Yeah, That "Vegan" Shit

Favorite Quick Seitan Recipe

2011-11-30T11:47:00.000-08:00

I have come to loathe making seitan because one attempt will turn out beautiful, the next all bloated and mushy. There's no consistency and dependability in the recipes I've tried using (namely the Veganomicon and VwaV recipes). So god(dess) bless Terry Hope Romero for her steamed white seitan recipe. Finally a seitan recipe that has thus far been fail-proof. The consistency is perfect--dense and chewy. It makes a bunch. And it only takes about 15 minutes to put together and 30 minutes to steam, compared to the hour+ for most boiled recipes. It's seriously great.

I *DO* season it differently, however, and the below recipe has been adjusted to include my seasonings (it's a very minimal change, poultry seasoning instead of curry powder)--what it yields will taste a bit more chickeny.

INGREDIENTS:

1.5 c. vegetable broth (or chicken flavoured broth)--I also add a dash of soy sauce

4 garlic cloves (grated)

2 T. olive oil

1.5 c. vital wheat gluten

1/4 c. chickpea flour (you can also sub in all-purpose, but the chickpea's definitely more flavorful)

1/4 c. nutritional yeast

1 t. dried thyme

1/2 t. paprika

1/2 t. poultry seasoning

1 teaspoon salt (to taste)

DIRECTIONS

In a jug whisk together broth, garlic, olive oil. In a large bowl combine wheta gluten, chickpea flour, nutritional yeast, thyme, paprika, poultry seasoning, and salt. Form a well in centre of dry ingredients and stir well with rubber spatula until dough leaves side of the bowl.

Knead for 2-3 mins to develop gluten. I cheat at this stage and use the Kenwood chef to do the kneading on power 1 or 2.

Leave dough to rest for 10 min, knead again for 30 seconds.

Place dough on cutting board and cut into 4 equal pieces.

Tear off 4 X12 inch pieces of foil and place piece of dough in centre of foil, fold the short sides of the foil over the loaf, the fold over the ends the foil should be secure but loose allowing for it to expand. Place in steamer basket and steam for 30 minutes Allow the dough to cool to the touch before chilling in fridge or overnight.

Store seitan in the fridge tightly sealed in a plastic bag for up to 2 weeks or freeze, defrost before use.

(Recipe from Viva Vegan, reposted at Food.com)

Interactive Post! I Ask! You Answer!

2011-11-16T19:45:00.000-08:00

Because my brain is made of molasses (mmmmm molasses brains, arghlghlhglghlhglhgl), I only just realized that Thanksgiving is NEXT FRICKING THURSDAY. Holy pilgrims and indians.

So riddle me this, batmen and batwomen:

What are your tried and true and favoritest vegan...

a) stuffing recipes?

b) apple pie recipes (extra points for caramel apple pie recipes or the ones that have the super-delicious crumbly tops)?

c) pumpkin pie recipes?

Extra points for links!

And now, a bit of Thanksgiving creepiness for young and old! Happy early Thanksgiving!

Super-Adorable Animal Ornaments That You Want for Your Tree, Oh Yes

2011-11-05T20:36:00.000-07:00

Fellow animal lovers, I just wanted to take a moment to give a shout-out to one of my lovely vegetarian friends who recently started her own fantastic line of polymer clay jewelry and ornaments on Etsy.

Why am I telling you this? Well, because Christmas is right around the corner, and she has some super adorable animal ornaments for sale. (I mean, come on, how adorable is THIS?!?!)

So go check her out. Do it. Now.

This Year's Halloween Costume...

2011-10-30T22:07:00.000-07:00

Oh the sweet vegan irony...

Soup Season, I Want to Snog Your Face Off!!!

2011-10-02T11:48:00.000-07:00

Right now, I have some sort of bastardy cold-slash-sinus-infection-slash-allergy thing going on, courtesy of the sudden chilly weather. And yet, I still blissfully proclaim: I LOVE YOU, FALL! Hoodies and crunchy leaves and autumn clouds and snuggling with the cats under mounds of blankets and stumbling across a bit of romance and car rides through the metroparks and Halloween and zombie flicks and soup soup and more soup. How can you not love fall?

So, to ring in these first few days of chilly, keep-your-windows-closed-and-snuggle-up-under-blankets-while-reading-The-Exorcist-and-watching-horror-movies weather, I whipped up the Ceci-Roasted Red Pepper Soup from Appetite for Reduction. It is beautifully autumnal in color and will fill your house with the delicious warming aroma of roasting red peppers. The flavors will also definitely please; it's a very aromatic recipe, despite the rather simple assortment of ingredients. And it makes for a fantastic soup for dipping bread. My only complaint is that I find rosemary and/or thyme in soup to be a slightly misguided choice. I love the flavor, but I absolutely hate picking tiny pieces of woody spices out of my teeth, especially in an otherwise velvety soup. I even tried chopping up the rosemary, but still: a bit too woody.

Nonetheless, it's a good recipe and an easy one, and it will definitely bring a smile to your autumnal pallet. Unfortunately no one has posted the recipe online quite yet, so for now, you'll have to track down the cookbook to try it out. But I promise you, it's worth spending the $10/$15 bucks on it. Promise.

Tortilla Soup!

2011-09-18T10:53:00.000-07:00

Soup makes for pretty much the most boring photos ever, so I've added a nice rack for your viewing pleasure.

As for the soup itself, damn damn damn good. And super duper easy. Definitely don't skimp on the lime juice 'cause it adds a little bit of extra loveliness to it. Definitely has me excited for soup weather, that is for sure. And thanks to Jilly Bean for the recipe recommendation!

INGREDIENTS:

1 t. olive oil

1 small onion, sliced thinly

2 jalapeños, seeded and sliced thinly

1 poblano pepper or green bell pepper, seeded, chopped into 1/2-inch pieces

4 cloves garlic, minced

1/4 t. red pepper flakes, optional

1 t. salt

1 (24-ounce) can whole tomatoes, undrained

1 (24-ounce) can vegetable broth

1 T. ground cumin

4 ounces gluten-free baked tortilla chips (about 2 cups), divided (or just regular old tortilla chips)

1 (15-ounce) can pinto beans, drained and rinsed

1 c. frozen corn

1/2 c. chopped fresh cilantro, plus extra for garnish

Juice from 1 lime

Salt, to taste

DIRECTIONS

Place oil in a 4-quart pot and sauté onions, jalapeños and poblano pepper over medium-high heat until onions are translucent, about 5 minutes. (Add a little more oil or broth if needed.) Add garlic, red pepper flakes and salt and sauté for another minute.

Break up tomatoes with your fingers and add them to the pot, including the juice. Fill the tomato can with vegetable broth and add to the pot. Stir in the cumin.

Crush half the chips into crumbs (some bigger pieces are okay) and add to the pot. Cover and bring soup to a boil. Then lower heat to a simmer.

Add beans, corn and cilantro and let simmer for 5 more minutes. Add lime juice. Taste and adjust seasoning, adding salt to taste.

Ladle soup into serving bowls. Crumble remaining tortilla chips over the top and garnish with cilantro.

(Recipe originally from Appetite for Reduction, reposted at Living Without)

Squeeze Those Tomatoes

2011-08-16T09:18:00.000-07:00

You like summer, don't you? And you like plump, juicy tomatoes, right? Then try out this recipe, now that fresh tomatoes are everywhere. The delightful dance of tomatoes and orange juice will put a grin on your face for sure. Plus, the recipe's quick and easy and won't disappoint, just like your mom.

The Recipe (Rerun)

Vegan Cookout Love

2011-07-04T19:40:00.000-07:00

I just have to send a shout-out to all my fucking awesome friends and family members who are always so conscientious about veganizing the SHIT out of cookouts. You guys all rock. Seriously.

Cookout #1:

My friends Mo, Duvi, and Natalie Portman...

The menu: Veggie dogs, veggie burgers, chips & salsa, pesto pasta salad, chickpea salad, no-cook corn on the cob, and rice krispy treats, none of which are pictured here 'CAUSE WE DONE ATE THEM.

Cookout #2:

My family...

The menu: Veggie dogs, veggie burgers, pesto pasta salad, chickpea salad, fruit salad, salsa-pizza, rice krispy treats.

And finally...

Cookout #3:

At the KS family household...

The menu: Veggie dogs & veggie burgers (courtesy of the KS's), pesto pasta salad, avocado-corn salad (courtesy of my LLP), caprese salad (courtesy of the Jilly Bean), rice krispy treats, banana-dessert-cake stuff + buckeye bars + oreo chocolate (all courtesy of the KS's), peanut butter cookies (courtesy of my LLP).

I seriously am blessed.

Favorite Summer Quickie...

2011-06-30T10:18:00.000-07:00

Not counting that of the wink-wink nudge-nudge variety:

Lightly fried tofu, fresh tomatoes, fresh basil, slathered
in pesto-mayo and stacked atop ciabatta.

Grub I Done Cooked for Another

2011-06-25T07:01:00.000-07:00

Sexy kalamata & sundried tomato tapenade on a whole-wheat baguette. Fettucine with edamame pesto, heaped with roasted asparagus and zucchini, a mix of mushrooms, and shallots. Accompanied by a side of roasted brussel sprouts.

What I learned: the best part of the meal was when the brussel sprouts accidentally got mixed in with the pasta, so next time I make this, it's gonna be roasted zucchini, mushrooms, shallots, and roasted brussel sprouts. So so good.

Sexy Kalamata & Sundried Tomato Tapenade

2011-06-23T15:02:00.000-07:00

This tapenade was having-a-dude-go-down-on-you-without-expecting-you-to-reciprocate good. In other words, IT WILL BLOW YOUR MIND. (And you won't have to blow anything in return. ;)

INGREDIENTS:

1 ¼ c. pitted kalamata olives (I also added some big fat green ones and some other greek black ones in as well)

9-10 oil-packed sundried tomatoes

2 T. capers

4 cloves garlic

Handful of parsley

1/2 T. balsamic vinegar

1/2 T. oil from your oil-packed sundried tomatoes

Freshly-ground black pepper, to taste

DIRECTIONS

Blend that shit. Blend it real hard. Oh just like that. Yes yes yes.

Spread on a toasted baguette. Spread it. Mmmmm.

Makes enough for an entire baguette and then some.

(Recipe © Yeah That "Vegan" Shit)

I Got Interviewed on VeganSaurus!

2011-06-13T11:05:00.001-07:00

Go check 'em out if you haven't already!

VEGANSAURUS!

'LIKE' them! Love them! And then take off in the morning before they wake up!

My Foccacia is Poofy

2011-06-13T07:18:00.000-07:00

So I tried making foccacia last night using the recipe from Veganomicon. I would've thought it would be more difficult to mess it up than it would be to make it correctly, and yet: my foccacia turned out poofy.

Granted, it tastes really good. But it tastes like bread and not foccacia.

What did I do wrong? Too much kneading? Too little kneading? Too much water? Too little water?

Any thoughts about my poofy foccacia would be appreciated.

Also, is it just me, or does "poofy foccacia" not sound like a brilliant euphemism for lady nethers? Just sayin'.

What to Eat If You Never Want Anyone to Make Out With You Ever Again

2011-06-08T05:13:00.001-07:00

On the weekend, my friend Peppermint came over for a LLP night, and we cooked. I've been wanting to try the Appetite for Reduction onion rings for a while, so she brought over some homemade veggie burgers to accompany them. To make matters worse for our breath, we added caramelized onions to the burgers as well, making it one hell of a stank dinner. However, both of us had to admit, the onion rings were really quite good. I used corn-flake "bread" crumbs instead of wheat, and the breading ended up kind of messy, but the one hand per bowl technique seems like a myth anyways since, as soon as you dip into the breadcrumbs, you end up clumping that shit up. Either which way though: oh man are they delish. And super easy. I'd definitely make them again. Even if that means not making out with anyone for a week as a result.

OMG Oven Baked Onion Rings

INGREDIENTS:

2 vidalia onions (about a pound), or other sweet onion like Walla Walla

1/2 c. plus 2 T. all purpose flour

2 T. corn starch

1 c. cold almond milk (I used soy milk)

1 t. apple cider vinegar

1 c. whole wheat bread crumbs (I used corn-flake "bread" crumbs)

1 t. kosher salt

2 t. olive oil

Cooking spray

DIRECTIONS

Slice onions into 3/4 inch thick rings. Separate the rings and place in a bowl. Cover with a kitchen towel or something, to keep the onioniness out of your eyes.

Preheat oven to 450 F. Line a rimmed 12×18 baking sheet with parchment paper, spray with cooking spray and set aside.

Now you’ll need two bowls for batter and breading. If you’ve got large, wide cereal bowls that’ll do the trick. In one bowl, dump in the flour and cornstarch. Add about half of the almond milk and stir vigorously with a fork to dissolve. Add the rest of the almond milk and the apple cider vinegar, and stir to incorporate. Set aside.

In the other bowl, mix together the bread crumbs and salt. Drizzle in the oil and use your fingertips to mix it up well.

Assemble the onion rings:

Get a conveyor belt going. From left to right, have the onions, the flour mixture, the breadcrumbs mixture and lastly the baking sheet. Dip each onion slice into the the flour, letting the excess drip off. Transfer to the breadcrumbs bowl and use the other hand to sprinkle a handful of breadcrumbs over the onion, to coat completely. This may take a bit of practice. Carefully transfer each onion to a single layer on the baking sheet. Make sure you use one hand for the wet batter and the other for the dry batter, or you’ll end up with club hand.

Spray rings lightly with cooking spray and bake for 8 minutes. Flip, and bake another 6 minutes. Rings should be varying shades of brown and crisp. Taste one to check for doneness. Serve as soon as possible. With ketchup if you must.

Note from cookbook: Coupla things. You have to use sweet onions for this, like vidalia or walla walla. Otherwise the taste won’t be as special and the texture won’t be as juicy. Also, if things go as planned, you’re not going to use all of the onions or all of the coating. Just use the nice big rings and use the tiny inside rings for something else. For the batter and coating, you need a lot to get everything breaded, but there will be a bunch left over. Them’s the breaks.

(Recipe from Appetite for Reduction, reposted at Go Dairy Free)

WHAT YOU SHOULD SERVE IF YOU WANT TO BE ABLE TO GET SOMEONE DRUNK ENOUGH THAT THEY WON'T NOTICE ALL THE ONION ON YOUR BREATH:

(Ginger beer, vodka, lime juice, muddled mint)

Caramel Bars of Ooey Gooey Goodness

2011-06-04T21:33:00.000-07:00

Ok. So these bars are the shit. Like seriously: they are the shit. As in, I subbed in corn syrup for the brown rice syrup (because I had extra and needed an excuse to use it up) and I TOTALLY DON'T FEEL BAD ABOUT IT 'cause even though I may end up in hell, being thwacked by a sweaty, whip-wielding Michael Pollan, IT WAS TOTALLY WORTH IT. That's how good they are. Use brown rice syrup when you make them, just so you don't end up blaspheming like me. (But if you DO end up using corn syrup, I seriously think even God will forgive you because FOR THE LOVE OF GOD THEY'RE SO GODDAMN GOOD.) Just sayin'.

INGREDIENTS:

2 c. all-purpose flour

1/3 c. dark brown sugar

¼ t. ground cinnamon

¼ t. baking powder

Large pinch of salt

¾ c. non-hydrogenated margarine, slightly softened

3 T. cornstarch

1/3 c. non-dairy milk (soy, rice, almond, etc.)

1½ c. dark brown sugar

1/3 c. brown rice syrup

2 T. melted non hydrogenated margarine

2 t. pure vanilla extract

¼ t. salt

2 c. coarsely chopped pecans

DIRECTIONS

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Line a 9 by 13-inch baking pan with aluminium foil, making sure the foil completely covers the sides of the pan, with about 2 inches folded outside over the edges. Spray the bottom and sides of the pan generously with non-stick cooking spray

In a mixing bowl, combine the flour, brown sugar, cinnamon, baking powder and salt. Use a pastry cutter or two knives held together to cut in the margarine until the mixture resembles fine crumbs. Pour crumbs into the prepared baking pan and press down evenly and very firmly, making sure to press the mixture all the way to the edges of the pan.

Bake the crust for 8 to 10 minutes until very firm and very lightly browned. Remove the pan from the oven and set it aside.

In a large bowl, whisk together the cornstarch and non-dairy milk until foamy. Stir in the dark brown sugar, brown rice syrup, melted margarine, vanilla and salt, until smooth. Fold in the pecans and pour the mixture onto the crust, using a spatula to spread the topping evenly.

Return the pan to the oven and bake for 28 to 30 minutes, or until the filling is rapidly bubbling. Place the pain on a wire rack to cool for 20 minutes; then move it to the refrigerator to finish cooling and setting. Chill for at least two hours, or, even better, overnight.

To slide completely cooled bars, grab hold of the foil and carefully lift the whole thing out of the pan and onto a heavy cutting board.

Peel away the foil and cut bars with a heavy, sharp knife.

(Recipe from Vegan Cookies Invade Your Cookie Jar, reposted at Vegan Gourmet Caravan)

Suelo Part Deux

2011-06-02T12:04:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, Suelo rescued a flea-ridden, eye-infected kitten from a park and then drove around until he found a shelter that would take it. He followed THAT up by spontaneously cooking us a three-part meal that included

delectably decadent and creamy sage and butternut squash soup:

spicy curried cauliflower, and a roasted lettuce salad in a creamy red-wine and pine nut sauce:

all of which rocked.

You may now slather him with praise.

Suelo, Con Suelo

2011-05-15T14:22:00.000-07:00

So for the past few weeks, a very kindly gentleman I know has apparently been testing out various tofus and fake-meats so that he could cook me dinner one night. And last night (with a tie rod unfortunately to blame), he finally decided to put the knowledge he acquired to work.

