The Newest Edition of "The Most Bizarre Google Searches by Which People Stumble Across This Blog"

Or,

"Let's Make Fun of Stupid People for Being Stupid and Also Gross!"

With brilliant commentary by the brilliant Lindy Loo who is also awesome and apparently brilliant.

• girls shits in cake mixture



• asses shitting free movie tube [In today's faltering economy, these really ARE the kinds of asses you want to know.]



• why are vegetarians such assholes [because we have to deal with fucktards like you asking fucktarded questions like this one, fucktard]



• Teen ass tube



• rose ass tube



• Moms ass tube



• hot mama



• how to lick your lips seductively [You have surely come to the wrong place for answers to that. *Drooling profusely from my fat drool-mouth*]



• eat my ass tube [No thank you. I just had a big lunch.]



• Heart Attack Balls



• When the shit hit the pan



• 3 cups and shit



• Where does the name lindy loo come



• Lentils make my shit green [Congrats, dude!]



• Vegetable facking [clearly not getting laid because (s)he can't spell]



• Nippules pic [probably has never seen a nipple in real life. Or excuse me: "nippule"]



• Pleasantly plump pussy [aww yeah to alliteration]



• Freddie prinze [Freddie Prinze: Rocking the vegan ass tube circuit.]



• Vegan jumbo mac n cheese [hell, *I* now want to see the jumboiest mac n cheese too, dammit! I hope it's like 6'5" and manly!]



• Eating shit directly from ass [Fuck utensils! Just dig in!]

(For past editions, click HERE)

Mine is Still Bigger Than Yours, But With Things On It

I love bread. Love it.

So what better than bread... with things on top?

Not much. Not much at all.

So when I saw Urban Vegan's list of tartine ideas, I immediately thought, "I want to go to there." <--my pop culture reference for the day

And I did.

I went to there.

Go check out her list of ideas in their entirety, as they will make you drool uncontrollably.

As for me, here's the ones I want to try, and also the ones I tried out a week or so ago and my opinion of them. I used the French bread recipe I posted about last week (you know: when I lied and said I'd post THESE last week), and it worked perfectly.

TRIED:

• Arugula pesto. In a food processor, mix about 2 cups of arugula, some walnuts or pine nuts, and about 5 garlic cloves. Add enough extra-virgin olive oil until it reaches a spreadable consistency. This pesto is also wonderful tossed with pasta, smeared on grilled tofu or thinned with balsamic vinegar to use a salad dressing.
  
  My opinion: I like this as a pesto alternative. It's got a delightful spicy kick, but tastes crisp and clean. Good stuff.


(Arugula pesto in foreground,
topped with kalamatas)


• Oil-soaked sun-dried tomatoes, vegan cream cheese and fresh basil, with salt and fresh ground pepper.
  
  My opinion: I also added kalamatas, and I think the grease factor was WAY too high. I think adding ANYTHING oil-soaked to cream cheez is a bit overdoing it. But I really liked the combo, despite that. So next time: rehydrated sun-dried tomatoes (instead of oil-soaked) and a sparser collection of kalamata olives.





• Bananas, agave nectar and cinnamon. Spread the bread with Earth Balance and toast first. This makes a great breakfast.
  
  My opinion: Delightfully yum. And I was skeptical, 'cause I mashed up my banana, and then stood there and realized how disgusting and boogery the consistency was after mashing it and contemplated whether or not I could sike myself out enough to consume it despite how gross it looked. And I did. And I'm glad. I think the riper the banana the better though--it'll be less boogery. I also tried the banana-agave nectar-cinnamon combo with cream cheez as well and liked it a lot.

WANNA TRY:

• Spinach, onion, garlic and dried cherries [Pictured, above right], sauteed in olive oil and seasoned with a pinch of nutmeg



• Thinly sliced fennel, back olives and orange slices, served heated with a drizzle of fruity extra-virgin olive oil



• A healthy drizzle of olive oil topped with tomatoes, oregano, and olives



• Avocado slices, arugula and Veganaise



• Marinated seitan, dried apricots and apricot jam

(Recipe ideas from Urban Vegan)

Mine is WAY Bigger Than Yours!

                  from Recipezaar


Super easy. (Just like your mom.) Yay for crusty French bread!

I will also continue to threaten your masculinity this week with some tartine recommendations from Urban Vegan, so stay tuned!



Failproof Crusty French Bread (For Your Bread Machine)

INGREDIENTS:

• 3-1/2 c. bread flour


• 1 t. salt


• 1 (1/4 ounce) package active dry yeast


• 1-1/4 c. warm water

DIRECTIONS

Place ingredients in bread machine according to manufacturers directions (essentially: wet, dry, yeast).

Start machine on dough setting.

When dough cycle is complete, remove dough with floured hands and cut in half on floured surface.

Take each half of dough and roll to make a loaf about 12 inches long in the shape of French bread.

Place on greased baking sheet and cover with a towel.

Let rise until doubled, about 1 hour. (Mine didn't engorge enough--snark--so I then preheated the oven and set the pan on top. This helped.)

Preheat oven to 450-F.

Bake for 15 to 20 minutes or until golden brown, turning pan around once halfway during baking.

Remove baked loaves to wire racks to cool.


(Recipe from Recipezaar)