!!!!!The 5th edition of "The Most Bizarre Google Searches By Which People Stumble Across This Blog"!!!!!

Since yesterday Leslie left a comment on my blog that said "I had to tell you what someone googled to get to my page: "how to eat lady ass"... totally reminded me of you," and since I have already accumulated a fantastically juicy medley of google searches in the short period of time since we last met to do this thang, I figured it'd be appropriate to bring to you today...

!!!!!The 5th edition of "The Most Bizarre Google Searches By Which People Stumble Across This Blog"!!!!!

(As always, you can check out earlier editions HERE.)

In topical categories...

The Poo-Lovers

• shit yeah


• vegetarian cut the shit


• gross shit pics


• i am looking for a recipe i can use to look like bear feces


• oily feces


• bat feces in mascara {{is this really a problem? i've seen this google search come up twice already}}


• tasting shitting


• tasting feces


• can your body smell like shit {{I am the #1 site if you look this up on yahoo. Hee hee.}}


• feces recipe


• orange feces


• do carrots and almonds make you shit


• birthday cake of shit


• give a shit birthday cake recipe


• pete are you shit egg


• lip shit


• sweet shit cleveland


• baby shit instead of mustard

The Nipple-Lovers

• oily taste from nipple


• nipple pinching

The Beautifully Orgasmic

• beautiful orgasmy


• orgasimic food

The Just Plain Weird

• pumpkin seeds raw cat how to make worms


• oozy bread


• least gassiest beans


• stomach ache fresh bread oven


• vegan crazy {{Rolling eyes back in head and speaking in tongues}}


• corn bread recipe very corny


• animal hair


• vegeance in our, it's not god


• picture vegan peanut butter chocolate {{Don't mind if i do}}


• veganism frozen shoulder


• breakdancing cupcake recipe

Of course, the final google search (breakdancing cupcake recipe) *MUST* be added to baking to-do list, which, yes, DOES still include no-bake bear shit cookies.

Gimme time. Gimme time.

Easy-Peasy Sweet and Spicy Black Bean Chili

My stomach is not quite well this morning, so even *thinking* about food is making me wanna blorf. Consequently, this will be a short and sweet post today.

Chili. Sweet from the roasted red peppers. Some kick from chipotles. Super-easy to whip up. Try it. Hate it. Love it. It's all the same to me.

INGREDIENTS:

• Three 15-oz cans black beans


• Two 28-oz cans crushed tomatoes


• 1 cup veggie broth


• Three large red-peppers, roasted and diced


• 1/2 - 1 onion, roasted and diced (I diced them first, spread them out on a baking sheet, and then tossed them into the broiler until they were pretty blackened)


• 3-4 cloves garlic, minced


• 1 chipotle in adobo, diced


• 1/2 t. cinnamon


• 1/2 t. chili powder


• 1/4 t. cayenne pepper


• 1/4 c. semi-sweet vegan chocolate chips

DIRECTIONS

(I was lazy and just dumped the first 6 ingredients in together without cooking the garlic first, but I think next time 'round, I'd brown it just a bit. So I'm gonna include that into the directions.)

In a large pot with a teeny-tiny bit of oil, heat the garlic over low heat until lightly-browned. Once brown, add all the ingredients except for the chocolate chips. (You may wanna play with the quantities of cayenne pepper and chili powder until it's spicy the way you like it. Right now, it'll definitely make you sniffle but shouldn't make you scream.) Bring to a boil and then simmer for about 20 minutes or so (or until everything's cooked through and the flavors have mingled). Mix in the chocolate chips and heat a few minutes longer. Let sit for a few, and then serve. Makes for good leftovers.

Serves: 6-8

E's Tofu Breakfast Wraps & Breakfast Potatoes

On my birthday, E was kind enough not only to hook me up with a vegan ice cream cake but to also cook me one of the best breakfasts I've had in a long long time.

