Pangea Cracks My Shit Up

So I just have to tell you all how much Pangea (The Vegan Store) cracked my shit up this morning. I ordered vegan condoms from them last week, and they showed up on my doorstep today in a box with the following label on it:



WHAAAAAAAAA-----?!?!

Whether it was intentional (which is MY guess) or just the universe amusing itself, it made me laugh out loud when I saw it.

So: props, Pangea. You guys rock!

Gnocchi of Guilt

So two posts in a week. AM I BLOWING YOUR MIND OR WHAT?!?

And it's actually a RECIPE POST!!!! *scraping chunks of your cerebrum off your blinds*

So yes: I am still getting a subscription to Vegetarian Times even though I make fun of it incessantly. And yes: I'm still cooking shit from it although I was a frequent complainer about the tepidness of their recipes. And yes: shock of shocks, I've been finding a string of good food in there as of late. So maybe they're not as hopeless as I'd thought (although again: you really COULD easily post vegan alternatives for many of your recipes, veg times, if you only took the time to add in an "or agave nectar" or "or vegan margarine" etc, but I WON'T GO THERE AGAIN because you've been doing good with the recipes so *deep cleansing breath*).

Anyways, last week I made the Gnocchi with Chickpeas and Seared Broccoli Raab on p. 36 of the Sept. 2010 issue, and DAMN was it good.

I DID end up having to sub in spinach for the broccoli raab though because a) I wasn't sure what broccoli raab even LOOKED like, so I spent like 20 minutes peering closely at various vegetables that looked SUSPICIOUSLY like they could be a raab but then were just, say, kale or something (still not sure what exactly it looks like), and because b) I had THIS conversation with the dude in the produce department:

ME: Excuse me. You don't happen to know if you guys carry broccoli raab, do you?

DUDE: [blank stare]

ME: Ummmmmmmmmmmmmm. I'm not exactly sure what it looks like, so I can't tell if you have it and I'm just not seeing it or what.

DUDE: Broccoli, you say? We carry broccoli. [pointing at broccoli]

ME: Well, no. Broccoli RAAB. Apparently it's different?

DUDE: (looking puzzled and then getting excited and looking like he's had a sudden epiphany) Wait! Do you mean broccoli FLOR-ETS? [here he pronounces florets for me as though I am deeply mentally challenged and incapable of realizing that "raab" is actually pronounced "florets"--he points again at the broccoli]

ME: Um, nevermind.

So needless to say: substitution. That being said, it was a goddamn good substitution and I recommend it in case you are unable to locate broccoli raab (pronounced "florets"). Granted, you can't so much "sear" it, but it's still tasty.

And the recipe's super easy.

And it's got a lovely kind of flowery aromatic lushness to it that will make your tastebuds happy, namely due to the inclusion of reserved sundried tomato oil (so don't skimp and use olive oil or something).

Unfortunately, I did not take a picture of the dish, so instead, I give you a picture of my guilt:



INGREDIENTS:

• 8 oz. (1/2 package) gnocchi, such as Gia Russa)


• 8 oil-packed sun-dried tomatoes, drained and quartered, 2 T. oil reserved


• 1/2 c. reserved cooking water


• 1/2 onion thinly sliced


• 1 small bunch broccoli raab, stems trimmed, cut into 2-inch pieces (4 cups) OR 4 cups baby spinach, rinsed and destemmed


• 1 15-oz can chickpeas, rinsed and drained

DIRECTIONS

• Cook gnocchi according to package directions and drain, reserving 1/2 cup of cooking water.


• Heat reserved sun-dried tomato oil in large pot over medium-high heat. Add onion and cook 5 to 7 minutes or until beginning to brown. If using broccoli raab: increase heat to high and stir in broccoli raab. Cook 2 to 3 mins until it begins to wilt. If using spinach, well, actually: pretty much the same damn thing, so nevermind.


• Add sun-dried tomatoes, cooked gnocchi, and chickpeas and cook 2 to 3 mins more or until gnocchi begins to brown. Stir in reserved cooking water and season with salt and pepper, if desired.

(Recipe from Vegetarian Times, Sept. 2010, p. 36)

I Love Meeting Vegans...

It's like hanging with a best friend that you haven't seen in ten years.

