We Interrupt Your Regularly-Scheduled Program for This Brief Spelling Lesson

Ass-Tubers, hear me now:

THIS ---> BIZARRE is how you spell bizarre.

THIS ---> BIZZARE is NOT how you spell bizarre.


Go forth! Spell correctly! Successfully locate bizarre ass-tubes!



This spelling lesson brought to you by

1 Out of 6 People Prefer Ass Tubes

Between the hours of 3:01 and 7:35am, 8 out of 47 people that visited my blog did so after googling something ass-tube related.

That's 1 out of 6 people who visited my blog.

That's a lot of early-morning ass-tube desperation, my friends.

Book of Revelation

"And a blanket of silence hovered over the interwebs.
And then, with the quiet rustle of 100 dried leaves, the words:
'We are so not googling ass tubes.'"

-Book of Revelation (Ass:Tube)

Asstubesayswhat?

Ok. So maybe I'm having an uncharacteristically prudish or naive moment or something, but WHAT THE FUCK IS AN ASS TUBE??

Please dear god: someone just TELL me!!!

In the past few days, that's apparently been the #1 search drawing people to this blog, and that just seems WRONG seeing as I don't even know what one IS!

How you will now win my undenying vegan devotion:

Would someone please please please google this for me and leave me a comment explaining what it is??

I can't really google it at work, you know what I'm saying?

And I have an urgent desire to know.

Thank you.

Sincerely,

Bizzare Ass Tube: The Newest Edition of "The Most Bizarre Google Searches by Which People Stumble Across This Blog"

Why oh why I stayed up to watch the entirety of the Oscars when I knew Slumdog Millionaire was gonna sweep 'em all I'm not quite sure, but now that I'm riding on only 4-ish hours of sleep and fluctuating between wanting to giggle at everything and wanting to punch some lady in the face who, after I said good morning to her, inexplicably stared at my shoes with a disgusted-looking face, I'm thinking it probably wasn't the best idea.

Even more amusing is that I went over my mom's to watch it because she was all excited that one of our favorite actors--Philip Seymour Hoffman--was up for best actor again. So it's like 11:30, and my brother and I are bitching about how EVERY YEAR the stupid Oscars go ridiculously long, (sidenote rant: WTF was with them NOT SHOWING THE MOVIE CLIPS for all the big categories?!? Seriously: probably like 50% of the population hasn't seen some of the films that the actors/actresses are up for, and that's when we rely on the clips to understand whether they did a decent job or not, f-ing morons), and they finally bust out the best actor category, and Philip SEYMOUR HOFFMAN ISN'T EVEN NOMINATED. My brother and I laughed our asses off.


Winner of Best Actor in the Oscar of Confused Moms

Anyways, the point of all that was that I really don't have a point but am tired.

So no food today. No wit. No recipes.

Instead, google searches. As always, they speak for themselves.

Enjoy.

(For past editions, click HERE)

PS. Apparently lovers of bizarre sexual fetishes really need to learn to spell better.

• cat bed from days of yore


• vegan fuck vegetarians assholes


• how to seductively lick your lips


• bizzare ass tube


• make it by the book because that's the way you make it get down bitch


• mexican trumpets fanfare


• baked beans toot


• bored as shit


• fucking pizza


• shit on the pussy


• mole ten porn


• yeah that vegan hsit


• ass shit licking bizar moves


• pain in the goozy


• fucking with vegitable


• shitt licking


• recipe for greatness


• vegan ass licking


• cauliflower penis


• beautiful orgasmy


• erotic third nipple


• shit omelette


• raspberry stomach ache


• shitpeas


• eating candles


• vegan shit chowder


• blue potatoes feces


• authentic Italian my ass you've got thirty mexicans in the kitchen

Oh, I *did* make a spinach-artichoke dip for the Oscars, so stay tuned this week for the recipe. 'Cause it was fricking YUM.

This Edition of "The Most Bizarre Google Searches by Which People Stumble Across This Blog" Is Attacked By Confusing Grammar

Today's edition--mainly due to unclear grammar--has left us with many unanswered questions. Join us in answering them, won't you?


Two cooks in one pussy

Questions:

1. How big is this pussy that it can hold not one but TWO cooks?


2. What are they DOING there?

Man hairy ass eating sleuths

Questions:

1. Are the sleuths hairy and ass-eating?


2. Or is the ass hairy and enjoying a nice meal of sleuths?

The world... pretty shit

Questions:

1. Is this a glass-half-full statement? (The world=full of pretty things)


2. Or is this a glass-half-empty statement? (The world=shit)

Shit balls recipe

Questions:

1. Is this asking for a recipe that will CAUSE you to shit balls?


2. Or is this asking for a recipe FOR shit balls?


3. If #2, are shit balls like meat balls but, well, clearly using things other than meat as the main ingredients?

Girls get bummed and then shit

Questions:

1. Does bummed mean screwed?


2. Or does bummed mean depressed?


3. If the latter of the two, does the shitting help with the depression?

Shit finger tube

Questions:

1. Is this an attempt to find a tube in which to store one's shit finger?


2. Or is this person curious about why they shat a finger-tube?


3. If #1, what exactly IS a shit-finger?


4. If #2, what exactly IS a finger-tube?

Swedish Mole Porn

Questions:

1. Are the moles Swedish?


2. Or is it the porn that's Swedish?


3. Are they referring to animal moles?


4. Or are they referring to skin moles?


5. How does one make either pornographic?


6. If #1: Do they speak with a Swedish accent?


7. If #2: What makes a porn characteristically Swedish?

(For past editions, click HERE)