Black Bean and Walnuts in Three Shorts

If you haven't caught onto this fact yet, every weekend I make some sort of a) lunch dish, and b) dinner meal that I can chow down on for three out of four days during the week and which can sustain the transition to leftovers without tasting like crap all week. It is a nice habit as it forces me to make the time (and gives me a justification) for trying out a couple of new recipes a week. But one thing that I'm not such a big fan of is the fact that by the time Day Four of leftovers rolls around, if I never ever ever have to see this dish again, it will only be too soon.

So last week, I decided to put a spin on a VT recipe in the hopes that I'd conquer the blahs when it comes to leftovers for the week. What I ended up settling on was the Black Bean Burger recipe from a summer issue from last year. I heart black beans, and I heart homemade veggie burgers, so I figured what the hell. I hadn't decided that my plight would be to create three different items from the same recipe when I first whipped up (a halved version of) the recipe, but once I realized that one of the two evenings I would need to have something easily microwaveable to eat (which veggie burgers aren't quite so much unless you precook), that became my plan.

And voila: three takes on the VT black bean burger recipe.

Truth be told, the only one I was really and truly wowed by was the enchilada recipe. Oh my god, did I like this one--mostly because the Samsara cheez sauce was WAY too fricking tasty (even despite the fact that I accidentally dumped a good 2 T. of garlic powder into it while adding spices). But... with a little tweaking, I'm sure you could get the other two up to par as well. I think they just were a bit too soggy and need more adjusting to keep them from crumbling so easy. So get at it.

Oh, and in case you didn't notice, this is kind of a one-person meal-deal. If you wanna whip these up for two folks for the week, you'll of course need to double the recipes.

And you'll probably want to figure out your black-bean burger ration quantities ahead of time as well--I'd suggest portioning out enough for three small patties and one bigger pattie before figuring out how much you have to spread on your enchiladas. If you hadn't noticed I'm not so much the Queen of Exactness.

And finally: the enchilada recipe is the recipe that made me realize my cat Zooey is deathly afraid of the sound of foil. Ha ha ha. I thought I was weird.


Core Black Bean and Walnut Burger Recipe

INGREDIENTS:

• 15-oz. can black beans, rinsed and drained well


• 1 tsp. ground cumin


• 1.5 tsp. chili powder


• 1/8 tsp. cayenne pepper


• 1/4 c. cooked brown rice


• 1/4 c. chopped walnuts


• 3 T. chopped red onion


• 1.5 T. canned corn

DIRECTIONS

Purée beans (minus 1/4 or so) with cumin, chili powder and cayenne pepper until smooth. Add rice, walnuts, onion, corn and remaining beans, and pulse 2 or 3 times to mix. (Mixture should be stiff but not dry.) Add 2 to 3 Tbs. water to moisten, if necessary. Season to taste with salt and pepper. If the consistency is too wet (or you overwet it--which I of course totally DID NOT DO, *ahem*), just add a bit of flour until it's less slimey and holds a bit better). Cover and chill.

(Recipe originally from the Vegetarian Times)


Black-Bean Burrito Burgers


INGREDIENTS:

• 2 med. red potatoes, diced into 1/2" cubes


• 1/4 to 1/2 c. water


• 3 cloves garlic


• A pinch of: cumin


• Season salt & onion powder to taste (I used about 1/4 t. season salt and 1/2 t. onion powder)


• 1 burrito-sized flour tortilla


• Shredded lettuce


• Salsa


• 1/4 c. cornmeal


• 3 mini-patties from your core-recipe above, each about 2" in circumference (and coated in the cornmeal above), each probably around 1/4 c.'s worth of your core black-bean recipe

DIRECTIONS

Toss your potato cubes into a microwave-safe bowl with your water. Cook for about 6 minutes or so (or until nearly soft, but not yet soft) on medium-heat. Heat up a frying pan and spray with some non-stick oil. Toss your potatoes into the pan. Add seasonings and stir... Cook until soft and browned on all sides. Remove potatoes from pan, toss in bowl, and cover.

Reusing the same pan, spray a bit more non-stick oil, and return it to the heat. Toss on your mini-patties, and cook each side until browned (3-4 minutes each).

In the meantime, heat up your tortilla in the microwave according to directions.

Toss some lettuce on your tortilla. Add potatoes and your mini-patties, and top with a nice hearty scoop or two of salsa.



Flantastic Black Bean Walnut Enchiladas





INGREDIENTS:

Awesomest Cheezy Sauce Ever

• 2 T. corn starch (also works with flour, but you have to use a little more of it)


• 1/4 c. nutritional yeast


• 1-2 c. cold water


• 1/4 t. chili powder


• 1/4 t. ground cumin


• 1/4 t. season salt


• 1 t. garlic powder


• 2 t. soy sauce


• 1 t. vinegar

The Rest of the Enchiladas

• Two flour tortillas
• 
  
• 1.5 to 2 c. of some sorta chunky (preferably black-beany) salsa


• 1 avocado, diced


• 1 c. shredded lettuce


• Core black-bean mix (probably about 1/3 c. per enchilada--but that's a guesstimate)

DIRECTIONS FOR THE CHEEZY SAUCE

Stir the cornstarch, nutritional yeast, and dry spices together in a sauce pan. Add one cup of the cold water and put over medium heat while stirring with a whisk. Add garlic, vinegar, and oil now. Keep stirring while the sauce thickens and bubbles adding more water if the sauce is too thick (will take at least 5 minutes, more if you used flour instead of cornstarch). Add soy sauce to taste. Turn off the heat when the sauce gets to desired consistency. Remember that it will get a little thicker when it cools down.