(Sidenote: All names have been changed so as to maintain the anonymity of those being written about (however, the pictures have not). Thusly, the aforementioned gentleman asked that I refer to him as either Rick Friction, Reynaldo Fernandez, or Rick Rudely when I talk about him in my blog, but because it's MY BLOG AND NO ONE IS THE BOSS OF ME (but mostly because I think my nickname's funny), I am of course going to refer to him as none of the above and introduce him instead as
Suelo... Con Suelo...
A tip of the hat to you my suave bearded friend...)

In this pic, Suelo is stabbing his pasta with a wooden spoon for reasons unknown:

Anyways, last night Suelo spent several hours slaving over the stove to cook us dinner while we chatted, drank, wrestled with his dog, and conversed about poop.

The first course of dinner was a seriously awesome bruschetta--a sunflower-seedesque bread layered in a series of freshly roasted red pepper, thinly sliced tofu (subbing for fresh mozzarella), tomato, and a single leaf of basil, brushed with olive oil and drizzled in a tangy but throaty balsamic vinegar. This shit was GOOD. Like the kind of good where you say, I couldn't possibly eat another slice, but then you shove a bunch more in your mouth 'cause you really can't bear to imagine it making its way into someone else's stomach.

Second course: a minted asparagus and cannelini salad. Although Suelo was not overjoyed by this salad, I enjoyed it quite a bit myself, primarily because of the mint. Which is precisely why Suelo disliked it. TO EACH THEIR OWN. Nonetheless: Steamed asparagus tossed with cannelini beans, chunks of raw tofu, and the sassy bite of radishes, all drizzled in a startling lemony-mint dressing is the type of salad I can definitely get behind. The combination was cool with a bit of a radishy kick and would make for a fantastic summer treat.

The final course: an insanely huge pot of super delicious pasta, a recipe Suelo has apparently perfected over the years and recently veganized for himself and yours truly, with an ingredient list huger than any I'd ever seen before. Mushrooms and boca crumbles and fried tofu chunks and spinach and noodles and roasted red peppers and (sweet christ) I can't even remember half of it but also sugar peas and Daiya cheese and onions and garlic and zucchini and broccoli and cauliflower and jalapenos and some other penos in a rich tomatoey broth so good it was worthy of being eaten off of god's butthole.

So yes: Suelo can cook. And he can cook vegan. And I think that rocks. So: thanks again, Suelo.

(Suelo can also kick my ass at a plethora of games. But that's a whole 'nother story.)

Omg

2011-05-11T08:27:00.000-07:00

This is seriously the funniest fucking thing I've seen in a long while:

Dear sir, you are the best.

Carrot Cake Cupcakes, A Picture Tour

2011-05-05T07:44:00.000-07:00

Yesterday my friend Duvi and I

baked vegan carrot cake cupcakes for the celebration of the birth of this fine gentleman (who is looking very pleased in this pic, quite possibly because he's SURROUNDED BY SOME OF THE FINEST, MOST DELICIOUS WOMEN IN CLEVELAND--just sayin'):

We grated and spooned...

and baked and frosted...

And sweat our asses off with our efforts.

And the end result was these little beauties:

Which were taken to a very drunken karaoke night. The cupcakes impressed many, especially when folks found out they were vegan. The birthday boy had at least three, and one of his friends very sheepishly but voraciously also came back for thirds.

Eaters of the cupcakes:

In total, 11 were consumed and the twelfth actually knocked my friend Duvi over in her chair, SPLITTING THE BACK OF THE CHAIR IN TWO.

Broken chair:

Them's some fucking POWERFUL cupcakes is what I'm saying.

Try them. Just buckle yourself in first.

Carrot Cake Cupcakes

INGREDIENTS:

2/3 c. all-purpose flour

3/4 t. baking soda

1/4 t. baking powder

1/4 t. pinch of salt

1/4 t. ground cinnamon

1/4 t. ground ginger

2/3 c. sugar

1/3 c. vegetable oil

1/3 c. soy yogurt (plain or vanilla)

1 t. vanilla

1 c. finely grated carrots

1/4 c. of chopped walnuts

1/4 c. raisins

DIRECTIONS

Preheat oven to 350°. Line muffin tin with cupcake liners (preferably the kickass ones you found at Heinen that have piratey skulls & crossbones all over them).

In a medium mixing bowl, mix together sugar, vegetable oil, yogurt, and vanilla. Sift in the dry ingredients (flour, baking soda, baking powder, salt, and spices) and mix until smooth. Fold in carrots , walnuts, and raisins.

Spray the cupcake liners with nonstick baking spray. Fill the liners two-thirds full (don’t overfill! See photos above). Bake for 26 to 28 minutes (for full size) or 20 minutes (for mini), until a toothpick inserted through the center of one comes out clean.

Once fully cooled, top generously with cream cheese frosting.

Cream Cheese Frosting

INGREDIENTS:

1/4 c. margarine, softened

1/4 c. vegan cream cheese, softened

2 c. confectioners sugar

1 tsp. vanilla extract

DIRECTIONS

Cream together margarine and cream cheese until just combined. Use a handheld mixer to whip while adding the confectioners sugar in 1/2 cup batches. Mix until smooth and creamy, then mix in vanilla. Keep tightly covered and refrigerated until ready to use.

(Recipes from Vegan Cupcakes Take Over the World: 75 Dairy-Free Recipes for Cupcakes that Rule, reposted at Simply Sifted)

First Pesto of the Season

2011-04-28T16:19:00.000-07:00

I love me some pesto. Short of avocado--which is the sexiest beast alive when it comes to food--pesto is one of my very favorite foods of all time. Needless to say, I love basil season. And although we're not quite there yet, in excitement and preparation, I decided to try the Appetite for Reduction edamame pesto.

I've fiddled with many different pesto variations over the years. And I love edamame, so I figured it'd be an easy success. And it was. Not only is it much cheaper than most homemade pestos (this required less basil than most, and edamame is cheap as hell if you go to the right place to buy it, especially in comparison to pine nuts which are INSANELY expensive right now or even walnuts) but it also has a lightness and brightness to its flavor that sings of spring and summer and sunshine and gardens. It was really damn good is what I'm saying. So much so that I can't wait to bust it out in the summer knowing that it'll also definitely make my basil stretch further (1 cup of basil yields about the same amount of pesto in this recipe as 3 cups does in most standard pesto recipes). And it's way healthier too, of course.

So yes, for those of you bumping about in Appetite for Reduction cookbook trying to figure out what to cook next: this should definitely be at the top of your list.

INGREDIENTS:

2 cloves garlic, chopped

1 cup packed basil leaves

14 oz package shelled edamame, thawed

1/2 cup vegetable broth

2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice

1 teaspoon olive oil

1 teaspoon salt

optional: 2 tablespoons nutritional yeast

DIRECTIONS

Place garlic and basil in food processor and pulse a few times to get it chopped up. Add the remaining ingredients and blend until relatively smooth, scraping down the sides with a spatula to make sure you get everything. Add a little more vegetable broth if it seems too stiff. Set aside until ready to use.

(from Appetite for Reduction, reposted at The PPK)

First Cookout of the Year

2011-04-28T08:09:00.000-07:00

First cookout of the year involved:

Veggie and sausage kabobs

Strawberry and asparagus salad

Slightly undercooked grilled corn on the cob

My damn gas tank running out before we made it through the cooking of the last kabob

These two lovely ladies:

Tofutti Drumsticks (holy hell, I didn't even realize they had these!!); and

The shooting of zombies:

This Just in from El Biblioteca:

2011-04-20T12:00:00.000-07:00

And now you will tell me your favoritest favorite Appetite for Reduction recipes and also the ones I shouldn't touch with a 15.5-meter pole.

Annnnnnnnnnd go!

May Your Mouth Writhe with Glorious Tastebud Boners from Checking Out This Food Porn

2011-04-17T07:35:00.001-07:00

From Sweet Melissa...

Spinach Salad with busty artichokes, plump sun-dried tomatoes, juicy olives, and sweaty (pine) nuts in a maple vinaigrette that just makes you wanna drizzle it all over your naked body (except for the horrible stickiness factor which is making my mind freak out right now):

Sweet potato fries with a length and girth perfect for inserting into your mouth:

Chocolate peanut butter torte that will ride you until you're exhausted and your heart's all rapid-fire and you think you might lose control of every muscle in your body and wet yourself with joy (it really IS that good):

And last but not least, the ladies that made this food porn possible...

Vegan Flour Tortillas...

2011-04-14T08:31:00.001-07:00

Anyone know any brands that are vegan other than "Pinata" (which I've never actually seen anywhere)??

Flayed Mignon of Flabtastic Arm

2011-04-13T07:42:00.000-07:00

So I bought this bean curd pack

at Tink Holl (a nearby Asian market) about a month ago with the intent of eventually stir-frying it. Which I did just the other day.

I was excited about using it, because I'd just been talking to my friend, Ms. Tudor Rosy about these delicious bean curd-skin dishes that we'd both had once that were AMAZING, and this bean curd pack sort of actually looked like what they might've used for them. So I was pumped.

And then I opened the pack. And then I realized: the bean curd IN the bean curd pack kind of had the weird gelatinous consistency of the skin on chicken before you cook it. Or the flabby underside of an overweight dude's arm if he didn't get out much in the sun and then some crazed psycho killer tied him to a chair and slowly skinned the flabby underside of his upper arm off in layers:

BLLLLLORF.

Yeah, I just grossed myself out with that image as well.

But it IS kind of what it looked like. And the taste of it before marinating? Well, I can't attest to the taste of flayed flabby underside of an upper arm of course, but it's kind of what I'd IMAGINE it would taste like before you cooked it, which means: creepily gelatinous and utterly flavorless.

Thankfully after I fried it up in some teriyaki with onions, edamame, broccoli, and 'shrooms it tasted slightly better. Like tofu, it's a kind of flavor-shapeshifter, taking on the taste of whatever it happens to be cooked with. However, it DOES kind of retain that creepy gelatinous consistency, which I wasn't incredibly enthused about.

So the long and short of this review? I'd say try it out and see what you think. Just give it a year or so before you do, that way you can forget that I compared it to the flabby underside of someone's upper arm first.

Double blorf.

Dear Tribe Hummus:

2011-04-09T13:02:00.001-07:00

You are my favoritest of all hummuses (hummi?), even if you DID get me in trouble with the lady at Nature's Bin who tried to guilt-trip me into buying the shittier hummus because it's local and then glared at me and condemned me with her eyes for still thinking you taste infinitely better.

Surprise Surprise

2011-04-09T09:37:00.001-07:00

So surprise surprise, I'm posting a picture of pizza again. Yes, I think I may have a problem.

Mostly though, I just wanted to show off my new thrifted plates as promised.

Super cute, right???

Also: this pizza WAS goddamn good.

Just saying.

Not that I have a problem.

*Tying off my arm and injecting it with pizza*

Assuming I didn't jack this all up...

2011-04-08T13:08:00.001-07:00

This blog now has a fan-page on Facebook.

So fan it the shit up.

Help support Mercy for Animals during Vegan/Vegetarian Week, May 23 through the 27!

2011-04-06T08:54:00.000-07:00

Click on pic for more info!

In the world of vegan food porn...

2011-04-04T06:55:00.001-07:00

I think this would be the carrot cake cum shot.

Yes??

Vegan Rainman

2011-03-30T07:20:00.000-07:00

I am kind of the non-awesome version of Rainman: I can't tally up the thousands of matches I just dropped on the floor within three seconds of them landing. But my brain is constantly working its way around some weird food-math in my head each time I eat.

For example: when I eat a toasted bagel, one half gets just butter, and the other gets peanut butter and butter. The peanut butter one > in awesome tastiness than the butter one, so it gets eaten last. Not only does it get eaten last, the final bite of said peanut butter half must be the bite that seems to have the most deliciously decadent mix of melty margarine and melty peanut butter. So most of the consumption of the pb side of the bagel also entails some navigating and exploring and trying to identify which should be the glorious last bite. All of which turns the bagel into not just an enjoyable meal but a mission.

Pretty much any other dish undergoes the same mathematics. If I have two or more items on my dish, I spend most of the meal assessing which is the more amazing of the two. Whichever it is gets carefully chosen to be the last bite to enter my mouth before the plate is cleared. The only exception to the rule: if I'm going out in public after dinner and the more delicious of the two foods is the stinkier of the two foods (i.e. something wickedly garlicky) then the less stinky > than the stinky and is eaten last.

Other weird food math: You don't buy a salad as your entree when out for dinner. Granted, I'm not a salad enthusiast, so that's part of this algorithm. But more importantly: leaves of green in a bowl with toppings thrown on it should NEVER cost $9. Maybe that's not so much math as principle though. And generalized Lindy Loo cheapness.

Similarly: smoothies are not a food and DEFINITELY not a meal because you cannot chew them. That's not really math, but it's still a fairly steadfast food principle of mine.

Pizza is also part of my weird food-math:

Normally I make a pizza crust from [the book whose name I don't feel like looking up and always forget], mainly because I can refrigerate or freeze half of it and use it on a later date. The current half? Well, I pretty much dough it out into the biggest crust I can possibly fit on my pizza stone. Not because it tastes awesomer that way but because in my head, why would I make a tiny thick pizza when I could make a huge-ass thin pizza? I mean, it's all the same amount of crust, I know this, but knocking back 4 enormous slices for a meal instead of two thick chode slices seems like I'm doing a lot more eating is what I'm saying.

So THIS was a rarity:

Deep dish pizza. I mostly just wanted to try making one, thinking that somehow I would realize my pizza math was skewed and in reality, the deep dish math actually IS awesomer. But the truth is: it's not. At least not at home. 'Cause it just doesn't taste kick-ass the way a deep-dish in Chicago would, you know? And eating only two pieces as half of the pizza just seems anticlimactic.

Thus, Rainman sayeth: the truth still remains--the larger the pizza, the better for my belly.

Also, half of you are probably itching to call me OCD right now, but I assure you: it's not true. *Washing my hands over and over to cleanse them from the thought*

Is That an Enchilada in Your Pocket, Or Are You Just Happy to See Me?

2011-03-29T14:34:00.000-07:00

Made these enchiladas the other night, and they made an ass-ton. They were good but not phenomenal, so I'm only going to half-assedly post the recipe here until I tweak it into perfection. They were definitely missing a green of some sort and also something a bit more stiff (twss?) to balance out the mushiness of the black beans, refried beans, and potatoes. I guess what I'm saying is, they could be improved. So take this recipe and have your way with it.

Ingredients:
About 7 small/medium potatoes, diced
One large can of black beans, drained
Two small cans of vegan refried beans
Two small cans of enchilada sauce
One nice big bag of daiya cheddar cheese
About 12 tortillas
Sliced black olives (optional)

What to do:
Preheat oven to about 425F. Toss the diced potatoes with some olive oil and seasonings of choice, in my case garlic powder and chili powder, and spread over large a foil-lined cookie sheet. Bake until tender and browned (between 20 and 30 minutes) but don't overbake since they'll be getting another round of cookery.

Spread enough enchilada sauce to coat the bottom of two 9x13 baking pans. Once potatoes are cooked, remove from oven. Take a tortilla, smear a healthy spoonful or two of refried beans down the center of it and toss a generous amount of black beans and potatoes on top. Drizzle a tiny bit of enchilada sauce inside. Roll up and place in pan. Repeat with the remaining tortillas. Distribute the rest of your enchilada sauce among both pans, pouring it over your rolled up tortillas so that they are completely coated. Distribute the cheese evenly over the tortillas in both pans.

Cover pans with foil and cook in oven for about 30 minutes. Remove foil, toss your diced olives over the contents of both pans, and cook for about ten minutes more, until sauce is bubbly.

Garnish with cilantro or lettuce or salsa or whatever the heck else you can think of.

Ponder adding some greens next time.

Apparently I was talking about collecting recipes in my sleep last night...

2011-03-28T10:45:00.001-07:00

I kind of love that even my subconscious is a total foodie nerd.

Things I Put in My Mouth Last Night:

2011-03-18T06:55:00.000-07:00

(Leftover vegan reuben (left) and roasted garlic tomato soup (right)
from Melt Bar & Grilled)

(Beer)

(Your mom)

I hate to implement comment moderation on this blog...

2011-03-17T07:28:00.000-07:00

But if I get ONE more comment from Viagra douchebags about my plump gnocchi, I'm gonna swear off cocks for the rest of my life, and that somehow seems hasty and unfortunate (not for me, but for the fellers), so: comment moderation it is.

Go suck a flaccid dick, Viagra.

I'd share this recipe with you...

2011-03-15T08:21:00.001-07:00

But then I'd have to kill you.

And we don't want that now, do we??

Essentially this is my version of the red curry noodle stew at Bac which I am madly in love with. But since the owner of Bac was kind enough to tell me what all his special ingredients are, I'm gonna be kind enough not to blab it. But think: tofu, snow peas, carrots, and Japanese eggplant.

And although mine definitely was missing that indefinable spark that amazing cooks infuse into their own recipes, it WAS pretty damn good nonetheless.

But I assure you: If you wanna try the real thing, stop in at Bac sometime. You won't regret it.

Way Better Than Avatar 3D, It's Charred Kale w/Sesame Seeds 3D!!!

2011-03-12T09:54:00.000-08:00

This is my favorite side dish of the moment, and although there's not a specific recipe, I can at least give you a general idea of how to make it so you can try it out. 'Cause seriously: so damn simple and so damn good.

