Baked Seitan Steaks

Seriously. I think I'm gonna have to boycott the homemade seitan recipes henceforth and forevermore. The night after I made this recipe, my bowels snuck up on me in my sleep, pressed the cold blade of a knife against my throat, all Robert Deniro in Cape Fear-esque, and said, "Look here, bitch. One more time, and this knife is gonna find itself cutting straight through your windpipe." Then later in the night, at separate times, each of my cats did THE SAME EXACT THING.

Why, you ask? Because you cannot even imagine the awful awful emissions coming from my ass for days after eating homemade seitan. They are so bad that I am seriously starting to suspect that the EPA is gonna pass some sort of restriction on my seitan consumption. THAT BAD. No kidding.

This time, Have Cake Will Travels' baked seitan steaks were to blame.

I decided to make these the week before last because I still had some wheat gluten crowding up my cupboard from all the rib-cooking this summer, and I was intrigued at the prospect of trying out a seitan recipe that tasted like STEAK rather than chicken or sausage or something. I must admit, I was a bit disappointed since these didn't even REMOTELY resemble the flavor of a steak. (Then again, this just made me realize that the term "steaks" is kind of vague and probably was just intended to refer to form rather than flavor.) They were good (despite reeking--baha--havoc on my bowels), but they sort of just tasted like a vague chicken/sausage/indefinable meat-like amalgamation, and the steak sauce was just WEIRDass to be using on them like that (kind of like dipping apples in it or something). And for some reason my steaks didn't come out as pretty as HCWT. After initially mixing all the ingredients together, the dough was ridiculously flaccid. It wouldn't maintain any sort of form, which worried me since it wasn't really holding up as a patty or anything. So I kept adding wee bit by wee bit of vital wheat gluten until it was a bit more stiff. I don't know if this was necessary, but I figured it was worth noting. HCWT's steaks ended up looking like delicate little croissants. Mine kind of just looked like they got ran over by a semi.

Regardless, the recipe is nonetheless worth checking out, for those of you who like whipping up seitan at home, particularly because it is even easier than the infamous Seitan Recipe o' Greatness. Just don't be expecting big juicy pseudo-steaks. Moreso expect something kind of nice and Thanksgiving-ish.

INGREDIENTS:

• 1 c. vital wheat gluten


• 1 c. water


• 1 1/2 T. + 1 t. soy sauce (or you can use 1 t. Worcestershire sauce instead of the 1 t. soy sauce--I just don't own any)


• 3 T. nutritional yeast


• 1 t. onion powder


• 1/2 t. dried sage


• 1/2 t. dried thyme

DIRECTIONS

Mix together wet ingredients in one bowl and the dry ones in another. Add the wet to the dry. Start mixing with a wooden spoon, then use your hands to knead for a few minutes. Let rest for 5 minutes once well kneaded and incorporated.

Prepare a baking dish or a baking sheet with non-stick cooking spray. Preheat your oven to 400F.

Shape your seitan in two steaks. Place in baking dish, and bake for 10 minutes on one side or until golden brown. Turn on the other side and bake for 15 more minutes or until golden brown. Remove from the oven, slice, and serve hot, or freeze for later [once cooled] for future seitan dishes.

Makes 2 steaks.

(Original recipe at Have Cake Will Travel)