DIRECTIONS FOR THE WHOLE ENCHILADA (BAHA!)

Preheat oven to 450.

Line a baking pan with foil. Spray with some nonstick spray.

Take a tortilla and smear 2/3 of it with the black-bean mixture. Coat with a generous helping of cheezy sauce. Roll up and place on foil. Do the same with your second tortilla.

Pour your salsa over the two enchilada-wraps. Place in oven and cook for about 25 minutes or so (or you can use the Lindy-Loo poke method, if you're not trying to impress people with how pretty they look, and poke your finger in the middle to see if they've cooked through).

Divide your lettuce between two plates. Place an enchilada atop your lettuce, and top with 1/2 an avocado, diced. Do the same with the second, and voila--dinner.

(modified from Samsara, because they are *awesome*)



Standard Black Bean Burger



INGREDIENTS:

• The remaining veggie-burger mix, formed into a patty (probably about 1/2 to 3/4 c.)


• A bun or bread


• A scoop of leftover "cheez" sauce from above recipe


• Any other garnishings (I just used ketchup and mustard with mine)

DIRECTIONS

Cook patty on medium-heat in a pan sprayed with non-stick oil for about 4-5 minutes each side (or until brown and burger cooked through). Place on a bun or bread, and top with "cheez" sauce and your other accoutrements.

Behind the Vegans

There once was a humble vegan who one day got noticed by Blog of Note, and suddenly, people were leaving comments left and right on her blog, vegans and non-vegans, most everyone with something nice to say (some in French which she wasn't able to translate and so gave her usual french response: Voulez-vous coucher avec moi--*waggling eyebrows suggestively*). Surprisingly, despite her readership having jumped from 280 to 2,100, there were only a few wienery anti-vegan comments (and a few comments that she couldn't quite make sense of at all), and most everyone was sweet and supportive. In fact, there were so many comments, she couldn't address all of them individually when she realized this on Monday morning, so while she was brimming with happiness and a little bit more faith in humanity, all she could say to everyone was "Thank you" in a blanketed, genero kind of way: Thank you to all you nice new people who stopped by and didn't get scared off by my talk of orange feces (or veganism). And thank you even more to all you awesome vegans who've been making blogging enjoyable for the past year and a half. You's are my peeps. *Pounding fist on heart, then leaning over the railings of the Titanic, while Leonardo holds onto my waist*

Anyways, once upon a time there was this humble vegan who got noticed by Blog of Note, and suddenly, everyone wanted to be with her. Lindsay Lohan was calling her up and offering to share her coke. Paris Hilton was all like, "Let's vote for the president next year together! And then in 2009 and 2010 as well!*" Julian Casablancas was writing a blog where she was #1 on the top of his harem list and where he detailed the sex dreams he was having regularly about her (instead of the other way around). Life was good.

Within just a couple months, everyone across the U.S. was going vegan, all because of her food-blog. People were like, If Lindy Loo does it, then it HAS to be cool. And so veganism was all the rage. It was even spilling over into the U.K. where all the Brits were talking Britishly about veganism, while driving their little cars on the wrong sides of the street and dressing like Mr. Bean.

Life was good, until suddenly the pressure got overwhelming and her occasional dalliances into the world of soy-freebasing became a little bit more regular. She'd show up at the clubs, high and half-dressed, melted Tofutti ice cream crusted up on her nostrils. She began yammering about how "Feminism was the new misogyny" and "Misogyny was the new feminism." Her boob fell out of her dress at the Vegan Grammys. She started posting recipes where the only ingredient was vidalia onions. She started shitting orange. And then green and then blue. Soon she was hooked on crystal meth and regularly scheduling colonoscopies for herself, just for the fun of it. She had named each of her nipples--Robert, Margaret, and Jebediah--and began mentioning them regularly in interviews. When it was brought to her attention that she only had two nipples, she spent three days on a crying binge, mourning the loss of the third. She began to adopt droves of stray kitties and dress them up with little top hats and canes. She would make them sit around and drink tea with her and eat crumpets, and she would talk to them in a British accent about Mr. Bean and driving on the opposite side of the road (because apparently these were her only remotely-British reference-points).

Her family staged an intervention. She cried and promised to get help, but the very next day she had adopted two more cats, sewn them little tuxes and named them Britly and Mr. Fofferson, III. Soon she'd gotten all her cats hooked on free-basing soy-ice-cream, and they spent days on end, just lying together in their own orange feces. She'd invented a large environmentally-savvy litterbox for humans that she had tried selling on ebay, but it had not gotten quite the reception she'd expected, and sales were meager at best. Spiraling into a deep depression because of her failure, she placed one in her bathroom and had been using it regularly, but even *that* she'd stopped making an effort with. Her bedroom and living room were littered with orange feces.

The last straw was when she woke up one morning, covered in filth, George W. lying in bed next to her, naked except for his pleather pasties and 12-inch heels. That was her wake-up call. She dragged herself into rehab that very morning.

Within three months, she was clean and had begun ministering at a new church that had begun to pop up across the country-side: The Church of Vegans. They were non-denominational, and non-religious, of course, but their following had grown by the millions within just a couple months.

Currently, she is touring the country, going from college to college to warn kids about the dangers of soy-freebasing. She has also adopted out 274 of her Cats in Tuxes and resides only with a very relieved Franny and Zooey. Things are back to normal, and despite all the madness, when we last spoke to her, she said she still looks back on that day she got noticed by Blog of Note with happiness and contentment.