For one serving, heat a teaspoon or two of EVO on medium-high in a pan. (You can cook the kale without EVO too, but it definitely adds a bit more flavor.) Toss in several fistfuls of rinsed kale. Toss with the oil. Cover. Let cook for a few minutes and then toss in a tiny bit of water and replace the lid (this will just help steam it some). Don't stir too often because you actually WANT it to char a bit. Let it cook until the leaves brighten in color and have started to get tender. Shake some sea salt on top and cover again. Cook until it reaches your desired tenderness and the majority of leaves have some char on them. Shake a bountiful amount of sesame seeds on it and cook a minute more until seeds have browned a little. Pour into a bowl. Don 3D glasses. Eat it like a rockstar.

Yay to Brain Normality Brownies!!!

2011-03-11T05:40:00.000-08:00

So I mentioned my three stank-ass bananas just the other day. And, oh doubters, I know you've been doubting up a storm thinking all sorts of doubtfulness about my doubtful assertion that I'd post pictures and a recipe. So

IN YOUR FACE-LOVING FACE!!!

The brownies above are actually naked, modified versions of the banana split brownies in Vegan with a Vengeance, but nonetheless: so so so so good. And banana-y. The only major changes I made with the recipe were to account for the fact that I only had 1 and a half cups of mushy bananas. So everything you see listed below for the topping layer: I halved it, and yet it still came out scrumptious. I also didn't slice up bananas to throw on top either. Next time I make these though, I definitely definitely will, because their glorious ooey gooeyness would surely be amped up by a sweet layer of delicious banana slices.

My opinion of the recipe? I have yet to find a vegan brownies recipe that captures the consistency of brownies dead-on. I tried ones that were really really close at Foodgazi. But baking them myself: they always seem more cake-like or (in the opposite extreme), more mush, than your average brownie. That being said: these were lacking in the slightly crumbly density of a heavy-duty brownie, but what they were lacking in density they made up for in both flavor and moistness. They are fudgy and delicious, and I would definitely make them again. With some extra sloppy bananas on top. That's what she said!

INGREDIENTS:

BROWNIES

4 oz. semisweet chocolate, chopped (or 2/3 c. semisweet chocolate chips)

1 c. very ripe banana, mashed (about 2 large)

1/3 c. canola oil

1 c. sugar

1 t. vanilla extract

3/4 c. all-purpose flour

1/4 c. cocoa powder

1/4 t. baking soda

1/8 t. salt

TOPPING LAYER

1 cup very ripe banana, mashed

2 tablespoons sugar

1/4 cup soymilk

1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

1 tablespoon arrowroot or corn starch

DIRECTIONS

Preheat oven to 350°F.

Spray a 9x13-inch baking pan with nonstick cooking spray or very lightly grease with oil. Alternately you can also line your pan with parchment paper.

TO MAKE THE BROWNIE BATTER: Melt the chocolate by placing in a pan or heat-proof mixing bowl over a small pot of boiling water. (Or you can melt it at 50% power in the microwave.) Stir with a heatproof spatula until completely melted, then remove from heat and set aside to cool.

In a large mixing bowl, combine 1 cup of mashed banana, the oil, and the sugar. Use a handheld mixer to beat everything together for about a minute. If you don't have a mixer, use a strong fork and mix for about 3 minutes. Mix in the vanilla and melted chocolate.

In a separate bowl, sift together the flour, cocoa powder, baking soda, and salt. Add this to the banana mixture in batches, mixing with the hand mixer as you go along. Mix for about 1 minute more.

PREPARE THE BANANA TOPPING: In a small bowl, combine all topping ingredients and mix with the hand mixer (remember to rinse the beaters off first) for about a minute.

TO ASSEMBLE AND BAKE THE BROWNIES: Spread the brownie batter evenly into baking pan. Pour the banana topping over that and spread evenly.

Bake for 30 minutes. Remove from oven and let cool.

After about 15 minutes, move it to the fridge until fully cooled.

Cut into twelve squares, place a few slices of banana on top of each portion, and serve.

(Recipe from Vegan with a Vengeance, posted at Food.com)

Son of a man-eating pilgrim!

2011-03-06T17:38:00.000-08:00

Um, yeah: If you haven't noticed, I've kind of been messing with the look of this page. And if you also haven't noticed, I kinda moved all the links from the sidebar onto their own page. And if you also ALSO haven't noticed (being that *I* failed to notice this one as well): I erased every goddamn vegan food-blog link that once had a home in my sidebar.

There's still other links. But I used to have dozens and dozens of food-blogs going on for you all to peruse.

So please excuse me while I squish behind the bleachers for a minute and sniffle just a little.

And... done.

So, if you have a vegan food blog:

Post your link IN THIS POST any time this month, and at the beginning of April, I'll compile them all again.

PLEASE NOTE THOUGH: It has to be a vegan blog. And it has to be a food blog. I have nothing against vegetarian blogs (you guys rock hardcore too), but I want folks to know that if they click on a vegan food blog link, they're not gonna be reading recipes that call for cheese or milk or eggs or something.

And if you have a vegan blog but it's not a food blog but you just love me and want so so so so so badly to see your blog linked here, when you post your link, just please note that it's a vegan CULTURE blog, not a vegan food blog, and I'll make a concession and pop your link elsewhere. For the low low price of three dozen cookies.

What what.

Now get to it!

Three Stanky Bananas

2011-03-06T17:09:00.001-08:00

I have three stanky, mush-tastic bananas sitting on my counter, and the Veganomicon banana brownies recipe seems to be calling my name...

Stay tuned later this week and you MAY actually see some pics and a recipe posted here!

PS. This banana is kind of hypnotic.
PSS. That's what she said.

So I start posting again...

2011-03-06T08:02:00.000-08:00

And the number of visits to this page GOES DOWN. Dramatically.

Negativereinforcementsayswhat?

Try not to get so jealous that you poop your pants...

2011-03-03T13:47:00.000-08:00

But my brother got me sweets from Sweet V Confections for my birthday. Just got them in the mail today and am trying with every ounce of willpower in me not to consume all of them in one gluttonous blackout of gorgery.

Check 'em:

Already tried the peanut butter cookies & puppy chow and they are MAGNIFIQUE.

So go support an etsy vegan and buy some. And put in a good word for me as a referral 'cause maybe if enough of you buy some based on this link, the owner will send me free shit. ; )

So if you live in Cleveland...

2011-03-02T21:01:00.000-08:00

Check this shit out:

Vegan cooking classes!

The women are wise, witty, and wonderful.

And the food is fantastic too.

Look at that: a post. Will see if I can make a habit of it.

Wow. This blog has 560 followers??

2011-03-01T19:18:00.001-08:00

Talk about guilt.

This Vegan Ain't Too Proud to Beg

2011-01-16T15:08:00.000-08:00

This months marks my five year veganniversary!

And this week marks the six-month anniversary of my (vegan-friendly) massage studio!

And I know I haven't posted on here in a long, long time (I've been busy massaging shit up!), but you know you love me... and miss me... and would throw your arms around my ample bosom if you could. I'm like that nasty ex- that you just can't get over 'cause the sex was just too damn good.

So: I'm on my hands and knees (no, not for THAT, you perverts) asking that you support a fellow vegan and like my facebook page for my massage studio, and spread the word, my friends!

Check out some pictures and find a discount or two on the Anat. Massage Therapy webpage as well!

Pangea Cracks My Shit Up

2010-08-30T07:36:00.000-07:00

So I just have to tell you all how much Pangea (The Vegan Store) cracked my shit up this morning. I ordered vegan condoms from them last week, and they showed up on my doorstep today in a box with the following label on it:

WHAAAAAAAAA-----?!?!

Whether it was intentional (which is MY guess) or just the universe amusing itself, it made me laugh out loud when I saw it.

So: props, Pangea. You guys rock!

Gnocchi of Guilt

2010-08-07T07:24:00.000-07:00

So two posts in a week. AM I BLOWING YOUR MIND OR WHAT?!?

And it's actually a RECIPE POST!!!! *scraping chunks of your cerebrum off your blinds*

So yes: I am still getting a subscription to Vegetarian Times even though I make fun of it incessantly. And yes: I'm still cooking shit from it although I was a frequent complainer about the tepidness of their recipes. And yes: shock of shocks, I've been finding a string of good food in there as of late. So maybe they're not as hopeless as I'd thought (although again: you really COULD easily post vegan alternatives for many of your recipes, veg times, if you only took the time to add in an "or agave nectar" or "or vegan margarine" etc, but I WON'T GO THERE AGAIN because you've been doing good with the recipes so *deep cleansing breath*).

Anyways, last week I made the Gnocchi with Chickpeas and Seared Broccoli Raab on p. 36 of the Sept. 2010 issue, and DAMN was it good.

I DID end up having to sub in spinach for the broccoli raab though because a) I wasn't sure what broccoli raab even LOOKED like, so I spent like 20 minutes peering closely at various vegetables that looked SUSPICIOUSLY like they could be a raab but then were just, say, kale or something (still not sure what exactly it looks like), and because b) I had THIS conversation with the dude in the produce department:

ME: Excuse me. You don't happen to know if you guys carry broccoli raab, do you?

DUDE: [blank stare]

ME: Ummmmmmmmmmmmmm. I'm not exactly sure what it looks like, so I can't tell if you have it and I'm just not seeing it or what.

DUDE: Broccoli, you say? We carry broccoli. [pointing at broccoli]

ME: Well, no. Broccoli RAAB. Apparently it's different?

DUDE: (looking puzzled and then getting excited and looking like he's had a sudden epiphany) Wait! Do you mean broccoli FLOR-ETS? [here he pronounces florets for me as though I am deeply mentally challenged and incapable of realizing that "raab" is actually pronounced "florets"--he points again at the broccoli]

ME: Um, nevermind.

So needless to say: substitution. That being said, it was a goddamn good substitution and I recommend it in case you are unable to locate broccoli raab (pronounced "florets"). Granted, you can't so much "sear" it, but it's still tasty.

And the recipe's super easy.

And it's got a lovely kind of flowery aromatic lushness to it that will make your tastebuds happy, namely due to the inclusion of reserved sundried tomato oil (so don't skimp and use olive oil or something).

Unfortunately, I did not take a picture of the dish, so instead, I give you a picture of my guilt:

INGREDIENTS:

8 oz. (1/2 package) gnocchi, such as Gia Russa)

8 oil-packed sun-dried tomatoes, drained and quartered, 2 T. oil reserved

1/2 c. reserved cooking water

1/2 onion thinly sliced

1 small bunch broccoli raab, stems trimmed, cut into 2-inch pieces (4 cups) OR 4 cups baby spinach, rinsed and destemmed

1 15-oz can chickpeas, rinsed and drained

DIRECTIONS

Cook gnocchi according to package directions and drain, reserving 1/2 cup of cooking water.

Heat reserved sun-dried tomato oil in large pot over medium-high heat. Add onion and cook 5 to 7 minutes or until beginning to brown. If using broccoli raab: increase heat to high and stir in broccoli raab. Cook 2 to 3 mins until it begins to wilt. If using spinach, well, actually: pretty much the same damn thing, so nevermind.

Add sun-dried tomatoes, cooked gnocchi, and chickpeas and cook 2 to 3 mins more or until gnocchi begins to brown. Stir in reserved cooking water and season with salt and pepper, if desired.

(Recipe from Vegetarian Times, Sept. 2010, p. 36)

I Love Meeting Vegans...

2010-08-05T07:07:00.000-07:00

It's like hanging with a best friend that you haven't seen in ten years.

Yesterday, I had the pleasure of hanging with Kevin Miller. Dude is awesome. And has an inexplicable fetish for uneven sidewalks that thankfully Cleveland was able to please. Granted he's never seen (or even HEARD of) The Deer Hunter (I mean look at how pissed De Niro is that you've never heard of Deer Hunter, dude):

Fuck you and your pastries, Kevin Miller

so I couldn't make him squeal like a girl when we walked past the building where they shot the wedding ceremony, but he DID do some girly-squealing but only while mimicking ME destroying him at both pool and bar-bowling (WHAT WHAT POOL MASTER! *karate chopping the air*).

For those of you don't remember (or don't know), Kevin is the dude who won the coveted whisk "best in show" trophy at Cosmo's Vegan Shoppe Bake-Off a few years back.

And now he's opening his own bakery in Atlanta.

Check 'em out on Twitter and their up-and-coming web page.

Here he inexplicably eats a 13 in Cleveland:

Really, there's no better way to spend a night in Cleveland than eating a 13. (Well, and maybe also going to Tremont Scoops for vegan ice cream and then getting your ass kicked by a girl in pool at Prosperity Social Club.)

So anyways, go check him out. And if you're in Atlanta, go eat his grub.

Just look for the cool dude with the giant beard and the donuts.

(Hit me up again next time you're in CLE, KM!)

This blog has been viewed 960,892 times...

2010-07-31T08:11:00.000-07:00

That's really kind of awesome.

In the Flesh, Babies!

2010-07-22T12:57:00.000-07:00

The Busy

2010-07-17T19:00:00.000-07:00

Click

WHHHHAAAAAAAAAAA-?

2010-07-12T08:02:00.000-07:00

So apparently this blog got picked as one of the Top 10 vegan blogs by VegNews Magazine! *Raising the roof and then realizing how dated that is and so busting out into the Roger Rabbit and then french cuffing my jeans whilst playing pogs*

Pg.130 of the July/August issue, bitches! *Doing the mash potato followed by the robot*

Finding that out yesterday actually almost made me tear up a little. Especially since I've been such a slacker dillhole when it comes to posting this year.

And I'd like the logical progression of this post to be: "So winning this award will be the fire under my ass getting me to write more regularly here again." I'd like that.

But the truth is, things are kind of crazy on this end right now. Crazy and awesome and transitional and scary. But crazy.

So right now I just really don't have the time. And, my lovely vegans, I don't want to give you all false hope.

Perhaps one day soon I'll start picking shit up here more regularly again.

But until then, check out the other 9 in VegNews's Top 10.

Hopefully they'll give you the delicious vegan fix that you're looking for.

- Crazy Sexy Life

- Manifest Vegan

- Post Punk Kitchen Blog

- Vegan.com

- Vegan Baking

- Vegan Dad

- Vegans of Color

- What the Hell does a Vegan Eat Anyway?

- The Voracious Vegan

And thanks so much, VegNews, for the props! It means a lot, especially since it came as such a goddamn surprise.

*Moonwalking and raising the roof one more time and... /End Scene*

Calling All Cat Lovers

2010-06-10T13:32:00.000-07:00

So I know there's gotta be a few incorrigible cat ladies (or cat guys) out there who are well-versed in the way of cat. The kind of cat people that, say, accidentally toss the corner of a cat-hair laden blanket over their peanut butter bagel and are so resigned to their cat persondom that instead of just throwing the hairy bagel away, they carefully hold it up to the sunlight and extract as much of the hair from the peanut butter as they can see and then proceed to eat it in a shaded area so that they at least won't have to SEE all the little glimmers of cat hair that they're consuming. Not that I'm saying *I* did that 20 minutes ago. With a glass of lemonade that was sitting next to a wobbly tumbleweed of accumulated cat hair. Oh no. But that YOU might be the kind of person to do that.

In which case: I need your help.

I have three lovely adorable wonderful cats. And I recently found out they have giardia. (Presumably the newest of the three brought it in with her, to my great joy.) They all have diarrhea (some of them bloody diarrhea), their stomachs are constantly and loudly churning away, and their coats are getting faded in color since (presumably) their nutrients are getting leached (I've been giving them vitamin treats in an attempt to help with this). So I've been (trying) to treat them all. I've done so, unsuccesfully, twice already. And I'm on my third attempt.

The problem is, the medication is horribly horribly bitter and cats hate it. (For those of you well-versed in cat meds, they've had two runs at the panacur with no luck and this is their second run at metronizadole.)

One of my cats I can pill. And she's easy-going enough that I can trick her.

The other cat, I could pill if I wanted, but she's a wee bit of an evil hellion, so I'm doing my best to work around it.

The third cat, bless her heart, is a little weirdo who is afraid of people and refuses to let me pick her up. Ever. Needless to say, pilling is not an option. She also apparently has the superheroic ability to discern even something SLIGHTLY out of place in her food. I have had the medicine COMPOUNDED into a mothereffing a) treat, b) ear-ointment, and c) flavorless liquid for her, and a) she hates the treat, b) she let me put the ear ointment on twice and then refused to let me touch her ears ever again, and c) somehow has the ability to discern that there is a strange flavorless, tasteless liquid in her food.

She is a mad fricking genius.

So: does anyone have other suggestions?

I have to pill her twice a day, or somehow get her to consume the treats twice a day.

Things I've tried so far:

Mixing the treats and/or meds in with her moist food.

Mixing the treats and/or meds in with her dry food.

Mixing the treats and/or meds in with mushed up sardines.

Using pill pockets.

Wrapping the medicated treats in cheese*. (Yes, not vegan I know, but my cats aren't vegan anyways, and I'm desperate here.)

Chasing her through the house with a treat in my hand bellowing, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WHY WON'T YOU JUST EAT THIS GODDAMN THING?!?! and then sobbing a little. (The most ineffective thus far.)

Cursing my very existence. (Also ineffective.)

So please: any suggestions you may have, lay them on me. Just please don't suggest anything that requires me catching her and forcing something in her mouth because--trust me--it's an impossibility (esp. since I don't have doors in my apartment).

Annnnnnnd... GO!

PS. These are my three little chickpeas. They thank you ahead of time for your help:

Scrumptious Turd Dogs

2010-06-08T12:55:00.000-07:00

To be added to my menagerie of scatological recipes (i.e. ones that resemble dookie and/or puke) are Vegan Dad's homemade sausages.

Don't get me wrong: the recipe kicks serious dookie-shooting ass. And it's really super-simple to whip up.

