cut those blocks into triangles, and carefully slice the triangles in half lengthwise. Put the tempeh in the boiling water and cover, for about fifteen mintes or until tempeh is softened. Pour the pan into a colander and rise with cold water. Allow the tempeh to cool enough that you can handle it.

If you are using the tofu, just make sure you press it, cut it into triangles, and freeze it at least a day prior (I think the longer you freeze it, the more dense and chewy the consistency will be--which is what you're aiming for). Remove it earlier in the day and let it thaw out completely and then press once more.

Make the sauce. In a large pot, combine all of the sauce ingredients and set aside.

Preheat your oven to 400 degrees.

Make your assembly line for the wingz. Put your soymilk in the first bowl, your flour and spices in the second, and your panko in the third. At the end of the line, have a greased baking sheet (or a baking sheet lined with parchment paper) waiting.

If you're using tempeh, hopefully by now it's cool enough to handle. Take a triangle of your tempeh or tofu, and dip it in the milk, then coat in flour. Then another quick dip in the milk before thoroughly coating it in the bread crumbs and placing it on the baking sheet. Repeat with the rest of the tempeh/tofu.

Spray the tops of the wings with cooking spray, and bake in the oven for ten minutes. Remove, flip over, and bake for ten more.

Just before you take the wings out of the oven, heat the sauce over a medium heat until just warm - there’s no need to boil it, we’re just trying to make sure the sauce isn’t cold.

When you take the wings out, immediately transfer them to the pot and coat in the sauce. Serve immediately.

(Original recipe from Don't Eat Off the Sidewalk)

"Hamburger" Macaroni Casserole

I wasn't sure how to go about reviewing this recipe while knowing that it very well could've been what made me wake up in the middle of the night feeling like all my vital organs were liquefying and that my heart was going to stop and that I was going to die. All that sort of makes it sound like something you don't really want to recommend that other people put into their bodies.

Then again, a recipe itself is not dangerous--it's the quality of the ingredients that are. So I post this nonetheless, with the warning that most definitely, the combination of ingredients somehow turn this recipe into a ticking flatulence time-bomb. And it actually may have an even more powerful detonator than the infamous Seitan o' Flatulence, one that not only wreaks havoc on the gut by way of gas, but one that also has the ability to make it feel like all your organs have revolted against you and are in the process of disintegrating into a state of ooze and goo. Again, not something you usually want to mention when discussing a recipe, but I almost feel obligated to warn you.

And yet: despite all this, I've craved this casserole every night this week. Sometimes even late at night right before I go to bed.

It's not a fancy recipe. It's the kind of recipe you find on the container of French Onions, or the kind your mom would whip up for you when you were little and she had such a bad hangover that the concentration needed to dice or sautee or bake anything had crawled off to retch into the toilet and so all she could do was whip out a package of preprocessed stuff from the fridge and throw it into the oven. Not that my mom ever did that. But if she did.

Nonetheless, I kind of liked it. Because, again, sometimes it's just fun to eat something trashy that belongs in a cookbook from the 1950s where the second ingredient of every dish is LARD.

Oh, and I'm not sure why they felt compelled to throw 1/2 cup of corn into the recipe. It's almost like they felt guilty not putting something SOMEWHAT redeemable in there. But 1/2 cup is such a small amount that you won't even notice that it's in there. So if you want to delude yourself into believing it's not just a completely trashy dinner, you may wanna hook yourself up with a bit more corn. "Corn it up!" one might say.

I also just realized that you should feel almost obligated to be listening to Kimya Dawson while cooking this. Because she's such a delightful little "Hamburger" Macaroni Casserole herself. Though not the kind that makes your stomach want to curl up and die.

INGREDIENTS:

• 1.5 c. macaroni


• 1 medium onion, chopped


• 1/4 c. green pepper, chopped


• 1 T. vegetable oil


• 12 oz. faux ground beef-style crumbles


• 1/2 c. whole kernel corn


• 1 small can tomato soup


• 1/4 t. pepper


• 1/2 t. garlic powder


• Dash of cayenne pepper


• 1 small can French-fried onions, ground to crumbs

DIRECTIONS

Cook the macaroni according to the directions on the package. Drain, pour into a large bowl, and set aside.

