Scrumptious Turd Dogs

To be added to my menagerie of scatological recipes (i.e. ones that resemble dookie and/or puke) are Vegan Dad's homemade sausages.

Don't get me wrong: the recipe kicks serious dookie-shooting ass. And it's really super-simple to whip up.

But then there's this (fathers, shield your babies' eyes!!!):



Needless to say, when you wrap the sausages in foil BE SURE TO CINCH THE ENDS TIGHTLY.

Otherwise you and everyone else at your barbecue will call them Turd Dogs all night.



VEGAN DAD'S HOMEMADE SAUSAGES

INGREDIENTS:

• 1/2 c. pinto beans, rinsed and drained


• 1 c. cold vegetable broth


• 1 T. olive oil


• 2 T. soy sauce


• 2 cloves garlic, grated (with a microplane, or very finely minced)


• 1-1/4 c. vital wheat gluten


• 1/4 c. nutritional yeast


• 1-1/2 t. fennel seed, crushed (Lindy Loo sidenote: can you BUY this shit crushed? Because I've tried crushing it myself, and I don't even think the Incredible Hulk could pull it off.)


• 1 t. red pepper flakes


• 1 t. sweet paprika


• 1 t. dried oregano


• Several dashes fresh black pepper

DIRECTIONS

Before mixing your ingredients, get your steaming apparatus ready, bring water to a full boil. The rest of the recipe comes together very quickly.

Have ready 6 sheets of tin foil. In a large bowl, mash the pinto beans until no whole ones are left. Throw all the other ingredients together in the order listed and mix with a fork. Divide dough into 6 even parts. Place one part of dough into tin foil and mold into about a 5 inch log. Wrap dough in tin foil, like a tootsie roll. Don't worry too much about shaping it (EXCEPT FOR THE ENDS, PEOPLE--CINCH THOSE WIENERS TIGHT!/end lindy loo cry of desperation), it will snap into shape while it's steaming because this recipe is awesome.

Place wrapped sausages in steamer and steam for 40 minutes.

(Recipe from Vegan Dad)



(The rest of Lindy Loo's scatological menagerie can be found HERE.)