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*Sadly, I would have no clue about any of these damn celebrities except that my fella has become a sudden avid reader of Perez Hilton. Let us all sing in unison: "Nerd!"

South of the Border Couscous Salad

I am such an f-ing VT slut.

I'm all, I HATE YOU, VT! You're a sonofabitch and I don't want to get wit' you no more! and then 5 minutes later I'm like Oh, VT, oh do it to me dirty like that again! Oh yes, VT! Yes yes!

Yeah, what can I say: yet another tasty recipe from the magazine I love to hate to love.

'Cept I used tri-colored couscous instead of wheat. Take THAT, VT! OH SNAP!

INGREDIENTS:

• 1/2 t. ground cumin


• 1/2 t. salt


• 1 c. uncooked whole-wheat couscous (or tri-colored)


• 1 15-oz. can black beans, drained and rinsed


• 1 c. fresh or frozen corn kernels


• 1/2 c. chopped red onion


• 1/4 c. cilantro, chopped


• 1 small jalapeño pepper, seeded and diced, optional


• 3 T. fresh lime juice


• 1 T. roasted garlic–flavored olive oil (I used 1 T. olive oil + two minced cloves of garlic--slabaaam! VT tends to over-oil stuff, in my humble opinion)

DIRECTIONS

Combine 1 1/2 cups water, cumin, couscous, and salt in your Rice Cooker and cook it until Rice Cooker says it's done (Rice Cooker is all-knowing, like heavenly Jeebus).* Transfer to medium bowl, fluff with fork, and let cool to room temperature.

Fold beans, corn, onion, cilantro and jalapeño, if desired, into couscous. Stir in lime juice and oil. Season to taste with salt and pepper, and add more lime juice, if desired.

*Alternately, you can combine the water, cumin, and salt in a saucepan and bring to a boil--then just add couscous, stir, and return to a boil. Remove from heat, cover, and let stand 5 to 10 minutes, or until liquid is absorbed. (If you're one of those stank-ass rice-cookerless motherf-ers, that is.)

(Original recipe from the Vegetarian Times)

Google Searchers

It scares me a little bit that so many people apparently have issues with orange feces.

Just thought I'd mention that.

(But seriously... What's the deal, my orangey-porangey shitting machines?)

Portobella Pizza with F-You-VT-Mozzarella

Phew. What a weekend of f-ing cookery, lemme tell you. E had his going-away party on Saturday night, and I was enlisted to whip up a double-batch of Peanut Butter Cannonballs and about 800 lbs. of Black Bean and Corn Salsa (the 800-lbs-worth in anticipation of our friend Joe coming, since he managed to polish off a whole bowl of this at a prior Halloween party). I also whipped up some veggie sour-cream dip which tasted surprisingly like the real thing but which I won't waste my time adding a recipe for since it basically consisted of a) buying vegan sour cream, b) shaking a packet of veggie-dip seasonings into it, and c) stirring. (I do have to say though that those of you on the internet who keep insisting that Hidden Valley's ranch dip seasoning packet is vegan are OUT OF YOUR FLIPPING MIND--it says "buttermilk" like the third ingredient in on the back, crackheads. YEAH, YOU HEARD ME!)

Anyways, since E's party was on Saturday, we didn't hang out Friday night because he was busy packing and prepping. Which meant freedom-cooking. And freedom-cooking usually means pizza. So pizza it was. And it was good.

I know I bitch all of the time about my disgruntlement with Vegetarian Times magazine, and given this recipe, right now would be a good time for me to explain my disgrunglement a bit more, so it doesn't just seem like baseless whining. One of the things that drives me batty about the VT is their bizarre lack of vegan-awareness in the way of recipes. Now don't get me wrong, they *do* publish a lot of vegan recipes in each issue, and I do appreciate that. But I am puzzled by their inability to offer vegan alternatives to certain of their vegetarian recipes. Now, this pizza is not one of them. So let me explain what I mean really quick.

If someone from the VT were reading this, I'm sure their argument for not offering vegan-alternatives to their vegetarian-recipes would be the integrity of the recipe. And I understand and wholly support that--certain recipes, like this pizza recipe I'm about to post, are not going to retain the integrity of the original recipe if you make vegan substitutions. There is nothing vegan that comes even close to replicating fresh mozzarella. So I can understand 100% why they don't have a little notation that vegan mozzarella can be substituted in. It would (and does) completely alter the integrity of the recipe. No problems there.

But seriously, VT: I can't tell you how many times I've run across non-vegan recipes in your magazine that, were it not for *ONE* minor ingredient (i.e. yogurt, or honey), would be completely vegan. Now herein lies my irritation with the VT. You can*NOT* tell me that substituting in agave nectar for honey or vegan yogurt for regular yogurt in a recipe is going to completely wreck the integrity of the recipe. It's not gonna do it. If you have a cookie recipe that's completely vegan except for 2 T. of yogurt, how hard is it to put a little notation that vegan yogurt could be substituted in, thus reinforcing the fact that it *ISN'T* an impossibility to bake vegan-style? Would this substitution effect the integrity of the recipe? Somehow I highly doubt it. I can understand in the case of this pizza I am posting today--there's no way that my version tastes like the original recipe. No way. But subbing in agave nectar in place of honey--do you *really* think that's gonna completely tank the taste of the recipe? I think not. And posting this vegan-alternative would reinforce the notion that it isn't an impossibility to very easily convert many recipes to being vegan. And that would be a good thing. Then again, in a magazine which will offer up an article condemning the meat industry and pages later publish numerous buttermilk-themed recipes without any sense of irony, I suspect the notion of endorsing veganism as an easy alternative isn't at the top of their list.