In a skillet over medium heat, sauté the onion and green pepper in the oil until tender. If you're using frozen corn, it's probably best to toss it in at this point as well. Add the "beef" crumbles and cook until browned.

Preheat the oven to 350°F.

To the drained macaroni, add the onions and green pepper, burger crumbles, corn, soup, salt, pepper, garlic powder, and cayenne pepper. Stir to combine. If the mixture is dry, add just enough water to make it moist. Pour into a 10-inch square baking dish, top with the French-fried onions, and bake for 15 to 30 minutes or until the fried onions are lightly browned and the casserole is heated through.

Makes 6 servings

(Original recipe from VegCooking)

Beans and Brats

For some reason there are a lot of mixed feelings surrounding the faux-meat/dairy product. And quite honestly, I don't get it. I understand the motivation behind wanting to avoid overly-processed foods. The sexy purity of nekkid fruits and veggies is attractive to me as well (and is obviously a healthy lifestyle choice). But I don't quite understand angst directed specifically at meat/dairy-analogues and people's arguments that recipes using either/or are "lesser cuisines." Perhaps they aren't gourmet. Perhaps they are the herbivore equivalent of an omnivorous meal of Hamburger Helper, or Taco Bell, or hotdogs. But isn't there a time and place for that? I mean, most of the people I've heard having minor freak-outs about faux-meat/dairy products I'm *CERTAIN* at some point or another have dabbled in SOME sort of unhealthy food. So what's the difference really? I mean, does it make sense to favor a greasy serving of french fries over, say, some vegan faux-meat chili just because the french fries are not "poseurs" (despite being much more unhealthy)?

Granted, perhaps we don't want to make meat/dairy analogues a staple in our kitchen. (Particularly after reading the VegNews article "The Great Soy Debate" in their Jan/Feb 2008 issue.) But it can't be denied that meat/dairy analogues often act as the gentle hand guiding someone over into a veg lifestyle, and what's so bad about that? I mean, how many times have you heard someone say with shock and mild horror: "Wait: so this isn't ground meat in this chili? Wow. I wouldn't've known if you hadn't told me." And if this little *zap* of realization acts as an impetus for someone to conclude that perhaps the veg lifestyle can be just as fulfilling for the palate as an omnivorous diet, if it can convince someone to make the leap, then WHY BEMOAN THE FAUX-MEAT? Granted, guiding someone into a veg lifestyle where analogues are the majority-rules of every meal is not necessarily a good thing. But if meat/dairy analogues are just a foot-in-the-door, a kind mother showing her child that perhaps the veg lifestyle isn't so scary and foreign as one would think (and reminding them of this every once in a while), then what's the crime?

To me, the long and short of this debate ends on this:

If meat/dairy analogues can get someone to stop eating animals, then why knock it?

Really, there's no crime in liking the taste of something. There is a certain element of culinary snobbery to say otherwise. There's no crime in liking the taste of meat either, really. It's no different than, say, liking the taste of a banana. It's just a flavor, something stimulating our tastebuds in a certain sort of way. So if someone can scratch the palate's itch with a product that *doesn't* involve suffering, then why the rolled eyes? Criticizing people for digging on a fake-hotdog is like telling someone "I can't believe you like the taste of pickles/onion rings/potatoes/green beans." Who the hell does that?

Tastes vary so wildly from person to person, and that's what makes things interesting. Taste also changes from day-to-day, from year-to-year, for every individual--it is kind of the slut of the five senses. Just a handful of years ago, I hated the taste of beer, soup, and beans. But now I adore all three and can't get enough of them. Our appreciation of the plethora of flavors in the world is a complex one and never remains static. So, seriously: if you wouldn't criticize someone for preferring raspberry jam over blackberry, then why criticize someone for liking the flavor of faux-meat?