After much hemming and hawwing over what I wanted him to make, I settled on breakfast burritos. I've been a long-time breakfast-burrito whore (I used to get them at McD's all the time in high school--yes, back in the day, I worked for and ate at my arch-enemy's; thank god the times have changed), and we have pancakes fairly frequently, so I was, needless to say, all over that idea.

I gave him the following demanding guidelines for said breakfast burritos: they needed to have tofu, mushrooms, and fake-sausage. Other than that, he could experiment as much as he liked. And experiment he did, toying with a recipe from Vegan Faminly Favorites and coming up with this gloriously delicious recipe.

Hot damn if they weren't the best damn breakfast burritos I've had. Hands down. I'd like to say it was because I knew that there was a bit of love baked in, but shit--I think it was just the mad skillz of the cook.

So yeah, if you eat no other breakfast this year, let it be this one.

E's Tofu Breakfast Wraps

INGREDIENTS:

• 1 T. olive oil


• 1 lb firm tofu, drained, patted dry and mashed


• 1 small yellow onion, diced


• 1/2 green bell pepper diced


• 1/2 red bell pepper diced


• 1 jalapeno diced


• 1/2 tube Gimme Lean sausage style


• 2 fresh garlic cloves, minced


• 1/4 t. turmeric


• 1/2 t. salt


• 1 package whole wheat tortillas


• Black-bean salsa (or any other type you prefer)

DIRECTIONS

Heat the olive oil in a large skillet until hot. Add mashed tofu and allow to cook for about three minutes (or until lightly browned). Meanwhile, place the Gimme Lean in another frying pan as you would cook veggie crumbles, etc., until lightly browned. Add all peppers, onion, garlic, turmeric, salt, and sausage to the tofu. Stir together then cook for 8 minutes on low-medium heat until vegetables are cooked. Spoon mixture into warm tortillas, add some salsa, and serve!

E's Breakfast Potatoes

INGREDIENTS:

• 3 large potatoes, diced


• 1/4 onion, diced


• 1 T. olive oil


• generous portion of freshly ground black pepper

DIRECTIONS

Heat oil in large frying pan until quite hot (over medium-high flame). Add potatoes, grind lots of fresh pepper over the potatoes, and cook for awhile, turning them from time to time, until they are brown on all sides. Once all potatoes are browned, add the onions. Continue to cook until the potatoes are cooked through (this could take 15 minutes). Don't worry if they turn dark brown. They are best that way. Once the potatoes are cooked through (i.e., soft enough to eat), remove from flame, scoop onto dish, and enjoy!

Let Them Eat Vegan Cake!

This past Saturday I celebrated a landmark birthday, galloping from the land of youth into the grizzled years of adulthood.

I hit the big 8-4.

*Sobbing*

Thankfully my friends helped me ring it in with lots of pool, booze, and bear-fucking stories (don't ask). And since I have the nicest boy in all the world, I also got to ring it in with a kick-ass vegan ice cream cake.

The women at Tremont Scoops (Kim and Marianne, bless their hearts) continue to rock in their efforts to bring the vegans in Cleveland some cold and sweet sugary goodness, and damn if their homemade vegan ice cream cakes don't rock out. (And I am pleased to say that apparently I was the first vegan ice-cream cake order they've received, fitting and all the more monumentous for an 84th birthday.)

Here's some glorious pics. Try not to drool on your keyboard.

Oh, and stay tuned tomorrow for a gratuitous (and awe-inspired) birthday breakfast recipe, courtesy of the boy.

Things I Ate This Past Week (Mixed in with Things I Did Not Eat)

Orange Feces

(Picture not available, thank god.)

