Things I Did with Stale Bread This Weekend

Jesus, not THAT, perverts.

Anyways: I fricking love bread. If it wouldn't be scratchy and stuff, I'd fill up my tub with it and just lay in it.

So I was a bit bummed out when I realized that a nice artisan-loaf of white bread was sitting in my fridge and it seemed PERILOUSLY long ago that I bought it (long enough that I couldn't remember the circumstances, but I think it may have been before X-mas).

So: stale bread origami:

Fed the birds.

Made French toast (soy milk, flour, nooch, sugar, cinnamon).



Made bread soup:

                                       from Everybody Likes Sandwiches

First off, let me just say--the idea of bread soup is BRILLIANT. I love the deviancy of people taking a painfully healthy food and COMPLETELY DEMOLISHING THE HEALTHINESS OF IT. I say that in jest really, 'cause no doubt this soup is healthy even WITH the bread.

But I'm thinking of my friend J's distrust (and also LOVE) of carbs, one which I share wholeheartedly, and it makes me kind of snort, 'cause along comes this otherwise low-carb soup that's like OH BITCH, YOU ARE SOOOOOO GETTING TRICKED INTO EATING CARBS and then BLAM!!! Carbed up.

(My food is talking a lot to me lately I just realized.)

Nonetheless: fuck low-carbs. This soup rocks, is fricking easy, is fricking quick (like 15 minutes), and is brilliant.

I am a total soup-dipper. Nice crusty bread + hot soup = winter orgasm.

And this soup takes it one step further: bread cooked INTO the soup.

Granted, I would recommend serving this fresh only (sog-factor). But I *will* say that I ate leftovers the second day, and it was still delish. By the third day though, it was just freaking me out, so I couldn't do it.

Mush creeps me out after a while.


BREAD SOUP

INGREDIENTS:

• 1 T. olive oil


• 1/2 onion, diced


• 4 cloves garlic, chopped


• 1 stalk celery, diced


• 1 t. dried hot chili flakes


• 1 t. dried oregano


• 4 c. vegetable stock


• 1/2 small loaf of stale bread, cubed


• 1 small can of diced tomatoes


• 1 bunch spinach (or I used kale)


• 2 T. vegan Parmesan cheez


• salt & pepper to taste

DIRECTIONS

Saute the onion, garlic and celery in the oil over medium-high heat. When softened, add in the chili flakes, oregano and some salt and pepper.

Add in vegetable stock and tomatoes and simmer over medium heat for a couple of minutes.

Add in bread and spinach/kale, stir and cover pot.

When bread is soft and spongy and the spinach/kale is wilted, throw in some vegan parm. Taste adding more salt or pepper if necessary.

Serves 3-5.

(Recipe from Everybody Likes Sandwiches)

This is Not Related to Food at All, But Either is Your Face, So Suck It

I think this may be my all-time favorite someecard not to mention e-card:



But I think that mostly may be because I think about sending it to one of my coughing/snorting/hacking/mucusing co-workers about 337 times a day, and seriously: the thought of doing so is about the only thing that keeps me sane.

Sweet Potato Shepherd's Pie

                                       from Bok Choy Bohemia


So apparently the key to making things taste bloody is:

a) Hickory smoke flavoring; and

b) Red wine.

At least I think that combo makes things taste bloody. (And by bloody, I mean steak-like. And by steak-like, I mean meaty. And by meaty, I mean bloody.) It's been a long long LONG time since I've had blood. Or steak. Or meat. Or blood. But let me tell you, some red wine mixed in with hickory-smoke flavoring DEFINITELY lent this shepherd's pie a surprising meatiness.

Granted, when I took a bite and said out loud: Wow, this is surprisingly meaty in flavor! N-A did not in fact chime in. Which means the 12+ years since meat last sat on my tongue has clearly demolished any memory I have of the flavor of meat. However, N-A did say it was damn tasty. So there you go.

If you want bloody, stab your finger and lick. If you want the delusional long-term veg*an memory of blood, then join me in this shepherd's pie, won't you?

(Sidenote: Seriously--I highly recommend trying out this flavor combo out in a seitan recipe or two. I think it'll be brilliant. When you do, get back to me and let me know. Vicarious trial & error: that's what I'm all about.)

Oh, and ps. For once, I'm actually gonna flip my love of the salty-sweet combo on its head and say that--though I loved this recipe--I actually probably would've used regular potatoes in it, as the sweetness doesn't lend much and I think salty-salty would've ROCKED OUT.

PPSS. And if you didn't guess it, my main incentive for making this was to throw N-A into a state of Bac-O confusion since it already HAS Bac-os in it, so I was like, Take that, motherfucker. NOW what you gonna do now that I've taken your Bac-O revolution away?!?! BLAM!

INGREDIENTS

• 4 large yams, peeled and cubed


• 1 c. frozen peas


• 1 medium onion, minced


• 5 large mushrooms, minced


• 1 t. liquid smoke


• 1/4 c. red wine (I think I used a pinot something--"that's what she said!")


• 2 c. TVP


• 2 c. vegetable stock


• 2 T. Bac-Uns


• 3 cloves garlic, minced


• 1 t. garlic salt


• Salt and Pepper

DIRECTIONS

Preheat oven to 400F. Peel yams, cube, and boil until soft. Add Salt and Pepper, and mash.

Combine the stock, wine, and liquid smoke, and stir in TVP to reconstitute.

In a large skillet, add olive oil, garlic, onion, and spices. Cook until onions are just becoming translucent,and add mushrooms. Cook for another 1-2 minutes.

Add the TVP with liquids, and the peas. Simmer until everything has reduced and resembles ground beef.

Grease a large casserole dish. Coat the bottom with the TVP/Vegetable mixture, and layer the mashed sweet potatoes over that.

Bake for 15 minutes.

Serves 4-6.

(Recipe from Bok Choy Bohemia)