/end rant

All that being said, I *DID* alter the integrity of this recipe, and despite the fact that I know damn well it probably only rings faintly of the taste of the original, it is damn good. The portobellas are lush and juicy, the balsamic vinegar gives the pizza-sauce a bit of sophistication. And the arugula is a surprisingly tasty addition, offering up a bit of zingy veggie-goodness. When I baked my pizza, I tried half with parmesan and half without (since I'm not a *huge* fan of fake-parm). Both sides ended up tasting quite good, so I was hard-pressed as to which to recommend. I can say this though: the non-parm side offers up a much more subtle and delicate flavoring. The parm-side is a power-punch to the taste-buds, a lot more sharp-tasting and in-your-face with its flavors. I'd recommend trying each to see which you prefer.

So make it.

And eat it.

And give VT a bit of the finger in doing so.

In the name of all things vegan.

INGREDIENTS:

• 1 12-inch (1-lb.) prepared pizza crust, such as Rustic Crust


• 1 T. plus 2 t. olive oil


• 3 medium-size portobello mushrooms, chopped (about 2 c.)


• 3 cloves garlic, minced (about 1 T.)


• 1 T. balsamic vinegar


• 1 cup prepared marinara sauce (or vegan pizza sauce)


• 1/3 c. diced red onion


• 8 oz. vegan mozzarella, shredded


• 1/3 c. grated vegan Parmesan cheese (optional)


• 2 c. arugula

DIRECTIONS

Preheat oven to 450F. Coat 12-inch round pizza pan or baking sheet with cooking spray, and set crust in pan. (Alternately, you can put your pizza stone in the oven and sprinkle it with cornmeal, allowing it to heat up while you prep--that's what I did.)

Heat 1 T. oil in large nonstick skillet over medium-high heat. Add mushrooms, and cook 5 minutes, or until browned and tender, stirring occasionally. Add garlic, and season with salt and pepper. Cook 30 seconds, stirring often. Stir in vinegar, and remove from heat.

Brush crust with remaining 2 t. olive oil. Spread sauce on crust. Scatter mushroom mixture on top. Sprinkle with red onion. Arrange mozzarella over vegetables, and sprinkle with Parmesan.

Bake 10-15 minutes, or until cheese has begun to brown a bit. Toss into broiler for a few minutes to get it to melt the rest of the way, keeping a close eye on it.

Scatter arugula on top. Cut into slices, and serve.

(Original recipe from the Vegetarian Times)

Boston Cream CAKE, Dammit!

So last week, I baked the Boston Cream Pie from Squirrel's Kitchen after having been enticed by the pics that Bazu posted of *her* own splendiferous version.

And I've got to say, all I kept thinking the whole time is
WHY IS IT CALLED BOSTON CREAM PIE WHEN CLEARLY IT'S A CAKE???!?

Seriously, dudes. Is something just slightly off in the heads of Bostonians, or did *real* pie never immigrate that far East?

Bostonians, a real quick lesson for you:


PIE



CAKE

Now your turn.

Correctly label the following pictures, and we'll see if you've learned anything here today (the answers are at the bottom):

(a)


(b)


(c)


Despite my unanswered question (which still remains unanswered as I am too lazy to just do a google search and find out why it's called pie instead of cake), I really quite enjoyed this CAKE. I only wish I would've gotten to try it out the day I baked it, but alas, I decided to bake it the day before I planned on eating it, simply because I knew the weather was supposed to be significantly cooler. And although Bazu said that it tasted much better after it had time to sit overnight, I still would've liked to try it out fresh. Next time.

Nonetheless, it ended up being sweet, though not too sweet, and relatively uncomplicated for yielding such a complicated-looking CAKE. And the strawberries were definitely a nice addition, though by the second day, they were starting to look a bit peckish and pasty-assed. The only thing that struck me as strange was the consistency of the chocolate. I've made ganaches before, but this ganache came out unlike any other I've made. As you can see in Bazu's pics, ganache has an almost hard, shell-like look to it, but mine never got that firm. It definitely firmed up SOME, but not enough to warrant the little "remove from fridge 20 minutes before serving addendum." And I found that strange. Strange and puzzling, and puzzling and strange. But thankfully, it didn't detract from the flavor of the CAKE one bit. So try it out and see if you have better luck.

INGREDIENTS:

Dry:

• 2 c. flour


• 1 t. baking powder


• 1 t. baking soda


• 1/2 t. salt

Wet:

• 1 1/4 c. sugar


• 1/2 c. oil


• 1/2 c or 6 oz. soy yogurt


• 2 t. vanilla


• 1 1/2 c. vegan milk

Cream filling:

• 1/3 c. sugar


• pinch of salt


• 2 T. cornstarch


• 1 1/2 c. vegan milk


• 1 T. margarine


• 1 t. vanilla

Chocolate Ganache:

• 1/4 c. or 1/2 stick margarine


• 1/3 c. chocolate chips


• 1/4 c. vegan milk, at room temperature

DIRECTIONS

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Grease and flour two 9-inch cake rounds and line bottoms with parchment paper.

In a large bowl, combine sugar and vegetable oil. Add soy yogurt and vanilla and mix until creamy. Mix in milk. In another bowl, sift together dry ingredients. Add to wet in batches. Ladle batter between the two cake pans and bake for 20-25 minutes, or until toothpick comes out clean. Let cool on rack.