E's Tofu Loaf from Cooking with PETA

(along with some very sexy-looking snap-peas and 'shrooms--just look at how they glisten)

Mothra

Leslie's Chickpea and Red Lentil Soup

INGREDIENTS:

• 1/2c green peppers, diced


• 1/2 medium onion, diced


• 3 carrots, sliced and peeled


• 1c veggie broth


• 2c water


• 1 15oz can chickpeas


• 14oz can diced fire roasted tomatos


• 1c red lentils, rinsed and drained


• 1t salt


• few dashes black pepper


• 1/2t tumeric


• 2 cloves garlic, minced


• 1T olive oil

DIRECTIONS
In a 3 quart stockpot, saute onions and carrots in olive oil until onions are translucent. Add garlic and saute for a few minutes longer. Add the rest of the ingredients and cover. Bring to a boil and then lower the heat to simmer. Simmer for about 30 minutes, or until lentils are soft and soup has thickened. Blend 1/2 the soup with an immersion blender or take 1/2 the soup in batches and carefully blend in a blender or food processor. Enjoy as a soup/stew or serve over a grain. Makes almost 3 quarts.

A Sun-Loving Zooey

Chickpea Broccoli Casserole from Vegan with a Vengeance

(Please forgive me--I've stolen this pic from someone else's page as I've continuously forgotten to take pics of the damn casserole all week. Opinion of said casserole: yummy (and surprisingly cheesy-tasting) for being so simple, though a bit too oniony for my taste. Next time I'm going with half the amount.)

The Franster

Soylent Green

(Because apparently, it's made of people.)

Food! Eat it!

My adorable punk of a sister hooked me up with the following link which is way too interesting and most definitely worth sharing, so enjoy.

* * * *
hey, a friend sent me this link to a website about the world's healthiest foods. what i like about it is that it rates them also according to how accessible they are to people (for instance, pomegrants are more expensive and not everyone could buy them...etc.)
hope you find it interesting

http://www.whfoods.com/foodstoc.php


"Life loves to be taken by the lapel and told, "i'm with you kid. let's go."" -Maya Angelou

* * * *

They offer up some crazy bad-ass info, from how to enjoy a specific food, to allergy info, to in-depth nutritional profiles.

And they give us even more reasons to heart avocados. *Swoon*

(Ooh, and they have a sweet RECIPE DATABASE where you can pick ingredients you'd like in a recipe, ingredients you'd like to exclude, and nutrients you're looking for, and it pops out recipes for you.)

African Peanut Soup

I've been wanting to try out an African peanut soup for a while because they sound so damn yummy (and because of my eternal hard-on for peanut butter), so I finally dragged my ass out of my snow-filled laziness and nabbed the ingredients the other weekend. I had two different recipes that sounded delightful and both with their own perks (one had mushrooms and sweet potatoes, the other had brown rice and red peppers), so I decided to mutate the two into one giant Siamese-twin soup recipe. And I must say, it was really damn good and really damn hearty. It also was chockful of peanut-buttery goodness, and you can't make my belly much happier than that.

INGREDIENTS:

• 2 tablespoons canola or olive oil


• 2 medium onions, chopped


• 1 large red bell pepper, chopped


• 1/2 cup mushrooms, chopped


• 4 cloves garlic, minced


• 1/4 teaspoon pepper


• 1/2 teaspoon red pepper flakes


• 1/2 teaspoon ginger


• dash cayenne


• 1 (28 ounce) can crushed tomatoes, with liquid


• 4 cups vegetable broth or stock


• 1 cup sweet potato, cooked and mashed


• 2/3 cup natural peanut butter


• 1/2 cup uncooked brown rice


• (extra water to thin out, depending on how thick you like it)

DIRECTIONS
In a large pot, heat the oil up over medium heat. Toss in the onions, pepper, and mushrooms. Cook until the onion has become translucent. Add the garlic and spices, and cook a minute or so more. Add the vegetable stock and crushed tomatoes. Cover and simmer for about 30 minutes on low heat. Add mashed sweet potato to the soup. Remove about 1/3 of a cup of the soup and pour it in a bowl with your peanut butter. Blend the two until the peanut butter has thinned out. Pour the mixture into the soup and mix. (Mixing the two before will keep the peanut-butter from getting clumpily lost in the soup without thinning out.) Add the rice, cover, and simmer for another 15 minutes or so (or until the rice is tender). Add extra water if the soup is too thick for your liking.