But then there's this (fathers, shield your babies' eyes!!!):

Needless to say, when you wrap the sausages in foil BE SURE TO CINCH THE ENDS TIGHTLY.

Otherwise you and everyone else at your barbecue will call them Turd Dogs all night.

VEGAN DAD'S HOMEMADE SAUSAGES

INGREDIENTS:

1/2 c. pinto beans, rinsed and drained

1 c. cold vegetable broth

1 T. olive oil

2 T. soy sauce

2 cloves garlic, grated (with a microplane, or very finely minced)

1-1/4 c. vital wheat gluten

1/4 c. nutritional yeast

1-1/2 t. fennel seed, crushed (Lindy Loo sidenote: can you BUY this shit crushed? Because I've tried crushing it myself, and I don't even think the Incredible Hulk could pull it off.)

1 t. red pepper flakes

1 t. sweet paprika

1 t. dried oregano

Several dashes fresh black pepper

DIRECTIONS

Before mixing your ingredients, get your steaming apparatus ready, bring water to a full boil. The rest of the recipe comes together very quickly.

Have ready 6 sheets of tin foil. In a large bowl, mash the pinto beans until no whole ones are left. Throw all the other ingredients together in the order listed and mix with a fork. Divide dough into 6 even parts. Place one part of dough into tin foil and mold into about a 5 inch log. Wrap dough in tin foil, like a tootsie roll. Don't worry too much about shaping it (EXCEPT FOR THE ENDS, PEOPLE--CINCH THOSE WIENERS TIGHT!/end lindy loo cry of desperation), it will snap into shape while it's steaming because this recipe is awesome.

Place wrapped sausages in steamer and steam for 40 minutes.

(Recipe from Vegan Dad)

(The rest of Lindy Loo's scatological menagerie can be found HERE.)

This Year's Rooftop Garden

2010-06-01T07:35:00.001-07:00

So my rooftop garden is up and running again. I'm not planting any Don Knotts this year like I did last year, but I *did* convert my old papasan frame into an herb garden, so hopefully that makes up for it.

Why not join me on a tour?

This is kind of the skyline view of my rooftop garden. Thankfully now that everything's potted, the pots have stopped toppling over the edge of the roof. In the foreground you can see my ladybug sandbox that I garbage-picked, the lid of which the cats sleep under on hot days and stalk birds from (unsuccessfully)...

And in closeups...

Black-seeded simpson lettuce, lavender, grape tomato plant, Zooey:

A couple heirloom tomato plants, more lettuce, wildflowers, moonflowers, mint, and green onions:

This is what my cats and I refer to as "the stink pipe" which is the pipe connected to my downstairs neighbor's toilet. As you can see, my goal is to camouflage it a bit (and discourage the cats from sniffing in it all the time)... Planted here is catnip, leeks, chives, basil, wildflowers, and a jalapeno plant.

This is my newest addition to my rooftop garden: my papasan herb garden. It's made from an old papasan frame and some landscaping fabric. The white twine leading out of it and up onto the doorframe is going to (hopefully) allow the peas to climb. In it: basil, cilantro, chives, green onions, black-seeded simpson lettuce, and peas. Fran is a big fan of the shade it produces, as you can see.

And finally: a small portion of the 36 basil plants I have growing. Yes, I am ridiculous. And yes, I love me some basil.

Stay tuned for more tales of urban gardening as the season progresses!

Dumb Stupid Stupid Dumb

2010-04-22T03:48:00.000-07:00

Recently I made the understatement of the year, that On Guerrilla Gardening was "somewhat interesting."

Don't listen to me! I have no idea what I'm talking about! Who's that crazy lady? Why she saying stupid things like that! She doesn't even know her right from her left! Did you see how her one eye is kind of lazy? You can't trust a person with a lazy eye!

This book is awesome. I am inspired. And I have already made plans to attack some areas in my neighborhood, renegade-style.

So don't listen to the me from then, listen to the me from now. And GET YOUR HANDS ON THIS BOOK! It'll shake up your way of looking at things.

Why I Kind of Hate Being "Green"

2010-04-21T04:31:00.000-07:00

Earth Week is nigh, and that means everyone's gonna start paying lip service to the idea of "being green" for 7 days.

Woot.

Pardon my cynicism, but I hate "trendiness" and unfortunately being "green" has become one of those hip new trends.

And before you give me the smackdown, let me say this: I appreciate those folks who truly make the green effort. Who were doing it BEFORE the term "green" was being bandied about by folks like NBC. To those folks: I love you and appreciate the work you do. I really really do.

But my cynicism rides on the back of the trend-sucking "greensters," the folks who get elbow-deep in earthiness for a week and then go back to eating their McD's sandwiches, the folks who have turned environmentalism into a money-making scheme, the folks who serve sausage at an Earth Week event.

Yeah, you heard me correctly. I was recently invited to an event celebrating Earth Week, an event being held by a "green team," in which they are serving waffles, fruit smoothies, and sausage. SAUSAGE.

I'm sure you, my darling vegan friends, can understand my utter stupification without me even having to say a word.

But yes: sausage.

Because, as a friend of mine stated in response, "Nothing says sustainable like sausage."

Let's dabble in just a couple of stats here...

"Large hog farms emit hydrogen sulfide, a gas that most often causes flu-like symptoms in humans, but at high concentrations can lead to brain damage. In 1998, the National Institute of Health reported that 19 people died as a result of hydrogen sulfide emissions from manure pits."[1]

"Huge open-air waste lagoons, often as big as several football fields, are prone to leaks and spills. In 1995 an eight-acre hog-waste lagoon in North Carolina burst, spilling 25 million gallons of manure into the New River. The spill killed about 10 million fish and closed 364,000 acres of coastal wetlands to shellfishing. "[1]

Hog farms are horrible polluters of both air and water. Horrible.

And yet: no one seems to note the ridiculousness of serving sausage at an Earth Week event.

When I brought this to their attention and suggested they perhaps consider serving veggie sausage instead (since, um, serving sausage contradicts the whole point of Earth Week) I was met with an uncomfortable and brief response in which they agreed to offer veggie sausage AS AN OPTION.

Now, let me put you straight on this: I'm not even arguing from a vegan standpoint in getting annoyed with this. I'm arguing from an "I hate hypocrisy, you dumb fucking idiots" standpoint.

Serving sausage at an Earth Week event is idiotic and oblivious and sends out a contradictory message to everyone in attendance.

It is the same thing as using styrofoam plates at an Earth Week event.

YOU JUST DON'T DO IT.

And having someone point this out to you, and then placating them with the reassurance that you'll have veggie sausage AS AN OPTION? Even MORE idiotic.

If the "green team" had obliviously stated they were using styrofoam plates at their Earth Week event, you KNOW they would immediately receive dozens of WTF responses to their activities. The difference is, there's no way in HELL they would respond by saying, "Well, hey, how 'bout we offer PAPER plates AS AN OPTION? We'll serve on styrofoam, but if you really want a paper plate, we'll have a few dozen there for you to take advantage of." Even the dumbest, least environmentally aware people IN THE WORLD would laugh their asses off if a "green team" were to offer this up as their remedy.

Offering veggie sausage as an option IS THE EXACT SAME THING.

Hey, as a vegan, I'm glad that I got them to offer the veggie sausage option.

But am I going to attend this event?

Hell the fuck no.

I am not reinforcing people's hypocrisy. And I'm not going to go support a group of people that aren't ashamed to be reinforcing the illusion that meat is NOT an environmental issue.

THAT'S why I half hate Earth Week. Because it makes all the hypocrites and dumbasses float to the surface for 7 days.

God bless those of you who really work your asses off in your environmentalism and *gulp* "greenness." Bless your generous, lush, dirty little hearts.

But to the rest of you: have fun doling out exorbitant money on "green" products and patting yourself on the back for how eco-responsible you are while you grill up your hamburgers on the grill next to your $400 composter.

Props. Douchebags.

On a more positive note:

May 1 is International Sunflower Guerrilla Gardening Day!

So go grab some seeds and water, and Johnny-Appleseed some of the shitty, barren lots in your neighborhood next Saturday!

DO IT!

----------

[1] The National Resources Defense Council's Facts about Pollution from Livestock Farms

[2] Environmental Defense's Myths vs. Facts About Hog Pollution

More...

Another Something Foul in the Air above Hog Farms

Hog Farm Contamination Information

Urban Gardening--WHAT WHAT!

2010-04-15T05:26:00.000-07:00

I'm getting all hunkered down for gardening again this year. I've got a bunch of basil-seeds planted and propped up in my sunny windows. I've got some sunflower seedlings prepped (I'm going to plant them on either side of my entryway this year). I've got all my seeds bought--wildflowers, creepers, herbs, and peppers. I have plans to pick up tomato plants next month. And I'm going to start working on MacGuyvering my papasan frame into an herb garden, hopefully this weekend.

I'm nerded the fuck up about gardening this year!! So stay tuned for pictures once things start a-brewing!

I've also been reading a bunch about urban gardening and guerrilla gardening as of late.

So have a seat (ok yes, you're probably already sitting), and let's chat a little.

What is guerrilla gardening?

"Guerrilla gardening is political gardening, a form of direct action, primarily practiced by environmentalists. It is related to land rights, land reform, and permaculture. Activists take over ("squat") an abandoned piece of land which they do not own to grow crops or plants. Guerrilla gardeners believe in re-considering land ownership in order to reclaim land from perceived neglect or misuse and assign a new purpose to it."

These are the books I've gotten out from the library thus far (with many more to come), and I figured I'd share.

This one is my favorite guerrilla gardening book so far:

~~And this one is somewhat interesting too (though not as much as the other--it seems to be more historical)~~ This one fucking rocks as well (perhaps even more, I've realized upon further perusal). The pic on page 68 of a 15,000 sq ft guerrilla garden actually made me tear up a bit. Definitely an awesome book:

My favorite tidbit thus far has been the idea of seed-bombs:

CHECK IT OUT!!

Love love love the idea.

If guerrilla gardening intrigues you, my city dweller friends, you can get more information on guerrilla gardening at Guerrilla Gardening.org!

I also found this book really useful as well (it's about urban gardening, not guerrilla gardening):

If you're a city dweller who's gardening from a small plot or on rooftops/balconies/fire escapes, this is a great starter book. They list out the best plants to grow under these conditions, including various tips on how to grow them and the best containers and all that. And they have general tips as well on how to grow out of containers, best soils, utilizing space, etc.

Good stuff.

Now get thee to some urban gardening and seed-bombing, loves!

Happy Vegan Anniversary to Me!

2010-01-25T11:32:00.000-08:00

This past week marked the beginning of my fifth year of veganism.

However, it also marked my thirdish month of shoddy half-hearted blogging.

So feel free to celebrate the former with me and punch me in the lady-'nads for the latter!

Either way: VEGAN LOVE TO YOU ALL!!!

Oh, and fittingly, we also have three new additions to our kitty (extended) family to celebrate as well.

Meet...

Luna

Nova

and

Esme (The Cat Formerly-Known as Scabs)

Feel free to join me in some obnoxious squeeeeeeing!

Freckles & Fruit Salad

2009-12-02T04:18:00.001-08:00

I got to go see The Black Keys play a benefit this past weekend. For free. (Thanks again, SS!!) And I got to hang out backstage as well. For free. And I didn't make an ass out of myself. Though I did kind of want to blurt to Dan (the lead singer) when I met him: AWWW FRECKLES!!! But I controlled myself. (He's really redheaded and really freckly.)

Drank and smoked the night away. (Healthy, yes!) And then the next morning a boy made me this for breakfast:

How kick-ass is THAT, dudes? Fruit salad and walnuts drizzled in a sweet cinnamony dressing, hearty grain toast with apple butter, and toasty sausage. I haven't enjoyed breakfast that much in a long while.

Let's just say, if the aforementioned boy suddenly up and vanishes, he most DEFINITELY is not tied up in my closet and being held hostage as my breakfast man-servant. Not. At. All.

Oh, and did I mention that the same boy made us peppered tofurkey, pickle, and mustard sandwiches on the same hearty grain bread the night before?

*COUfutureman-servantGH*

THAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNKKKKKKSSSSSSSSSSSSGIIIIIIIIIIIIVIIIIIINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!

2009-11-30T09:41:00.000-08:00

Cooked again for Thanksgiving (I swear November is a vegan food-blogger's wet dream) and had to pause to shout at you the following:

OH MY GOD GO MAKE BRYANNA CLARK'S VEGAN SEITAN "TURKEY" ASAP I DON'T CARE THAT IT'S NO LONGER THANKSGIVING AND YOU HAVE NO REAL EXCUSE!! ON A DISTANT PLANET SOMEWHERE IT'S LIKELY TO BE THANKSGIVING SO JUST RUN WITH THAT!! DO IT! NOW!

(Click on pic for larger version with stuff labeled)

Seriously, I was intimidated at first by the length of the cooking directions (which actually are short but look overwhelming because she supplies you with several variations), but it was surprisingly easy to put together. Granted, it cooks for about four hours, but GOOD LORD PEEPS! How often do you get to lavish in the delightful thanksgiving smell of roasting for four hours now that you no longer cook turkey? You'll love it, trust me. And if you have a breadmaker, this is as simple as dumping the ingredients in and pressing a button.

Tofurkey-haters take heed in particular: this is by FAR tastier than the tofurkey many of us turn to as a quick turkey-substitute around the holidays.

True story: My brother SPECIFICALLY ASKED that I give him leftovers of the faux-turkey for him to take home. (This, the boy who bitches every year about how crappy tofurkey tastes.) He also raved about making the leftovers into a sandwich.

My sister and mom (despite me telling them I made it myself—they sometimes don't listen well) days after Thanksgiving did a doubletake when they realized that I HAD indeed made it myself and both said they didn't realize it because it tasted so good.

So yeah.

AND it makes TWO loaves. So I'm STILL working through leftovers.

What else: If you make it, $100 billion dollars will spontaneously fall into your lap, it's THAT good. (Okay, THAT part's a lie, but the rest: TRUE AS MOTHERF-ING HELL.)

I'm also including the gravy recipe I used for both Thanksgiving and my vegan potluck as it tastes WONDERFUL with this faux turkey recipe.

And now: a pic of my fam at Thanksgiving in which it looks like my Mom and brother are praying but really they are both genetically deficient and chromosomally alike enough that they both accidentally closed their eyes for the pic.

My table-setting:

And now the recipes:

(I've chosen to include ONLY the directions that I used in making my faux-turkey, so if you'd like to see the variations, go check out the original which is linked at the end. Also: I recommend cooking it the night before and then just throwing it back in the oven with a tiny bit of water and, say, your stuffing or some other delightful numbly that you have to cook for 45 mins or so to reheat.)

BRYANNA'S SEITAN "TURKEY"

INGREDIENTS:

DRY MIX:

2 c. pure gluten powder (instant gluten flour; vital wheat gluten)

1/2 c. full-fat soy flour or chickpea flour

1/2 c. nutritional yeast flakes

2 t. onion powder

1 t. garlic granules

1/4 t. white pepper

WET MIX:

12 oz. firm regular (NOT silken) tofu

1 & 1/2 c. water

3 T. soy sauce

1 T. olive oil

BASTING BROTH:

2 c. hot water

1/3 c. "chicken-style" vegetarian broth powder (I used 2 "chicken" bouillon cubes)

2 T. olive oil

OPTIONAL: 4 cloves garlic, crushed

1/2-1 tsp. poultry herbs (sage, thyme, rosemary), crushed well

DIRECTIONS

Wet Mix: In a blender, blend all the ingredients until very smooth.

Dry Mix: Place ingredients in the bowl of your electric mixer with dough hook attachment, or place them in the bread machine in the order given. Add the Wet Mix and knead for about 10 minutes. (If your bread machine has a dough cycle-two kneads with a long rest in between-use that cycle. Otherwise, just run it through the kneading part and then unplug it and let it rest in the cover container, then plug it in again for another knead, then remove it.) Let rest for about 1 hour, covered. You can make your Cooking Broth at this time and have it ready. Then knead it for 10 more minutes.

(NOTE: You can knead by hand, too, but it's tougher than bread dough. You may want to let the seitan dough sit for a while to soak up the liquid more thoroughly before you starting hand-kneading.)

COOKING METHOD #2.) Preheat the oven to 325 degrees F. Flatten the dough out into a long piece and cut in half equally to make two rectangles. Form into 2 loaves. Place each loaf in an oiled 8 and1/2" x 4 and 1/2" loaf pan and press down a bit with your hand. Mix the Cooking Broth ingredients in a small bowl and pour 1/2 over each loaf. Cover each loaf pan with foil and place in the oven. Immediately reduce the oven heat to 200 degrees F. Bake for 3 hours. Turn the loaves over, carefully loosening around the edges and from the bottom with a small, thin spatula first. The loaves will have puffed up quite a bit by now, but they will flatten out as they cook further. Turn heat back to 325 degrees F. Cover loaves and bake for 30 minutes. Turn them over again, cover and bake 15 minutes. Turn them over again and bake 15 more minutes, covered. Turn them over one last time and bake 5-10 minutes.

(Recipe from Bryanna's Vegan Feast)

GOLDEN GRAVY

Ingredients:

1/2 c. nutritional yeast

1/2 c. whole wheat flour

1/3 c. canola oil

1/2 c. chopped onion

2 t. minced garlic

2 t. chopped fresh thyme, or 1 t. dried

2 t. chopped fresh sage, or 1 t. rubbed dried (or I used 3/4 t. powdered sage)

4 c. water

1/4 c. tamari

salt to taste

ground black pepper to taste

DIRECTIONS

Stir yeast and flour in heavy skillet over medium heat for five min or until fragrant.