While cakes are cooling, prepare cream filling. In a saucepan, combine sugar, salt and cornstarch. Add milk and whisk together. Bring the mixture to a light boil over medium heat while whisking constantly. Lower to a simmer and whisk until thickened, about 5 minutes. Remove from heat and add margarine and vanilla. Pour into a bowl and let cool, stirring every few minutes. Filling will continue to thicken as it cools.

After cream filling is cooled, prepare ganache. In a small sauce pan over medium-low heat, melt the margarine completely, stirring constantly. Add milk and whisk to combine. Remove from heat and add the chocolate chips, stirring rapidly to melt. Let cool for several minutes.

Spread cream filling between cake layers. Top cake with Chocolate Ganache. Let cake set in fridge for at least 45 minutes. Remove from fridge 20 minutes before serving to let ganache soften for easier cutting...

(Original recipe from Squirrel's Kitchen)



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Answers: (a) cake, (b) pie, (c) Fricking cute otter horrified by your inability to distinguish between pie and cake

Busy today, but just realized that I keep meaning to post a book-recommendation and yet keep forgetting, so I figured I'd hop on real quick.

If you haven't read John Robbins' Diet for a New America yet, get the hell to the library. It is to vegans what the Necronomicon is to Ash in The Evil Dead Series. By covering any argument you can possibly think of with regard to veg*nism (ethical, health, environmental), it arms you with knowledge that will make you all-powerful in the face of vengeful non-vegans who seek to destroy you, and perhaps (if you're lucky) you may even end up with a chainsaw for an arm.

Perhaps.

1/3 Cup Finally Gets Some Action, and Mystery Cup Gets a Bit Too Oversexed

So yesterday, right before leaving work, I happened upon this scone-recipe over at Vegan Cupcakes Take Over the World, and as soon as I saw that it called for turbinado sugar, I knew I was baking these scones as soon as I got home. Why, you ask? Because I've had this fricking bag of turbinado sugar sitting in my cupboard for like MONTHS because the crystals are SO DAMN BIG that I can never find recipes to use them in where it won't feel like you're biting into tiny Volkswagon Beetles everytime you take a bite of said recipe.

My 1/3 cup was super-fricking pleased as well, since he rarely gets used. For most every recipe, I reach around in my cupboard trying to find the correct measuring cups, and I inevitably pick up the 1/3 cup, and then he gets all geeked out and excited, thinking he's gonna get used finally, only to hang his head with disappointment when I return him to the cupboard because I was actually searching for 1/4 cup or 1/2 cup. Poor little 1/3 cup, rarely used in recipes, full of pent-up aggression and sexual desires. Poor poor little 1/3 cup. So imagine how happy he was yesterday when he finally got some action (the first time in months). Oh was he giddy. Giddy and joyous and giddily joyous. So 1/3 cup thanks you, oh Isa.

While 1/3 cup was getting some well-deserved action, one of my other cups was getting overly-sexed. The recipe says to scoop out your scones with 1/4 cup scoop-measurer, which (in the world of Lindy Loo) I thought I was doing. But once they were in the oven and I realized that they were the size of small children, it dawned on me that perhaps I hadn't grabbed the 1/4 cup to scoop with after all. What cup I grabbed will forever remain a mystery, but they yielded scones the size of someone's head (and the shape of Sloth's head from Goonies):



But man if they ain't tasty little giant-headed scones. (The only thing I substituted was semi-sweet chocolate chips instead of chocolate chunks, because I didn't have chocolate chunkiness on hand.) Yesterday, when I ate one hot from the oven, I was a bit disappointed because they didn't taste sweet enough for my sweet-tooth. But having sat overnight, their little flavors all a-mingling, they're FAN-FRICKING-TASTIC this morning, especially coupled with coffee--the perfect consistency, and the perfect delicate flavor. Rock on.


GINGER CHOCOLATE CHUNK SCONES

INGREDIENTS:

Dry

• 3 c. flour


• 2 T. baking powder


• 1.5 T. ground ginger


• 1/4 t. cinnamon


• pinch allspice

Wet

• 1/2 c. turbinado sugar, plus extra for sprinkling


• 1/2 t. salt


• 1/3 c. vegetable oil


• 1 1/4 c. non-dairy milk


• 1 t. pure vanilla extract



• About 5 ounces chocolate (or 1/2+ c. semi-sweet chocolate chips)

DIRECTIONS

Preheat oven to 450.

Mix together your dry ingredients.

Mix together your wet ingredients (minus the chocolate).

Add wet to dry and mix well. Fold in chocolate chips or chocolate chunks.

Line a cookie-sheet with parchment paper. Using a 1/4 c. (or a mystery-cup) scoop, scoop out a clump of dough and drop it on the sheet. Do so until you're out of dough. Sprinkle the scones with extra sugar.

Bake in oven for 15 minutes.

Remove. Let cool on pan for 5-10 minutes.

Remove and place on cooling rack.

(Makes about a dozen if you accidentally use the wrong-size scoop)

(Original recipe from Vegan Cupcakes Take Over the World)

Yet Another Edition of "Things I Ate and You Didn't"

This weekend was one of those lovely cooking weekends where I felt like I just wanted to stand around being all domestic and shit, in a pretty pink apron, with a large mixing bowl in my hand and a whisk. I heart those kinds of weekends. I think partially my heart was into cooking since it was so temperate and cool out, which always helps when you know you're gonna be busting the oven open a whole lot. Yesterday was particularly wonderful, especially after I made a batch of the eggplant curry from The Candle Cafe Cookbook which made my kitchen all rich and warm with the scents of exotic spices. It is so nice to fill your apartment up with the scent of Indian food.