Anti-Valentine's Day Cookies

Minus the little-kiddy Valentine's Day cards which remind me of being a wee one, I am not a fan of Valentine's Day. Don't get me wrong, I'm a fan of love. And I'm a fan of good-lovin'. But I'm not so much a fan of Hallmark and giant obligatory boxes of chocolates to demonstrate one's love.

So needless to say, I AM a big fan of Be My Anti-Valentine, a site I turn to every V-day for a few good chuckles. (I was going to post all this yesterday, but for those of you who don't live in Cleveland and didn't realize there's such a thing as snow, I was pretty much snowed-in for the day with nowhere to internet. You can appreciate the snow vicariously if you'd like by checking out some of my pics HERE.) This post won't do you much good this year since today is just V-day aftermath, but then again, maybe some of you can use and appreciate the link next year, now that you know about it.

Anyways, because of the aforementioned snow, I actually had off Tuesday night, so I decided (because I am cracked out sometimes and like to do the wrong things in inclement weather) to pick up food-coloring and make some anti-valentines day cookies. I originally wanted to make ones that said FUCK HALLMARK, but then I realized I couldn't really bring them into work. So instead, I decided to make these anatomical heart cookies. Cuz hearts are meant to be gross and slimy and pump blood, not be glittery and skanked out with lace. So there!

These aren't the best-tasting cookies, mostly because I wasn't even sure how long to cook them as they were kind of odd-shaped and whatnot. But at least they're cute--the way that really nappy dog down the street with only two teeth is kinda cute.

BEFORE...



AFTER...




INGREDIENTS

• 3/4 c. vegan margarine, softened


• 1 c. sugar or granulated sweetener


• 2 egg replacer eggs, prepared


• 1/4 t. vanilla


• 3-5 drops peppermint extract (more or less to taste)


• 2 1/2 c. flour


• 1 t. baking powder


• 1 t. salt


• 14 drops or so of red food-coloring


• 14 drops or so of blue food-coloring

DIRECTIONS
Whisk the first five ingredients together until well-blended. In a second bowl, mix together the remaining ingredients, minus the food-coloring. Add the wet ingredients to the dry and mix and knead until all blended together. Split into two halves. Add the red food coloring to one and the blue to another. Knead each until the food-coloring is well-blended. Refrigerate for 2 hours or so.

Preheat oven to 350. Shape cookies into anatomical hearts (this is where you have to use your own damn imagination, people, cuz I ain't really got no tips). Place on cookie sheet covered in parchment paper. Bake 15 minutes or so. Remove. Confusedly try to figure out if they are done or not. Realize after a few minutes that they aren't. Panic and place them back in the oven for an undetermined amount of minutes (about 3-5). Remove and realize you're not quite sure whether they're ever gonna cook the whole way and that you can't really taste-test them enough to make sure since you only baked 8. Sigh.

Makes about 12 cookies (unless you're lazy like me and just give up after 8)

Chocolate Lovers Cake with "Buttercream" Frosting

Sunday was E's birthday, so this weekend ended up being filled with all sorts of celebrating. Needless to say, a vegan birthday cake was almost obligatory, so I told E to pick out whatever recipe he wanted and I'd whip it up for him and his friends on Friday.

He ended up settling on a cake and frosting recipe from Vegan Family Favorites, and holy crap if it wasn't good.

I obviously won't be publishing the recipes here, but if you can, track down the book and make the "Chocolate Lovers Cake" recipe with the "'Buttercream' frosting"--magnifique.

I will admit, I *DID* have a few problems with the baking of the cake. The cake is so moist that it ended up crumbly, so it was hard to maneuver and layer (I ended up baking two batches of the Chocolate Lovers Cake recipe so I could make a layer cake). Initially, I couldn't get the cake out of the pan, try as I could. And when I finally did, the first cake was all crumbled at the sides and some of the top had ripped off onto the bottom of the pan. Needless to say, I was not pleased. The same happened with the second cake as well, despite my best efforts. The end result was a slightly not-so-pretty cake with a few gaping wounds on its top and sides.

But oh my god was this cake good. Four of us polished off half the cake in one sitting, and E's friends *LOVED* it.

