Monday, October 15, 2007

Why I Have No Badges

Because you know how once a year, they pack all the girl scouts into a giant sweatshop-type factory and force them to bake girl scout cookies until they're sobbing and sucking their thumbs and crying for their mommies, and 1/4 of those girls are sitting in the part of the factory line where their little fingers are drizzling the chocolatey lines delicately over the somoas, into nice little perfect little girl scouty chocolate drizzles, all so they can get their cookie badges? Well, yeah. I suck at drizzles. And apparently I suck at melted chocolate as well. My drizzles look like I dragged Picasso into my kitchen, blindfolded him, tied his right hand behind his back, and demanded that he MOTHERF-ING DRIZZLE OR I'M GONNA POP A MOTHERF-ING CAP IN HIS ASS. Hence, they are not petite and delicate, sweet little girl scouty lines. They are weird, fat, confused, riotous lines of crazy chocolate.

But hey, they taste good. So the girl scouts can just take their badges and shove 'em.

(Thanks, Bazu, for pointing this recipe out.)



  • 1 1/2 c. rolled oats

  • 1 3/4 c. white whole wheat flour (or whole wheat pastry)

  • 1/4 t. sea salt

  • 1 1/2 t. baking powder

  • 1 c. shredded coconut

  • 1/2 c. ground pecans

  • 1/2 c. chopped pecans

  • 1 c. brown rice syrup (or a combination of brown rice syrup and maple syrup/agave nectar)

  • 1/2 cup extra virgin coconut oil (or vegetable oil works as well)


Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.

Mix all ingredients, using your hands at the end if necessary.

Drop rounded spoonfuls onto lightly oiled baking sheet and bake for approximately 14 minutes.

Cool on a wire rack.

Since I haven't exactly mastered the chocolate part of this, all I'll say is that you need to melt some semi-sweet chocolate chips with some soy milk in your microwave to get melty chocolate that will solidify upon application. Coat the bottoms of your cookies with the chocolate and let them harden. Drizzle the chocolate in a girl-scouty (or Picasso-ish, depending) type way over the tops.

Veggie Voice's Tips:

  • When working with coconut oil, be sure that all other ingredients are at room temperature or else you will get oil lumps. It may help to mix the oil with shredded coconut before adding other ingredients.

  • Do not overmix! Your cookies will be very tough if you do. Mix until ingredients are just combined.

  • Do not overbake! Your cookies will be hard as rocks. Brown rice syrup tends to make cookies crunchy, so be aware of this and proceed accordingly. Increase the proportion of maple syrup to create a chewier cookie or decrease baking time.

(Original recipe at The Veggie Voice)

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