Yesterday, I had the pleasure of hanging with Kevin Miller. Dude is awesome. And has an inexplicable fetish for uneven sidewalks that thankfully Cleveland was able to please. Granted he's never seen (or even HEARD of) The Deer Hunter (I mean look at how pissed De Niro is that you've never heard of Deer Hunter, dude):


Fuck you and your pastries, Kevin Miller

so I couldn't make him squeal like a girl when we walked past the building where they shot the wedding ceremony, but he DID do some girly-squealing but only while mimicking ME destroying him at both pool and bar-bowling (WHAT WHAT POOL MASTER! *karate chopping the air*).

For those of you don't remember (or don't know), Kevin is the dude who won the coveted whisk "best in show" trophy at Cosmo's Vegan Shoppe Bake-Off a few years back.

And now he's opening his own bakery in Atlanta.

Check 'em out on Twitter and their up-and-coming web page.

Here he inexplicably eats a 13 in Cleveland:



Really, there's no better way to spend a night in Cleveland than eating a 13. (Well, and maybe also going to Tremont Scoops for vegan ice cream and then getting your ass kicked by a girl in pool at Prosperity Social Club.)

So anyways, go check him out. And if you're in Atlanta, go eat his grub.

Just look for the cool dude with the giant beard and the donuts.

(Hit me up again next time you're in CLE, KM!)

This blog has been viewed 960,892 times...

That's really kind of awesome.

In the Flesh, Babies!

The Busy

Click

WHHHHAAAAAAAAAAA-?

So apparently this blog got picked as one of the Top 10 vegan blogs by VegNews Magazine! *Raising the roof and then realizing how dated that is and so busting out into the Roger Rabbit and then french cuffing my jeans whilst playing pogs*



Pg.130 of the July/August issue, bitches! *Doing the mash potato followed by the robot*

Finding that out yesterday actually almost made me tear up a little. Especially since I've been such a slacker dillhole when it comes to posting this year.

And I'd like the logical progression of this post to be: "So winning this award will be the fire under my ass getting me to write more regularly here again." I'd like that.

But the truth is, things are kind of crazy on this end right now. Crazy and awesome and transitional and scary. But crazy.

So right now I just really don't have the time. And, my lovely vegans, I don't want to give you all false hope.

Perhaps one day soon I'll start picking shit up here more regularly again.

But until then, check out the other 9 in VegNews's Top 10.

Hopefully they'll give you the delicious vegan fix that you're looking for.

- Crazy Sexy Life

- Manifest Vegan

- Post Punk Kitchen Blog

- Vegan.com

- Vegan Baking

- Vegan Dad

- Vegans of Color

- What the Hell does a Vegan Eat Anyway?

- The Voracious Vegan

And thanks so much, VegNews, for the props! It means a lot, especially since it came as such a goddamn surprise.


*Moonwalking and raising the roof one more time and... /End Scene*

Calling All Cat Lovers

So I know there's gotta be a few incorrigible cat ladies (or cat guys) out there who are well-versed in the way of cat. The kind of cat people that, say, accidentally toss the corner of a cat-hair laden blanket over their peanut butter bagel and are so resigned to their cat persondom that instead of just throwing the hairy bagel away, they carefully hold it up to the sunlight and extract as much of the hair from the peanut butter as they can see and then proceed to eat it in a shaded area so that they at least won't have to SEE all the little glimmers of cat hair that they're consuming. Not that I'm saying *I* did that 20 minutes ago. With a glass of lemonade that was sitting next to a wobbly tumbleweed of accumulated cat hair. Oh no. But that YOU might be the kind of person to do that.

In which case: I need your help.

I have three lovely adorable wonderful cats. And I recently found out they have giardia. (Presumably the newest of the three brought it in with her, to my great joy.) They all have diarrhea (some of them bloody diarrhea), their stomachs are constantly and loudly churning away, and their coats are getting faded in color since (presumably) their nutrients are getting leached (I've been giving them vitamin treats in an attempt to help with this). So I've been (trying) to treat them all. I've done so, unsuccesfully, twice already. And I'm on my third attempt.

The problem is, the medication is horribly horribly bitter and cats hate it. (For those of you well-versed in cat meds, they've had two runs at the panacur with no luck and this is their second run at metronizadole.)

One of my cats I can pill. And she's easy-going enough that I can trick her.

The other cat, I could pill if I wanted, but she's a wee bit of an evil hellion, so I'm doing my best to work around it.