Heat oil in large heavy saucepan over medium heat. Add onion, saute for 10 mins, or until it begins to brown. Add garlic, thyme, sage, and saute for 30 secs, or until fragrant. Whisk in flour mixture thoroughly, then whisk in water, tamari, salt, and pepper. Bring to a simmer, whisking frequently, and continue until reaches desired thickness. Strain into a bowl to serve.

(Recipe snagged from Vegan Favorites where it was reposted from Real Food Daily)

Lurve to Lurve You

2009-11-23T04:33:00.000-08:00

There's been lots o' love-cookery going on as of late among me and the folks I spend time with. Lots.

So today I share, just to make you a little bit envious if the people in your life suck and don't ever really spread the vegan love.

P made me and her roommate these lentil burritos drizzled in cilantro-sour cream the other week. They were delish, even though they look a bit baby-vomitesque in my pic below:

This amorphous blob (jk, SS) was a spicy steamy casserole that SS made for me and P when we came out to visit. It featured artichokes and Italian sausage and was invented by SS himself and--despite the blurry camera-phone pic (I'd forgotten my camera)--it was really really good:

I made this vanilla cake with chocolate ganache frosting for Tudor Rosy for her birthday party. I was not all that fond (the cake recipe called for WAY too much almond extract), but other folks seemed to like it well enough. Alas, I failed to take pics of the party-nibbles that Tudor Rosy herself made, the majority of which were vegan (seriously: how sweet is THAT, to make sure your ONE vegan friend can eat the foods at your OWN stinking party? Lurve ya, TR!):

And then finally, this was our little vegan Thanksgiving potluck extravaganza. We had one hell of an amazing spread. Everyone brought a dish of some sort of vegan food, and we seriously GORGED THE SHIT out of everything.

The menu was as follows:

ENTREES:

Pumpkin ziti w/sage breadcrumbs

Halushki

SIDES:

Dueling stuffings (one was a sausage-apple one, the other a wild rice-cranberry)

Sweet potatoes

Biscuits and gravy

Baked beans

DRINKS:

Warm apple cider, with or without whisky

DESSERTS:

Magic choc-pb rice krispy treats (they magicked some folks straight into the next day--hee)

Chocolate bread-pudding with rum sauce

The night ended with folks in a food-induced (or, um ahem, magic rice krispy-treat-induced) stupor, playing cards and then scrabble. It was very old-school family holiday-ish and a lot of fun.

So darling dearest friends, oh loves of mine, in this week of thanks, you all are at the top of my list. I appreciate so much the fact that you embrace and support my veganism so completely. It means a lot to me, so thank you all for kicking ass so seriously.

XXOO

Lilly Handmade Chocolates: How Sweet It is

2009-11-10T04:15:00.000-08:00

So I won a couple gift certificates for Halloween (I won Most Gruesome Costume for my Carrie costume), and one was for Lilly Handmade Chocolates in my neighborhood. So you can only imagine my IMMENSE glee when I found that they actually sell some vegan chocolates.

The shoppe itself is super cute, bedecked with rows of beer and wine and other alcoholic sundries. And in the back are the chocolates, the sweet divine chocolates. You pick them out ($11 for 6 pieces is what I redeemed my gift certificate on), and Lilly herself boxes them up for you, with a cheerful smile and pink hair ablaze.

I got two of each of the following chocolates (pictured from left to right):

After Midnight--"Bitter chocolate stout mixed with intense dark chocolate for a crazy rich fan favorite!"

The Redhead--"She stands out in a crowd and loves the attention! Intense dark chocolate truffle that is filled with a blueberry vintage port ganache."

In the Pink--This one's not listed out on the website, but it was our favorite of the three and I think it was cranberries in a berry drink of some sort.

We nibbled on them out on my roof on an unseasonably warm night and lavished in their rich flavors. They were rich enough that I was only able to eat two of them in one sitting.

The Chomp Monster was much the same:

Since I had $4 still left after the 6 chocolates, I also got this chocolate bar to round the gift certificate up. The Chomp Monster is "a fan favorite! Dark chocolate with Black Mission Figs, Roasted English Walnuts & just a touch of Sea Salt" and it actually was my favorite of them all as well. The mix of the figs and the salty bite of sea salt mingling with the crunchy sweetness of the walnuts was AMAZING. And even though the bar was $5, it took me a few days to eat it all, it's that rich.

So: my point. If you're in Tremont, swing by Lilly Handmade Chocolates and hug her the hell up for being vegan-friendly. And then DEFINITELY pick up the Chomp Monster. I promise you won't be disappointed.

Spinach & Artichoke Pasta

2009-11-05T05:30:00.000-08:00

So the original recipe for this came from The Vegan Cook's Bible (which actually is a really cool cookbook if you haven't yet perused it).

The recipe itself is super easy-peasy, easily adaptable (get inventive and throw in some more seasonings or, as I did, add some shroomies), and it actually tastes like a lot more work was put into it than is actually the case.

And it's one of those recipes where you can really just wing the quantities and go entirely by taste.

It also is REALLY REALLY good, *AND* you could easily adapt it into a spinach-artichoke dip by leaving out the liquid from the artichokes and also leaving out the shrooms.

So: make it.

INGREDIENTS:

Frozen spinach (about 2 cups if you wanna be anal)

6-oz. jar of marinated artichokes

Vegan sour cream (1 to 2 cups, depending)

Penne pasta

2-4 cloves garlic, minced

White mushrooms, quartered (I used about 2/3 of a large container)

Olive oil

DIRECTIONS

Cook penne pasta according to package directions, drain, and set aside.

Reserve the liquid from your artichokes and dice the artichokes up finely.

Heat oil in a pan on low. Add garlic and cook a minute or two until fragrant.

Add mushrooms and cook for a few minutes until they start putting off moisture.

Add spinach, artichokes, and reserved liquid.

Let simmer for maybe 10 minutes or so, however long it takes for the frozen spinach to cook through.

Add vegan sour cream and stir until mixed. Simmer on low until sauce is heated through.

Season with fresh pepper and salt to taste.

Serve over hearty portions of pasta.

(The sauce goes a long way, so you can get at least 6 servings out of it and possibly up to 10)

Things I Ate Recently That You Did Not, Unless You are an Enzyme in My Stomach Which is Likely No

2009-11-03T09:04:00.000-08:00

Vegan brunch to benefit Books 2 Prisoners. These buckwheat pancakes were the effing bomb, esp. drizzled in strawberry sauce; also featured: muffin, tofu scramble, biscuit & gravy:

Casa Nueva's autumnal burrito. Holy hell!! Got this when SS & I roadtripped down to Athens one Sunday to catch the tail-end of fall colors. Was phenomenal. Packed with tofu, black beans, leeks, local apples, and more, and topped with apple salsa. Seriously orgasmic:

QBL's cabbage & noodles. This shit is SO simple and yet SO GOOD. This is the second time she's brought some in for me (thanks, QBL--batting eyelashes), and I'm not sure which I like more: the taste, or the fact that it totally stinks up the office like B.O.:

And last but DEFINITELY not least:

Melt Bar & Grilled's Mom's (Vegan) Meatloaf Melt: Homemade Vegan Meatloaf, Roasted Garlic Mashed Potatoes, & Spicy Chipotle Ketchup, packed between two pieces of thick-ass bread. This was their Oct. sandwich special, and I seriously have been crying for about 7 days over the fact that I won't be able to taste this again 'til next year. Then again, their sandwich THIS month is a (vegan) turkey sandwich with Mom's Homemade Sage Stuffing, Roasted Butternut Squash, Sweet Cranberry Dipping Sauce, and vegan cheese, so maybe I should stop blubbering:

Let's Talk About Gas

2009-10-15T03:56:00.000-07:00

Let's talk about gas, baby.
Let's talk about you and me.
Let's talk about all the good things
And the bad things that may be.
Let's talk about gas.
Let's talk about gas!

That, my friends, is my ode to lunches this week.

I've chowed on something bean-related EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

First it was E's chili (recipe to follow). And then it was the mexican pizza I posted yesterday.

Which has left my afternoons full of churning stomach rumbles.

LET'S TALK ABOUT GAS!

Nonetheless, E's chili is a good one (and holy crap simple). And he gave me permission to post it (thanks, E!), so I shall.

The key, and I cannot emphasize this enough, is the rosemary.

It does something magical. So don't make it without. You hear me? I will HUNT YOU DOWN AND BREAK YOUR KNEES if you do.

Just saying.

E'S SPECIAL CHILI

INGREDIENTS:

1 bag veggie crumbles (Boca; Morningstar stupid deveganized theirs, the bastards)

2 sm. cans red kidney beans

2 sm. cans chopped tomatoes with mild chili peppers

1 jalapeno pepper

1/2 medium yellow onion

Couple of dashes of crushed rosemary

1 T. olive oil

DIRECTIONS

Chop the jalapeno and onion into tiny dice.

In a large pan or pot, heat your oil on low and add the onion and jalapeno. Cook until onion is translucent.

Add rosemary and cook for about 30 seconds more, until rosemary is fragrant.

Add the remaining ingredients.

Heat to simmer.

Simmer for 20 minutes.

Pizza Dough of Lurve

2009-10-14T04:04:00.000-07:00

You know how we all sort of hope in our hearts that that certain someone will come along that will make us think, You complete me. Well, this pizza crust is that certain someone.

No kneading. And if you've been reading this blog for more than 5 minutes, you already know how much I LOVE kneading. Cliff's note version: Kneading, you do NOT complete me.

It takes a total of about 15 minutes to have this crust ready to pop in the oven. And as someone who typically comes home from work hungry enough to start devouring couches and small babies, this is important (especially to couches and small babies).

It's really really good. Granted, the first time I made it, it BLEW MY EFFING MIND with how fluffy and delish it was, and it hasn't quite managed to live up to that state of orgiastic amazingness since. But even so: I've made it four times already. And every time I've enjoyed it. (I think the key to getting it fluffy may be -1- getting the water temperature correct, and -2- adding extra flour (the first time I added quite a bit more flour just because the dough was so tacky, and that's when it came out the best). I think I just parenthesized excessively, so let's toss in one extra end-parenthesis to make sure we close them all out.)

After we made sweet love it -1- didn't fall asleep immediately, and -2- didn't go turn on the tv. It actually SNUGGLED. (Sike!)

As for variations on toppings: my standard go-to toppings are either pizza sauce or pesto sauce plus chopped kalamata olives and lightly-cooked sliced mushrooms and green peppers:

I also experimented with a mexican pizza (based on THIS Everybody Likes Sandwiches recipe as well), and for that, I first cooked the pizza for 10 minutes and then topped it with 1 small can of refried beans and some of the cheezy sauce from Veganomicon (which I actually think I could've just as easily left out since it didn't do much for it), popped it back in the oven for 15 more minutes, removed, and added salsa, sliced olives, and chipotle sour cream. This was AWESOME as well, and surprisingly filling (normally I eat half a pizza, but I could only eat three slices):

So yeah: TRY IT OUT I DARE YOU. Just don't get your current significant others pissed off at me when you DO fall deeply in love.

The Easiest Pizza Dough in the World

INGREDIENTS:

1 packet of yeast

1 c. warm water

2-1/2 c. flour

1 t. agave nectar (or 2 t. sugar; I recommend the agave though cuz MAN does it make the crust taste lovely)

1 t. salt

2 T. olive oil

2 T. fresh rosemary, chopped (optional)

cornmeal

DIRECTIONS
Preheat oven to 400. In a large bowl, add in the yeast and warm water and stir until the yeast dissolves. Add the flour, salt, agave (or sugar), rosemary (if using), and olive oil and stir with a wooden spoon vigorously until combined. Let dough rest for 10 minutes.

Either sprinkle cornmeal onto a walled baking sheet and press dough into it until thin
-OR-
Sprinkle flour on your counter and roll out the pizza dough. Sprinkle cornmeal on a pizza stone and toss the dough on top. Spread olive oil over top (optional), and add all your toppings.

Bake for 20-25 minutes until pizza crust is golden and toppings are heated through.

(from Everybody Likes Sandwiches)

BeverleeWhatWhat!!!!

2009-09-29T05:51:00.000-07:00

(for the lovely Beverlee who told me I'm a lot less scary in real life--and then I bit her ear off to prove her wrong)

Ladies & gents: If your orgasm could have an orgasm, this is what it would look like:

My new love (and the reason I will probably gain about 30 lbs. in the next week):

A warm vegan waffle topped with Mocha Fudge-Swirl soy ice cream, drizzled in Hershey's chocolate syrup.

So good it should be illegal. (And if it WERE illegal, I would be a total waffle-ice cream bootlegger, HAVE NO DOUBT. I'd be the dude on the right. With a bad-ass bootleg scar on my face from taking on the pigs when they came to raid my waffles.)

(Have a safe move to Cali, Ms. B! It was a pleasure meeting you!)

PEW PEW !!! ELECTRIC LEMONADE !!! PEW PEW

2009-08-05T11:41:00.000-07:00

This past weekend we had a garage sale party:

The second customer of the day came SPECIFICALLY for the nipple clamps. It was a great moment in garage sale history.

And at said garage sale party, I served Electric Lemonade, from the newest issue of Bust Magazine.

And it was a HIT.

Some said they liked it better than mojitos.

Some said they liked it better than sex.

Some said they liked it better than mojitos + sex with your mom + $1000.

None of the people who said this were me, mostly because I was too busy drinking them to say anything really.

I didn't take a picture, so the following picture is a simulation of Electric Lemonade:

Please note: Your Electric Lemonade will not shoot neon blue bolts of electricity as featured in the picture above. And the neon blue bolts of lightning that it DOESN'T shoot won't make a shooting noise that sounds like PEW! PEW! (Though if you drink enough of these, it might start to look and sound like it's doing both these things.)

Here's the off-the-top-of-my-head recipe. Obviously you can tweak measurements to taste.

INGREDIENTS:

Vodka

Lemonade (homemade or storebought--whatevs)

Ginger ale

Fresh mint

Limes

DIRECTIONS

Throw ice in a glass. Fill the glass about 1/3 full with vodka. Fill the remaining 2/3 with lemonade (but leave about an inch of room at the top for ginger ale). Top off with your ginger ale. Toss in a few sprigs of mint and some slices of lime. Swirl. And: PEW PEW PEW!

Like Jumping Out of the Closet at 3am WITH Choco-Blueberry Muffins

2009-08-05T05:00:00.001-07:00

Even though some of you may think it sucks that I've stopped posting regularly (I'm having a bout of lazy, what can I say?), you should actually be excited. 'Cause now when I post, it'll be a surprise, kind of like when your kid brother jumps out of the closet at you at like 3 in the morning when you're groggily going to take a leak and you about have a fucking heart attack. Except better.

So there.

Anyways, since I last posted, I've made quite a few more recipes from Vegan Brunch and concluded that Vegan Brunch is hands down my favorite Isa cookbook. I love Veganomicon and Vegan with a Vengeance too, of course. All three are the cookbooks I use most regularly. But Vegan Brunch: Jesus. It's blowing my fucking MIND with the quality of the recipes. AND the ease. I think that's what I've been digging too. All the ones I've made so far have been SO EASY but taste mind-blowing despite that: particularly the broccoli quiche (stay tuned) and the omelets.

The only thing I've made that I really really didn't like thus far (and I think it might be partially that my oregano was so oregano-y and potent and crunchy) was the Scrambled Tortillas, which I was really surprised about 'cause I thought for SURE I'd love them. But *looking around to make sure no one else is listening* I actually ended up throwing these away. (I know I know--I don't like to waste food at all, but something was so gross about them that I couldn't eat them; truly though, I suspect my oregano):

On the yummy front though, I tried out the coffee chip muffins, but with changes that made them not coffee at all. (I cheated. I wanted to make blueberry chocolate chip muffins for ye lil' intern of mine, so I decided to tweak them to that instead, and they came out really well actually). I've posted a link to a copy of the original recipe that someone posted, but the one below is my tweaked version (with changes from the original asterisked).

I *do* plan to try out the original at some point as well, if I ever have instant coffee on me (which means never--who drinks instant coffee?!?! Blorf).

Choco-Blueberry Chip Muffins

INGREDIENTS:

1 c. almond milk (or your favorite nondairy milk)

1 T. cocoa powder*

1 t. apple cider vinegar

2 c. all-purpose flour

1/2 c. sugar

1 T. baking powder

1/2 t. salt

1/2 c. canola oil

1 t. pure vanilla extract

1/2 c. chocolate chips

3/4 to 1 c. frozen blueberries*

DIRECTIONS

Preheat the oven to 375-F. Lightly grease a muffin tin.

In a large measuring cup, measure out 1/2 cup of milk. Stir in the cocoa and mix to dissolve. Stir in the rest of the milk and the vinegar and set aside.

In a large mixing bowl, stir together the flour, sugar, baking powder, and salt. Make a well in the center and add the milk mixture, oil, and vanilla. Mix together until the batter is just moistened, being careful not to overmix. Fold in the chocolate chips and blueberries.

Use an ice cream scoop to drop the batter into the muffin tin, filling it about three-quarters full. Bake for 22-26 minutes, until a knife or toothpick inserted through the center of a muffin comes out clean. Let cool a but until you can remove the muffins and transfer them to cooling racks to cool the rest of the way.

(Original coffee chip muffin recipe posted at When in Doubt... Leave it at 350, from Vegan Brunch)

The Time for Vegan Omelettes is NIGH! jamming out on omelettey air guitar

2009-07-15T08:53:00.001-07:00

Let us flash back for a moment to reminisce about my vegan omelette-making attempts from about a year ago, otherwise known as The Omelette of Ugly Fat Stupidness.

If you'll remember: not once, but TWICE, I attempted to make a vegan omelette with HORRIBLY DISASTROUS RESULTS.

This disaster:

The same disaster, close-up:

Another disaster, unrelated:

(Oh, I kid, JSimps! I love ya!)

