What to Eat If You Never Want Anyone to Make Out With You Ever Again

On the weekend, my friend Peppermint came over for a LLP night, and we cooked. I've been wanting to try the Appetite for Reduction onion rings for a while, so she brought over some homemade veggie burgers to accompany them. To make matters worse for our breath, we added caramelized onions to the burgers as well, making it one hell of a stank dinner. However, both of us had to admit, the onion rings were really quite good. I used corn-flake "bread" crumbs instead of wheat, and the breading ended up kind of messy, but the one hand per bowl technique seems like a myth anyways since, as soon as you dip into the breadcrumbs, you end up clumping that shit up. Either which way though: oh man are they delish. And super easy. I'd definitely make them again. Even if that means not making out with anyone for a week as a result.


OMG Oven Baked Onion Rings

INGREDIENTS:

• 2 vidalia onions (about a pound), or other sweet onion like Walla Walla


• 1/2 c. plus 2 T. all purpose flour


• 2 T. corn starch


• 1 c. cold almond milk (I used soy milk)


• 1 t. apple cider vinegar


• 1 c. whole wheat bread crumbs (I used corn-flake "bread" crumbs)


• 1 t. kosher salt


• 2 t. olive oil


• Cooking spray

DIRECTIONS

Slice onions into 3/4 inch thick rings. Separate the rings and place in a bowl. Cover with a kitchen towel or something, to keep the onioniness out of your eyes.

Preheat oven to 450 F. Line a rimmed 12×18 baking sheet with parchment paper, spray with cooking spray and set aside.

Now you’ll need two bowls for batter and breading. If you’ve got large, wide cereal bowls that’ll do the trick. In one bowl, dump in the flour and cornstarch. Add about half of the almond milk and stir vigorously with a fork to dissolve. Add the rest of the almond milk and the apple cider vinegar, and stir to incorporate. Set aside.

In the other bowl, mix together the bread crumbs and salt. Drizzle in the oil and use your fingertips to mix it up well.

Assemble the onion rings:

Get a conveyor belt going. From left to right, have the onions, the flour mixture, the breadcrumbs mixture and lastly the baking sheet. Dip each onion slice into the the flour, letting the excess drip off. Transfer to the breadcrumbs bowl and use the other hand to sprinkle a handful of breadcrumbs over the onion, to coat completely. This may take a bit of practice. Carefully transfer each onion to a single layer on the baking sheet. Make sure you use one hand for the wet batter and the other for the dry batter, or you’ll end up with club hand.

Spray rings lightly with cooking spray and bake for 8 minutes. Flip, and bake another 6 minutes. Rings should be varying shades of brown and crisp. Taste one to check for doneness. Serve as soon as possible. With ketchup if you must.

Note from cookbook: Coupla things. You have to use sweet onions for this, like vidalia or walla walla. Otherwise the taste won’t be as special and the texture won’t be as juicy. Also, if things go as planned, you’re not going to use all of the onions or all of the coating. Just use the nice big rings and use the tiny inside rings for something else. For the batter and coating, you need a lot to get everything breaded, but there will be a bunch left over. Them’s the breaks.

(Recipe from Appetite for Reduction, reposted at Go Dairy Free)



WHAT YOU SHOULD SERVE IF YOU WANT TO BE ABLE TO GET SOMEONE DRUNK ENOUGH THAT THEY WON'T NOTICE ALL THE ONION ON YOUR BREATH:

(Ginger beer, vodka, lime juice, muddled mint)