The third cat, bless her heart, is a little weirdo who is afraid of people and refuses to let me pick her up. Ever. Needless to say, pilling is not an option. She also apparently has the superheroic ability to discern even something SLIGHTLY out of place in her food. I have had the medicine COMPOUNDED into a mothereffing a) treat, b) ear-ointment, and c) flavorless liquid for her, and a) she hates the treat, b) she let me put the ear ointment on twice and then refused to let me touch her ears ever again, and c) somehow has the ability to discern that there is a strange flavorless, tasteless liquid in her food.

She is a mad fricking genius.

So: does anyone have other suggestions?

I have to pill her twice a day, or somehow get her to consume the treats twice a day.

Things I've tried so far:

Mixing the treats and/or meds in with her moist food.

Mixing the treats and/or meds in with her dry food.

Mixing the treats and/or meds in with mushed up sardines.

Using pill pockets.

Wrapping the medicated treats in cheese*. (Yes, not vegan I know, but my cats aren't vegan anyways, and I'm desperate here.)

Chasing her through the house with a treat in my hand bellowing, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WHY WON'T YOU JUST EAT THIS GODDAMN THING?!?! and then sobbing a little. (The most ineffective thus far.)

Cursing my very existence. (Also ineffective.)

So please: any suggestions you may have, lay them on me. Just please don't suggest anything that requires me catching her and forcing something in her mouth because--trust me--it's an impossibility (esp. since I don't have doors in my apartment).

Annnnnnnd... GO!




PS. These are my three little chickpeas. They thank you ahead of time for your help:

Scrumptious Turd Dogs

To be added to my menagerie of scatological recipes (i.e. ones that resemble dookie and/or puke) are Vegan Dad's homemade sausages.

Don't get me wrong: the recipe kicks serious dookie-shooting ass. And it's really super-simple to whip up.

But then there's this (fathers, shield your babies' eyes!!!):



Needless to say, when you wrap the sausages in foil BE SURE TO CINCH THE ENDS TIGHTLY.

Otherwise you and everyone else at your barbecue will call them Turd Dogs all night.



VEGAN DAD'S HOMEMADE SAUSAGES

INGREDIENTS:

• 1/2 c. pinto beans, rinsed and drained


• 1 c. cold vegetable broth


• 1 T. olive oil


• 2 T. soy sauce


• 2 cloves garlic, grated (with a microplane, or very finely minced)


• 1-1/4 c. vital wheat gluten


• 1/4 c. nutritional yeast


• 1-1/2 t. fennel seed, crushed (Lindy Loo sidenote: can you BUY this shit crushed? Because I've tried crushing it myself, and I don't even think the Incredible Hulk could pull it off.)


• 1 t. red pepper flakes


• 1 t. sweet paprika


• 1 t. dried oregano


• Several dashes fresh black pepper

DIRECTIONS

Before mixing your ingredients, get your steaming apparatus ready, bring water to a full boil. The rest of the recipe comes together very quickly.

Have ready 6 sheets of tin foil. In a large bowl, mash the pinto beans until no whole ones are left. Throw all the other ingredients together in the order listed and mix with a fork. Divide dough into 6 even parts. Place one part of dough into tin foil and mold into about a 5 inch log. Wrap dough in tin foil, like a tootsie roll. Don't worry too much about shaping it (EXCEPT FOR THE ENDS, PEOPLE--CINCH THOSE WIENERS TIGHT!/end lindy loo cry of desperation), it will snap into shape while it's steaming because this recipe is awesome.

Place wrapped sausages in steamer and steam for 40 minutes.

(Recipe from Vegan Dad)



(The rest of Lindy Loo's scatological menagerie can be found HERE.)

This Year's Rooftop Garden

So my rooftop garden is up and running again. I'm not planting any Don Knotts this year like I did last year, but I *did* convert my old papasan frame into an herb garden, so hopefully that makes up for it.

Why not join me on a tour?

This is kind of the skyline view of my rooftop garden. Thankfully now that everything's potted, the pots have stopped toppling over the edge of the roof. In the foreground you can see my ladybug sandbox that I garbage-picked, the lid of which the cats sleep under on hot days and stalk birds from (unsuccessfully)...



And in closeups...