Anyways. The problem: Nothing congealed.

So I went into my third attempt, this time using the VEGAN BRUNCH omelet recipe, with some SERIOUS trepidation.

And holy-crap-with-an-8-foot-woody!

Magic:

from Vegan Brunch

And not only was it pretty (we all know how that goes: looks pretty on the outside, is an evil, conniving, nasty bitch on the inside) but IT TASTED SO MOTHERF-ING GOOD I CANNOT EVEN TELL YOU.

Seriously.

Omelets were always one of my comfort foods. And not only did this vegan omelet fool me into the old arms of omelet-comfort, it also tasted damn good EVEN WITHOUT CHEESE.

INGREDIENTS:

2 garlic cloves

1 lb. silken tofu, lightly drained (not the vacuum-packed kind) or soft tofu; Nasoya brand is recommended

2 T. nutritional yeast

2 T. olive oil

1/2 t. turmeric

1 t. fine black salt, plus extra for sprinkling (optional)

1/2 c. chickpea flour

1 T. arrowroot or cornstarch

DIRECTIONS

Chop up the garlic, if using, in a food processor (I used a blender). Add the tofu, nutritional yeast, olive oil, turmeric, and salt. Puree until smooth. Add the chickpea flour and arrowroot and puree again for about 10 seconds, until combined. Make sure to scrape down the sides so that everything is well incorporated.

NOTE: The original recipe also has a note in case you use soft tofu (which I did), and it's essentially that you will need to add/adjust water to your mix. Start off with 1/4 cup and test it out by heating up a skillet and cooking up 1-2 T. of it according to the directions below. If it spreads and congeals as it cooks, you can move on to the big versions. If it doesn't spread at all but just sort of sits there and doesn't congeal, then add up to 1/4 cup more water. I think I used nearly 1/2 cup in total to my soft tofu.

OTHER NOTE THAT'S NOT THE NOTE THAT I NOTED IN THE ABOVE NOTE: I forgot what it was dammit. Will add if I think of it. =P Aha! Remembered! I don't know why most tofu recipes call for a stupid pound of tofu since they only ever seem to come in 14 oz or 15 oz packages, but worry not: I used a 14 oz package and kept all other measurements the same, and it still came out delish.

Preheat a large, heavy-bottomed, nonstick skillet over medium-high heat. Lightly grease the pan with cooking spray. (The less oil the better for the nice brown speckles we're going for.) ALso, make sure that you use a large skillet, as you need room to spread out the omelet and to get your spatula under there to flip.

In 1/2 cup increments, pour the omelet batter into the skillet. Use the back of a spoon or a rubber spatula to spread the batter out into about 6-inch circles.

Let the batter cook for about 3 to 5 minutes before flipping. The top of the omelet should dry and become a matte yellow when it's ready to be flipped. If you try and it seems like it might fall apart, give it a little more time. The underside should be flecked light to dark brown. Flip the omelet and cook for about a minute on the other side. Keep warm on a plate covered with tinfoil as you make the remaining omelets.

Fill omelet with the filling of your choice, then fold it. Once the omelet has been filled, sprinkle with a little extra black salt, since some of its flavor disappears when cooked.

Makes 4 omelettes.

(Recipe originally from Vegan Brunch, posted at Jaclyn's Vegan Yumminess)

Bringing Vegan Brunch to You, My Bitches

2009-07-09T04:48:00.000-07:00

Oh look at me! Blogging! Try not to wet yourself with delight!

So yes: VEGAN BRUNCH. I gots it.

If you don't, you should.

I must admit, every time Isa has a cookbook come out, I'm all: don't jump on the f-ing crazy-ass bandwagon, dude. But inevitably I end up buying it. ('Cause her cookbooks are my most used cookbooks, dammit. Not cuz it's hipster-cool!)

And here's what I've made so far. Alas: You'll have to purchase the book to get the first two recipes as they don't appear to be on-line yet. INCENTIVE.

Potato Spinach Squares: Super easy. And they make for a nice picnic side since they're yummiest at room temp.

Pesto Scrambled Tofu with Grape Tomatoes: My friend P and I cooked this on the weekend (along with the yumtastic cream cheezy mashed potatoes she concocted). And this has actually been my favorite so far, which is surprising 'cause I was supremely skeptical. I was all, "How can this be all that tasty when it's essentially just tofu and tomatoes doused in pesto??" But trust me: it is. I suggest tossing in some diced up kalamatas as well, for some extra oomph. You won't regret it.

Puttanesca Scramble: This one I was actually kind of meh on. Not that it was bad. But it didn't make my toes curl. Be that as it may, it IS one of the recipes that was actually posted on the PPK, so that must mean SOMETHING (namely that I probably just suck and have no taste in food).

Next in the queue: The elusive vegan omelet. After two failed tries at other vegan omelet recipes, I am DETERMINED to master this, goddammit. STAY TUNED!

PUTTANESCA SCRAMBLE

INGREDIENTS:

2 T. olive oil

6 - 8 cloves garlic thinly sliced

1/2 t. crushed red pepper flakes

1 lb. extra firm tofu, diced

4 roma tomatoes, diced

2 T. fresh thyme

2 T. fresh oregano

1/2 c. mixed olives, roughly chopped

1 T. capers

1/4 t. salt, or to taste

DIRECTIONS

Preheat a large heavy bottomed pan over medium heat. Saute the garlic in the olive oil until lightly browned, but be careful not to burn. 3 minutes ought to do it. Add the red pepper flakes and the tofu and saute for about 10 minutes, until tofu is browned. Add a little extra oil if necessary.

Mix in tomatoes, thyme, oregano and oregano and cook for about 5 minute, until tomatoes are a bit broken down but still whole. Add olives, capers and salt to taste. Cook just until heated through.

(Recipe from VEGAN BRUNCH, posted on the ppk)

I Suck

2009-07-06T04:22:00.000-07:00

Yes, I haven't posted in a long while.

And rather than make excuses, I will just reassert that--ultimately--I've been enjoying just eating whatever. Repeats. Stuff scrounged together in five minutes. Half-assed recipes. None of which bears posting on this blog.

However, I *DID* get Vegan Brunch in the mail just the other day, and I've already made one of the recipes and plan on tackling some more this weekend, so *fingers crossed* you should hopefully be seeing some more postings.

Until then, I come to you today with my new fav food product. I don't think I've rambled on about it before, but if I have, just consider this newest ramble even MORE indication that you should go out and buy it.

Trader Joe's Peanut Butter with Roasted Flaxseeds:

Holy shit so good. Seriously. I'm gonna have to start stocking up on it in bulk like I do my TJ's chocolate chips, that way I'm not driving 30 minutes every week just to get my hands on it.

You: Go get it. Put it on things. Eat it. Love it. I command it to be so.

Dig It.

2009-06-29T09:23:00.000-07:00

Posted @ the home of my visual soulmate:
Left Hand Cuts the Right

Twit, Tweet, Twiddle

2009-06-25T08:06:00.000-07:00

I've started twittering, and since I suck at posting here lately, I'll try to at least start twittering any vegan food-munchies I'm chowing down on, in case you're curious. I'll tag 'em #vegan if you decide to follow.

I also popped a twitter widget in my side-bar (growr--that sounds all SORTS of naughty). But do know that if you become a follower, my twittering's not vegan-food-exclusive, so you'll have to contend with the massive quantity of randomnesses my brain is capable of spewing.

And it is BOUNTIFUL.

BE FOREWARNED.

I will post again soon. Promise.

Love you like a mofo.

Yes, I'm Lazy, But I'm Also Awesome and Have a Fairly Decent Rack, So Suck It

2009-06-10T04:29:00.000-07:00

See, what starts happening is that I bust out ye ol' laziness, don't post regularly, food p0rn accumulates (stuffed under the mattress so your mom won't find it), and then I can't remember what the recipe was for the pic, and if it was at all good or not, or if it made me throw up chunky sparkles and rainbows for three days.

Like this cream of broccoli soup: I just looked through about 5 broccoli soup recipes I bookmarked, and I *think* this is the one I used, though I can't be certain.

Rainy Day Cream of Broccoli Soup

Vagueries: This one I *do* remember liking. I remember thinking that it reminded me of college, where I used to buy broccoli cheese soup and then plain noodles from the pasta bar and then dump the broccoli soup over the pasta and have broccoli-cheese pasta. *Sigh* The good ol' days.

This one I had to stare at for a little while to figure out wtf it was. And as senility momentarily slipped away, I realized that I think it was this Beer Pie (fuck Guinness), which I made one day with a bunch of substitutions.

"Fuck Guinness, I'll Use VEGAN Beer" Pie

Vagueries: I do remember that I was excited to find out that Pepperidge Farm (I think) puff pastries were vegan, so I decided to try using those on top instead of the crust recipe. I also didn't use the seitan log recipe--I think maybe I subbed in the packaged shit? Which probably ultimately explains why I *do* remember thinking that this recipe made WAY too little food, and that I could've probably eaten the whole thing in one sitting if I wouldn't have been disgusted with myself for doing so. It LOOKED pretty though.

Here, I tried to make my own Southern Fried Vegetarian "Chicken," and upon doing so, I realized my friend P has a special knack with it 'cause mine didn't come out NEARLY as good as hers did when she made it. Mine: Kind of doughy, and super-greasy. Actually, this whole meal sucked, that I do remember. In the back there are the lemony roasted potatoes from Veganomicon which I actually really like but this time came out inexplicably gross. So the long and short is: if I want Southern Fried "Chicken" again at some point, I'm batting my eyelashes gratuitously at Ms. P and maybe flashing a little nip.

Southern Fried Vegetarian "Chicken"

This one I think was Chipotle Split-Pea soup, and honestly, I feel like I was surprised at liking it for some reason, but that I did. But if my life was at stake in saying that, I must admit, I can't be positive.

Chipotle Split-Pea Soup

This, on the other hand, I *DO* remember, as it was THE most beautiful cupcake I've ever seen. I wish the camera had captured how vivacious the red was on this cupcake--I literally kept pausing while eating it just to stare at how lovely the color was--but it didn't. Nonetheless, I got it at Nature's Bin and haven't seen them there since. Obviously, it's a red velvet cupcake, and just thinking about it has got me all teary-eyed. Please excuse me. *sob*

This I think was the eggplant something-something from Vegan Planet. I remember thinking, Oh yay, a vegan eggplant parmigiana recipe!! when I decided to make it, and then suddenly realizing, Hey, wait a minute! The recipe doesn't even bread the eggplant!!! What the hell was I thinking! But now I'm not even 100% certain that's where it came from. I remember I was underwhelmed by the recipe though, but I *did* like the gomashio recipe that accompanied it. (Which is why I feel like it probably WAS from Vegan Planet since every time I make something out of that cookbook, I find myself extremely underwhelmed. Is it just me, or does anyone else feel this way too??)

From Vegan Planet, I think

And finally--at least for the time being--I made this fettucine dish.

Fettucine with Sausage, Basil, and Sundried Tomatoes

Vagueries: I left the fennel out of this since I knew the "sausages" I bought were plenty spicy/fennely, and I can only take so much of the stuff without feeling like I'm sucking on a big pasta-y rope of black licorice. Other than that though, I remember liking the recipe. Perhaps not being blown away by it, but I definitely think it was decent.

And that catches me up through mid-April! *Stuffing my food p0rn back under the mattress for now*

Stay tuned for more lazy catch-up!

Since Inquiring Minds Want to Know...

2009-06-02T13:29:00.001-07:00

This is my roof garden:

Isn't it just the loveliest? Doesn't it make you want to squeal with glee? Isn't almost impossible to NOT rip your clothes off while basking on it's beautiful gloriousness?

Perv.

This is Franny running across my roof in front of the garden, most likely to attack a bug. Or also, a leaf. Both are apparently her arch-enemy:

And THIS is my roof garden with Zooey in the right-hand upper corner, thinking that she will FINALLY figure out how to leap from the roof and be united with one of her many cat boyfriends. She's kind of a slut:

When people post pics of their individual plants on their blogs, I'm always kind of like, "Wow, dude. Your tomato plant is SOOOO much more interesting than ANY OTHER TOMATO PLANT I've ever seen. NOT!"

But I am conceited and also hypocritical, so today I am posting my own. And also because MY TOMATO PLANTS KICK YOUR TOMATO PLANTS' ASSES!

This is what I'm growing in my roof garden...

Tomatoes--roma and big boy. If you can tell me which is which just from the pics, I will send you $1.*

Flowers whose names I cannot remember:

Basil:

Your mom:

Green peppers:

Soybeans:

Don Knotts:

And then, I labeled all these plants, but the labels blew away. So these are some sort of lettuce that I cannot remember, peas, Moon flowers, and snake squash in no particular order. I STILL am not quite sure which is which, so it'll be like having my own garden surprise party once something finally appears other than leaves!

See. What did I say? MY boring pictures of plants are WAY more interesting than yours, my friends.

So don't even post yours.

It'll just make your plants feel inadequate.

---------
*$5 shipping and handling charges may apply.

Asparagus and Sun-dried Tomato Frittata

2009-06-01T05:33:00.001-07:00

from Vegan with a Vengeance

N/A raved about this frittata so strongly (he said it was up there as one of the best things I've ever made) that I actually was a bit concerned that he was going to shit rainbows. Then again, part of me thinks that he may have just been trying to suck up to make up for a douchey comment he made to me right before we ate dinner. So really: it's hard to say.

But I guess that just means you should probably go ahead and make it yourself and be the judge.

Me, I thought it WAS quite good as well. But I also easily ate half of this and could've eaten more, so take that into consideration if you decide to cook this for company.

INGREDIENTS:

1 lb. extra-firm tofu, drained

1 T. soy sauce

1 t. mustard

1/4 c. nutritional yeast

2 t. olive oil

1 onion, cut into 1/4-inch dice [I omitted cuz N/A hates onions]

5 stalks asparagus, trimmed and cut into one inch pieces

1/4 c. sun-dried tomatoes, finely chopped

3 cloves garlic, minced

1 t. dried thyme

1/4 t. turmeric

Juice of 1/2 lemon

1/4 c. fresh basil leaves, torn into pieces

DIRECTIONS

Preheat oven to 400-F.

Using your fingers, crumble and squeeze tofu into a bowl until it resembles ricotta cheese. Stir in soy sauce and mustard. Add nutritional yeast and mix well.

In an 8-inch oven-proof skillet, saute onions in olive oil until soft about 2 minutes. Add asparagus and tomatoes and cook for 3 minutes. Add garlic, thyme, and turmeric, saute for one minute. Add lemon juice to deglaze pan and remove from heat. Add contents to tofu mixture and stir to blend. Fold in basil leaves.

Transfer combined mixture to skillet and press firmly into pan. Place skillet in oven and cook for 20 minutes. Transfer to broiler to brown top, about 2 minutes. Watch it closely! You don't want it to burn.

Let frittata sit for 10 minutes prior to serving.

Serves 2-4.

(Recipe from Vegan with a Vengeance, reposted at Pink Stripes with a few alterations)

My Weiner is Coming Straight at Your Face!

2009-05-28T04:31:00.000-07:00

DUCK!

Phew.

That baby almost just poked your eye out!

Anywho, these are the things I ate for Memorial Day weekend.

A weiner (this one is a safer shot!):

More technically, a Tofurky Beer Brat. I'm a fan of all Tofurky's weiners. They are plump and spicy and exploding with flavor. I barbecued it on my mini grill (thank you, ex-boyfriend, for kindly leaving me this as I love it), and my only suggestion is, if you do the same, don't overcook. These things need maybe two minutes on the grill with frequent rotation and they're good to go. Cook them too long and they dry out.

As I was being a lazy cook this weekend, I also decided to try out the Morningstar riblets this year instead of making my own:

And what a disappointment. These are the reason people mistakenly think veganism is for yuppies with money. $4.50 splurge, and I could've eaten the whole box of ribs in one sitting. There are two "racks" of ribs, all about as long as your pinky finger, and as wide as your hand from wrist to fingertip. WHAT?!? I could almost squeeze a whole portion of them in my mouth at one time! And for that price, I expected them to taste startlingly like ribs. I mean, I've made homemade vegan ribs, and while they're delish, they admittedly aren't remotely close to normal rib consistency. But for $4.50, you expect them to be surprisingly realistic. But these weren't even close. The consistency reminded me of some food from my youth that I still haven't put my finger on, but definitely not ribs. And they were just ok in flavor. But definitely not worth the money. Thumbs down to Morningstar riblets! If you want good vegan ribs, just make your own. Here are two great recipes: FatFree Vegan's Ribz & VegFamily.com's.

And finally, I made the Veganomicon Quinoa Salad with Black Beans and Mango:

from Veganomicon

Sadly, I was only able to use about 1/3 of the meat from my mango because most of it was bruised and brownish. And also sadly, I've been shitting undigested black quinoa for days after eating this. Nonetheless, my mom loved this quite a bit, despite the fact that I was fairly indifferent towards it. But as it's super-simple and a good introduction to quinoa, why the hell not try it out sometime?

Quinoa Salad with Black Beans and Mango

INGREDIENTS:

1 mango, peeled and cut into small dice

1 red bell pepper, seeded and diced as small as you can get it

1 c. chopped scallions

1 c. chopped fresh cilantro

2 T. grapeseed oil (I used olive oil)

2 T. of red wine vinegar

1/4 t. salt

2 c. cooked quinoa, cooled

1 (15-oz) can of black beans, drained and rinsed

DIRECTIONS

Combine the mango, red bell pepper, scallions, and cilantro in a mixing bowl. Add the red wine (or balsamic) vinegar, grapeseed oil, and salt and stir to combine. Add the quinoa and stir until everything is well incorporated. Fold in the black beans. You can serve it immediately, or let it sit for a bit for the flavors to meld. It tastes great chilled or even better at room temperature.