If the unhealthiness of someone's faux-meat-laden diet concerns you, then perhaps gently bring that fact to their attention. But to lambast meat/dairy analogues as though they bear the mark of the devil? Well, that's just silliness.

All that being said and done, is today's recipe gourmet? Not so much. Is it sort of the equivalent of, say, a quick Hamburger Helper meal? Yeah. But it's also really quite tasty. And minus the faux-sausages, ain't nothing bad in it for you. Even *WITH* the faux-sausages, it's not incredibly bad for you--no worse than having a vegan beer-brat for lunch, 'cept that this also includes some veggies as well and some protein in the form of beans. It's also quite kid-friendly, I'd venture to argue.

My friend QBL whipped this up for a work potluck recently, and it was tasty enough that I decided to try whipping up a batch on my own this past weekend. And seriously: good stuff. And quick stuff. And faux-meaty stuff. But I DON'T CARE! Because it tastes good, dammit.

INGREDIENTS:

• One 14-oz package vegan bratwurst sausages (such as tofurky beer brats), sliced into 1/2-inch rounds


• 3 large leeks, halved, white and light green parts sliced into 1/2-inch pieces (about 4 cups)


• One 14.5-oz can diced tomatoes


• One 15-oz can no-salt added cannellini beans, rinsed and drained


• 3/4 c. water


• 3 T. molasses

DIRECTIONS

Heat large non-stick pan over medium-high heat and coat with cooking spray. Add bratwurst and cook 3 minutes per side, or until browned. Transfer to plate.

Coat pan with cooking spray again, increase heat to high, and add leeks. Cook 4 minutes, or until leeks are brown around the edges, stirring halfway through. Add tomatoes and liquid, beans, molasses, water, and bratwurst. Season with salt and pepper. Reduce heat to medium, and simmer 5 minutes, or until heated through and liquid is thickened.

(from the Jan/Feb 2008 issue of the VT, p. 42)

Baked Seitan Steaks

Seriously. I think I'm gonna have to boycott the homemade seitan recipes henceforth and forevermore. The night after I made this recipe, my bowels snuck up on me in my sleep, pressed the cold blade of a knife against my throat, all Robert Deniro in Cape Fear-esque, and said, "Look here, bitch. One more time, and this knife is gonna find itself cutting straight through your windpipe." Then later in the night, at separate times, each of my cats did THE SAME EXACT THING.

Why, you ask? Because you cannot even imagine the awful awful emissions coming from my ass for days after eating homemade seitan. They are so bad that I am seriously starting to suspect that the EPA is gonna pass some sort of restriction on my seitan consumption. THAT BAD. No kidding.

This time, Have Cake Will Travels' baked seitan steaks were to blame.

I decided to make these the week before last because I still had some wheat gluten crowding up my cupboard from all the rib-cooking this summer, and I was intrigued at the prospect of trying out a seitan recipe that tasted like STEAK rather than chicken or sausage or something. I must admit, I was a bit disappointed since these didn't even REMOTELY resemble the flavor of a steak. (Then again, this just made me realize that the term "steaks" is kind of vague and probably was just intended to refer to form rather than flavor.) They were good (despite reeking--baha--havoc on my bowels), but they sort of just tasted like a vague chicken/sausage/indefinable meat-like amalgamation, and the steak sauce was just WEIRDass to be using on them like that (kind of like dipping apples in it or something). And for some reason my steaks didn't come out as pretty as HCWT. After initially mixing all the ingredients together, the dough was ridiculously flaccid. It wouldn't maintain any sort of form, which worried me since it wasn't really holding up as a patty or anything. So I kept adding wee bit by wee bit of vital wheat gluten until it was a bit more stiff. I don't know if this was necessary, but I figured it was worth noting. HCWT's steaks ended up looking like delicate little croissants. Mine kind of just looked like they got ran over by a semi.