Black-seeded simpson lettuce, lavender, grape tomato plant, Zooey:



A couple heirloom tomato plants, more lettuce, wildflowers, moonflowers, mint, and green onions:



This is what my cats and I refer to as "the stink pipe" which is the pipe connected to my downstairs neighbor's toilet. As you can see, my goal is to camouflage it a bit (and discourage the cats from sniffing in it all the time)... Planted here is catnip, leeks, chives, basil, wildflowers, and a jalapeno plant.



This is my newest addition to my rooftop garden: my papasan herb garden. It's made from an old papasan frame and some landscaping fabric. The white twine leading out of it and up onto the doorframe is going to (hopefully) allow the peas to climb. In it: basil, cilantro, chives, green onions, black-seeded simpson lettuce, and peas. Fran is a big fan of the shade it produces, as you can see.







And finally: a small portion of the 36 basil plants I have growing. Yes, I am ridiculous. And yes, I love me some basil.



Stay tuned for more tales of urban gardening as the season progresses!

Dumb Stupid Stupid Dumb

Recently I made the understatement of the year, that On Guerrilla Gardening was "somewhat interesting."

Don't listen to me! I have no idea what I'm talking about! Who's that crazy lady? Why she saying stupid things like that! She doesn't even know her right from her left! Did you see how her one eye is kind of lazy? You can't trust a person with a lazy eye!

This book is awesome. I am inspired. And I have already made plans to attack some areas in my neighborhood, renegade-style.



So don't listen to the me from then, listen to the me from now. And GET YOUR HANDS ON THIS BOOK! It'll shake up your way of looking at things.

Why I Kind of Hate Being "Green"

Earth Week is nigh, and that means everyone's gonna start paying lip service to the idea of "being green" for 7 days.

Woot.

Pardon my cynicism, but I hate "trendiness" and unfortunately being "green" has become one of those hip new trends.

And before you give me the smackdown, let me say this: I appreciate those folks who truly make the green effort. Who were doing it BEFORE the term "green" was being bandied about by folks like NBC. To those folks: I love you and appreciate the work you do. I really really do.

But my cynicism rides on the back of the trend-sucking "greensters," the folks who get elbow-deep in earthiness for a week and then go back to eating their McD's sandwiches, the folks who have turned environmentalism into a money-making scheme, the folks who serve sausage at an Earth Week event.

Yeah, you heard me correctly. I was recently invited to an event celebrating Earth Week, an event being held by a "green team," in which they are serving waffles, fruit smoothies, and sausage. SAUSAGE.

I'm sure you, my darling vegan friends, can understand my utter stupification without me even having to say a word.

But yes: sausage.

Because, as a friend of mine stated in response, "Nothing says sustainable like sausage."

Let's dabble in just a couple of stats here...

"Large hog farms emit hydrogen sulfide, a gas that most often causes flu-like symptoms in humans, but at high concentrations can lead to brain damage. In 1998, the National Institute of Health reported that 19 people died as a result of hydrogen sulfide emissions from manure pits."[1]

"Huge open-air waste lagoons, often as big as several football fields, are prone to leaks and spills. In 1995 an eight-acre hog-waste lagoon in North Carolina burst, spilling 25 million gallons of manure into the New River. The spill killed about 10 million fish and closed 364,000 acres of coastal wetlands to shellfishing. "[1]

Hog farms are horrible polluters of both air and water. Horrible.

And yet: no one seems to note the ridiculousness of serving sausage at an Earth Week event.

When I brought this to their attention and suggested they perhaps consider serving veggie sausage instead (since, um, serving sausage contradicts the whole point of Earth Week) I was met with an uncomfortable and brief response in which they agreed to offer veggie sausage AS AN OPTION.

Now, let me put you straight on this: I'm not even arguing from a vegan standpoint in getting annoyed with this. I'm arguing from an "I hate hypocrisy, you dumb fucking idiots" standpoint.

Serving sausage at an Earth Week event is idiotic and oblivious and sends out a contradictory message to everyone in attendance.

It is the same thing as using styrofoam plates at an Earth Week event.

YOU JUST DON'T DO IT.

And having someone point this out to you, and then placating them with the reassurance that you'll have veggie sausage AS AN OPTION? Even MORE idiotic.