Needless to say, I have a few suggestions though, for those of you a bit more finicky about the look of the cake. I think what makes the cake so crumbly and dangerous is the inclusion of chocolate chips. They tend to sink to the bottom of the batter, and I think that's what results in the tops of the cakes sticking to the pan.

So my two tips: 1) Use a springform/silicon pan if you can, that way you can just *POP* it right out without having to use knives and whatnot to coax it out of your metal pan. 2) I read somewhere that when you're using chocolate chips in cake or bread or brownies or something, that you should toss the chocolate chips around in some flour before adding them to the batter--apparently the flouriness will lock them into place in the batter and keep them from sinking to the bottom as the cake bakes. I would definitely suggest trying this--it'll save you some heartache I'm sure.

Anyways, despite the harrowing need to wrestle with the cakes and my desperate attempts to cover up its scarring with frosting, I highly recommend. It is delicate and moist, and the buttercream frosting is just SO FRICKING DELICIOUS it'll make your toes curl.

Wishing I had a slice in my pocket right now--*wistful sigh*

My Bitchin' Vegan Standards

Well, Tiger (*growr*), I was out of recipes for the week, so I was happy to get your request in my comments-section yesterday. And in honor of your transition to veggie-ness (and hopefully future transition to maximum veganosity), I present a list of my tried-and-true vegan items that I cannot live without.

Goodies and Foodlinesses

• Tofutti: I'm sorry, but I've yet to stumble across any other vegan ice creams that even give Tofutti a run for its money. It's rich and creamy (unlike some of the other brands which are more watery and icy-tasting), and among its various flavors, the Almond Bark and Cookie Crunch make me happy in my pee-pee.


• Rice Dream Frozen Pies: This is what Jesus would taste like if he were a food. They are sweet sweet goodness in the form of "ice cream" squished between two vegan cookies and dipped in glorious vegan chocolate. Hell would be a world where Rice Dream Frozen Pies existed no more. I recommend mocha.


<--- See: Jesus.


• Black beans: I could not live without these damn things. I have a fairly jam-packed schedule during the work-week: I get up at 5:45am and rarely get home before 8:30pm. Black beans keep my lazy-ass healthy. All I have to do is drain 'em, rinse 'em, and throw them in the microwave. Sometimes I just eat them with some salsa. Other times I crumble Fritos on top or cilantro and vegan sour cream when I have some around. I heart black beans.


• Smart-Balance Lite Margarine: I am a toast-addict (I have toast nearly every day), so I don't like eating vegan margarines that are really high in fat. Which is why I always keep a tub of this around--if I remember correctly, it only has 5 g. of fat per serving (unlike the usual 11 g.). And the one I buy has flaxseed oil in it as well, which makes me feel all flaxy and good on my insides.


• Earth Balance Margarine: This one I keep around for all my baking. Don't try using Smart-Balance for baking. It won't work. Use Earth Balance for whipping up them scrumptious vegan cookies. And then BRING ME SOME, DAMMIT.


• Natural Peanut-Butter: I am a peanut-butter whore. What can I say? Any time I have toast, the PB must come along for the ride. I think I buy Smuckers brand typically, though I really like the Trader Joe's brand as well. Stear clear of Skippy Natural PB as it doesn't taste natural at all--it tastes like you're slathering a big ol' greasy heart-attack onto your slice of bread.




• Terra Exotic Vegetable Chips: These are my downfall, so I actually try NOT to have them on-hand otherwise I can't control myself. Nonetheless, they deserve mentioning. If I could, I'd have their babies.


• Semi-sweet vegan chocolate chips: I like chocolate chips in my pancakes. And when I bake something, it usually has chocolate chips in it. So I try to always have some on hand. They're also useful for an occasional mad chocolate craving--just a few do the trick.


• TVP: I always keep a batch of this around too, in case I'm in the mood for a bit heartier taco-ish mixture. Usually I throw it in with some black beans, water, seasonings, and sometimes tomatoes and cook it for a bit and then stuff some tacos with it. Also fantastique in chili. (You can usually find this in the bulk-bins at health-food stores.)