So today, as I try to cling onto the good cooking vibes, despite it being Monday, I'm gonna brag about some yummy food that I've whipped up recently (but that have recipes I am unable to share). Prepare yourself.

As I mentioned, I whipped up the eggplant curry from The Candle Cafe Cookbook, and it was quite delish. I didn't peel the eggplants, however, since I'm a fan of eggplant skin (which I know many people aren't fond of), and it made some of the eggplant retain its shape a bit more (otherwise the curry is a bit of a mushy one--in a good way, of course). The eggplant in this curry was rich and buttery, just perfect. The only thing I need to figure out how to do is get this dish a BIT more spicy, the way I like my Indian food (I like my Indian food to make me sweat, just like I like my men. BOOYAH!
). I added a HUGE-ASS jalapeno, but that (surprisingly) didn't do much.




On Thursday, I managed to scrounge up $3 in assorted change and decided to treat myself to some sugar from Tremont Scoops, and man was I glad I did because they just happened to have ONE final slice of vegan oreo pie left, this time, full-sized (nothing mini about it). Holy crap. Just as decadent as the mini version, and MAN did I get hooked up with a fat-ass slice! Unfortunately I also found out that Kim is gonna be quitting soon *COUwaytosuckGH*, so I'll miss the delightfully rambling conversations we have about vegan food when I stop in, but that's ok--she'll be spreading the vegan joy elsewhere.



And finally, E and I whipped up some fresh spaghetti sauce this weekend, after I saw a post about someone's white-wine infused spaghetti sauce (I no longer remember where). While it was cooking, I was a bit disappointed in the flavor. I had cut and deseeded about 2 lbs. of roma tomatoes, added fresh basil, olive oil, about 9 cloves of garlic, and some white wine, but something seemed to be missing. I tossed in some oregano, some cayenne, and some season salt, still to no avail. Despite all that, once it hit the noodles, it was all good. Apparently the pasta was the "something more" it was looking for. E contributed by whipping up some grilled portobellas--marinated in olive oil, balsamic vinegar, and garlic. They were sweet and delicious (though *he* was not impressed) and I gobbled down WAY too many of them.





Also to come this week: vegan meatloaf from the Vegetarian Times, Boston Cream Pie (that I stumbled across courtesy of Bazu, though hers was *much* prettier), and E's vegan macaroni salad.

The Vegan Macgyver

So I have a little story to tell you today, my lovelies, since I am apparently fucking Vegan MacGyver and shit, and it's way too weird not to share with others.


Anyways, yesterday, my maintenance guy PISSED me the hell off. He'd recently installed a set of really large screen doors out onto my roof, so that the cats and I have half a chance of not suffocating to death in the 95-degree weather. However, when he installed them, I wasn't home, so he wasn't able to access the inside to put on the latch. Needless to say, the past three weeks, I've been emailing him and calling him to see when he's gonna come out and paint the thing and put the latch on, with absolutely no response of course.

So yesterday, I emailed him *AND* my landlord to ask them if it was ok if I just put the latch on myself. I had been trying to hold off on following through on this urge because a) I thought he might want to paint the door first, b) I thought he might've had some particular placement of the latch in mind, and c) I didn't want to be fucking with what is technically my landlord's property without asking first.

But apparently my maintenance guy is Archie Bunker, as his delayed response to my question (which he replied ONLY to me on) was this:

-----Original Message-----
From:
Sent: Wednesday, July 11, 2007 4:21 PM
To:
Subject: hook,

lindy loo, im sorry, i thought you put that hook on, im out of town till next sunday but _____ is ist on the list when i get back.

-----Original Message-----
From:
Sent: Wednesday, July 11, 2007 4:21 PM
To:
Subject: Re: p.s.

plus maybe your boyfriend can help

My immediate response was, "Oh FUCK no, dude, you did not just say that." 'Cause unless your guys' penises come with special drillbit attachments that I'm not aware of, how hard is it to put in a fucking latch without "the help of a guy"?? I mean, I fixed my fricking muffler a few weeks back with some piping clamps and a can of black beans (minus the black beans), so seriously, dude, despite the mighty fine set of boobs on me, which CLEARLY distract me into oblivion every time I'm trying to do something mechanical, I think I can install a goddamn latch.

So last night, I whipped out my drill (teehee) and proceeded to work on a couple starter-holes (teehee). I received this drill as a "gift" in return for having worked at my workplace for five years (it was either that or one of 1500 different items with our company logo emblazoned across the front of them--and given my attitude towards work, the idea of being reminded of it every time I looked down at my watch to check the time didn't much appeal to me), so needless to say, it's a piece of crap. A piece of crap WITH A LIGHT IN THE END OF IT, however. Just in case right when the world is being swallowed up by an apocalyptic maw of darkness, you decide, "Hm, maybe I should give those shutters another whirl." Or in case you *JUST CAN'T CONTROL YOURSELF* until the daylight to do your drilling.

Anyways, despite the sweet but pointless light, the drill bits SUCK MY ASS. About 2 seconds into using them to drill a screw into the door for the starter holes, the Phillip's head screw would no longer be a Phillip's head any more. Instead, the delightful little criss-cross would be replaced by an obscene gaping hole that the bit couldn't even get a grip on to remove. Fun fun. But after a few screws (teehee), I managed to get the starter holes in.

