"Hamburger" Macaroni Casserole

I wasn't sure how to go about reviewing this recipe while knowing that it very well could've been what made me wake up in the middle of the night feeling like all my vital organs were liquefying and that my heart was going to stop and that I was going to die. All that sort of makes it sound like something you don't really want to recommend that other people put into their bodies.

Then again, a recipe itself is not dangerous--it's the quality of the ingredients that are. So I post this nonetheless, with the warning that most definitely, the combination of ingredients somehow turn this recipe into a ticking flatulence time-bomb. And it actually may have an even more powerful detonator than the infamous Seitan o' Flatulence, one that not only wreaks havoc on the gut by way of gas, but one that also has the ability to make it feel like all your organs have revolted against you and are in the process of disintegrating into a state of ooze and goo. Again, not something you usually want to mention when discussing a recipe, but I almost feel obligated to warn you.

And yet: despite all this, I've craved this casserole every night this week. Sometimes even late at night right before I go to bed.

It's not a fancy recipe. It's the kind of recipe you find on the container of French Onions, or the kind your mom would whip up for you when you were little and she had such a bad hangover that the concentration needed to dice or sautee or bake anything had crawled off to retch into the toilet and so all she could do was whip out a package of preprocessed stuff from the fridge and throw it into the oven. Not that my mom ever did that. But if she did.

Nonetheless, I kind of liked it. Because, again, sometimes it's just fun to eat something trashy that belongs in a cookbook from the 1950s where the second ingredient of every dish is LARD.

Oh, and I'm not sure why they felt compelled to throw 1/2 cup of corn into the recipe. It's almost like they felt guilty not putting something SOMEWHAT redeemable in there. But 1/2 cup is such a small amount that you won't even notice that it's in there. So if you want to delude yourself into believing it's not just a completely trashy dinner, you may wanna hook yourself up with a bit more corn. "Corn it up!" one might say.

I also just realized that you should feel almost obligated to be listening to Kimya Dawson while cooking this. Because she's such a delightful little "Hamburger" Macaroni Casserole herself. Though not the kind that makes your stomach want to curl up and die.

INGREDIENTS:

• 1.5 c. macaroni


• 1 medium onion, chopped


• 1/4 c. green pepper, chopped


• 1 T. vegetable oil


• 12 oz. faux ground beef-style crumbles


• 1/2 c. whole kernel corn


• 1 small can tomato soup


• 1/4 t. pepper


• 1/2 t. garlic powder


• Dash of cayenne pepper


• 1 small can French-fried onions, ground to crumbs

DIRECTIONS

Cook the macaroni according to the directions on the package. Drain, pour into a large bowl, and set aside.

In a skillet over medium heat, sauté the onion and green pepper in the oil until tender. If you're using frozen corn, it's probably best to toss it in at this point as well. Add the "beef" crumbles and cook until browned.

Preheat the oven to 350°F.

To the drained macaroni, add the onions and green pepper, burger crumbles, corn, soup, salt, pepper, garlic powder, and cayenne pepper. Stir to combine. If the mixture is dry, add just enough water to make it moist. Pour into a 10-inch square baking dish, top with the French-fried onions, and bake for 15 to 30 minutes or until the fried onions are lightly browned and the casserole is heated through.

Makes 6 servings

(Original recipe from VegCooking)