• Silk soy milk: I can't really say for certain whether I've tried other brands or not. Either way, I really dig the Silk brand soy milk, both plain and vanilla. Tasty tasty.


• Crunchy granola bars and Quaker Apple Cinnamon rice cakes--just watch out for honey in the granola bars. I chow on these at work when I'm hungry. Crunch crunch crunch. That's what I say while I eat them. Crunch crunch crunch.




• Amy's Soups and Chilis: I almost always have a can of one of these on hand as they are damn good and they make for a quick meal. Chili-wise, I prefer the spicy. Soup-wise, my favorites are the minestrone and the fire-roasted southwestern vegetable.


• Tofutti Vegan Sour Cream: I cannot get enough of this stuff lately. I think it would even taste yummy slathered on a shoe.


• Deva Vegan Multivitamins (and Flaxseed Oil Supplements)--So I don't feel quite so unhealthy eating vegan sour cream slathered on a shoe.

Da Booze
Beer:
I am a *HUGE* beer drinker, and strangely, going vegan has actually helped refine my tastes in beer.

When feeling cheap, I usually just pick myself up some Rolling Rock.

When I'm a bit more willing to splurge, it's usually

• Goose Island's Nut Brown beer,


• Ephemere,


• a Great Lakes sampler, or




• a Samuel Smith Nut Brown (which is currently reigning champion of my favorite beers). Any and all of the Samuel Smiths I've had thus far have rocked.

Wine:
I like my wine like I like my ladies: cheap. And kind of buxomy with a tattoo or two. *Budduuummmm chiii* I typically just buy Yellowtail as it is inexpensive and I can easily find it at my local grocery store.


Stuff for Da Body
Mouf

• Tom's of Maine toothpaste




• Dessert Essence Dental Tape

Pits

• I have yet to find a deodorant that blows me away. Recommendations would be appreciated.

Hair

• Nature's Gate shampoos (I think mine's the lavendar and aloe)--I also highly recommend Abba Haircare products as well (mostly because you'll inevitably end up either humming or belting out "Dancing Queen" everytime you're in the shower).


• Kiss My Face Styling Gel--awesome awesome shit


• Giovanni Glam Traxx Stick Wax


• Giovanni Styling Glue--makes my hair stick out all crazy-like. Boo.

Bod

• Austin Soaps which will just blow your mind. (Just watch out for the occasional honey in their flavors.) My personal favorite is "Mother Earth."

Face

• Dessert Essence Tea Tree Therapy Soap (though I always appreciate recommendations)


• Nature's Gate Sunscreen Moisture Cream

Cosmetics

Lips:

• ELF's Super Glossy Lip Shine (vanilla/grape flavored--rocks out).


• The Merry Hempster's Spearmint Vegan Lip Balm

Eyes:

• ELF'S Brightening Eye Color eye shadows


• Beauty Without Cruelty Mascara

Skin:

• Beauty Without Cruelty Cover Stick

Legs:

• Kiss My Face's Peaceful Patchouli Moisture Shave--good good stuff. And allows me to smell like sweet sweet glorious hippieness for hours.

Hands:

• Kiss My Face's Peaceful Patchouli Hand Soap--so I can make everyone ELSE stink like dirty hippy for hours. OH HELL YES.

Bajingo

• A terry-cloth pad one of my sister's friends made.


• My ever faithful divacup. Fuck tampons and TSS!

My one question for you all: what is your favorite vegan bread? I buy fresh stuff occasionally from a local vendor, but I can't get through it quickly enough before it molds. What easy-to-find grocery brands do you recommend?

Fire-roasted Quinoa and Black Beans

On Sunday, I decided to finally whip up Life Among the Trees' Quinoa and Black Bean Dish that I'd been eyeing for some time so that I'd have something for lunch all week. And let me tell you--it's fricking easy as all get out *AND* it tastes good *AND* (yes, I know you saw it coming) it uses Muir Glen's fire-roasted tomatoes. So seriously: how could you go wrong with this?

