MOM: Yeah, I was laying there, and I *swear* they wheeled in a tv and I was sort of watching them make their way up through my insides.
ME: Ew. Really?
MOM: Yeah, but the weird thing was that my insides weren't pink. They were like browns and yellows and stuff. Which made me think maybe I was dreaming.
ME: I don't necessarily THINK that our insides are all pink though, are they? I mean, browns and yellows sound kind of right.
MOM: Yeah. I guess. Do you remember when you were little and you used to have that problem with your butt where you wouldn't go to the bathroom because it hurt so bad?
ME: Yeah. Vaguely.
MOM: It was because you had a telescopic anus! Do you remember that?
ME: A "telescopic anus?!?!"
MOM: Yeah! When you went to go poop, the insides of your butt would telescope out when you pushed, like a little telescopic anus.
MOM: Yeah. It took lots of castor oil to fix that.
ME: Wait. WHAT?!?!?!?!
[Mom bites into chickpea poo-chunk with no sense of irony]