Then came the latches themselves. They are a simple latch and hook set that screws in. Easy enough. But seeing as my Phillip's head screws would only screw in until they were completely stripped (which wasn't very far), neither hole was long enough for me to screw them in easily by hand. It was at this point, of course, that I realized I don't own pliers. Once upon a time I did, but they've been long ago sucked into the vortex where lost dryer-socks go. So...

*Hold onto your pooters and peeners, because here comes the MacGuyver part*

Being the brilliant person I am, I started rifling through my kitchen drawers until I came across my garlic press. (Mind you, this is the garlic press FROM HELL. The holes are apparently too small, so whenever you squish the garlic, it just squirts all over the place (including your hair and your kitchen floor), so I long ago resorted back to just chopping it by hand.)

But all hail MacGyver: I grabbed the thing, AND COMMENCED TO FINISH SCREWING IN MY LATCHES WITH A GARLIC PRESS. And it worked. Brilliantly.

Now, if that isn't just vegan genius, vegan cooking MacGyver motherfucking GENIUS (minus the feathered hair), I don't know what is.

Archie Bunker can kiss my motherf-ing ass.

Peanut Butter Cannonballs

I've loved this goofy little book ever since I picked it up at the library a few years back, and last weekend, chance of all chances, they had a hardback version on sale for $4.95 at Half-Price Books. So of course I was all over that like peanut butter on a fricking pickle!

This book is SO fun to look through and SO super-campy. It has arts and crafts ideas for everything from your own little tiki-bar to record-album bowls (which I've made quite a few of). It also has suggestions as to what kinda of bizarre stuff to spin or put on your tv as entertainment. It has a ton of strange of booze-recipes. And last but not least, it has a bunch of party-food recipes.

Now, the book's not vegetarian, though it DOES have a handful of veggie-friendly recipes that I'm determined to veganize. But it *DOES* have The Recipe of All Peanut-Butter and Chocolate Recipes, which I am now going to impart upon you in the face of potential copyright violation, because they are JUST.THAT.GOOD.

I made them a few years back, and they are, seriously, akin to eating sex. I know I sometimes hyperbolize (ok--OFTEN I do), but trust me on this one: when I served them on the 4th of July, they were greeted with orgasmic little moans from everyone. And people were just gushing about them and jamming more and more of them into their mouths with breathy little moans as the chocolate melted and squished around on their fingertips. So it's not just me for once.






INGREDIENTS:

• 12 oz. bag of semi-sweet chocolate chips


• 1/4 c. vegan nonhydrogenated margarine (at room temperature)


• 1 1/4 c. peanut butter*


• 1/2 c. ground up peanuts*


• 1 c. powdered sugar


• 1.5 c. rice krispies

----------
*(Alternately, you can just use 1 3/4 c. super-chunky peanut butter instead of the peanut-butter and ground up peanuts mentioned above)

DIRECTIONS

Mix everything together except for the chocolate chips, smooshing it in your (hopefully clean) hands until it's all mixed.

Put peanut-butter mixture in fridge to sit until cold and a bit more compactable.

Roll the peanut-butter mixture into little balls (teehee), about 1-inch in size or so. Place on a piece of wax paper on top of a pan. Once done, place back into fridge or freezer to harden again (it's important that they be pretty hard--teehee--when you do the chocolate part otherwise it'll be WAY messy).

Melt the chocolate on the stove or in a double-boiler. Dip each of the hardened pb balls into the chocolate and roll around quickly until coated. Return to pan. Finish the rest in the same way. Once done, return to freezer.

These melt fast once taken out of the fridge/freezer, so I recommend freezing them if you're having a summer/spring shindig so they don't melt immediately.

Enjoy your little sex balls.

Depending on how big you roll them, you can get anywhere from 15 to 24 of these babies.

(Original recipe from Pad Parties)

Southwestern Black Bean Potato Salad

I cooked out this weekend for the 4th of July. And because I am patriotic, I did so while wearing a large man-diaper made out of an American flag and a necklace sculpted from the bones of Iraqi terrorists. It was quite a sight to behold. Patriotism at its best, one might say.

Between stereotyping anyone with dark skin as a potential terrorist, pasting my new I HEART GEORGE W. sticker on my car, and ripping off the head of a chicken with my bare teeth, I *ALSO* found time to whip up some of Susan V's delicious numblies, and damn if they weren't good!

If potato salad were a lover, and I was going to make sweet sweet love to it, I'd want it dressed in exactly this potato-y lingerie. Fiery red tomato bustier. Black bean pasties. Garters held up by golden gems of corn. And a sweet damp moistness, trickling its way down the side of its bowl.

Hot sexy patriotic potatoes at their motherf-ing best, my friends.

Oh, and not only does it LOOK sexy, it tastes sexy too, with just the right amount of chipotle to get you a little bit sweaty.

Because as you know and as I know, 4th of July is *ALL* about sweet hot patriotic potato sex.

INGREDIENTS:

• 1 egg's worth of egg replacer (prepared according to the box's directions)


• 2 pounds small red potatoes


• 1 c. fresh, frozen, or canned corn kernels


• 1/2 c. finely chopped red pepper


• 1/2 c. chopped green onions


• Two 15-oz. cans black beans, rinsed and drained (3 cups cooked beans)


• 1 jalapeño pepper, seeded and finely chopped


• 1 large tomato, chopped


• 1 -2 T. chipotle chiles in adobo sauce, chopped


• 1/4 c. fresh lime juice


• 1 clove garlic, pressed or minced


• 3/4 t. salt


• 1/2 t. ground cumin


• 1/4 t. chili powder


• 1/4 t. freshly ground black pepper

DIRECTIONS

Whip up your egg replacer according to the directions on the box--whip with a whisk until frothy and set aside.

