"You Don't Win Friends With (Lentil) Salad"*

Man, I am like *the* laziest this week. I done cooked stuff last week, but the scrooge in me is like *yawn* you are too busy or too tired or too horny or too plain lazy to post it. BUT I SHALL! FOR YOU, MY LOVES! BECAUSE I LOVE YOU AND WANT TO RUB MY NAUGHTY PARTS ALL OVER YOU IN APPRECIATION!

So cookoutery... I did a wee bit of it on Monday. I whipped up some burgers from, you guessed it, the Vegetarian Times. My lazy self is right now rejoicing because the recipe isn't up yet in their database since it was from the most recent issue (the summer issue), and since I don't have the recipe on me (*SHUCKS*) I can't type it out here (*DOUBLESHUCKS*). In all actuality, I wouldn't *want* to post it here until I give it a second try, because quite honestly, it was a *terrible* recipe. For those of you who have a subscription, it was for the Chicago Diner burger, and since I really dug the Chicago Diner when I visited my sister in Chicago and ate there with her, I figured it would be a damn good recipe. I was super-disappointed as it ended up being ridiculously mushy, despite being precooked in the oven and despite my attempts at adding more flour to a couple patties before grilling. The burger-pic featured in the mag looks so plump and roasted and gloriously tasty that I wanted to start punching babies when my patties ended up being really oatmeally and just plain old mushy. I don't know if it's because I put the mix in the fridge to cool off overnight and it added too much moisture to the mix, but it was just a fricking mess. I suspect that the problem was me moreso than the recipe, but it's more fun to complain and curse the day that God brought this recipe into the world, so I'm doing that instead, for shits and giggles. So: no recipe for now. If anyone else has had better luck with this recipe, please reassure me. I really wanted to like it. *Sigh*

Look at it trying to play up how pretty and
innocent it is in the pic above. *COUwhoreGH*

On the side, I whipped up a batch of lentil salad, also from the Vegetarian Times. This, thankfully, was *WAY* better than the burgers, and my mom's been sending me emails all week telling me how much she's enjoyed chowing on the leftovers. It's very simple and clean-tasting and kind of reminds me of spring in its clean simplicity. It's easy to make as well. As always, I cut the oil amounts in half (which I've adjusted below) and *still* found it too oily for my tastes, so you may wanna gradually add it until it satisfies your grease-factor.

And props to my mum who whipped up her own recipe of a vegan cream-cheesey chocolate-raspberry-oreo pie using vegan cream cheese, an oreo crust, and frosting. Unfortunately I am a dunce and was so swept away by gorging on the actual pie that I forgot to take pictures. So here is a picture of Joe Albino instead. He looks very excited to be here.





"YOU DON'T WIN FRIENDS WITH (LENTIL) SALAD"



INGREDIENTS:

• 1 c. dried lentils


• 1 medium-size carrot, finely diced (about 3/4 c.)


• 6 green onions, thinly sliced (about 2/3 c.)


• 1 celery stalk, finely diced (about 1/2 c.)


• 1/2 red bell pepper, finely diced (about 1/2 c.)


• 1/2 c. cilantro leaves, finely chopped


• 1/2 c. Italian parsley leaves, finely chopped


• 1 clove garlic, minced (about 1 t.)


• 1 t. lemon zest


• 1/3 c. fresh lemon juice


• 2 T. olive oil


• romaine lettuce leaves, for garnish

DIRECTIONS

Bring 3 cups water to a boil in large saucepan over high heat. Add lentils, and reduce heat to medium low. Cover, and simmer 15 minutes, or until lentils are just tender. Drain well. Spread lentils on large baking sheet to cool. (Alternately, you can cook them in your rice cooker like I do.)

Toss lentils, carrot, green onions, celery, bell pepper, cilantro, parsley, garlic and lemon zest in large bowl. Drizzle with lemon juice and olive oil, and toss to coat. Season with salt and pepper. Spoon salad into bowls lined with lettuce leaves.

(Original recipe from the Vegetarian Times)

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*One of my favorite Simpsons episodes, and why Matt Groening should have my babies, despite the fact that the Simpsons is now being used to sell BK burgers which made me tear up a bit every time I see a commercial. *SIGH*