(Recipe from Veganomicon, reposted at Happy Healthy Long Life)

The Newest Edition of "The Most Bizarre Google Searches by Which People Stumble Across This Blog"

2009-05-27T12:28:00.000-07:00

Or,

"Let's Make Fun of Stupid People for Being Stupid and Also Gross!"

With brilliant commentary by the brilliant Lindy Loo who is also awesome and apparently brilliant.

girls shits in cake mixture

asses shitting free movie tube [In today's faltering economy, these really ARE the kinds of asses you want to know.]

why are vegetarians such assholes [because we have to deal with fucktards like you asking fucktarded questions like this one, fucktard]

Teen ass tube

rose ass tube

Moms ass tube

hot mama

how to lick your lips seductively [You have surely come to the wrong place for answers to that. *Drooling profusely from my fat drool-mouth*]

eat my ass tube [No thank you. I just had a big lunch.]

Heart Attack Balls

When the shit hit the pan

3 cups and shit

Where does the name lindy loo come

Lentils make my shit green [Congrats, dude!]

Vegetable facking [clearly not getting laid because (s)he can't spell]

Nippules pic [probably has never seen a nipple in real life. Or excuse me: "nippule"]

Pleasantly plump pussy [aww yeah to alliteration]

Freddie prinze [Freddie Prinze: Rocking the vegan ass tube circuit.]

Vegan jumbo mac n cheese [hell, *I* now want to see the jumboiest mac n cheese too, dammit! I hope it's like 6'5" and manly!]

Eating shit directly from ass [Fuck utensils! Just dig in!]

(For past editions, click HERE)

Mine is Still Bigger Than Yours, But With Things On It

2009-05-27T04:10:00.000-07:00

I love bread. Love it.

So what better than bread... with things on top?

Not much. Not much at all.

So when I saw Urban Vegan's list of tartine ideas, I immediately thought, "I want to go to there." <--my pop culture reference for the day

And I did.

I went to there.

Go check out her list of ideas in their entirety, as they will make you drool uncontrollably.

As for me, here's the ones I want to try, and also the ones I tried out a week or so ago and my opinion of them. I used the French bread recipe I posted about last week (you know: when I lied and said I'd post THESE last week), and it worked perfectly.

TRIED:

Arugula pesto. In a food processor, mix about 2 cups of arugula, some walnuts or pine nuts, and about 5 garlic cloves. Add enough extra-virgin olive oil until it reaches a spreadable consistency. This pesto is also wonderful tossed with pasta, smeared on grilled tofu or thinned with balsamic vinegar to use a salad dressing.

My opinion: I like this as a pesto alternative. It's got a delightful spicy kick, but tastes crisp and clean. Good stuff.

(Arugula pesto in foreground,
topped with kalamatas)

Oil-soaked sun-dried tomatoes, vegan cream cheese and fresh basil, with salt and fresh ground pepper.

My opinion: I also added kalamatas, and I think the grease factor was WAY too high. I think adding ANYTHING oil-soaked to cream cheez is a bit overdoing it. But I really liked the combo, despite that. So next time: rehydrated sun-dried tomatoes (instead of oil-soaked) and a sparser collection of kalamata olives.

Bananas, agave nectar and cinnamon. Spread the bread with Earth Balance and toast first. This makes a great breakfast.

My opinion: Delightfully yum. And I was skeptical, 'cause I mashed up my banana, and then stood there and realized how disgusting and boogery the consistency was after mashing it and contemplated whether or not I could sike myself out enough to consume it despite how gross it looked. And I did. And I'm glad. I think the riper the banana the better though--it'll be less boogery. I also tried the banana-agave nectar-cinnamon combo with cream cheez as well and liked it a lot.

WANNA TRY:

Spinach, onion, garlic and dried cherries [Pictured, above right], sauteed in olive oil and seasoned with a pinch of nutmeg

Thinly sliced fennel, back olives and orange slices, served heated with a drizzle of fruity extra-virgin olive oil

A healthy drizzle of olive oil topped with tomatoes, oregano, and olives

Avocado slices, arugula and Veganaise

Marinated seitan, dried apricots and apricot jam

(Recipe ideas from Urban Vegan)

Mine is WAY Bigger Than Yours!

2009-05-19T12:42:00.000-07:00

from Recipezaar

Super easy. (Just like your mom.) Yay for crusty French bread!

I will also continue to threaten your masculinity this week with some tartine recommendations from Urban Vegan, so stay tuned!

Failproof Crusty French Bread (For Your Bread Machine)

INGREDIENTS:

3-1/2 c. bread flour

1 t. salt

1 (1/4 ounce) package active dry yeast

1-1/4 c. warm water

DIRECTIONS

Place ingredients in bread machine according to manufacturers directions (essentially: wet, dry, yeast).

Start machine on dough setting.

When dough cycle is complete, remove dough with floured hands and cut in half on floured surface.

Take each half of dough and roll to make a loaf about 12 inches long in the shape of French bread.

Place on greased baking sheet and cover with a towel.

Let rise until doubled, about 1 hour. (Mine didn't engorge enough--snark--so I then preheated the oven and set the pan on top. This helped.)

Preheat oven to 450-F.

Bake for 15 to 20 minutes or until golden brown, turning pan around once halfway during baking.

Remove baked loaves to wire racks to cool.

(Recipe from Recipezaar)

What?!?!?!?!? I Mean... WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

2009-05-12T11:07:00.000-07:00

Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

OMFG. I think I just wet myself with laughter.

I cannot believe that's what brussel sprouts look like when they're growing.

MUST. GET. BRUSSEL. SPROUTS. FOR. GARDEN. IMMEDIATELY.

Animal, Vegetable, Miracle

2009-05-12T10:32:00.000-07:00

So I'm reading Barbara Kingsolver's Animal, Vegetable, Miracle, and I've gotta say: It's fascinating so far. (Though I DO realize that I'm only about 100 pages in, and seeing as my friend P texted me a menacing "I'm interested in seeing what you think of it once you're all DONE with it," I'm guessing some animal-killing's gonna go down at some point.)

But right now, I'm just a-gog (I likes that word) over vegetables. The book is essentially about our disconnect with food and plants and where they come from (which is a disconnect that fuels factory-farming as well, as all of you are MORE than aware), and it's made me realize how little I really DO know about what vegetables look like when they're growing, or where they come from, or ANY of that stuff.

For example, she discusses asparagus in length in the first few chapters of the book. And asparagus has always been one of my favorite veggies. But I'd never really given thought to what it looks like while it's growing. And after reading her description of it, I was dying to google some pics of it.

And check this out. I mean, maybe I'm the only one who's in la-la land on what it looks like growing, but then again, I'm guessing not. And I don't know what the HELL I thought it looked like, but not this.

(Crazy-ass asparagus!)

And even more amusing--white asparagus:

I mean, could it be any more "Penis meets Tremors."

I'll spare you the penis pic, but hee Tremors:

Anyways, I'm really glad I accidentally timed the reading of this book with the planting of my rooftop garden, as it's been bringing me a lot of joy actually watching my vegetables pushing forth from the earth while reading a ton of fantastic, loving details about them.

Needless to say, you can expect the occasional post and/or picture about various vegetables as I stumble across them in the book and realize how ridiculously little I know about them.

So: STAY TUNED!

(Animal, Vegetable, Miracle website)

I Think This May Be a Sign of the End Days

2009-05-12T03:39:00.000-07:00

So *COUilikedsaladlastweekGH* What? Huh?

I didn't say nothing!

Except I actually craved salad last week and I liked it and I ate it for like four days in a row.

What? Why the squint?

*SOBBING*

Fine. FINE!! GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Hi, I'm Lindy Loo, and I think I like salad.

I'm not SURE, don't get me wrong. I mean I've hated it for so long. And then last week it was like BLAMMO someone turned on a salad-whoring switch and I was all rubbing up against it and thinking dirty thoughts and feeling all naughty in my nether parts.

But it COULD be that I've not been eating enough veggies. I was all Super Carb-Attack last week. And after a few days of that, I just wanted to fill every orifice with vegetables.

Then again, *looking around to make sure not too many people are listening* I THINK I MAY LIKE SALAD. *WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH*

Extremely less mortifying: I also really like the way soy nuts get stuck so perfectly in the center of sliced olives. I mean, check out the upper left in the pic below. There's just something so satisfying about it!

Anyways, this is the salad I've been cowing down on:

Romaine lettuce, chickpeas, diced
red peppers, sliced olives, soy nuts,
and a raspberry walnut vinaigrette.
SO. ASHAMED.

Not Really Food or Even Vegan-Related, But YOU WILL READ AND YOU WILL LIKE IT

2009-05-05T06:34:00.001-07:00

So granted, the mag I'm about to ramble on about isn't vegan or even vegetarian-related. But I still think some of you may be interested in it, 'cause it's in many ways a magazine about recycling and not being wasteful.

What I'm saying is:

If you've not seen ReadyMade Magazine, check it out.

ReadyMade is "a bimonthly print magazine for people who like to make stuff, who see the flicker of invention in everyday objects—the perfectly round yolk in the mundane egg." Essentially, it's a magazine that shows you how to MacGyver found objects into new and more useful objects. Need a chandelier for your dining room? How bout transforming that old mixing bowl into a hipster lighting fixture? That kind of thing.

A year or two ago, I stumbled across the ReadyMade book at the library: ReadyMade: How to Make [Almost] Everything: A Do-It-Yourself Primer, and it was a fascinating read, organized by type of material (glass, plastic, etc.), with large projects and tiny ones.

Fun fun stuff.

My major criticism was that a lot of it was WAY out of my league (though I STILL am determined to make the decorative shelving unit from garbage-picked dresser drawers), and a lot of it, despite using "recycled" materials, necessitated spending a lot of money on other materials to put that one recycled material to use. Nonetheless: I liked the idea of the book.

So when my friend P's 30th b-day crept up, I decided to get a subscription for both her (since she's a crafty and green-conscious woman) and myself (because I like magazines and garbage-picking).

The first issue showed up in both of our mailboxes on the weekend, and damn if I didn't devour that magazine from cover to cover in one afternoon.

INFINITELY more accessible and interesting than the book. (No offense, book!)

And the magazine is packed full of do-it-yourself projects, from food (again: albeit not pro-vegan, the example in this issue was 4 ways to use an egg), to revamping thrift-store clothing, to household projects (quick bookshelves, key lamps), to random MacGyver-esque tips (one of my favs being: To slow down the wilt and wither of greens and veggies in your fridge, throw a couple sponges in your crisper drawer--they'll absorb excess moisture, keeping it from adhering to your veggies).

OMG! So fascinating.

And this issue in particular was interesting because it was about sustainability, so there was an article about urban gardening and one about pies.

My only annoyance (and this is actually an annoyance I have with VegNews as well, along with plenty of other mags) has to do with assumptions about the class/wealth of their readers and the fact that they, in many ways, perpetuate the misconception that being green (or being vegan) is a choice that is only accessible to folks with money. I mean, really: How am I not supposed to get annoyed reading about some creative plant-focused chick/artist/whatever who can afford to have her own greenhouse, has a boyfriend who surprises her with a vintage motorcycle, and is lusting after a $300 pair of cowboy boots?? I mean: come on. Awesome for you, girl who looks like she's 20 and yet somehow is able to afford all this. But realistically: You just make most readers scoff at the wealth-factor of being green. Talk about alienating your readers. I mean, it's still fascinating to ogle of course, but there's just something grating about it, especially in an issue about sustainability.

Then again, in comparison to the book, there are a LOT more projects that are accessible to folks who don't have a lot of dough. For example: bookshelves made out of corner brackets in this most recent issue. (And most of their projects give you an idea of how much you'll have to spend to make it, which I like as well.) So perhaps there is more of a balance there then I'm giving them credit for.

Nonetheless: for all you do-it-yourselfers out there (and it seems like a lot of veg-heads are, perhaps because they're a little bit more conscious about environmental issues), go check it out.

I promise you: You'll enjoy.

And finally, our Nippular Contest Winners!

2009-05-04T09:57:00.000-07:00

Thanks to everyone who entered my nippular contest! All your submissions were wonderful.

For those of you who haven't yet perved out on them in all their nekkid glory, do check out the sidebar for the full list of entries. I mean, talk about food porn. Literally. *drooling*

And now, at long last: The winners.

*DRUM ROLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL*

First place (three cookbooks) goes to..........

Mission: Vegan for her nibble-licious cake-o-rific ta-tas!

As you can see below, these two little cakes reveal some DEFINITE mad skills in the arena of boob-crafting. I mean, SQUISH! And hubbahubbahubba! And *bow-tie spinning while smoke pours out of ears*

It's truly hard to believe that these babies are actually made out of cake!

-AND-

Second place (one cookbook) goes to................

Bok Choy Bohemian's juicy pair of beet-salad boobies for creativity and avant-gardeness!

She even made a little bikini for them
when they're feeling modest--hee:

You ladies both have WONDERFUL racks, so thanks for sharing!

*Round of applause*

And thanks to my friend P who selected our second place winner!

If you could both email me (my email address can be found HERE--I don't wanna post it cuz of the damn spammers) the following, I'll get a move-on to sending the cookbooks out to ya!

1. Address & email address.
2. Mission: Vegan: Your top 7 choices, in order.
3. Bok Choy: Your top 4 choices, in order.

I have a total of 5 contest winners (3 from Cleveland Veganz) that I'm trying to sort out prizes for as well, so it's gonna take a bit of figuring out who gets what. My goal is to send you both at least one in your top 3.

Here's the list!

Vegan Meals for One or Two
The Vegan Cookbook
Vegan Planet
The Single Vegan
Simply Vegan
Vegan Handbook
Moosewood Cookbook
Still Life with Menu
Vegetable Heaven
Passionate Vegetarian
Moosewood Restaurant Low-Fat Favorites
Vegetarian Planet
Moosewood Restaurant New Classics
Sundays at Moosewood Restaurant
Moosewood Restaurant Cooks at Home
Moosewood Restaurant Daily Specials
Horn of the Moon Cookbook

CONGRATS AGAIN, BREAST GENIUSES!

World's Easiest Vegan Cream-Cheezy Veggie Pizza

2009-05-04T06:07:00.001-07:00

My mom used to often make the non-vegan version of this pizza for picnics and gatherings when we were little, so it definitely has a nostalgia-value to it. Which is why I was so pleased to realize that it's so easily vegan-izable.

This was the definite crowd-pleaser of the party. It's very rich and filling, so a small slice or two is plenty as a munchie.

INGREDIENTS:

Two tubes Pillsbury Crescent Rolls

One 8 oz. tub of vegan cream cheez

1/2 c. vegan mayo

One pack of some sort of ranch/veggie-dip seasoning (I used Veggie Weggie Dip Mix)

1/4 c. to 1/2 c. of the following veggies (feel free to add or subtract--musts, in my opinion though, are cauliflower and black olives):
Black olives, sliced
Cauliflower, diced small
Shrooms, sliced
Broccoli, diced small
Green peppers, diced or sliced

DIRECTIONS

Preheat oven to 375-F.

Line a large baking sheet with parchment paper.

Unroll your crescent rolls down the pan, trying not to separate at the perforations. Once you've filled the pan length-wise, tear off the extra dough and fill it up width-wise. With two tubes, you should have slightly in excess of a large pan. Once the pan is filled, press down the dough where the perforations are to seal everything together.

Bake for 10 to 15 minutes (or until crust is a golden color on both top and bottom). Remove from oven and let cool.

In the meantime, combine your cream cheez, mayo, and seasoning. Whisk together until combined.

Once crust is cool, spread your cream cheez mix across the top of it until it's all used.

Top with your raw veggies.

Slice and serve.

(Makes about 16 or so small--but rich--slices)

PS. CONTEST-WINNERS WILL BE ANNOUNCED THIS WEEK! I HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN!!! =)

Mmmmmmm, Cakey!

2009-04-30T05:17:00.000-07:00

So: CAKE.

I really think it may be my favorite thing to make. It's just so EASY and yet, with some easily souped-up frosting, so GODDAMN GOOD. And it's a giving-type food: I rarely bake one except when I'm baking it FOR someone. And I like that. It's kind of a love-food.

But honestly, baking 3 cakes in one day SHOULD BE AVOIDED AT ALL COSTS WHENEVER POSSIBLE. I seriously felt angry with cake when I'd gotten through the first two and realized I still had one more to bake. And then I felt pitiful and weepy. And then angry again.

It was an emotional kitchen day.

Anyways, I've been holding off on posting any of the cake recipes I used mainly because I hadn't actually TRIED a slice of each of the cakes I baked.

But yesterday, I finally nibbled on some vanilla, so I can now legitimately offer up some successful recipes to you.

Recipes for the chocolate cakes can actually be found HERE. I used that basic chocolate cake recipe (which is a good one) but filled up a (well-greased) 9x13 pan instead of two cake pans. The oreo one actually ended up a little bit overbaked and dry, unfortunately, so just keep your eye on that oven-timer and poke away with some forks. I think I may have actually gotten away with baking it 5 or 10 minutes less than the original recipe calls for.

The vanilla cake I snagged from the Vegan Chef. This one I actually ended up baking 5 or 10 minutes MORE than the recipe called for, mostly because it didn't even look or feel at all stable when the 30 minutes went by. But it was rich buttery vanilla-ish for sure, and I'd definitely use the recipe again. The only change I really made to it was to sub in more vanilla for the almond extract, mostly because I didn't have any at home.