I only made two modifications to the recipe (mostly because I wanted to try to make it more soupy than dense--the end result was kind of borderline between the two) and that was to use canned corn and to use only ONE 15-oz can of black beans. It leaves the dish very potently tomatoey, but I likey.

INGREDIENTS:

• 1 t. vegetable oil


• 1 onion, chopped


• 3 cloves garlic, peeled and chopped


• 3/4 c. uncooked quinoa


• 1 1/2 c. vegetable broth


• 1 large can of fire-roasted tomatoes


• 1 t. ground cumin


• 1/4 t. cayenne pepper


• salt and pepper to taste


• 1 c. corn kernels (I used canned)


• 15 oz. can black beans, rinsed and drained


• 1/2 c. chopped fresh cilantro (optional)


• A dollop of vegan sour cream per serving (optional)

DIRECTIONS
Heat the oil in a medium saucepan over medium heat. Stir in the onion and garlic, and saute until lightly browned.

Mix quinoa into the saucepan and cover with vegetable broth and fire-roasted tomatoes. Season with cumin, cayenne pepper, salt, and pepper. Bring the mixture to a boil. Cover, reduce heat, and simmer 20 minutes,

Stir frozen corn into the saucepan, and continue to simmer about 5 minutes until heated through. Mix in the black beans and cilantro. Top with vegan sour cream.

Veggie Sausage Gumbo

On Friday, E decided to whip up a spicy and hot veggie sausage gumbo recipe that he'd stumbled across on VegRecipes.org. I don't have too much to say about it other than that:

1. it was good,


2. it seemed to be fricking simple as all get-out to whip up,


3. it had a bit of kick and a BUTTLOAD of temperature--perfect for this damnable -17 below Cleveland windchill factor,


4. it roasted and toasted my belly better than a nice warm blanket.

So those of you reading this hunched under thirteen blankets and trying to wear your cats like scarves and mittens (just to absorb some of their body heat) may wanna check this out.

It's also awesomely bright and colorful, so it's a good food for jolting you out of those gray winter-blahs.

INGREDIENTS:

• 1 cup frozen okra


• 16 ounces veggie sausage links, cut into 1-inch pieces (I believe E used Tofurky Italian Sausage)


• 2 tablespoons all-purpose flour


• 2 tablespoons vegetable oil


• 1 large onion, chopped


• 1 large green pepper, chopped


• 2 cloves fresh garlic, chopped


• 1/2 teaspoon dried thyme


• 1/4 teaspoon ground red pepper


• 1 16-ounce can diced tomatoes


• 1 cup celery, chopped


• 5 cups vegetable stock


• salt to taste (if desired)


• Tabasco sauce to taste (if desired)


• 2 cups cooked rice

DIRECTIONS

Fry the okra until lightly browned and set aside. Lightly fry the sausage pieces and set aside.

Combine flour and oil in a large pot, stirring constantly. Sauté over medium-high heat for 1 minute. Add okra, onion, pepper, garlic, thyme, and ground red pepper. Cook for 1 minute on medium heat, stirring frequently.

Stir in veggie sausage, tomatoes, celery, vegetable stock, and cook 15 minutes or until thoroughly heated. Add salt and Tabasco sauce if desired. Serve over rice.

(Original recipe found at VegRecipes.org.)

Two Ways to Pizza

This past Friday was my cat Zooey's surgery day (surgery so they could go back in and remove whatever remnants of her lady-parts they accidentally left in there when they spayed her the first time around). Needless to say, I was a bit distracted all Friday because of it. I wanted to cook something or another for dinner (mostly just to distract myself from neurotically worrying about her once I found out they were keeping her overnight) but I knew that my brain was a bit too unfocused to cook anything really useful. So I finally decided to try making a vegan-cheese pizza.

I've made pizzas before, but I've been wanting to try out vegan block-cheese for a long time. So in the morning, I stopped and picked myself up a block of Vegan Gourmet's Mozzarella "Cheez." I also nabbed some faux-pepperoni and other odd nibblings for toppings. And since I was feeling highly-unfocused, I decided to say "screw it" about a homemade crust and instead nabbed a Classic Sourdough Rustic Crust ready-made crust for my cooking needs.