Place potatoes in a saucepan, and cover with water. Bring to a boil. Reduce heat; simmer 20 minutes or until tender. Drain; cool. Cut potatoes into 3/4-inch cubes. Place potatoes in a large bowl. Add corn, red pepper, onions, black beans (rinsed and drained very thoroughly), jalapeño pepper, and tomatoes and mix well.

Remove 1 chipotle chile from can. Chop chile to measure 1 to 2 tablespoons. (Reserve remaining chiles and adobo sauce for another use--I like to mince them and freeze them in ice cube trays.) Combine chopped chipotle chile, egg replacer, lime juice, garlic, salt, cumin, chili powder, and black pepper, stirring with a whisk. Drizzle the lime juice mixture over potato mixture, and toss gently. Cover and chill for at least 1 hour, stirring every now and then. Taste and add more lime juice as needed before serving atop mixed greens, if desired.

(Obviously the only thing I changed on the recipe was the flax-seed/water mixture, since I didn't have flax seed. I subbed in 1 egg's worth of egg-replacer instead.)

(about 5-6 servings)

(Recipe from the FatFree Vegan Kitchen)

Fettucine Alfredo on a Portobella Bed

For some reason, I was horribly in the mood for pasta this weekend. No clue why. I used to eat pasta all the time, and then suddenly *poof*--all pasta-cravings gone. But apparently we need a fix now and then, no matter how clean we might be.

So on Friday night, I decided to try the Candle Cafe alfredo sauce. I had my doubts about it, as it's a bizarre concoction of silken tofu, soy sauce, tahini, and a bunch of garlic. And that's it. And that just sounded plain old bizarre. Especially since I'm not too huge a fan of tahini. And yet, the recipe is quite brilliant, and damn tasty, and really doesn't taste like tahini or soy sauce or tofu at all. I was quite impressed.

I shan't post the recipe for it here--it'll just be more incentive for you to buy the damn book (especially since it's a good one)--but I *will* give the recipe to the rest of the meal, and you can just fill in the blank with whatever alfredo sauce you choose.

The contrast between the sweet booziness of the mushroom and the saltiness of the alfredo is quite delightful. And the portobella lends a juicy, almost steak-like quality to the meal--each bite tastes delightfully decadent. So definitely worth checking out.

INGREDIENTS:

• 2 large portobella caps


• 1/4 c. balsamic vinegar


• 1/4 c. Yellowtail shiraz wine


• 1-2 t. rosemary


• 1 box fettucine noodles


• Vegan alfredo sauce of your choosing (I used the Candle Cafe recipe)


• One fistful of basil leaves


• One dozen cherry/grape tomatoes


• 1/4 c. pine nuts, toasted

DIRECTIONS

Place vinegar and wine in a large container with the rosemary. Add your portobella caps and allow to marinate for at least a few hours.

Boil your noodles according to the directions on the package.

Whip up your alfredo sauce.

Toss your marinated 'shroom caps into a Foreman grill (or onto a grill-top hubcap on your stove) and grill until tender.

Roll your basil leaves into small cylinders and then cut them into tiny slivers. (There's some sorta frenchy-term for this, but I can't remember what it is. So we'll call it "voulez vous-ing" the basil.) Cut your cherry/grape tomatoes in half.

Place a mushroom cap on a plate. Top with noodles and alfredo. Sprinkle basil, tomatoes, and pine nuts on top to taste.

Chocolate and Peanut Butter Rice Krispie Bars

This weekend was a good weekend of cookery. But the definite standout as recipes went this weekend was this chocolate-pb rice krispies treat recipe I just happened to stumble across on Thursday. Holy crap.

I am not even kidding you about how good these things are. I mean, I wasn't expecting them to be *BAD* per se, but they're so damn easy and uncomplicated that I didn't expect them to make me quite so tingly in my nether-parts. And what's doubly-awesome about them is that they won't heat up your kitchen since the only cooking you have to do is to heat up a mixture of brown rice syrup and sugar. How f-ing cool is that? Oh, and they totally totally have the delightfully chewy consistency of real rice krispie treats, and without the horses' hooves!

Seriously: If Jesus was about to die for all our sins, and they had given Him one of these babies right before, I'm sure He would've been like, "Wait a goddamn minute here! I ain't dying for NO one's sins until I shovel down a few more of these here little chocolate chunks o' heaven!"

Other (non-sacrilegious) rave reviews:

"oh man, these are effin good!"

"if i were the kind of person who said this type of thing, i would say: those are to die for."

"these are my new fave treats of yours. why? no super sweet but yummy."

"WWJD? He would cow down on these rice krispie treats!" (Ok, that was me again, clearly, but it's true. IT'S TRUE!)

So yes: get thee to some Rice Krispies. So sayeth the Lord.

INGREDIENTS:

• 1 c. sugar


• 1 c. corn syrup or brown rice syrup (I used brown rice syrup)


• 1 c. peanut butter


• 6 c. Rice Krispies or puffed rice cereal of your choice


• 2 c. vegan chocolate chips (I used semi-sweet)

DIRECTIONS

In a small saucepan on med. heat, mix together the sugar and syrup until hot and bubbly. Remove from heat and add the peanut butter; stir in together until well mixed. In a large bowl, add the puffed rice and chips. Stir in the peanut butter mixture and mix together well. Pour mixture into a 9x13 or 8x14 pan, press flat, and let cool for 1 hour before cutting into squares.

Made about 20 decent-sized treats.

(Recipe from Monkey Eat Food)