Thursday, May 28, 2009

My Weiner is Coming Straight at Your Face!



DUCK!

Phew.

That baby almost just poked your eye out!

Anywho, these are the things I ate for Memorial Day weekend.

A weiner (this one is a safer shot!):



More technically, a Tofurky Beer Brat. I'm a fan of all Tofurky's weiners. They are plump and spicy and exploding with flavor. I barbecued it on my mini grill (thank you, ex-boyfriend, for kindly leaving me this as I love it), and my only suggestion is, if you do the same, don't overcook. These things need maybe two minutes on the grill with frequent rotation and they're good to go. Cook them too long and they dry out.

As I was being a lazy cook this weekend, I also decided to try out the Morningstar riblets this year instead of making my own:


And what a disappointment. These are the reason people mistakenly think veganism is for yuppies with money. $4.50 splurge, and I could've eaten the whole box of ribs in one sitting. There are two "racks" of ribs, all about as long as your pinky finger, and as wide as your hand from wrist to fingertip. WHAT?!? I could almost squeeze a whole portion of them in my mouth at one time! And for that price, I expected them to taste startlingly like ribs. I mean, I've made homemade vegan ribs, and while they're delish, they admittedly aren't remotely close to normal rib consistency. But for $4.50, you expect them to be surprisingly realistic. But these weren't even close. The consistency reminded me of some food from my youth that I still haven't put my finger on, but definitely not ribs. And they were just ok in flavor. But definitely not worth the money. Thumbs down to Morningstar riblets! If you want good vegan ribs, just make your own. Here are two great recipes: FatFree Vegan's Ribz & VegFamily.com's.

And finally, I made the Veganomicon Quinoa Salad with Black Beans and Mango:

                                    from Veganomicon

Sadly, I was only able to use about 1/3 of the meat from my mango because most of it was bruised and brownish. And also sadly, I've been shitting undigested black quinoa for days after eating this. Nonetheless, my mom loved this quite a bit, despite the fact that I was fairly indifferent towards it. But as it's super-simple and a good introduction to quinoa, why the hell not try it out sometime?



Quinoa Salad with Black Beans and Mango

INGREDIENTS:
  • 1 mango, peeled and cut into small dice

  • 1 red bell pepper, seeded and diced as small as you can get it

  • 1 c. chopped scallions

  • 1 c. chopped fresh cilantro

  • 2 T. grapeseed oil (I used olive oil)

  • 2 T. of red wine vinegar

  • 1/4 t. salt

  • 2 c. cooked quinoa, cooled

  • 1 (15-oz) can of black beans, drained and rinsed

DIRECTIONS

Combine the mango, red bell pepper, scallions, and cilantro in a mixing bowl. Add the red wine (or balsamic) vinegar, grapeseed oil, and salt and stir to combine. Add the quinoa and stir until everything is well incorporated. Fold in the black beans. You can serve it immediately, or let it sit for a bit for the flavors to meld. It tastes great chilled or even better at room temperature.

(Recipe from Veganomicon, reposted at Happy Healthy Long Life)

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

The Newest Edition of "The Most Bizarre Google Searches by Which People Stumble Across This Blog"

Or,

"Let's Make Fun of Stupid People for Being Stupid and Also Gross!"

With brilliant commentary by the brilliant Lindy Loo who is also awesome and apparently brilliant.

  • girls shits in cake mixture


  • asses shitting free movie tube [In today's faltering economy, these really ARE the kinds of asses you want to know.]


  • why are vegetarians such assholes [because we have to deal with fucktards like you asking fucktarded questions like this one, fucktard]


  • Teen ass tube


  • rose ass tube


  • Moms ass tube


  • hot mama


  • how to lick your lips seductively [You have surely come to the wrong place for answers to that. *Drooling profusely from my fat drool-mouth*]


  • eat my ass tube [No thank you. I just had a big lunch.]


  • Heart Attack Balls


  • When the shit hit the pan


  • 3 cups and shit


  • Where does the name lindy loo come


  • Lentils make my shit green [Congrats, dude!]


  • Vegetable facking [clearly not getting laid because (s)he can't spell]


  • Nippules pic [probably has never seen a nipple in real life. Or excuse me: "nippule"]


  • Pleasantly plump pussy [aww yeah to alliteration]


  • Freddie prinze [Freddie Prinze: Rocking the vegan ass tube circuit.]


  • Vegan jumbo mac n cheese [hell, *I* now want to see the jumboiest mac n cheese too, dammit! I hope it's like 6'5" and manly!]


  • Eating shit directly from ass [Fuck utensils! Just dig in!]


(For past editions, click HERE)

Mine is Still Bigger Than Yours, But With Things On It

I love bread. Love it.

So what better than bread... with things on top?

Not much. Not much at all.

So when I saw Urban Vegan's list of tartine ideas, I immediately thought, "I want to go to there." <--my pop culture reference for the day

And I did.

I went to there.

Go check out her list of ideas in their entirety, as they will make you drool uncontrollably.

As for me, here's the ones I want to try, and also the ones I tried out a week or so ago and my opinion of them. I used the French bread recipe I posted about last week (you know: when I lied and said I'd post THESE last week), and it worked perfectly.

TRIED:
  • Arugula pesto. In a food processor, mix about 2 cups of arugula, some walnuts or pine nuts, and about 5 garlic cloves. Add enough extra-virgin olive oil until it reaches a spreadable consistency. This pesto is also wonderful tossed with pasta, smeared on grilled tofu or thinned with balsamic vinegar to use a salad dressing.

    My opinion: I like this as a pesto alternative. It's got a delightful spicy kick, but tastes crisp and clean. Good stuff.


  • (Arugula pesto in foreground,
    topped with kalamatas)


  • Oil-soaked sun-dried tomatoes, vegan cream cheese and fresh basil, with salt and fresh ground pepper.

    My opinion: I also added kalamatas, and I think the grease factor was WAY too high. I think adding ANYTHING oil-soaked to cream cheez is a bit overdoing it. But I really liked the combo, despite that. So next time: rehydrated sun-dried tomatoes (instead of oil-soaked) and a sparser collection of kalamata olives.




  • Bananas, agave nectar and cinnamon. Spread the bread with Earth Balance and toast first. This makes a great breakfast.

    My opinion: Delightfully yum. And I was skeptical, 'cause I mashed up my banana, and then stood there and realized how disgusting and boogery the consistency was after mashing it and contemplated whether or not I could sike myself out enough to consume it despite how gross it looked. And I did. And I'm glad. I think the riper the banana the better though--it'll be less boogery. I also tried the banana-agave nectar-cinnamon combo with cream cheez as well and liked it a lot.



WANNA TRY:
  • Spinach, onion, garlic and dried cherries [Pictured, above right], sauteed in olive oil and seasoned with a pinch of nutmeg


  • Thinly sliced fennel, back olives and orange slices, served heated with a drizzle of fruity extra-virgin olive oil


  • A healthy drizzle of olive oil topped with tomatoes, oregano, and olives


  • Avocado slices, arugula and Veganaise


  • Marinated seitan, dried apricots and apricot jam


(Recipe ideas from Urban Vegan)