Pizzas usually seem to me to be undeserving of an actual recipe, unless you're doing something wild and unusual with them. Because what--it's just "cheese," sauce, and crust, and then whatever toppings you load up on.

But I ended up really quite liking the pizza sauce I whipped up, so I decided to include the recipe anyways.

All in all, I thought it was a damn good pizza. I know some people find soy cheese absolutely disgusting, but I love it. I dunno what it is, but to me--it hits the spot.

The before...


The after...




INGREDIENTS:

• One Rustic Crust sourdough pizza crust


• 3/4 of a block of Vegan Gourmet's Mozzarella "Cheez," shredded


• 1/2 package of Yves vegan pepperoni


• 1/2 of an 8-oz. carton of sliced mushrooms


• About 6 cloves of roasted garlic, minced


• 1-2 T. olive oil

For the Sauce:

• 1 c. diced fire-roasted tomatoes (about 1/2 of a 32 oz. can--I used Muir Glen's)


• 3 T. tomato paste


• 1 T. fake-parmesan cheese


• Spices to taste: Italian seasoning, oregano, salt, onion powder

DIRECTIONS
Preheat oven to 450. For the sauce, mix all the sauce-ingredients together in a bowl. Fry up your mushrooms in a pan with a tiny bit of butter or oil until just cooked through. Using your fingers, coat the crust very lightly with 1-2 T. olive oil. Spread the sauce evenly on top of the crust. Spread about 15 or so pepperonis on top of the sauce, reserving a few for the top of the pizza. Then spread your cooked mushrooms all over the sauce. Cover the pizza with your shredded cheez and then throw like 7 or so pepperonis on top for decoration. Sprinkle your minced garlic all over the cheez. Turn oven temp down to 425, and place your pizza in the oven. (I used a pizza stone to cook my pizza, so your cooking-time may be different if you don't have one.) Bake for about 15 minutes (or until crust is starting to brown on the bottom and the sauce and cheez is heated through). Remove from the oven, turn on your broiler, and place the pizza in the broiler for 1-3 minutes, until cheese has browned a little and is starting to bubble around the edges. Remove, and let sit until cooled a bit. Serve.

* * * * * * *

So after having made the pizza, I realized I had 1/4 block of cheez and a half-pack of pepperoni that I wasn't sure what to do with and figured I should probably put to use before it went bad. So when Sunday rolled around, I decided I'd try making a second and stranger "pizza" with the leftovers.

I call it "Pizza Noodles"--almost all the same toppings as the aforementioned pizza-recipe, but this time, on angel hair.

It was super-simple, pretty damn good (though nothing that will blow your mind or anything--the emphasis is on the simplicity here, methinks), and made enough leftovers for the week, so I was pleased.

Pizza Noodles


INGREDIENTS:

• 1/2 jar of spaghetti/pizza sauce (I used Emeril's Roasted Gaaahlic Pasta Sauce


• 1/2 lb. angel hair, cooked


• 1/4 block Vegan Gourmet's Mozzarella Cheez, shredded


• 1/2 pack Yves vegan pepperoni, cut into thin slivers except for 4-5 slices


• 1/2 of an 8-oz. carton of sliced mushrooms

DIRECTIONS
Preheat oven to 450. Fry up the mushrooms in a pan with a bit of butter or olive oil and some garlic powder and italian seasonings. Toss the cooked angel hair into a casserole dish and pour your spagetti sauce on top. Mix it into the noodles until they are coated. Toss the vegan pepperoni and mushrooms on top. Mix into the noodles until evenly distributed. Sprinkle your vegan cheez on top. Cover, and bake in the oven for 15 minutes. Remove the cover and bake for another 15. Remove from the oven, turn on your broiler, and place in the broiler for 1-3 minutes, until cheez has browned a little and is bubbly. Remove and let sit for about 5 minutes or so. Serve.