Regardless, the recipe is nonetheless worth checking out, for those of you who like whipping up seitan at home, particularly because it is even easier than the infamous Seitan Recipe o' Greatness. Just don't be expecting big juicy pseudo-steaks. Moreso expect something kind of nice and Thanksgiving-ish.

INGREDIENTS:

• 1 c. vital wheat gluten


• 1 c. water


• 1 1/2 T. + 1 t. soy sauce (or you can use 1 t. Worcestershire sauce instead of the 1 t. soy sauce--I just don't own any)


• 3 T. nutritional yeast


• 1 t. onion powder


• 1/2 t. dried sage


• 1/2 t. dried thyme

DIRECTIONS

Mix together wet ingredients in one bowl and the dry ones in another. Add the wet to the dry. Start mixing with a wooden spoon, then use your hands to knead for a few minutes. Let rest for 5 minutes once well kneaded and incorporated.

Prepare a baking dish or a baking sheet with non-stick cooking spray. Preheat your oven to 400F.

Shape your seitan in two steaks. Place in baking dish, and bake for 10 minutes on one side or until golden brown. Turn on the other side and bake for 15 more minutes or until golden brown. Remove from the oven, slice, and serve hot, or freeze for later [once cooled] for future seitan dishes.

Makes 2 steaks.

(Original recipe at Have Cake Will Travel)

Ribbed for Your Pleasure

Ever so long ago, I tried out a vegan rib recipe that was floating around on the internet. The problem was that I thought I'd accidentally bought the wrong vital wheat gluten--I had bought the flour, and the recipe called for what I assumed was straight wheat gluten. Lo and behold, just the other day I realized that these two things are one and the same. (See The Cook's Thesaurus for more.) Apparently I'm not the only one who didn't realize this, otherwise when I posted that recipe, someone would've corrected my dumb ass.

So, please take note:

Vital wheat gluten flour = vital wheat gluten.

Woot fricking-belated woot.

Anyways, since I'd bought some vital wheat gluten to make ye infamous Seitan o' Greatness, I decided to try making ribz again.

I stumbled across another recipe on-line that used tahini instead of peanut butter which I also thought was intriguing. But the basics of the recipe were different as well, and I knew that I wanted to try out the ORIGINAL ribz recipe that I'd originally botched up in my vital wheat gluten confusion.

So I decided to play with my ribz.

I used the basic recipe that I'd botched up before (but did it correctly this time). And I tried out three variations on what I'd poke into the ribz. The standard recipe calls for you to smoosh a peanut-butter/margarine concoction into these delicious numblies. Tasty, but not so good calorie-wise. So with that in mind, and with the tahini-variation also haunting my brain, I decided to "baste" the ribz the following ways:

1. With a peanut-butter/margarine mix;


2. With tahini; and


3. With absolutely nothing at all (to see if they were just as good low-fat).

You can see the three variations in this before pic. The ones furthest to the left are the PB, the middle are plain, and the ones on the right are tahini:



The end result? I liked them all! Damnation. I kept trying each one to see if I preferred one out of the three, and I could not decide for the life of me. Quite honestly, the ribz recipe hinges on the BBQ you choose to use, at it is the predominant flavor in the dish. But you *CAN* still taste what you choose to "baste" them in slightly, albeit very slightly. Truth be told though, because the BBQ sauce is the overriding flavor, you could easily get away with leaving out the peanut-butter/tahini and it won't really be that noticeable. Plus, it'll be MUCH more healthy for you. But both the tahini and the PB-mix *DO* add a bit off oomph, though not one of absolute necessity.

So good christ what the hell am I saying?

I liked all three variations and couldn't pick a favorite. If you are looking for low-fat though, you can easily get away with making them plain and, as long as you pick out a good BBQ-sauce, they'll be damn good anyways.

That's what I'm saying.

Oh, and next time, I plan to toy with the wheat gluten/wheat flour ratio a bit more. These were much more tender than my original recipe--but I also kinda liked the chewiness of my original recipe. So next time, I'll probably use a bit more wheat gluten and a bit less wheat flour to make them a WEE bit more chewy while still maintaining the tenderness.