VANILLA WHITE CAKE

from The Vegan Chef

INGREDIENTS:

1-1/3 c. unbleached cane sugar

1/2 c. non-hydrogenated vegan margarine

3 c. unbleached flour

1 T. baking powder

3/4 t. salt

2 c. soy milk, rice milk, or other non-dairy milk of choice

1 T. vanilla

1 t. almond extract (or 1 extra t. vanilla)

DIRECTIONS

Lightly oil a 9x13-inch pan and set aside.

Place the sugar and margarine in a large mixing bowl, and cream together until light and fluffy using an electric mixer.

In another bowl, sift together the flour, baking powder and salt.

Add dry ingredients into the creamed mixture, alternating with the soy milk, and continuing to beat the mixture well between each addition.

Add the vanilla and almond extract and beat the mixture an additional 2 minutes at medium speed.

Pour the batter into the prepared pan.

Bake at 350 degrees for 30 minutes or until an inserted toothpick comes out clean.

Yield: One 9x13-inch cake

(Recipe from The Vegan Chef)

So there's the cakes.

As for the FROSTINGS, the buttercream is from Vegan Cupcakes Take Over the World and can be found HERE. The only difference between the buttercream and the oreo-buttercream is--obviously--oreos. So you can choose whether to add them in or keep them out.

The frosting on my double-chocolate cake was the Rich Chocolate Ganache recipe, also from Vegan Cupcakes. And I've gotta say, although I'm a big endorser of super sickeningly spun-sugary sweet whipped mounds of gloriously tooth-achy fluffy frosting, my favorite of the bunch actually ended up being the ganache. There's just something about the maple-iness of it (and I didn't even use the good maple syrup, or good chocolate for that matter). And the consistency. And how it was just so ooey gooey rich. *Drooling again* So I definitely recommend. One batch of it can easily frost a 9x13 cake and should probably be plenty for a layered 9" circular cake as well.

RICH CHOCOLATE GANACHE TOPPING

from Vegan Cupcakes Take Over the World

INGREDIENTS:

1/4 c. soy milk

4 oz. semisweet chocolate, chopped

2 T. pure maple syrup

DIRECTIONS

Bring the soy milk to a gentle boil in a small sauce pan. Immediately remove from heat and add the chocolate and maple syrup. Use a rubber heatproof spatula to mix the chocolate until it is fully melted and smooth. Set aside at room temperature till ready to use.

(Recipe originally from Vegan Cupcakes Take Over the World, posted at Funky Jiva)

So there you go. Your wish is my command, Eat a Vegan!

Chocolate Caramel Anti-Blue-Balls Crack(ers)

2009-04-29T04:02:00.000-07:00

from Smitten Kitchen

Jeebus! What with the threat of folks getting cracker blue balls, I figured I'd better post the recipe as quick as possible.

I promise: Your balls will love them, and will surely stay their natural color now.

They are reminiscent of Skor bars. Kind of sort of. And they're easy simple peasy to make. And kind of fun.

But yes, they ARE addicting. So ONLY MAKE THEM WHEN YOU HAVE LOTS OF PEOPLE AROUND TO HELP YOU EAT THEM, OKAY? If you don't heed my warning and gain 50 lbs from gorging on them with your non-blue balls, you only have yourself to blame.

INGREDIENTS:

40 Saltine crackers or crackers of your choice (or 4 to 6 sheets matzo)

1 c. vegan margarine, cut into a few large pieces

1 cup packed light brown sugar

A big pinch of sea salt

1/2 t. pure vanilla extract

1-1/2 c. semi- or bittersweet chocolate chips (or chopped bittersweet or semisweet chocolate)

1 c. toasted chopped almonds, pecans, walnuts or a nut of your choice (optional)

Extra sea salt for sprinkling (optional)

DIRECTIONS

Preheat the oven to 350-F. Line an 11-by-17-inch baking sheet completely with foil, and then line the base of the foil with parchment paper, cut to fit.

Line the bottom of the baking sheet with crackers. It'll be easy as pie: like 8 rows of 5 or something like that.

In a medium heavy-duty saucepan, melt the butter and brown sugar together, and stir it over medium heat until it begins to boil. Once it has begun boiling, let it bubble for three more minutes, stirring it well. It will thicken a bit as it cooks. Remove from the heat and add the salt and vanilla, and then quickly pour it over the matzo or crackers. You'll want to spread it quickly, as it will begin to set as soon as it is poured.

Bake the caramel-covered crackers for 15 minutes, watching carefully as it will bubble and the corners might darken too quickly and/or burn. You can reduce the heat if you see this happening.

Remove from oven and immediately cover with chocolate chips. Let stand five minutes, and then spread them evenly across the caramel. An offset spatula works great here. If you're using them, sprinkle the chocolate with toasted chopped nuts and/or sea salt. (The sea salt is great on matzo. On Saltines, it's really not necessary.)

Once completely cool -- I sometimes speed this process up in the fridge, impatient as should be expected in the face of caramel crack(ers) -- break it into pieces and store it in a container. It should keep for a week but I've never seen it last that long.

(Recipe originally from Smitten Kitchen)

Surprise Surprise!

2009-04-28T04:54:00.000-07:00

So we threw a surprise party for my mom this past Saturday. We managed to get a hold of some of my mom's work friends. We invited her best friend. My brother came home from Chicago with a bunch of friends and surprised her. And my other sibs came as well.

My mum's the one with the crown on
and the completely flashed-out face

And surprise her we did. We'd been planning it for a couple months, so we really were sure that SOMEone would slip up during that time, especially given the amount of folks who knew what was going on. And as 7-o'clock creeped up on us and none of her friends had yet appeared at my door, we started to get nervous. But then: blam. Shortly before she showed up with my brother, a bunch of folks poured in just in time.

And she hadn't a clue.

It was wonderful.

The weather was warm but--thankfully--had cooled off for the most part by the time the party started, so we were able to lounge about in my living room and also sit out on the roof. And it was a lovely moment, bringing three cakes lit up with candles out onto the dark roof and singing happy birthday to my mom under the city stars.

In preparation, I spent most of last Friday baking and cooking. By the end of the day and the last cake I had to bake, I was tired and feeling angry towards cake and wanting to just cry for having to make the last cake and hating it for needing to exist. It was a long day.

Even more annoying was the fact that 6 or 7 folks rsvped to say they were coming and then didn't come. Which would've been fine except for the fact that it caused me to make WAY more food than necessary. Which was a waste of my time. And which, in turn, resulted in me sending home like 8 plates of bakery with my sibs and mom.

Ultimately though, I was pleased with the goodies and the response they received from party guests.

My menu:

Chips & black bean & corn salsa

Veganomicon hummus with baby carrots and crackers

Creamy spinach-artichoke dip

Cream-cheez crescent-roll veggie pizza (recipe forthcoming this week):

VwaV chocolate chip cookies

Choc-PB rice krispy treats

Chocolate caramel crackers (recipe also forthcoming this week):

Three cakes: Vanilla with buttercream frosting, chocolate with oreo-buttercream frosting, and chocolate with chocolate ganache frosting (a few recipes forthcoming this week as well)

The three cakes jamming up my fridge

Lots and lots o' beer

The biggest crowd-pleaser was (strangely enough) the pizza. You ever notice how it always seems to be the least expected and easiest food? =P

Anyways, stay tuned for some more recipes this week.

And hurrah for the urge to post!

You've Probably Noticed (Since I AM That Much of a Celebrite--snort)

2009-04-21T13:10:00.000-07:00

...but I haven't been posting too much lately.

And it's mostly cuz--*looking around to make sure the blog police aren't nearby*--I'm kind of getting sick of blogging.

And also: It's been kind of enjoyable actually being able to eat without all the pictures involved.

And: I've been digging eating repeats--as in, recipes that I've made before and like. Whereas normally I'd be all "You must try out new recipes instead so you have something to blog about, bitch-who-talks-to-herself."

Hopefully it all shall pass.

But I just wanted to give you a head's up as to why it's so quiet over here lately.

It's cuz of that.

And because I'm transfixed by the edible nips pics. (Check out the entries so far in the sidebar--you folks are AMAZING. Hee.)

Check Out Our First Contest Entry!

2009-04-14T03:36:00.000-07:00

So cute, I kinda wanna tweak its nipples... Just a little bit.

from Wanting Kneading

To enter some boobs of your own, check out the Nippular Cookbook Contest Guidelines HERE.

You Wanna See SQUIRRELY?? You Got It!

2009-04-07T09:40:00.001-07:00

I don't think I've mentioned this here before, but I have some crazy-ass squirrels living in my yard. Not just your AVERAGE crazy-ass squirrels, but ones that have done the following on various occasions:

Awoken me in the morning by scrambling up the screen door that leads onto my roof and just hanging there while my cats freaked the hell out.

Tried getting into my house. Now, before I get lectures about leaving the door open onto my roof, lemme just tell you: BOTH CATS WERE OUT ON THE ROOF when this happened. Which is the only time I leave the door cracked--so they can come in and out as they please. Anyways: I'm washing dishes. Cats are out on the roof. I hear a noise. I come into the living room. There's a squirrel peering in the door at me. Cats are snoozing on the roof. Cats suddenly wake up. Crazy chase ensues.

Regularly climbed onto the roof WITH THE FULL KNOWLEDGE THAT MY CATS ARE UP THERE.

Jumped in my lap. THAT one takes the cake, and you can read about it HERE.

Point being: The squirrels really are crazy-ass crazy.

And now that it's warming up again (or WAS warming up, before the current inch of snow on the ground outside my window), they're back to their old shenanigans, tormenting my cats as much as possible.

Enjoy:

(I mean, seriously: he looks like he's contemplating
how he can spring himself from this position with SUCH
force that he will explode through my front-room window)

One of them also enjoys sitting in the neighbor's roof and staring at my cat for hours:

Nippular Cookbook Contest

2009-04-07T05:17:00.000-07:00

So since you folks were ALL OVER flashing your nips just to get a cookbook, I'm thinking Tudor Rose's contest idea seems most apropos...

So:

If you'd like to win a cookbook, here's what you gotta do:

Make a set of nips/boobies out of food, post a picture on your blog with a link to this contest entry, and then post a link to your submission in this post's comments.

The best set of nips will win three cookbooks of choice.

The second best set wins one cookbook of choice.

(I'll send out a list of cookbooks once winners have been selected.)

You have until April 27 to craft your very best set of edible nips.

Winners will be selected shortly thereafter.

So...

GET TO CRAFTING!

(This pic really isn't contest-related, but it IS nip-
related, and I figured we could use SOME kind of pic
to liven things up!)

Cinnabuns & Road-Trips

2009-04-07T04:37:00.000-07:00

No. I did not make this gloriously amazing cinnamon bun myself.

Look at it sitting there all coyly, tormenting me about the fact that I'd have to drive all the way back to Pittsburgh to get another one of its kind.

And I think I would. It was that good. *wistful sigh*

Anywho, my friend P and I road-tripped to Pitt this past Friday to go see N/A and one of his bands play at a gallery opening. Since it's about 2-1/2 hours one way, we decided to make a day of it and hit up Ikea while we were out there and then grab dinner.

I, of course, got a few kitchen-usefuls at Ikea, mainly a new dish drainer in the hopes of freeing up some more counter space (since it's feeble at best).

I grabbed this two-tiered baby, and so far it's a blessing in disguise--not only is it kind of diner-cute, but it also opened up much more space for cutting and all sorts of things, such as, perhaps, doing it? Anyways:

I also have been wanting to get a spice rack for a while--right now all my spices are lined up on a built-in shelf in my entry-way hallway after a mishap in which my whole spice rack tore out of the wall while my landlord was over and sent spices everywhere on my kitchen floor. They didn't have anything that was cheap enough to suffice (and that didn't require buying THEIR stupid spice-jars in order to fit), but then I saw this little baby:

It's now hanging right over my stove with my "most frequently used spices."

I only wish I had thought to get more than one, 'cause they are really kind of wicked cool, given that you could also decorate them if you wanted since they're clear.

But ah well.

Anyways: back to the cinnamon bun.

After Ikea, we decided to grab dinner at The Quiet Storm Coffeehouse and Restaurant, a place P had randomly stumbled across on-line:

(These aren't my pics, btw. 'Cause I'm a dumbass and didn't think to take any.)

And holy crap! What a great place. If you're ever in Pitt, I highly recommend checking it out. It's super vegan-friendly, and it's retro-cute as all get-out. (It's got what appears to be an old-school soda-bar right in the middle of it):

(If you click on the pic, you can
see the soda-counter in the middle)

And the food was SO good. P and I both got their "meatloaf" dinner:

Meaty, crunchy loaf of lentils blended with sage, garlic & sunflower seeds. Topped with our killer onion gravy and served with any veg du jour (in our case, peas and carrots) & smashed red taters.

I don't think P was quiet so bowled over by the loaf as I was (which was all the better for me, since she gave me her leftovers), but goddamn was it tasty. Especially topped with their fantastic gravy which really IS killer.

I also got a glass of their ginger lemonade which I also HIGHLY recommend. And, despite being STUFFED from the mountains of potatoes and loaf, I got a cinnamon bun to go, which I gorged on the next morning, layer by gloriously sticky layer.

All in all, one of the better dining experiences I've had in a long while.

Afterwards, we headed over to the Zombo Art Gallery to see N/A play for the opening of Tim Kerr's art show.

The night was full of improvisational jazz, vibrant art, cigarettes, cheap beer, and hipsters...

We rode it out until about 11 and then headed off for the long ride home.

Ah, Pittsburgh. I will return.

If for no other reason than to again squeeze your sticky buns.

Pasta with Olives, Artichokes, and Dried Tomatoes

2009-04-06T09:53:00.000-07:00

from The Accidental Vegan

New favorite food combo of lustiness:

Sundried tomatoes & kalamata olives.

They both are strange and perfumey and an acquired taste, and for that reason, they mingle like a fucking sexy hot tango.

And I don't even really LIKE sundried tomatoes in other situations. Truly.

Anyways, the recipe is from The Accidental Vegan and doesn't appear to be posted on-line.

But really, it's simple enough that a) I really didn't think I'd like it nearly as much as I did (which was enough so that I'm cooking it for my mom again tomorrow), and b) you kind of can do all the ingredients to taste really.

Kalamata olives, diced
Sundried tomatoes (maybe a dozen or so), rehydrated in boiling water and drained
Olive oil
Almonds, ground or chopped
Fresh basil, chopped
Garlic, minced
Can of quartered artichokes, drained and chopped
White wine or veggie broth (maybe 1/4 c. or so)
Fettucine or other pasta of choice

Anyone who's ever cooked pasta can probably figure out where to go from here, but essentially: Heat olive oil, add garlic for a minute or two, add the rest of the ingredients (minus the fettucine) and simmer for a little bit. Add in pasta, mix, and serve.

(Actual recipe from The Accidental Vegan)

So f-ing yum. Despite the fact that the pic above makes it look boring and albino.

White Bean Alfredo Sauce

2009-04-02T11:23:00.000-07:00

Ok. So I'm a big fan of alfredo sauce. Actually, I'm a big fan of pasta in general, and alfredo has always been one of my favorite sauces. So I'm always trying out new alfredo sauces. (Click HERE for others.) The VwaV Fettucine Alfreda is one of my favorites still, but with the admission that it doesn't really taste like ALFREDO per se, despite the fact that it's fricking so good.

So when I noticed this white bean alfredo sauce a few weeks ago, I was skeptical (that's ALL the ingredients?!?) and yet interested. I scrounged it up this past weekend, and I've gotta confess: it really tastes surprisingly like alfredo sauce, even with the very minimal amount of ingredients.

And it takes so little time to make that it seems conceivable that it could cause a tear in the space-time continuum just for existing.

The nice part too is you can funk it up whatever way you'd like: add whatever spices and top it with delicious grilled veggies (like red peppers and portabellas, for example).

The ONLYONLYONLY down-side to the recipe is that you have to eat it fast: like most pureed bean-based dishes, once it starts to cool, it coagulates. So if you're trying to be all romantical with your significant other or something so that you can get some long overdue action, you will DEFINITELY get laid as long as you somehow get them to EAT IT QUICKLY (that's what she said).

Oh, and it would behoove you to food process the SHIT out of those beans, because the smooth consistency is key to the recipe's success. Plus you don't want the aforementioned significant other putting their mouth all over your sexy places with beans stuck in their teeth.

Moodkiller if I've ever seen one.

INGREDIENTS:

1/4 c. vegan margarine

2 cloves garlic, minced

2 c. cooked white beans, rinsed and drained

1 to 1-1/2 c. unsweetened soy milk (I used sweetened and it works fine too)

Salt and pepper, to taste

Parsley (optional)

DIRECTIONS

In a sautee pan over low heat, melt the margarine. Add the garlic and cook for 2 to 3 minutes.

Transfer the margarine mixture to a blender or food processor, add the white beans and 1 cup of soy milk. Blend until completely smooth. If the sauce is too thick, add the remaining soy milk until you reach the desired consistency.

Pour the sauce back into the pan over low heat, then season with salt and pepper to taste. Add fresh herbs, such as parsley, if desired. Cook until the sauce is warm.

Makes enough sauce for like 4 to 6 servings maybe?

(Recipe from Vegcooking Blog)

Oh I See How It is Now...

2009-04-02T10:02:00.000-07:00

You guys are all "Check out my nips! Check out my nips! Give me free cookbooks! Check out my nips!" until you actually have to think of contest ideas, and then suddenly you turn into a bunch of Quaker nuns!

Nice.

*COUdouchebagsGH*

For Those of You Who Actually Showed Me Your Nips (Rachey!), I Salute You

2009-04-02T03:42:00.000-07:00

New question, however: What kind of contest shall we have?

Please leave comments over the weekend, and I'll try to settle on something on Monday.

Also: More nippular outting is encouraged!

BRING ON THE NIPS!