Changing the World to Vegan, One Shit-Fetishizing Pervy Orange-Pooper at a Time!

It's been a while, but rejoice, my foxy readers, because today I bring you the 4th edition of "The Most Bizarre Google Searches By Which People Stumble Across This Blog" (you can check out Editions 1, 2, and 3 HERE)--and yes, I suspect this title is at best grammatically awkward, if not 100% grammatically incorrect, but that's ok, because I will distract you with my orange and oily feces, and you will forget all about that fact! Enjoy.

• "size and shape of shit"
  (Um, every size and ever shape, my friend)


• "deep throat kielbasa"; "kielbasa deep throat queen"; and "kielbasa queen"
  (All I can say is: "Weirdo pervs!")


• "moldy truffles"
  (MMMMM.)


• "shit and potato"
  (Double-MMMMMM.)


• "eating uncooked dough with yeast"
  (Glad to hear it.)


• "in what kind of mixture animals shit is serving"
  (Hmmm. In any mixture, I suppose! Just toss a wee bit in and stir.)


• "gross bread"
  (I often wonder the best place to buy gross bread myself.)


• "color baby shit orange"
  (Perhaps if your baby *ATE VEGAN* it wouldn't be shitting orange! You heard me!)


• "orange and oily feces"
  (See "color baby shit orange.")


• "no bake bear shit cookies"
  (My goal is to now create a cookie of some sort that I can call this.)

Yes, apparently my blog is the source for EVERY unappetizing thing you can think to google. And yet, the recipes are edible. And sometimes people even end up *LIKING* them. Go figure.

The only thing I hope is that all these weird pervy poop-fetishists are rethinking their food choices and embracing veganism once they stumble across my blog.

Um, yeah.

I Stink Like Sushi Orange Oily Feces (Part III of "The Most Bizarre Google Searches By Which People Stumble Across This Blog")

I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW!

I haven't blogged all week. I have pictures sitting at home (nothing hugely interesting though) but haven't had time to upload or post them.

I am a bad bad naughty bad girl.

*Pouting at you and batting eyelashes*

So in lieu of my busy laziness (is that even possible?), I bring you Part III of "The Most Bizarre Google Searches By Which People Stumble Across This Blog." (You can check out Part II--and a link to Part I--HERE, for those of you who haven't been keeping up.)

Enjoy! And remember--if you're looking for "the sweetest shit ever," you need look no further!

• sushi orange oily feces


• pasta shite


• drugs for patients sockarooni


• best damn pasta salad


• i was craving beans


• cat shit cookies


• sweetest shit ever


• shit pie recipe


• fastest recipes to make you shit


• toss the salad tasting feces


• kielbasa queen deep throat


• shit in your mouth


• mac lauren's (this was just sweet and made me seem all Madonna/Prince one-name-like)


• shit enchilada


• mascara ingredients bat poo


• didn't rinse the lentils


• good shit line of a champion


• sweet potato queens cat shit cookies

Part II of "The Most Bizarre Google Searches By Which People Stumble Across This Blog"

I'm outta recipes for the week, so instead, I figured I'd bring you Part II of "The Most Bizarre Google Searches By Which People Stumble Across This Blog." You can read part one HERE.

Most bizarre recent google searches that have retrieved this blog:

• "vegan white hair"


• "moldy tempeh"


• "charles patterson shit"


• yet ANOTHER search for "olives feces" (apparently this is a pandemic problem all over the world or something)


• "shit with sugar on top"


• "shishkabobs what to eat with"


• "gangsta wine" (I'd imagine whoever googled this one was sorely disappointed when their search turned up my lil' ol' vegan blog--so to them, I say "Say hello to my little friend!")
  
  
  
• "baby shit orange"


• "eating expired tofu"


• "women bowl shit"


• "cat shit cookies sweet potato queen"


• "the shite chipper"

And bless your cute little hearts, you dorky readers--one of you was either trying to verify that the search would work and/or just trying to be cute, but, yes, someone actually *DID* google "Pubic pumpernickel booger snot." And needless to say, I'm the first site that comes up. Woot woot!

If God Had Meant for Cornbread to Have Sugar In It, He Would've Called it Cake

No recipes or pictures today--I didn't do much cooking this week because I was very very busy with other more important and crazed things instead.

Good news though: this weekend E is having a vegan wine-tasting party (woot woot) so expect pictures and recipes and details out the ass. I already have plans to make at least three whores-devores (I suck at remembering how to spell that damnable word--taking a wild guess--h'ors douerves; plus, whores-devores looks more like what it should sound like anyways).

In the meantime, I thought I'd post this for some cheap laughs.

I've gotten a few constructive criticisms about the title of this blog since I started it, but I've been want to change it because, well, this blog's for fun, peoples, and I'm a swearer. I'm not trying to win the Oscar for Best Supporting Vegan Food Blog or anything--I just do this shit to keep myself entertained and to show folks that you can be vegan and eat like a queen (*donning feather boa and 8-inch platform shoes*). So if that means not getting my recipes picked up by folks to be posted elsewhere, ah well--I really ain't too concerned, my lovelies.

And I have to say, lately I've found myself slapped silly with a big fat grin on my face for keeping the current title of this bloggy blog, simply because my blog title causes itself to be stumbled across with some of the most BIZARRE google searches you can think of (which I've noticed through my sitemeter).

So today, I thought I'd post some of my favorite google searches which apparently result in my blog:

• boca roasted onion good shit


• if god had meant for cornbread to have sugar in it he would've called it cake


• vegan food tastes like shit


• shit on a salad


• shit pie recipe

The most frequent google search that apparently pulls up my blog is "expired tofu" (variation: "expired tofu sick"--heh heh) which is kind of intriguing--apparently I am the person to go to if you wanna figure out whether that hunk of expired tofu you're currently gnawing on is gonna make you projectile vomit everywhere. You can call me "Dr. Tofu."

But my all-time ultimate favorite google search that apparently retrieves my blog as a result is--*drum roll*...

vegan black olives feces

I really just wanna know--what in god's name was this person trying to figure out that warranted a search with that specific word combination?

In response, let me just shout this:

Pubic pumpernickel booger snot.

We'll see if THAT ever retrieves a google search. =)