If the "green team" had obliviously stated they were using styrofoam plates at their Earth Week event, you KNOW they would immediately receive dozens of WTF responses to their activities. The difference is, there's no way in HELL they would respond by saying, "Well, hey, how 'bout we offer PAPER plates AS AN OPTION? We'll serve on styrofoam, but if you really want a paper plate, we'll have a few dozen there for you to take advantage of." Even the dumbest, least environmentally aware people IN THE WORLD would laugh their asses off if a "green team" were to offer this up as their remedy.

Offering veggie sausage as an option IS THE EXACT SAME THING.

Hey, as a vegan, I'm glad that I got them to offer the veggie sausage option.

But am I going to attend this event?

Hell the fuck no.

I am not reinforcing people's hypocrisy. And I'm not going to go support a group of people that aren't ashamed to be reinforcing the illusion that meat is NOT an environmental issue.

THAT'S why I half hate Earth Week. Because it makes all the hypocrites and dumbasses float to the surface for 7 days.

God bless those of you who really work your asses off in your environmentalism and *gulp* "greenness." Bless your generous, lush, dirty little hearts.

But to the rest of you: have fun doling out exorbitant money on "green" products and patting yourself on the back for how eco-responsible you are while you grill up your hamburgers on the grill next to your $400 composter.

Props. Douchebags.


On a more positive note:

May 1 is International Sunflower Guerrilla Gardening Day!

So go grab some seeds and water, and Johnny-Appleseed some of the shitty, barren lots in your neighborhood next Saturday!

DO IT!



----------

• [1] The National Resources Defense Council's Facts about Pollution from Livestock Farms


• [2] Environmental Defense's Myths vs. Facts About Hog Pollution

More...

• Another Something Foul in the Air above Hog Farms
• Hog Farm Contamination Information

Urban Gardening--WHAT WHAT!

I'm getting all hunkered down for gardening again this year. I've got a bunch of basil-seeds planted and propped up in my sunny windows. I've got some sunflower seedlings prepped (I'm going to plant them on either side of my entryway this year). I've got all my seeds bought--wildflowers, creepers, herbs, and peppers. I have plans to pick up tomato plants next month. And I'm going to start working on MacGuyvering my papasan frame into an herb garden, hopefully this weekend.

I'm nerded the fuck up about gardening this year!! So stay tuned for pictures once things start a-brewing!

I've also been reading a bunch about urban gardening and guerrilla gardening as of late.

So have a seat (ok yes, you're probably already sitting), and let's chat a little.

What is guerrilla gardening?

"Guerrilla gardening is political gardening, a form of direct action, primarily practiced by environmentalists. It is related to land rights, land reform, and permaculture. Activists take over ("squat") an abandoned piece of land which they do not own to grow crops or plants. Guerrilla gardeners believe in re-considering land ownership in order to reclaim land from perceived neglect or misuse and assign a new purpose to it."

These are the books I've gotten out from the library thus far (with many more to come), and I figured I'd share.

This one is my favorite guerrilla gardening book so far:



And this one is somewhat interesting too (though not as much as the other--it seems to be more historical) This one fucking rocks as well (perhaps even more, I've realized upon further perusal). The pic on page 68 of a 15,000 sq ft guerrilla garden actually made me tear up a bit. Definitely an awesome book:



My favorite tidbit thus far has been the idea of seed-bombs:

CHECK IT OUT!!

Love love love the idea.

If guerrilla gardening intrigues you, my city dweller friends, you can get more information on guerrilla gardening at Guerrilla Gardening.org!

I also found this book really useful as well (it's about urban gardening, not guerrilla gardening):



If you're a city dweller who's gardening from a small plot or on rooftops/balconies/fire escapes, this is a great starter book. They list out the best plants to grow under these conditions, including various tips on how to grow them and the best containers and all that. And they have general tips as well on how to grow out of containers, best soils, utilizing space, etc.

Good stuff.

Now get thee to some urban gardening and seed-bombing, loves!

Happy Vegan Anniversary to Me!

This past week marked the beginning of my fifth year of veganism.

However, it also marked my thirdish month of shoddy half-hearted blogging.

So feel free to celebrate the former with me and punch me in the lady-'nads for the latter!

Either way: VEGAN LOVE TO YOU ALL!!!

Oh, and fittingly, we also have three new additions to our kitty (extended) family to celebrate as well.

Meet...

Luna



Nova




and

Esme (The Cat Formerly-Known as Scabs)



Feel free to join me in some obnoxious squeeeeeeing!