THAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNKKKKKKSSSSSSSSSSSSGIIIIIIIIIIIIVIIIIIINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!

Cooked again for Thanksgiving (I swear November is a vegan food-blogger's wet dream) and had to pause to shout at you the following:

OH MY GOD GO MAKE BRYANNA CLARK'S VEGAN SEITAN "TURKEY" ASAP I DON'T CARE THAT IT'S NO LONGER THANKSGIVING AND YOU HAVE NO REAL EXCUSE!! ON A DISTANT PLANET SOMEWHERE IT'S LIKELY TO BE THANKSGIVING SO JUST RUN WITH THAT!! DO IT! NOW!


(Click on pic for larger version with stuff labeled)

Seriously, I was intimidated at first by the length of the cooking directions (which actually are short but look overwhelming because she supplies you with several variations), but it was surprisingly easy to put together. Granted, it cooks for about four hours, but GOOD LORD PEEPS! How often do you get to lavish in the delightful thanksgiving smell of roasting for four hours now that you no longer cook turkey? You'll love it, trust me. And if you have a breadmaker, this is as simple as dumping the ingredients in and pressing a button.

Tofurkey-haters take heed in particular: this is by FAR tastier than the tofurkey many of us turn to as a quick turkey-substitute around the holidays.

True story: My brother SPECIFICALLY ASKED that I give him leftovers of the faux-turkey for him to take home. (This, the boy who bitches every year about how crappy tofurkey tastes.) He also raved about making the leftovers into a sandwich.

My sister and mom (despite me telling them I made it myself—they sometimes don't listen well) days after Thanksgiving did a doubletake when they realized that I HAD indeed made it myself and both said they didn't realize it because it tasted so good.

So yeah.

AND it makes TWO loaves. So I'm STILL working through leftovers.

What else: If you make it, $100 billion dollars will spontaneously fall into your lap, it's THAT good. (Okay, THAT part's a lie, but the rest: TRUE AS MOTHERF-ING HELL.)

I'm also including the gravy recipe I used for both Thanksgiving and my vegan potluck as it tastes WONDERFUL with this faux turkey recipe.

And now: a pic of my fam at Thanksgiving in which it looks like my Mom and brother are praying but really they are both genetically deficient and chromosomally alike enough that they both accidentally closed their eyes for the pic.




My table-setting:



And now the recipes:

(I've chosen to include ONLY the directions that I used in making my faux-turkey, so if you'd like to see the variations, go check out the original which is linked at the end. Also: I recommend cooking it the night before and then just throwing it back in the oven with a tiny bit of water and, say, your stuffing or some other delightful numbly that you have to cook for 45 mins or so to reheat.)


BRYANNA'S SEITAN "TURKEY"

INGREDIENTS:

DRY MIX:


• 2 c. pure gluten powder (instant gluten flour; vital wheat gluten)


• 1/2 c. full-fat soy flour or chickpea flour


• 1/2 c. nutritional yeast flakes


• 2 t. onion powder


• 1 t. garlic granules


• 1/4 t. white pepper


WET MIX:


• 12 oz. firm regular (NOT silken) tofu


• 1 & 1/2 c. water


• 3 T. soy sauce


• 1 T. olive oil


BASTING BROTH:


• 2 c. hot water


• 1/3 c. "chicken-style" vegetarian broth powder (I used 2 "chicken" bouillon cubes)


• 2 T. olive oil


• OPTIONAL: 4 cloves garlic, crushed


• 1/2-1 tsp. poultry herbs (sage, thyme, rosemary), crushed well

DIRECTIONS

Wet Mix: In a blender, blend all the ingredients until very smooth.

Dry Mix: Place ingredients in the bowl of your electric mixer with dough hook attachment, or place them in the bread machine in the order given. Add the Wet Mix and knead for about 10 minutes. (If your bread machine has a dough cycle-two kneads with a long rest in between-use that cycle. Otherwise, just run it through the kneading part and then unplug it and let it rest in the cover container, then plug it in again for another knead, then remove it.) Let rest for about 1 hour, covered. You can make your Cooking Broth at this time and have it ready. Then knead it for 10 more minutes.

(NOTE: You can knead by hand, too, but it's tougher than bread dough. You may want to let the seitan dough sit for a while to soak up the liquid more thoroughly before you starting hand-kneading.)

COOKING METHOD #2.) Preheat the oven to 325 degrees F. Flatten the dough out into a long piece and cut in half equally to make two rectangles. Form into 2 loaves. Place each loaf in an oiled 8 and1/2" x 4 and 1/2" loaf pan and press down a bit with your hand. Mix the Cooking Broth ingredients in a small bowl and pour 1/2 over each loaf. Cover each loaf pan with foil and place in the oven. Immediately reduce the oven heat to 200 degrees F. Bake for 3 hours. Turn the loaves over, carefully loosening around the edges and from the bottom with a small, thin spatula first. The loaves will have puffed up quite a bit by now, but they will flatten out as they cook further. Turn heat back to 325 degrees F. Cover loaves and bake for 30 minutes. Turn them over again, cover and bake 15 minutes. Turn them over again and bake 15 more minutes, covered. Turn them over one last time and bake 5-10 minutes.

(Recipe from Bryanna's Vegan Feast)

GOLDEN GRAVY

Ingredients:

• 1/2 c. nutritional yeast


• 1/2 c. whole wheat flour


• 1/3 c. canola oil


• 1/2 c. chopped onion


• 2 t. minced garlic


• 2 t. chopped fresh thyme, or 1 t. dried


• 2 t. chopped fresh sage, or 1 t. rubbed dried (or I used 3/4 t. powdered sage)


• 4 c. water


• 1/4 c. tamari


• salt to taste


• ground black pepper to taste

DIRECTIONS

Stir yeast and flour in heavy skillet over medium heat for five min or until fragrant.

Heat oil in large heavy saucepan over medium heat. Add onion, saute for 10 mins, or until it begins to brown. Add garlic, thyme, sage, and saute for 30 secs, or until fragrant. Whisk in flour mixture thoroughly, then whisk in water, tamari, salt, and pepper. Bring to a simmer, whisking frequently, and continue until reaches desired thickness. Strain into a bowl to serve.

(Recipe snagged from Vegan Favorites where it was reposted from Real Food Daily)