So there.



INGREDIENTS:

• 2/3 c. of water


• 1/2 c. wheat gluten (aka. vital wheat gluten, aka vital wheat gluten flour)


• 1/4 c. + 3 T. nutritional yeast


• 1/2 c. + 1 T. whole wheat flour


• 1 c. BBQ sauce (see recipe below)


• spices to taste (onion powder, garlic powder, paprika, etc)

DIRECTIONS

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.

2. Mix the wheat gluten, nutritional yeast, wheat flower and spices in a dry bowl. Add the water and knead until almost all of the dry powder is absorbed. Do not over-knead. This dough is really sticky.

3. Form the dough into a flat shape about one-half inch thick.

4. Time for the variations:

• For low-fat ribz, jump ahead to step 5.


• For the peanut-butter variation:
  Take about 2 T. soy butter and heat it in microwave until soft. Add 3 T. peanut butter to it, mixing it so that it's consistent throughout. (To be quite honest, I guesstimated on the quantities/ratios of PB and margarine--you can get away with doing the same.) Add one-half of the peanut butter mixture to the top of the flattened dough. Use your fingers to poke the peanut butter mixture deeply into the dough. Do this for about 30 seconds. Turn the dough over and pour the remaining half of the peanut butter mixture onto the dough, again using your fingers to poke into the dough. Jump ahead to step 5.


• For the tahini variation:
  Smear a few tablespoons of tahini to the top of your flattened dough. (I don't have exact measurements--you just need to use enough that it covers the top decently.) As with the PB, use your fingers to poke the tahini deep into the dough. Do this for about 30 seconds. You can either jump ahead to step 5 now or flip the dough over and do the same to the other side.

5. Use a pizza cutter to cut one-half inch strips of dough. Make them as long or as short as you like them. Lay out on a lightly oiled baking pan. Bake for about 10 minutes.

6. After 10 minutes, use a spatula to turn the "ribs" over. Spoon or brush on BBQ sauce and return to the oven.

7. Bake for another 5 minutes. Remove and turn the ribs over again. Spoon or brush on some more BBQ sauce.

8. Bake for another 5 minutes. Remove and enjoy your hot, sweet and sticky "ribz!"

(Makes enough for four.)

(Original recipe HERE)

* * * * * * *
This time I also tried out a different BBQ sauce (since I still had some bourbon left over from our Weekend o' Bourbon last summer). It was quite good, though a bit too sweet for my taste--next time I will probably cut the sweet ingredients in half (and use brown sugar instead of a syrup to add a bit of thickness).

KENTUCKY BLUES BBQ SAUCE

INGREDIENTS:

• 1/4 c. tomato paste


• 1/4 c. cider vinegar


• 2 T. + 2 t. agave nectar (was a bit too sweet--next time I'm gonna use brown sugar instead and a much smaller amount)


• 1/8 c. Jack Daniels or bourbon (I used the latter)


• 1/8 cup soy sauce


• 1/2 T. oil (I used canola--the original calls for olive)


• 1/2 T. garlic, minced (I just used garlic powder to taste)


• 1/2 T. ginger, minced (I just used ginger powder to taste)


• 1/2 T. dry mustard


• 1/8 t. pepper


• 1/8 t. cayenne pepper


• A few drops of hickory smoke flavoring

DIRECTIONS

Combine all ingredients in a food processor or blender and puree until smooth. (If you use garlic and ginger powder instead of the fresh stuff, you can just put all the ingredients in a bowl and mix with a whisk.) Place in a sealed jar and keep refrigerated for up to 2 weeks.

Yield: 1 Cup

(Original recipe HERE)

* * * * * * *

Oh, and I made sweet potato fries on the side, but they weren't anything all that complicated, so I'm not including the recipe here. (Suffice it to say, they were cut-up sweet potatoes mixed in a bit of cinnamon and sugar and baked for about 30 minutes or so.)